Essence

by A. L. Waddington

  “How so?” Where is he going with this?

  “Well, I believe that there will be a lot more machinery to make life easier; and I am sure there will be larger cities, but the world will somehow seem smaller,” he said casually.

  “What do you mean by that? The world is not going to change sizes in the future.” His statement made no sense.

  “I do not mean literally, of course.” He laughed. “I mean that advances in communication and traveling between countries will be easier, and that will make the world seem smaller.”

  “I highly doubt that. It takes forever to travel to Europe. Even mailing a letter across the country can take weeks.” I challenged his ridiculous theory.

  “Well, who knows? It is fun to think about, though.”

  I could not help but question his intentions for such an off-topic of conversation, especially after the scenes I had witnessed in the blackout.

  “Why is that?”

  “Because it is. Look how much things have changed since the war ended. We now have the transcontinental railroad that extends from coast to coast. We even have a phonograph that plays music when you want and a telephone to talk to people in a different location. That in itself is amazing. Do you not agree?” His face held a cocky expression that made me uncomfortable.

  “Of course, but those things were bound to happen if only to make it easier to communicate and, yes, to make life easier and more enjoyable. But I do not see any huge changes anytime soon.”

  My statement made him burst out laughing like I was being totally absurd.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I am sorry. I did not mean to laugh. But do you not think that every day something new is being discovered? New advances are coming about every minute that will change the world forever as we know it.”

  “I suppose so. I guess I have never really given it much thought.”

  “Well, I am speculating, of course. However, I do believe that progress is leaping forward, and the world within the next hundred years will resemble nothing of life as we know it.” Jackson kept smiling as if he was truly enjoying this topic.

  “I suppose next you are going to speculate that these women suffragettes will get their way and someday women will be allowed to vote and even have control over their own lives.” I laughed out loud. “And even blacks will be able to vote without all these clauses and restrictions, go to school with whites, and have equal rights and protection under the law.”

  Jackson gave me the oddest look. “Sure. Why is that so absurd to you?”

  “Because the large majority of men believe that a woman’s place is in the home. Most women who do not have the financial means do not even know how to read. Men are not going to let them vote when they cannot even read. And as far as the other, well, from what I have overheard the gentlemen in our families say, the tension in the South has gotten incredibly high; and the whites down there are treating the blacks worse than they did when they were slaves.” I had heard both our fathers’ remark numerous times over the years about how bad things had gotten in the South since the end of the war.

  “I know. I have had that conversation with them several times myself. But if we are speculating on things a hundred years from now, it is promising to think that the quality of life can improve for both women and blacks.”

  I had never thought of Jackson as much of a dreamer before, but his words struck me as if he was wishing for something that was never going to come to pass, at least not in our lifetime.

  ***

  The evening edged on slowly. It felt like the hours could not pass quick enough before I could retreat upstairs to my room. I pushed house hunting and odd conversation with Jackson out of my mind. I could not even concentrate on the conversation going on around me as my family was gathered around the hearth. Robert and Emily had joined us for dinner to discuss the various homes that we had looked at today.

  I excused myself before eight o’clock, stating that my headache was getting worse and I wanted to get a good night’s sleep before our long day tomorrow at the festival. Jackson rose and followed me to the foot of the stairs.

  “Sorry you are not feeling well.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling our bodies close together.

  “I am sure it will pass by morning,” I assured him before he kissed my forehead and rested his cheek upon my head.

  “I love you, Jocelyn, more than you realize.” His words were so incredibly soft and warm.

  I felt the strongest passion to be with him. I lifted my face to his and pressed my lips over his. The heat that shot through my body was so intense I did not want to stop. I wanted more. My arms pulled his body tighter to mine as I felt his grip tighten. Our thirst for one another was unquenchable.

  Finally, Jackson pulled himself away, breathless. “We must stop.” His breathing was labored.

  “I know. I am sorry.” I blushed.

  “Not me.” A smile spread across his full lips. “I love that you want me as much as I want you.”

  “I do. I cannot help it.” My blush deepened.

  “You had best get upstairs before I am too tempted and drag you across the street to my empty house.” He kissed me deeply again, flaring up the intense passion between us before he withdrew again. He held my quivering body tightly against his.

  “All right. I do not want to wait any longer,” I whispered breathlessly in his ear.

  “Jocelyn, we must. You know we cannot.” His mouth formed words, but his body and eyes said differently.

  “We will be married in a few weeks.” I purposely tempted him.

  “Seven weeks,” he corrected with a more mature tone.

  “I do not care,” I whispered, pulling him closer to me.

  “Yes you do. We do not want to find ourselves in a compromised situation like others have recently.” He nodded his head towards to the parlor, where William and Olivia were talking with both our parents.

  We held each other for several minutes. Neither of us wanted to let go.

  “Good night, my love.” I reluctantly pulled myself away from his grasp. I ascended the stairs holding his hand as long as I could.

  “Sweet dreams. I will see you in the morning.”

  I waited impatiently for Mimi to finish bustling around my room. It was obvious she was tired and worn out from the long day. I was trying to be understanding and polite, but I wanted her to hurry and leave so I could go to the watch. She tucked me in and turned down the oil lamps, closing the door behind her.

  I jumped out of bed as quietly as I could and hurried over to the mantle. I paused long enough to make sure there were no sounds anywhere near my door. I picked up the opened blue box. I slowly lifted the trinket, wrapping my fingers tightly around it. The room began to spin. I laid my head down on the hearth rug, waiting for the darkness to envelop me.

  It was loud. I was in my room. The windows and the fireplace are exactly the same, but there are different drapes over the windows and bizarre objects on the mantle. The room was bright, illuminated by this weird-shaped thing by the bed with several burning objects inside covered by colored shades. There was a loud noise blasting out of a blue-and-silver, box-shaped object by the bed.

  The vanity was covered with an array of colored things, some of which were even attached to the wall by some big, black strings. There were different pictures and papers of strange looking people all along the walls that were also a different color. But the strangest by far was this box in the corner where the pictures were moving about and talking. I had never seen something so incredible in my life.

  Then I realized I was not alone. The three girls whom I had seen before in the room with the cages were all here. I was laughing and moving about in a strange way, sort of like dancing. Two of the girls were standing on my bed with colored, dark glasses on and strange-shaped bonnets. One was even wearing a bright, pink, long, feather thing wrapped around her neck and shoulders. They were singing to the noise, and I even knew the words they were saying despit
e the fact that I was positive I had never heard it before. I certainly would not call it music. It actually hurt my ears it was so loud.

  I noticed the third girl was trying on various articles of clothing from the wardrobe and singing also. The four of us were barely wearing any clothing, just some very short, soft, brightly colored pants made of this unusual fabric and tight, short-sleeved or no-sleeved shirts.

  We were all laughing and having a great time. I loved it. I felt so close to these girls, like we had all been friends for a very long time. We were bouncing around and behaving so silly and childishly. Then girls began to fade, and the room started to become hazy.

  I slowly sat up on the hearth rug to utter silence. The sudden lack of noise was a shock to my senses. The only sound I could hear was the crackling of the wood in the fire. I felt so alone in this big, empty room. The girls and their laughter were gone, as were the strange objects and the pictures and bright colors. My room looked pale and void in comparison to the vision I had just seen.

  My foggy head began to clear, and the images were lost. I noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks; and I felt so sad — sad that the girls, the colors, the unexplainable objects, and the noise were all gone, and I was left in this empty silence that encapsulated me.

  The silver pocket watch lay next to me on the floor, inches from my fingers. Its power was intoxicating. Nothing in my life had ever given me such excitement. Nothing had ever allowed me such freedom, given me such exhilaration. I craved it.

  I left the watch lying on the floor and climbed back in my bed. I was tempted to hold it again to see what would happen. Something inside me, deep in my soul warned me to stop before I saw something that I did not want to see.

  I closed my eyes, pulling the quilt up around my chin, completely terrified but having no clue as to why. My mind was whirling over each of the episodes I had seen, yet I could not connect the dots between them. They all felt so real to me, like a memory of my own. I sighed, knowing it was not possible; but I could not explain it.

  Frustrated beyond belief, I rolled over and tried to block out everything I had ever seen because of that possessed damn trinket.

  CHAPTER 27

  Friday, October 30, 2009

  THE HOURS DRAGGED BY as they always do when you’re anxious for answers. I didn’t get the opportunity to speak with Jackson last evening since Emily had kicked both him and Robert out of the house before I came over to do my fitting. She claimed she didn’t want Jackson to see me before my unveiling on Saturday evening.

  As upset as I was about not getting the chance to be alone with him, it was so much fun to try on my costume. Emily had done such a beautiful job. It was hard to believe that she had created the entire outfit by herself. However, she refused to allow me to even peek at Jackson’s costume. I had to follow the same rules she had laid down for her own son. It was difficult to argue with her considering all the hard work she had put into them.

  When I finally saw him, Jackson looked amazing; and I found it difficult, as always, to keep my eyes off him. His black, long-sleeved shirt clung to his muscular chest, while the stones on his necklace added just the right touch to complete the ensemble.

  The only difference now was that we were sitting next to one another in our shared classes, and it was more obvious when I looked at him. I couldn’t just glance casually to my side without anyone noticing. However, when I did get the opportunity to steal a glance at his beautiful face, I always found him smiling back at me. I could feel myself blush each time, knowing I could never get tired of him and the way he made me feel.

  As the final bell rang and we all began to pile out of the classroom, the excitement over the final football game of the season and Cody’s Halloween costume party, which the majority of the school had been invited to, had the entire school in a frenzy.

  The halls were covered in signs of school spirit, cheering our boys on to a defeat against the Rockwall Royals. The two schools held a longstanding rivalry, and every season promised a close game. Yet it was sad to think that this was my last high school football game that I would have as a senior. I knew I’d do my best next year, especially if I end up going to Northwestern, to come home and see Ethan play a few games his senior year but for me, this was it.

  Of course, the team had to ride on the buses to the game with the cheerleaders. That much I hated. I loathed the thought of Taylor doing her best to sit anywhere near Jackson.

  I was riding with the rest of our group, and we were planning on meeting up at Jenna’s around four-thirty since it was over an hour drive to Rockwall. Poor Kyle was going to be the only guy with us. Our parents had agreed to let us drive under the condition that we follow them. My parents and Jackson’s were traveling together, which surely meant it would take us forever to get there.

  ***

  The aroma of perfume and hairspray hung heavy over my room. Each of us playfully pushed and bumped each other around my vanity mirror, trying to get our make-up perfect before Hilary painted Jackson’s number — 88 — on my cheek, Zak’s number — 10 —on Caitlyn’s and then Caitlyn painted Cody’s — 15 — on Hilary. We all threw on long-sleeved thermal shirts under our school hooded sweatshirts and pulled our hair up into pony tails with ribbons in our school colors.

  ***

  We arrived at the game just in time to see our boys do their game tradition where the entire team went out onto the field holding hands, for the coin toss. After that, our boys huddled together and began chanting with Zak as the team caption in the middle of the huddle.

  Zak shouted, “What time is it?”

  “Game time!” The team shouted in unison.

  “What time is it?”

  “Game time!”

  “The dogs in the House! The dogs in the House!” The entire team shouted together. “Oh, oh, oh!”

  They all bounced around together as the referee blew the whistle. The team clapped their hands and ran back over to their side of the field and huddled together.

  In unison the boys all shouted, “Work hard! Improve every day! Be unselfish! Be the best! Dogs ready! Break!”

  The special teams ran out onto the field to kick off the start of the game as the crowd went wild. The visitor’s side was as full as the home team. It seemed the whole school had made the trip.

  At halftime, the score was 7 — 24, and our boys hadn’t scored since the first quarter. Our season looked like it was going to end on a sour note. However, our boys bounced back, refusing to admit defeat, and with 1:29 left in the fourth, the score was 28 — 31. An amazing touchdown pass in the last six seconds sent our side into hysterics at our unbelievable victory.

  ***

  We followed the caravan back with people honking their horns and music blaring the entire way. Nothing was going to kill the elation of this amazing comeback.

  I think the entire school headed out to Mark’s parents property out in the middle of nowhere on the edge of city limits afterward. It had a small pond surrounded my several acres of open field. We partied there frequently, when Cody’s place was unavailable, but normally only in the summer since there was no shelter. Tonight, however, it didn’t matter.

  Cars were parked all over the place when we arrived. It looked more like attending some huge, outdoor event or concert with the amount of vehicles scattered everywhere. Someone had built a huge bonfire about fifty feet from the pond, and there were several kegs and ice chests set up around the parameter; and music was blaring from someone’s car stereo.

  It took no time at all to find our guys as we strolled up to the fire. Most of the team was still huddled together. Everyone had a drink in their hands and was laughing.

  Hilary and Caitlyn ran up to Zak and Cody and threw their arms around them. Jackson was standing next to Ethan and Mariah, close to the others. I strolled over, grinning widely as his searching eyes landed upon mine. I wanted desperately to be able to show my affection and admiration for him like Hilary and Caitlyn had just done for their guys. Why d
id I have to finally find a man who I am crazy about and have to experience such strange episodes every time we have physical contact? Why do I have to have a boyfriend who makes me sick and pass out? It makes no sense at all.

  Jackson’s smile was welcoming, and he looked as though he wanted to wrap his arms around me also. We stood looking at one another with a strained distance between us. I glanced over at Ethan and mouthed, “Congrats” to him. He gave me a warm smile and hugged Mariah a little closer to him. It was great to see him so happy.

  The heat was pouring off the bonfire, making it feel more like a midsummer night rather than almost November.

  “You guys pulled off a hell of a victory. That was probably the best game I’ve ever watched.” I stared into Jackson’s powerful, green eyes.

  “Thanks.” Jackson held up his cup. “Would you like a drink?”

  “Is that beer?”

  “No. Water.” He took another long drink. He was clearly dehydrated from the game.

  “Is there anything else?”

  “I think so. Stay here so I do not lose you in this crowd.”

  “Okay.” I nodded as he wondered off towards the area where all the drinks were.

  My eyes traveled over at the crowd of kids whom I had known all my life. I was really going to miss them next year. It was strange to think that after seeing them almost every day that it was all going to be over in a few short months. By next fall, we’d all go off to separate universities around the country. The thought depressed me greatly.

  Jackson returned and handed me a root beer. “This is all I could find that does not have alcohol in it.”

  “Thanks. I just don’t believe I should be drinking with the way I’ve been feeling lately,” I explained.

  “I agree. That is why I have water. I have to drive you home and want to make sure you get there safely.” I loved the way he always thought of me.

  “I appreciate that.” I laughed. “You guys were very impressive tonight, especially you.”