I couldn’t help but laugh. “No.” I shook my head, smiling. “Well, how could this work between us? Every time we get close, I feel nauseous, get cold chills, and feel lightheaded and when you barely touch me, I faint.” My voice sounded whiney to my own ears.
“Jocelyn, every relationship has some obstacles.” He tossed his hands in the air for emphasis.
“Couples don’t usually throw up or black out when they’re near each other.”
“True. But I honestly believe we can push through this. It is just a matter of mind over obstacle. If we really like each other, and I truly believe we do, we have to trust that we can get through this. We will take it slow and enjoy getting to know each other. What do you think?”
His words were more comforting than anything I had ever felt before.
Jackson stood up and faced me. “May I drive you to school in the morning?”
His offer touched me. He was actually willing to give this a go despite the obvious.
“Sure, but I have practice after school.” I shook my head slightly at my own stupidity. “But then again, so do you.”
“I shall see you in the morning, then. Good night.” He paused for just a moment at the top of the steps. “And sweet dreams.”
Jackson walked down the steps and across the yard. I watched him until he reached his front door. We waved once more to each other before disappearing into our homes for the evening.
CHAPTER 14
Wednesday, October 23, 1878
I LAY IN BED LISTENING to the patter of the raindrops falling on the roof and not wanting to get out of my warm bed. The soaking rain was so befitting after all that had happened in the last several days. Despite the fact that Olivia was supposed to remain in school until the wedding, she had not returned since she walked out last Thursday. I had not even spoken to her since Sunday. I had gone by her house the day before to drop off some schoolwork she’d missed, but her mother informed me that Olivia was not feeling well and was unable to receive guests.
I had also not spoken to Jackson since Sunday. He had not called, which was understandable since I knew he had examinations this week, but I honestly had hoped to hear something from him since we did not even get the chance to say goodbye. I wondered what was going on between him and William. I was curious if they’d made up yet or if things were still very tense between them. Although I had never seen their dorm room, because females are not allowed in the building, Jackson had told me it was very small. I hope they were at least getting along somewhat better.
***
I gathered with my friends on the steps for lunch, as usual. I only picked at my food. Everyone, except me, was in good spirits and excited over the upcoming festival despite the persistent showers.
“Have you seen Miss Olivia lately?” Maryanne asked between bites of her sandwich.
“No. I went by her house yesterday and Mrs. Adams told me she was too ill to have guests. I left her homework material with her mother.” I shrugged in an attempt to act casual.
“I hope she is not too ill,” Elizabeth stated in her soft voice. “Do you believe she will make it to your birthday party on Saturday?”
My goodness. I had completely forgotten that today was my birthday and my family was hosting a party to celebrate it on Saturday. “I hope so.”
“Do you have any idea what Mr. Chandler got you?” Christina inquired.
“No. He is being very secretive about it, and it is making me crazy.” I let out a low chuckle of frustration.
“I do.” Laurie smirked. Her father, Henry Cain, owned the local mercantile, and she almost always knew what went on in her father’s store. “He ordered it a couple weeks ago and swore me to secrecy.”
“I suppose I will find out soon enough.” I tried not to give it any thought at all with everything else on my mind.
“Do you know who all is going to attend on Saturday?” Elizabeth piped in.
“Mother made up the guest list, so I would imagine it will be grander than necessary, knowing her.” I tried to laugh and act like everything was normal.
I looked back down at my food and drifted away from the conversation. I listened to them speculate about the cake and decorations and discuss what they were going to wear. I wanted so badly to be as enthused about my party as they were, but my heart simply was not in it.
It was strange. A month ago, I was looking so forward to my eighteenth birthday. Now it seemed rather trivial. My family had not even acknowledged it this morning before I left for school. I wondered if they even remembered it. Funny enough, I myself had not.
I let myself become engulfed in my afternoon studies. It was a welcomed reprieve from everything else that had been consuming my thoughts of late. I found myself emerged in the accomplishments of Thomas Jefferson as I sat through my history class. Jefferson was truly an amazing individual; and I found it intriguing that both he and John Adams, who were lifelong friends and eventually enemies, had managed to revive their friendship during the last years of their lives by writing letters to each other. It was curiously odd that the two famous men actually passed away on the same day only hours apart and odder still that the date happened to be the Fourth of July.
That short piece of history seemed to strangely give me some hope that there was a small chance that Olivia and I could mend the wounds between us and become close again, especially since in ten short days we would actually be considered sisters.
Eddie picked me up from school, since the rain had increased in intensity. Normally a very quiet man who rarely spoke, it surprised me when he wished me a happy birthday while opening the door for me. I smiled politely, nodding, and said, “Thank you” before taking my seat. I wondered if I should attempt to visit Olivia again this afternoon. I had another packet of papers for her from school today. Then I reconsidered and thought that perhaps I should allow Eddie drop them off for her. I figured if she wanted to speak with me, she certainly knew where to find me.
Upon our return home, I climbed out of the carriage and handed Eddie the packet and asked him to please drop it off over at the Adams estate for Olivia. He nodded quietly and escorted me inside my house.
Sitting on the bottom step of the stairs in the foyer, much to my surprise and delight, was Jackson. “Happy birthday, darling,” he sang out and rose to greet me. He picked me up and wrapped his arms around me. I embraced him tightly, not wanting to let him go.
“You left without saying goodbye.” I playfully complained, fighting back tears of joy and relief. My emotions were so all over the place I felt like I was living constantly on the verge of tears or hysterical laughter, and one word could send me swinging in one direction or the other.
“I am so sorry about that, my love. I was a little preoccupied with William at the time.” He laughed, setting me back on my feet.
We sat back down at the bottom of the steps, and Jackson kept his arm draped around me.
“How is he?” I was still somewhat upset with him for using Jackson as a punching bag.
“Better. He needed to rumble to rid himself of the anger. He is doing much better now,” Jackson said as if he were reading my thoughts. I guess he knew me too well.
“Good. And you?” I glanced over his face to see if there was any evidence left of Sunday evening. I saw only a light bruising on his left cheek and a scrape above his left eyebrow. No worse for the wear, I suppose.
“I am fine. William looks much worse than I do.”
That made me laugh and feel better.
“Good. Serves him right.” I tried not to show too much enthusiasm for my brother’s injuries. “Is he home also?”
“No. He decided to stay on campus to study for midterms, but he does send his best wishes for your birthday. He also told me to tell you that he is sorry for the way he acted Sunday evening and that he promises he will be home for the party Saturday.”
“Really? Is he planning on attending, or is he going into hiding with Olivia?” I could not mask the sarcasm in my voi
ce.
“Is Miss Olivia in hiding now?” Jackson raised his eyebrows.
“Apparently. She has missed her classes all week and when I went over there yesterday to bring her the school material she missed, Mrs. Adams said she was too ill for guests.”
“That is strange. I thought she was going to attend until the wedding.”
“So did I. Has William spoken to her since Sunday?” All of this felt wrong to me and the more I thought about Mimi’s words, the more it bothered me.
“No. She called twice, but he made me tell her he was at the library, studying.”
“You lied to her for him?”
His embarrassment for his actions was more than obvious on his face. “I know I should not have, and I repeatedly asked him not to place me in the middle, but you know how your brother is.”
“True, but you should have made him talk to her or at least tell her his own excuses. I am sure she is suffering a lot too and is reaching out to him for comfort and reassurance.” William’s childish behavior truly irritated me.
“So, is my birthday the reason you came home?” I shifted the subject in desperate hopes of not ruining the evening with him.
“I also missed you and wanted you to know that I love you.” He brought his lips to mine and I could feel the desire starting to burn inside me.
“I love you, too. I am so happy you came home.” The butterflies danced deep within me as I kissed him passionately.
“Now you need to put your books away for the evening, because I am taking my lady out for a special dinner in the city.”
“Are you serious? But it is dreadful out.”
“I traveled all the way from school in this mess to take you into the city to one of the finest restaurants and you are going to complain about the weather? You should have been born in July if you wanted perfect birthday weather.” He laughed and playfully pushed me away from him, making me giggle at his childishness.
My parents came in together, looking better and happier than I had seen in days. Mother walked over and game me a warm hug. “Happy birthday, darling. You look so lovely today.”
“Thank you, Mother. So do you.” I hugged her tightly.
“Are you two ready to go?” Father stepped forward and gave me a tight hug. “Happy birthday, my little girl. I cannot believe you are eighteen years old. It seems like only yesterday you were just a baby.” He kissed the top of my head, making me feel like a child again.
“I was not aware that you both were joining us. This is wonderful.” I stepped back, looking at my parents. “Is anyone else joining us?” I asked, thinking of my brothers and their families.
“They will all be here Saturday for your party.” Mother grinned and placed her arm through Father’s as Eddie opened the front door. I smiled at Jackson, taking his arm.
The carriage ride lasted about half an hour. Mother and I sat silently while Jackson and my father discussed his studies and Jackson’s preparation for his upcoming bar exam. The law courses he was taking honestly did not hold a whole lot of interest for me. I was more excited about science and biology. For the last six years or so, I would sneak around and read my father’s books in his study when no one was around. I was at least thankful that Jackson loved these traits about me and encouraged my thirst for knowledge in every way he possibly could. I was looking forward to the time when, after we are married, I would be able to actually sit in a rocking chair by my own hearth and read without fear of being discovered.
The restaurant was crowded with various businessmen and society elites. The place itself was so incredibly beautiful. Low-lit oil lamps were hanging on the walls and each of the tables were draped with off-white, linen cloths where little candles burned brightly in the center. The silverware sparkled in the soft lighting. There were flowers everywhere and the strong aroma of various complementary spices hung in the air.
My father ordered for us all, along with a bottle of their best red wine. He poured each of us a glass and rose to his feet, raising his glass. He had a gleam in his eye that I had not seen in some time. “Tonight, we celebrate one of the most joyous occasions in my life; the birth of my only daughter, Jocelyn Alyssa.” He turned toward me and I was surprised and deeply moved when I noticed his eyes tearing up. “May you have a long and happy life, my darling, and never know sorrow any one moment of it.”
We all raised our glasses and took a long drink.
“Thank you, Father.” I choked back on the tears welling up in my own eyes.
He settled back into his chair. “Let me also say that I am very happy with your choice of a husband.” He looked over at Jackson. “Jackson, you are a very fine young man and I know that I will sleep peacefully at night with the knowledge that you are taking care of my little girl.” He gave Jackson a warm, fatherly smile.
“Thank you, sir. I truly appreciate that. I love Miss Jocelyn very much and I promise to do everything I can to make her happy.” Jackson placed his hand lovingly over mine.
“I know that, son.” Patrick raised his glass slightly toward Jackson and took another drink.
“And I know you two will have the most beautiful children.” Mother beamed.
A gray façade clouded over my father’s face. “Please only wait a while for that. I do not believe I can handle any more shocking news in the near future. Of course, it would be different with you two, at least being married first, but just the same.”
Mother placed her hand over his. “Patrick love, not tonight. You promised.”
“Yes, darling. I apologize. I am afraid I am having a difficult time understanding how this could have happened. I had always thought so highly of Miss Olivia, but now,” he stammered.
“Father, I understand. I am having the same difficulty myself. But people make mistakes and we have to be understanding, forgiving. All we can do now is make the best out of the current situation. Also, William is just as responsible for this as she is.” I spoke gently and chose my words very carefully. However, I knew as I said them that the same standard did not apply to men as they did to women, such double standards that I hoped someday would change.
“Men are always going to be men, but I had thought we raised William better than that. I am quite disappointed in his behavior as well,” he stated.
“Patrick, we did raise a good son.” My mother’s voice was barely a whisper.
“It shows.”
In a quick turn of events, my glorious birthday dinner had turned into a nightmare.
“Let us not think about it this evening. We are here to celebrate after all.” Jackson attempted to lighten the mood.
“How do you think your parents would have reacted if it were you and Jocelyn instead?” He gave Jackson an inquisitive look.
“Honestly, sir, much the same as you have, I would imagine.”
As the words came out of his mouth, I seriously doubted him. His parents were such compassionate and loving individuals that I could not ever believe either of them would behave in such a manner.
Father grunted in agreement and took another long drink of his wine, emptying his glass, and immediately helped himself to some more. I looked over at my mother, who held an apologetic expression on her face.
“Proper young ladies do not engage in such activities until they are married. It was not as if they were even engaged when this occurred. I am sorry, but it does call into question as whether she participated in such activities with Mr. Sean Preston or anyone else, for that matter.” My father said in a rough voice.
It was then I realized we were all thinking the one thing that none of us were willing to state out loud. I wanted to trust that my dearest friend would never be like that, yet now I honestly had to admit that even I was unsure.
“Are we even sure if this child is William’s?” My father’s words surprised me.
“Of course it is, Patrick. I do not believe Miss Olivia would be dishonest about something like that.”
Yet it was Mother, not I, who spoke up to defend what
was left of Olivia’s honor.
“How can we be sure?” He looked truly disgusted.
“We have no other choice but to trust her. We cannot dishonor our family any more by not making William take responsibility for his actions,” Mother gently explained in a soft voice.
I looked from my mother to my father, amazed that they were having this conversation in front of Jackson and me.
“I believe there is enough dishonor going around that no one is immune.” Patrick gave me the oddest look.
“Did I do something wrong, Father?” I immediately became alarmed.
He shook his head at me, but his expression did not change. “Of course not, darling. I know that you were just as surprised by these events as the rest of us.”
“Yes, I was,” I replied.
“Do you know of her doing anything like this before?” Patrick inquired, looking at me intently.
“Not to my knowledge. I cannot believe this happened either, and I admit that I was extremely upset when I found out.” I let out a deep breath and looked down at the table, ashamed of my recent behavior toward the couple. “I am afraid I did not handle it all that gracefully.”
Jackson and my mother both chuckled, which broke the tension, if only slightly. My confession was a slight understatement, and they both knew it.
“Well, I must say that I am happy there will be two separate weddings now instead of just one. I never did agree with that when William and Miss Olivia suggested it.” Mother smiled sweetly over at me.
“I agree.”
“Me too,” Jackson chimed in.
“Well, I can say that if Harriett pushed it any further, I was about to give her husband his half of the wedding bill. You are an expensive child, Miss Jocelyn.” It was wonderful to hear my father tease me again. “Now I am truly glad that you are my only daughter. I would go broke if we would have had all girls.” He placed his hand over my mother’s.
“It is not fair of you to complain about the wedding expenses, Patrick. You told me to spare no expense to give our little girl whatever she wanted for her wedding.” She gave him a coy smile.
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