His guilt had weighed heavily for days because of what he’d done. Lil had told him to get over it, but he still felt sick to his stomach when he thought about the scene at the kitchen table. He couldn’t understand how parents could be so cruel to a child. It was beyond anything he’d ever experienced.
He knew that things had gone from bad to worse when he left the Stevenses’ house. Clark hadn’t given any of the details other than to say that he thought he may have broken Zach’s nose. He said it in such a nonchalant way, as if that kind of violence was commonplace in their household. It was hard for Jody to understand the dynamics of growing up in an environment with so much testosterone. He supposed that fighting among brothers was a common thing, but being an only child had him at a disadvantage since he’d never experienced the joys of sibling rivalry. He had no idea what it was like jockeying for a parent’s attention, begging to pick the TV show of the night, or fighting to sit up front instead of crammed into the backseat of the family vehicle. This was normal in a house filled with children, but to break a nose without so much as a second thought seemed a little extreme.
He pulled up in front of Clark’s apartment building and made his way upstairs. He knocked, and when Clark opened the door he said, “The guys are here, and I promised them we wouldn’t touch each other in their presence.”
“That’s fine.” Jody smiled. He supposed that it would take a while for Clark’s brothers to wrap their heads around the thought of their football star being gay. Hopefully, they would come to realize that this was not a death sentence and nothing had changed between them.
“Hey,” the twins both called out in unison when he walked into the apartment.
He nodded in their direction and reached for the beer that Clark was handing him. He took a long pull and a deep breath and tried to relax even though his nerves were on edge. Jody felt like he was on display as the two sets of eyes practically bored holes into him.
The twins were toned-down versions of Clark. Just as tall and blond, but not as arresting. They would be considered hot if Clark hadn’t been in the same room. Clark’s physical presence was all encompassing. Every part of him was perfection from the top of his platinum blond head to the bottom of his very large feet. He exuded a maleness that was hard to beat, and each time Jody looked at him, his heart rate would speed up automatically.
“So, Doc,” Mike said, rubbing the bottle of beer in between his hands. “Have you always been gay?”
Jody looked at him, surprised at his bluntness. “Yes.”
“Do you even like football?”
“Mike!”
“It’s okay,” Jody said, looking at Clark, who was starting to get agitated. “Actually, Mike, I know nothing about the game.”
“No shit? So what do you guys talk about? Or do you even talk?”
“Michael!”
“Oh, lighten up, Clark. I’m just trying to get to know your boyfriend.”
“You’re badgering him.”
“No, he’s not,” Jody replied, grinning at Clark. “Your brother is much more than football, Mike. We talk about a lot of things.”
“Yeah? You love him?”
“Michael!” Jason and Clark yelled at the same time.
Jody shook his head and raised his hand in a stop motion. “It’s okay, really. I do love him, Mike. Very much.”
“Well, you’d better, ’cause this is going to get ugly. I just know it.”
“How so?” Jody’s fears came rushing back when he heard that statement. Was Mike just stating a foregone conclusion or did he know something no one else did?
“My dad’s really pissed, and when he’s like that, it’s scary. There’s no telling what he’ll do.”
Clark sat down beside Jody, and despite his promise to his brother earlier on, took Jody’s hand and held it tight. “Don’t listen to him, Jo. He’s exaggerating.”
“You know he’s not,” Jason interjected from the other side of the room.
“Look, let’s not talk about Dad, okay?”
“Fine,” Mike said. “Just watch your backs, both of you.”
“What the hell, Mike! We’re not the fucking Sopranos.” Clark was visibly upset. “You’re scaring the heck out of Jody.”
“I’m sorry. I just think that you should be prepared.”
“We’re fine, okay? This will all blow over, and everyone will calm down in a few weeks.”
Jason and Mike focused their attention on our clasped hands and shook their heads.
IT WAS March seventeenth, St. Patrick’s Day, and my twenty-third birthday. We’d decided to spend the day in Sausalito, browsing the boutiques and doing the whole tourist bit. We even planned on taking a ride on the Blue & Gold ferry, touring the bay with a glass of wine in one hand and binoculars in the other. I’d never done it before, even though I was born and raised in California. Jody insisted that it would be fun to relax for a couple of hours on the boat.
The only downside to the trip was the fact that we’d have to watch our behavior in public since I was bound to be recognized. I put on a baseball cap and sunglasses in the hopes that I would pass for an ordinary citizen.
Highly unlikely, according to Jody, since most ordinary people weren’t six four and didn’t look like Nordic Gods. His words, not mine. In any case, we got into the BMW around nine in the morning and made our way across the Bay Bridge into San Francisco, and then across town and through the park before crossing the Golden Gate Bridge into Marin County. It was ten thirty by the time we got to the tiny artists’ enclave. It was a beautiful, bright sunny day. We could see the San Francisco skyline easily as the fog had dissipated hours ago. We parked the car and made our way to one of the restaurants along the wharf for some breakfast.
“I’ll have the Irishman’s skillet, three eggs over easy, and waffles on the side with strawberries on top. Oh, and hold the whip cream. I’m on a diet.” I smiled at the waitress, handing her the menu.
Jody stared at me. “Christ! Are you sure you’ll have enough?”
“Hey, in two weeks, I’ll have to watch everything that goes in my mouth.”
“So are you planning on having every known food group today?”
“Just about.” I grinned at him, amused by the look of shock on his face.
I made a pig of myself, telling Jody that this would probably be the last time I’d have a normal meal, since spring training was about to begin, and I’d have to start eating more protein and watching my caloric intake. My arm had healed beautifully, just as he’d predicted, and I was more than ready to get back into shape. I tried to explain how intense things were going to get, how my life would become all about football again. Jody had no clue as to what the sport entailed training-wise. He didn’t realize that aside from all the time spent on the field, there was an equal amount of time spent in the gym and countless hours watching videos of other teams, learning their plays and planning ours.
“You know, once practice starts, I’m not going to be over at your house that much.”
“Why not?” He sipped at his coffee, waiting to hear my reply.
“I’ll be exhausted by the time I get home. It’ll be easier for me to crash at my apartment.”
“I’m only going to see you on the weekends?” he asked in shock.
“It depends on what’s going on. I’ll try and make it over to your place during the week, but I can’t even tell you what days I’ll be free.”
“Can’t I come over to your place?”
“Sure, if you don’t mind watching me sleep.”
“I’d rather do that than not see you at all.”
“We’ll work something out, Jo. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried; I’m spoiled. I’ve gotten used to seeing you almost every day. I’m going to miss you.”
These past few months had been great. We were in our own little world, learning more about each other every day. It was our honeymoon phase, so to speak, and it was about to end, so I suppose we were both a little f
earful of the future and trying to hang on to every last minute. “I’ll miss you too, Jo.”
“Are you happy, now that football’s about to start again?”
“I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I put my pads and helmet on and walked out on the field. It’s who I am, Jo. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
“What about the coaching that we talked about?”
“That’s always there, but it’s the end of the journey. I can’t imagine starting out as a coach.”
“So you’ve pretty much made up your mind about the NFL?”
“I’d be stupid not to accept if they want me.”
As soon as we finished breakfast we walked to the landing to catch the ferry for the tour. We stood in line with all the other tourists and made an effort not to touch each other when all we wanted to do was kiss and make out. We’d been together for months now, but the sexual chemistry between us was at an all-time high.
When we finally boarded, we made our way to the back of the boat. There was an area where we could sit and soak up the sun, feel the wind on our faces. There were only six chairs out there, and fortunately two of them were vacant, so we settled in for the ride.
It couldn’t have been more perfect. The tour took us past Alcatraz Island, under both bridges, the Golden Gate and the Bay Bridge. We skimmed along the shoreline of San Francisco where we could see all the landmarks clearly, the Transamerica building, Coit Tower on Nob Hill, the Embarcadero, Fisherman’s Wharf. I seemed to be seeing everything with fresh eyes, thanks to the man beside me. Jody’s presence was the most reassuring thing in my life, and even though his eyes were covered by sunglasses, I knew that they looked at me with unconditional love. I was truly happy and at peace with myself.
I grabbed his hand and kissed it, unmindful of onlookers. “I love you, Jo.”
“Love you too.” He answered so easily, and I knew without a doubt that he meant every word. His brown hair resembled burnt sugar as the sunlight bounced off it and I forgot where we were. I kissed him on the lips, lingering longer than I should have. We pulled apart and looked around quickly to see if anyone noticed and, apart from the few people sitting around us, no one seemed to care. We were just another tourist attraction: two San Francisco queers kissing in public.
Chapter 23
“MOTHERFUCKER!”
Jody threw the paper across his desk, watching it bounce on the wall and fall on the floor in separate pieces, like giant confetti.
What had set him off was an article in the San Francisco Chronicle, in one of the gossip sections, brought to his attention by the head nurse in charge of malicious gossip.
“Dr. Williams, how come you never told us about your hunky new boyfriend?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the picture of you in the paper, sucking face with some guy who looks very much like a certain football star we know and love.”
“What?”
Jody’s heart almost stopped as she spoke, and he grabbed the paper out of her hands and made his way to his office to see for himself. There it was, a five-by-seven of them kissing on the ferry. They were both in sunglasses and Clark’s hat was on, but there was no mistaking the physique. The caption under the photo read, “Who’s the new man in Jody Williams’s life?”
It was ironic! He and Clark were so worried about people recognizing the football player, Jody had forgotten that in San Francisco, he was practically a celebrity. He and Rick Roman had been news for several years. The gossip columnists had loved them, especially when they found out about Rick’s HIV status. They became a romantic tragedy with an array of followers, and when it ended with Rick’s death, they continued to take an interest in Jody’s love life. So much so that he’d virtually stopped going out in public for the longest time. Whenever he appeared with a male companion, they assumed he was the new lover. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise then that someone had spotted him and taken the photo. He stared at the picture trying to determine if Clark would be recognized. His face wasn’t visible, but his body sure was, and he wondered if anyone would figure it out. He doubted that Clark’s parents even read the San Francisco paper, much less the gossip section.
He’d have to tell Clark, even though it would only worry him. He’d been on another planet since spring training started, waiting for Nikki to make some sort of remark to the coaches or the team, but she’d been surprisingly decent, staying out of his way for the most part. He’d thrown himself into the practice schedule, dragging himself home exhausted, barely able to choke down whatever dinner Jody would bring over. Invariably, Clark would be asleep before the ten o’clock news. The only reason their relationship continued to flourish was because Jody spent a lot of time at Clark’s place, choosing to stay the night at the apartment so he could hold Clark in his arms as they slept. Morning lovemaking had now become part of their repertoire.
He glanced at the clock; it was close to the end of his shift. He called Clark to see if Chinese food sounded good. He got the standard answer. “Whatever you want, Jo.” He shrugged and told himself to get used to this. It was going to get worse when the season actually started. Lil had encouraged him to learn about football so that he and Clark would have more to talk about. He’d resisted up until now, but ruefully admitted he might be right. When he was dating a winemaker, he’d learned all about the process of making wine, so he supposed that it was now time to learn about the sport that was consuming his lover.
“CLARK, we need to talk,” Nikki said, running alongside of me as I made my way to the car. It was the end of the day, and I was tired, hungry, and ready to go home.
“What about?”
“About us.”
“I thought we already had this conversation.” I looked at her and shook my head, trying to figure out what she was up to. She’d left me alone since the start of spring training, pretty much sticking with the other cheerleaders and trying not to get in my way. Today was the first time she’d actually come up to me in private.
“Are you still friends with the doctor?”
“It’s none of your business, Nik.”
“We need a plan.”
“What plan? Why?”
“We need to continue to see each other, so no one suspects anything.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You can deny it all you want, Clark, but I know you’re gay. I’ve given this situation a lot of thought, and even if I hate the idea of you with a man, I love you enough to want to protect you.”
I huffed out a laugh and thought this was a novel way of hers to get me to out myself. “You’re nuts!”
“I’m not! I’ve been keeping an eye on you. I know you two are glued at the hip; practically living together!” Her eyes sparked with anger.
“Have you been following me?” My anger rose. The last thing I needed to worry about was being tailed by this girl.
“I’m not that desperate,” she said.
“Fooled me! You need to get a life, Nikki, and stop worrying about mine.”
“Then you’d better be more careful and stop making a spectacle of yourself. You’re all over the fucking Internet!”
I froze for a minute, completely thrown off-kilter by that remark. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about your little jaunt on the Blue & Gold ferry a couple of weeks ago with your lover!”
“What about it?”
“See, you can’t deny that he’s your lover now, can you?”
“Will you just tell me what the fuck you’re referring to?” I wanted to wring her neck because I’d all but admitted the truth about Jody.
“I told you weeks ago that Dr. Williams was well known, and so I’ve been keeping tabs on him via Google. Guess who’s on the Internet kissing him?”
I felt the blood draining out of my head, and I started to freak out. If she knew about this, so did a lot of people who might be interested in my career.
“You
must be mistaken. It must have been someone else with him.”
I turned to walk away from her but she grabbed my hand and pulled me back. “Clark, it’s pointless to try and deny this, at least with me. You need a beard, and I would be perfect.”
“A what?”
“You’re not up on your gay lingo yet, are you?”
“Nikki.”
“Listen, I’m dead serious. I know you and I are over. I get it. I’ve finally accepted it, but I want to see you play in the NFL. I’ve invested too much time in you; I may as well get something out of this.”
“And what would that be?”
“I’d rather be your ex-girlfriend than nothing at all. Once you’ve made it to the big time, you can publicly dump me. By then, everyone will know me, and I’m bound to meet someone else.”
“And meanwhile?”
“We continue to ‘date’. Go out once in a while; make sure we’re seen in public places so people don’t suspect anything. You’ll lose it all if they find out, Clark. Use your head.”
“I need to go, Nikki.”
I turned to walk away and heard her say, “You’ll be sorry if you don’t take me up on this. Ask your boyfriend. See what he says.”
I spun around once more and looked at her, trying to determine if she was sincere or just being a bitch. I couldn’t tell anymore. So much had changed in the past few months, my perception of people altered by my life changes. I couldn’t trust my instincts as to who was friend or foe, so I decided to shelve this, at least for the time being, until I could discuss it with Jody.
“I’ll be in touch,” I said. “Let me think about it.”
She smiled, obviously delighted that she’d gotten the admission regardless of how it came about. She didn’t care that the words hadn’t come out of my mouth. She knew she had me.
JODY sat quietly while he listened to Clark tell him about his conversation with Nikki. He was furious that she’d trapped him that way, virtually blackmailing Clark into dating her again.
Horizons Page 17
