MIDNIGHT DIVINE (The Helio Trilogy Book 1)

by Valerie Roeseler

  I'm so tired I can't argue for him to continue, and I fall asleep in the safety of his warm embrace.

  gh

  I stir awake in the darkness of my room with Solas holding me tight against his chest, one hand wrapped under my side to rest on my back and the other on my waist. Our legs are entwined like lovers beneath the covers, and my head lays on the colossal muscle of his bicep. The moon shines through the windows of the French doors to the balcony and illuminates the intense planes of his face. He looks peaceful as he sleeps. He's so beautiful my chest aches with guilt at my attraction to him. I love Jack, but I can’t deny the feelings that have been boiling beneath the surface between Solas and I. They've been blossoming by varying degrees ever since we met in The Keep. It flows over me with a familiar and potent longing. Desire to lose myself in his magnificence and passion for me pursues the ache in my chest. I want it to catch me. I need it to catch me. I need it to seize the cruel torture inside of me and supersede it with the warmth of his affection. He’s never voiced his love for me, but it bleeds into me with every touch. It is unequivocal and undeviating.

  I reach up and stoke the stubble of his jawline. Solas’ eyes open with heaviness and cascade into mine. I don’t remove my palm from his face. There's a sadness in his ice blue eyes I want to comfort the way he's comforted me. I feel his sincere love for me as his heart beats strong against my chest, and his hunger for more. “I’ll always love him, Solas,” I whisper dolefully. I feel wretched, knowing how much it hurts him.

  Solas doesn’t flinch as he replies, “I know.” His voice is deep and smooths over my ears like silk.

  The force of emotion between us pulls at my heart. I can’t prevent myself from what I'm about to do and pray Jack will forgive me. Leaving my hand on his cheek, I lift my head from the pillow and lessen the space between us. Solas doesn’t move as I hesitate within a hair’s breadth from his lips. The longing in his gaze is an avalanche delving into me. I close my eyes and press my lips to his. His warm, full lips respond with avid gentleness as he pulls my waist closer to him. The passion between us builds into a fever, and I let it drive me higher. Solas shifts me onto my back, covering my body with his. My hands slip behind his neck and draw him closer. A captivating wave pulses inside of me, making me dizzy.

  His hand firmly glides down my hip, removing my jeans. I feel the raw power within him that he’s holding back. His lips meet every inch of skin as they trail from my legs back to my mouth. His fingers weave into my black hair as he continues to capture and devour me with untold promises on his lips. “Ivy,” he groans deep as his mouth moves to my bare neck, causing erogenous ripples of desire to consume my entire being.

  Solas hesitates with his lips grazing my shoulder. “Don’t let me go, Solas,” I whisper in his ear.

  He lifts his head to search my face. “I’ll never let you go, princess.” With his words, I become a waterfall surging from endless oceans.

  A gasp from the doorway pulls our attention away from each other. We're so lost in each other that even with our angelic hearing we never hear my bedroom door open. Alice stands in the doorway with her eyes wide in shock and her mouth agape. “I… I… Sorry,” she stammers and bolts back out of the room.

  Our faces snap back to each other with surprise. Solas moans as he rolls onto his back listless and covers his eyes with his arm. I stare at the ceiling above the bed. Shit, I think begrudgingly.

  “I’m sorry, Ivy,”

  “No. I’m sorry.” Even though the guilt sits heavily in my chest, I don’t feel regret for my feelings toward Solas. I only feel ashamed at the tear in my heart between two men. But I can’t help but rationalize that one of them is gone.

  Solas lifts his arm from his face and takes in my profile. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I'll never repent for my feelings. I know you can feel my love for you when we touch. I can’t keep it from you, and I don't want to. I’ve had to live with myself for letting love slip through my fingers before, without her knowing how I truly felt. I won’t let it happen again.”

  I turn on my side, placing my hands together under my cheek and assure him, “I don’t want you to think I’m using you to replace Jack. While I'll always love him, my heart feels torn in two with my feelings for you.”

  “I know how you feel about me. It flowed over me when we kissed. I don’t know if you were doing it intentionally or not, but it was unmistakable.”

  “So, you understand?”

  “I do.”

  “And you’re not disappointed with me?”

  “Come here,” he says and pulls me back into his arms. “I could never be disappointed with you, Ivy. Never.” A wisp of hair falls over his eyes, and I brush it back, running my fingers through its silkiness. Solas leans in and kisses me again. Relief, hope, passion. These emotions are not only his. They're mine.

  Urgent need for him engulfs me like an addiction. My hands begin to roam beneath his shirt to graze his body of chiseled marble. His mouth claims the tender crevasse of my neck, and I gasp at the pleasure of it. Solas pulls me on top of him, and I straddle his waist. He sits up, and I lift his thin cotton shirt over his head. Our lips meet again in a fever pitch. His hands squeeze my ribs firmly as they move to my back and remove my bra before tossing it over the edge of the bed. The warm skin of his chest pushes against mine as he rocks into me. Color and sound meld together in an amalgamation of intoxication and delirium. My wings shiver and pop inside of me until I can’t confine them anymore. They shoot out of my shoulder blades with a ferocious crack and Solas’ respond equivalently. We lose ourselves in ecstasy, fading into each other until the grace of the moon’s radiance disappears behind the horizon.

  I'm a new being shrouded in the darkness of Solas’ wings. No longer does my mind wonder to the terrifying memory of Trey as Mr. Rawlings drudges on about the meaning of C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce. No longer do I fear the threat of Lucian hovering over me. There's a connection that's come full circle like a fate within my destiny. I'm safe within the eclipse of his raven downy. Nothing can touch me but him.

  Chapter 23

  Escaping the confines of the English building, I find Alice waiting for me outside. Her back's turned to me with her arms folded over her chest. She goes rigid when I call out to her, “Alice!”

  She faces me, and I read the anger and disappointment in her countenance before she feigns a more relaxed expression. “Hey. You ready?”

  “Yeah.” I'm uncomfortable as we traverse to the Math building. The space between us feels like miles. I can’t take it. “Alice? About last night—”

  “—Yeah. So, did you discover any more info from your vision?” She's evading the conversation she knows is coming.

  “Yes, but that’s not what I’m referring to, and you know it,” I correct as I give her a sidelong glance.

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Ivy. It’s your life,” she dejects, attempting to hide her anger.

  “Is it though?” I retort. “We both know my life's never been my own. And as much as I love Jack, he’s not coming back, and Solas feels like he's meant to be a part of the destiny calling me.”

  Alice freezes in her tracks, and her shoulders round forward. “You don’t even know him, Ivy.”

  “I do,” I say with confidence.

  She turns to me with pity, “He has secrets he’s not telling you. You really don’t know him.”

  “What secrets?” Alice is my best friend. Besides not being able to reveal who I really was, she's never kept anything from me. If she knows about a secret Solas is hiding, why has she not told me?

  “It’s not my place. You’ll have to ask him,” she reinforces and runs off, leaving me to walk the rest of the way unguarded.

  “Alice!” I yell to make her come back, though I know she can her me even if I whisper her name. She continues to ignore me, vanishing around the corner. I think about chasing her down and making her explain herself, but I can’t afford to miss another class.

&n
bsp; After turning in all of my missed Math assignments at the end of class, my stomach remains in knots about Solas’ secrets. I know Solas. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Even if he’s hiding something, it can’t be that bad. I know deep down he's good. I’m not going to ask him for answers. If it’s important, he’ll tell me of his own volition. I don’t need to push him.

  I discover Eric waiting for me when Alice was supposed to remain outside the building instead of running off. “I guess you’re backup?” I tease with a grin.

  “Something like that,” he smirks, squinting into the sunlight behind me.

  We take our time finding my car down the hill, and I ask, “Is she still mad at me?”

  “No. She was never mad at you. She's worried about you. She only sent me because she doesn’t want you to ask her about it. She wouldn’t be able to refuse to answer you.”

  “So you know what’s going on too?” I wince as we skirt around either side of my car.

  Eric holds his hands up in defense, “Hey, I’m staying out of this too.”

  I growl in frustration, and we get in the car. I start the engine and pause in thought. “Is it bad?” I wonder.

  “It depends on how you look at it, but I don’t think it’s as bad as you think.”

  Our drive back to the estate is uneventful until we pull into the cul-de-sac and witness the oddest stampede run down the left side of the manor, disappearing behind it, reappearing on the right side, and continuing around the house. The Griffins are running circles in their birthday suits, followed by Max and Andromeda, then Evelyn. A shirtless Solas flies above us with his wings spread wide and beating slowly to keep him aloft while he laughs out of control. “What the fuck?” Eric and I gawk in unison. We gape at each other and exit the car with angelic speed.

  “Hey! What’s going on?” I call up to Solas, shading my eyes from the sun. He floats down gracefully and lands before us. His smile warms the very air around me and stirs a longing for him to touch me again.

  “The horses didn’t like the brothers turning into their Griffin forms,” he chuckles. “They felt threatened. The Griffins were just having some fun, and the horses charged. They've been chasing them in circles ever since they landed. They tried to change back into human form, but the horses still feel threatened. They're protecting their territory. Evelyn's trying to catch them so she can calm them down.”

  “Why are they naked?” I muse.

  Solas chuckles, “They can’t regenerate clothing after their shapeshift as I can.” He winks.

  I laugh with him and Eric as we watch the stampede continue for another rotation. I take my red leather jacket off and toss it on the hood of the car before I let my wings out. “Alright. I think that’s enough.”

  I take off into the sky and catch up to Maximus first. I glide over his pristine white coat and land on his bare back. Grasping his mane, I pull my wings against my back as I lean forward. I'm surprised I can read his anger through our contact. I reach out and smooth the coat on his neck as I whisper to him, “Easy. Easy, Max.” I push a feeling of calmness into him and say, “They’re friends. They would never hurt us. Easy.” Maximus whinnies with understanding and begins to slow.

  Evelyn catches up to us as I steer him towards the barn. “Maximus,” she warns with a scowl as she stands in front of him with her hands on her hips. Max bows his head low in shame. “You can’t attack our guests, Maximus.” I dismount Max, and Evelyn addresses me, “Thank you. Do you think you can catch Andromeda? She usually doesn’t listen to anyone but Jack.”

  I nod my head and take off after the powerful war horse. The Griffins are still sprinting in circles as Solas and Eric just watch with amusement. I call down to her with force behind my tone, “Andromeda, stop.” She ignores me and continues to chase her enemies. I feel wrong about riding her, so I swoop in close to her and place my hand firm on her neck. I push the same feeling of calmness to her that I used with Maximus. “Easy. They’re friends.” She remains unrelenting in her pursuit. I don’t like how angry she is, and feel there's only one way I’ll be able to stop her. I grip the long hair at the base of her mane and straddle her back. This makes her even more heated. She rears up and kicks the air. As I hold on tight to her powerful body with my legs, a sadness trickles under the surface of her anger. I pull her away from the house and steer her to the open field. She's fast and merciless as her hooves pound the earth beneath us.

  I let her run for a long time to let off some steam before I lean into her and stroke her neck. “You’re ok.” Andromeda slows down and comes to a stop at the edge of the field under the shade of two trees. Her breathing's labored, and the heat of it steams out of her nose against the chill in the air. I slide off her back and step in front of her stoic stance. Hesitant, I approach her shoulder and hug her around her neck. “I miss him too,” I utter as I hold her. She's unmoving for a few moments, but surprises me by lowering her head to nuzzle me closer, hugging me back. I pat her shoulder and sigh when she releases me. She's lonely without Jack, and it makes me ache for him. I lean against the trunk of the tree and slide down its length, pulling my knees to my chest. And I cry. I cry like I've lost him all over again.

  When the sun begins to set, I feel a gravitational pull to return to the manor. “I’ve got to go, girl,” I say as I rise from the cold ground. I fly back to the manor, following the strain drawing me in. As I enter the back door of the kitchen, everyone's milling about, gathering food on their plates, and setting the table.

  I look to Solas, I felt a pull. Is that because we…

  “Yes,” he smiles at my red cheeks.

  “Are you hungry?” Evelyn offers while handing me a plate.

  “Starving,” I reply with a gentle smile, and she kisses me on top of my head before she releases the dish to me. After loading my plate with lemon chicken, carrots, and green beans, I sit between Solas on my left and Evelyn at the head of the table to my right. Cass and Beck grab a chair on the other side of Solas, respectively. Their plates overflow with food in a hoarding manner, and I chuckle at their absurd heights. Alice perches across from me on the other side of Evelyn, and Eric takes the seat next to her. “Thank you,” I voice to Evelyn.

  “You’re welcome, dear. Thank you for helping reign in the horses. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better since last night,” she notes and pats my hand on the table.

  “I am.” And I’m glad to see the brothers found some clothes.

  “So, what did you see?” Beck contributes, leaning forward to view me better.

  I know everyone's been waiting patiently to hear about it. I chew my food and swallow before I answer, “Well, I think I’m in a warehouse. It’s empty and dark, but I can see a tin roof supported by thick concrete pillars. The ground's solid concrete as well. I don’t know where the warehouse is though.”

  “Did you smell anything that could distinguish it?” Eric adds from across the table.

  I wrinkle my nose and try to remember. “I don’t remember. I can try again and see if I smell anything.”

  “Do you think that’s such a good idea? You know, considering what happened last time,” Cass debates between bites as he scarfs his food.

  His diction's changed, I note.

  "Don't make fun of him," Solas chuckles. "He's been working with Beck to fit in better."

  I hide my amusement as I reply to Cass' question, “I think it only happened because of the way we went about it. I need to find another way to induce the visions.”

  “What if you use water as a medium?” Evelyn suggests.

  “What do you mean?”

  She explains, “When Trey brought you back from the mountains, we had to get your fever down because it was too high. You submerged yourself under the water for a few moments. We thought we would have to pull you out. When you surfaced, you said that you had another vision. What if we try to replicate the event?”

  “I thought I blacked out then, but I guess it’s worth a shot. I don’t have any othe
r ideas.” I search everyone’s faces for their input.

  Alice takes a drink of her water before she points out, “Do you remember what you’re wearing? Or what he’s wearing?”

  “I don’t remember what he’s wearing. He’s in my face the entire time. His eyes are like Beleth's.” I note.

  Solas clears his throat beside me before he wipes his mouth with his napkin. He places it back on the table, “Yes. Lucian's a Seraph."

  "What's a Seraph?"

  "Seraphim are the highest ranking angelic beings. Their wings are a vibrant orange at the bases and fade to a fiery red at the tips. Their eyes contain the same luminescence, giving an illusion of fire. Those that haven't Fallen remain Guardians of the Throne of Light. Fallen Seraphim now guard the Throne of Sheol, Lucifer's throne. Only, Lucian wasn't created until after his father's fall from grace. Even so, he was born damned and embraced it eagerly."

  I let the information sink in, and Alice breaks my revere, “So, do you remember what you're wearing?”

  I snap my head to her, “Um… Yeah. I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but I’m wearing black armor.”

  “Armor?” Evelyn repeats in disbelief.

  Cassius points out, “If you’re wearing armor, how did you get the wound on your chest?”

  “Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like it. It looks like it’s covered in black scales lined in silver. His blade slides between its plates without much effort.” I hurry on to keep the image from my mind and theirs, “But it must have a way for my wings to be released, because they're out and restrained to my back. Have any of you ever seen anything like that?”

  They all shake their heads as they finish chewing their food. I’m no longer hungry and get up to take my plate to the sink. When I turn back around to face them, I ask Alice, “Alice, do you have any more clothes I can borrow? I really need to go shopping soon.”

  “Yeah, sure,” she replies before she leaves the table to clean off her plate at the sink next to me.

  “We can go back to The Keep after classes tomorrow and retrieve your belongings,” Cass offers.