Essence

by A. L. Waddington

  My heart leapt in my chest. I squeezed his hand in mine. I couldn’t breathe. I loved this man more than anything in the world.

  “Yes! Yes! Of course I will marry you!”

  Immediately the man stood and embraced me tightly. He pressed his full lips firmly against mine, kissing me passionately. His lips were warm and soft. They felt so natural as they molded into mine. Then he stopped and smiled at me. My breath caught in my throat when I finally saw is face.

  Jackson!

  The images slowly faded and I could hear Robert, Emily and Jackson’s voices nearby. I kept my eyes closed becoming very aware that not only was my head throbbing again but my entire body was full of pain.

  I could feel the cushions of the couch under me and a pillow beneath my head. The rollers were digging painfully into my scalp. Someone, most likely Emily, had placed a cold washcloth on my forehead, probably ruining the makeup that Emily had so carefully applied.

  But none of that mattered now. My entire body was screaming in pain. I flexed my muscles in both my arms and legs. Nothing seemed broken, just battered and bruised.

  “How could you be so careless?” Emily’s voice was soft, but I could hear the anger in it. “Do you realize that she could have been seriously hurt? What were you thinking?”

  “I am so sorry. I was just going upstairs to jump in the shower. I did not think about her episodes. I did not intend to bump into her. It was an accident.” Jackson’s voice sounded remorseful.

  “Has she given you any details? Do you know if she is even seeing images or hearing anything?” Robert’s voice was low and hard to hear.

  “No,” Jackson answered.

  “She must be. There has to be something there, some kind of trigger that has started breaking down the barrier.” Emily spoke softly.

  “Maybe she is having them, but is too scared to say anything.” Robert’s voice sounded hopeful.

  “Maybe.” Jackson paused. “Jocelyn is very private. She is so different here. I mean, it is strange. I know she has always been passionate about her studies; but here she truly flourishes. This whole thing is going to be very difficult for her to understand.”

  “Jackson, we talked about this before. We all knew it was going to be hard. It was when you went through it, but it all worked out.” Emily reassured him.

  I could hear light footsteps, as if someone was pacing around the kitchen.

  “We all experienced this. Living with this is both a gift and a curse.” Robert’s voice broke the momentary silence.

  “I am just unsure as to whether or not she is ready for the barrier to be taken down. I hate trying to force it. I see what it is doing to her.” Jackson’s voice was weak.

  “Do you truly love this woman, son?” Emily asked.

  “Yes. More than anything.”

  What? I didn’t understand what in the world they were talking about.

  “Then the barrier has to come down now. There is no other way.” Robert’s voice rang in my ears.

  “Can we please explain it to her? She probably believes she is losing her mind. I cannot stand to see her suffering like this,” Jackson pleaded with his parents.

  “She would never believe us, son. You know that. Remember how hard it was for you to understand before you learned how to control it?” Robert answered.

  “Can we please try?” Jackson’s voice was breaking my heart, although I didn’t know why.

  “I am sorry, sweetheart. You have to trust us. It is better this way. She has to see it on her own. Only then will she be ready to listen.” Emily tried to reassure him.

  I closed my eyes tightly, trying to shut out their words. I was terrified to hear anymore. None of it made sense. What in the hell were they talking about? How could they know about the visions?

  My throbbing head couldn’t put anything into perspective. Part of me wanted to jump up and confront the three of them, demand to know what in the hell they were talking about, demand to know what they were doing to me.

  The other part of me was too terrified to move, didn’t want to know what they were referring too. I’m not sure how much time had passed before Emily knelt down beside me.

  “Jocelyn?” She carefully rubbed my cheek. “Jocelyn, darling. Are you awake?”

  Before I knew what was happening, tears crept out of the corners of my eyes, betraying me.

  “Honey, are you hurt?” Emily’s voice was full of concern.

  “No,” I whispered. “Just sore. My head is killing me.”

  “Would you like some ibuprofen?” She offered in her gentle, soothing voice.

  “Please.” I tried to pull myself up into a seated position but my body was screaming, causing me to let out a moan in protest.

  “Lie still. I will be right back,” she said before rushing off.

  I rested my head back against the pillow, completely baffled. Emily returned with a glass of apple cider and a couple of ibuprofen and handed them to me.

  “If you would like, we can help you home. Robert or Jackson can carry you,” she offered.

  “If it’s all right with you, I would rather not move right now, at least until my head stops pounding.” I gave her the best smile I could muster.

  “Of course, darling. You just let me know if I can do anything for you.”

  Emily started to stand, but I reached up for her arm. “Emily?” The damn broke, and the tears came pouring out with full force. “Please.” I gently pulled her arm to make her kneel down beside me again. “Please explain what is happening to me. I have to know.” I sobbed. “Am I losing my mind?”

  She leaned down and hugged me tightly. I wanted to scream out in pain but remained silent. She finally released me and looked very upset. “You heard us?”

  I nodded.

  “What’s happening to me? I know it sounds absurd but every time Jackson comes near me I get lightheaded and nauseous. It’s even worse when he barely touches me.” I hesitated, not sure if I could go on without sounding insane. But I knew I had to. I had to get some answers. “I see things, hear voices, my voice. It’s like a movie but not in the third person. It’s like I’m there and there are memories. My memories. But they can’t be.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, you are not losing your mind. You are very special with an incredibly special ability.” Emily paused a moment, looking towards the kitchen. “Robert? Jackson?”

  They were both lingering in the doorway behind me. I hadn’t noticed them standing there. Both men came in and knelt down on the floor on either side of Emily next to me. Jackson handed me a box of tissues with a weary smile. I did my best to clean off my face. I glanced at the tissue then up at Emily with an apologetic look that only brought about more tears.

  “I’m so sorry, Emily. I ruined my makeup.”

  My sobbing over something as trivial as my makeup caused the three of them to chuckle.

  “It is all right, darling. Do not give it another thought.” She gave me one of her motherly smiles.

  “Are you sure you are up for all this? Perhaps we should have you checked first. You took a very nasty tumble down the stairs.” Robert’s face was full of concern and hesitation.

  “Please. I need to know.” I did my best to get the tears to stop.

  “All right.” Emily still appeared concerned, but also determined. “Jocelyn, can you explain to us exactly what images you have been seeing and what you have been hearing?”

  “Well, like I said, they feel like memories. I can’t explain it.”

  I paused, waiting for them to look at me like I was crazy but none of them did. Instead, they all looked as if they knew precisely what I was talking about, so I continued.

  “That day in the dining room, when we were studying, I saw myself running after a boy who looked about twelve years old. He was dressed funny, like from the Little House on the Prairie or something. He had dark, blonde hair and blue eyes. I was upset and wanted to know why I couldn’t go fishing with him. I called him William; and I knew he was running of
f with Jonathon and James, although I couldn’t see them and I don’t know who they are or how I knew that. William told me to go home, that fishing wasn’t for girls and I should go play with Olivia.”

  I shook my head in disbelief, but the three of them smiled and nodded their heads.

  “The weird thing is I felt like I was close to him, like this William was very important to me.” I took a deep breath and felt much better now that I was talking about my strange visions.

  “What else have you seen?” Jackson asked.

  “The second time was even stranger than the first. I was in my house, but it looked very different. But I’m positive it was my house. It was full of antiques. It even had oil lamps, and the fireplace was burning. I was talking to a woman who was very pretty with long, blonde hair and blue eyes. She was very elegant and petite. She also was dressed in the same, old-fashioned style as William was. But the most bizarre thing is that I called her Mother and I truly believed it. It felt comfortable and normal. I was asking her if I could go over to Miss Olivia’s house before supper. She had agreed but warned me that I had to return on time and that if I didn’t and she had to send one of my brothers to fetch me than I would be in trouble.”

  I looked at the three faces watching me intently. Everything I was saying didn’t register as odd to any of them.

  “Brothers? I only have one brother. I have no idea who this Olivia is, but I do. She is my closest friend. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s something I know. I feel it.”

  “Is that all?” Robert asked.

  “No. There were many others, some where I saw my bedroom, one with a wedding; and for some reason, I knew I didn’t like the bride. It was truly weird because you were all there, even your other two kids that I’ve never met; but I recognized them from the picture album. There was one where there was this strange woman bringing me breakfast. I was very close to her. She was like a second mother to me, and I loved her dearly.”

  The three of them smiled.

  “But the last thing I saw, what I saw tonight.” I closed my eyes knowing I was blushing and didn’t want to continue.

  “You saw Jackson tonight, didn’t you?” Emily asked in a very soft voice.

  I could only nod.

  “What did you see?”

  I looked over at her, trying not to look directly at Jackson, not knowing what affect it would have on me. But then Jackson spoke up, surprising us all.

  “You saw us in the white gazebo at the park, didn’t you?” He was smiling.

  It was a good thing I was lying down because his knowledge would have surely sent me to the floor.

  “She saw my proposal,” Jackson proclaimed and I stared numbly at him.

  How could he know such a thing? It wasn’t possible.

  His parents looked at him and then back at me for confirmation. My entire body was numb. My head was spinning, no longer throbbing.

  “How could you know that?” I squeaked out, barely able to control my voice. The trembling had set in, and I wasn’t controlling it as well as I would have liked.

  I pulled myself up into a seated position, and none of them tried to stop me this time. I was on the verge of hysterics. He couldn’t be inside my head like this. There was no way. Maybe I was talking throughout my visions. Maybe I was acting them out while I was seeing them. It could be the only explanation.

  “Jocelyn.” Robert placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. “Listen to me. I need you to be calm, because this is going to be difficult enough to explain and even harder for you to comprehend, but you have to try. I am not telling you about this as a joke. This is serious, and I need your full attention. Can you do that for me?” He smiled gently and kept his hand on my shoulder as if in an attempt to give me some of his strength.

  I nodded at him, and Emily placed my hands in hers and smiled motherly at me with reassurance and trust.

  “Jocelyn, you have a very special gift. The visions and the people you are having them about are very real and not in your head at all.” Emily nodded, noticing the confused look that I gave Robert.

  “How is that possible? I don’t understand.” I stumbled with complete utter disbelief.

  Is this some kind of sick joke?

  “You are a part of what is called Essence Voyager Era or as we refer to it, EVE. It is where you live a complete life on two separate yet parallel planes of existence. You have a full life here in the year 2009, everything compiled to make up a rather normal existence, correct?”

  I nodded, looking at him stupidly.

  “However, you also have all of that in the year 1878. You have a family there — four older brothers, school, friends, parents who love you dearly, servants, and yes, a fiancé, Jackson.”

  Robert paused for my reaction, but I didn’t have one. I was so baffled that I simply stared at him, so he continued.

  “When you go to sleep every night, Jocelyn,” he squeezed my shoulder, “You actually awaken in 1878.” He smiled assuredly. “Not your body, of course, but your soul. You look exactly the same, but your personality is a little different because you were raised differently in a different time period. But you are very much you. You get up, eat meals, go to school, spend time with your family and friends, everything that you do here. That period is just as real and normal to you as your life is here.”

  “The visions you saw really occurred, and the people are very real. The wedding you saw where you say you felt like you did not like the bride was, I believe, the wedding of your oldest brother, Patrick II, to Katherine. And the woman who served you breakfast whom you felt very close to was Mimi. She has worked for your family since before you were born, and you two are very close,” Jackson explained.

  My mind could not comprehend all that he was telling me. There was no way this could be real.

  “You see, when we moved here, we came here looking for you.” Jackson slightly smiled at me.

  “You came here looking for me? Why?” Now I was even more confused.

  “Yes.” Emily smiled and squeezed my hand. “We came here to find you. We had to set off some trigger between your two worlds to break down that veil between your two consciousness making you aware of both aspects of your lives.”

  “But why? If all of this is real, if what you’re telling me is the truth, why not just leave me in ignorance? Why did you have to come here and put me through all of this? I don’t understand. Or why didn’t you just tell me the truth from the beginning?” I felt like my body, my life, who I am, was not me any longer.

  “Because, Jocelyn, we are all able to do the same thing as you. We, as well as our children, are all part of EVE. It is a genetic gift passed on through family members. There is someone else in your family who has this gift also. Can you think of anyone in your life or your visions that you have seen in both worlds besides us?” Robert smiled.

  I shook my head.

  “You inherited this gift from your dad’s brother, Montgomery. Do you know him?” Emily asked.

  “Barely. He passed away when I was young. He used to live in Boston and visited us on holidays. My father doesn’t talk about him much. I believe he was close to his brother when they were little, and he took it hard when Monte passed away.” I explained with my head still foggy.

  “Monte did not pass away, Jocelyn. He simply made the decision to live solely in the 19th century. He is very much alive and well. He is married with several children of his own and lives down the street from you. He is very much a part of your life in 1878, and he truly adores you,” Emily confessed.

  “Wait. Uncle Monte is alive? That can’t be. I went to his funeral. I saw him in the casket. We buried him.”

  “You have to try and understand. Your Uncle Monte chose to live solely in the 19th century.” Robert took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “When you are a part of EVE, your soul is what travels, not your physical body. All of us, even you, once you pass the point when the barrier in your consciousness between the two
worlds is down and you become fully aware of both of your existences — depending on your bloodline, can decide which place you want to live in without the other. You do not have too, but it is an option. So when your Uncle decided to stay in the 19th century, it was because his wife, Vivian, did not have the gift. Many who are born with this gift make that decision when their spouses cannot travel with them or their children do not inherit the gift.”

  “Uncle Monte has sons?” I muttered softly to myself. I thought he never married or had any children.

  “Four, actually. You see, you are the youngest of five children and the only girl and in the family. Your other two uncles on your father’s side all have only boys. You are the only female, and everyone was so thrilled when you were born. Now they all dote over you and are very protective of you, especially your brothers.” Robert tried to make me see the impossible.

  “Mainly William.” Jackson laughed.

  “Yes, William. You and he are extremely close. You see, Jocelyn, you and William are only a couple years apart in age. Although you are close to your other brothers, William, I would say, is sort of your favorite,” Emily explained.

  “How do you know so much about me and my life there? You haven’t explained why you came here looking for me?” The throbbing returned and my head was killing me.

  “Because darling, you live in the same house in 1878 as you do now; and so do we. We have always lived across the street from you since you were born. Your father, I mean your father there — Patrick — built that house for your mother — Annabelle — in the summer of 1860. Ours was built during the same time. Patrick and I grew up together in Boston and moved out here together before the beginning of the Civil War. Your mother was pregnant with you at the time. Patrick is a physician who served as a doctor in the Union Army during the war. Even though he was not on the battlefield, he was still away from home for several years shortly after you were born. I served in the Union Army also, and we kept track of each other,” Robert explained.

  None of it was sinking in completely. It was too much.

  “You’re telling me that I live in the same house now that I do or did or whatever in 1878? How is that possible? Does my father, I mean Shane know that it is his, what, ancestral home?”