by K. M. Hodge
He was surprised to see the faint blushing of her cheeks after that question. She had never been embarrassed to ask him anything before, and her uncharacteristic embarrassment in turn caused him to grow self-conscious. His own cheeks grew hot, and he had to look away from her. For the first time in their friendship, he didn’t feel like sharing something with her.
“That’s personal, Doc,” he said, stonewalling her.
She seemed pleasantly surprised by his tight-lipped response.
He had always been very open and sometimes too descriptive about his sexual exploits. This was the first time he ever played the don’t kiss and tell card with her.
She said nothing.
Now it was his turn to be surprised. As the silence extended, he felt comfortable enough to open up a little about his current fear. He took a deep breath and spoke the ugly truth, which he hadn’t even quite admitted to himself.
“I think maybe I’m not ready to sleep with her. Her not being ready just gets me off the hook from thinking about why I don’t want to.”
Doc stood up and hugged his head to her swollen abdomen. “Give it time. You’ve both been through a lot. I want you to know how proud I am of you.”
His shoulders slumped as he sunk into her embrace. He had missed her, even if she did make him talk about things he didn’t want to.
***
I-90
Danville, Virginia
August 21, 2008
8:00 PM
~~~
The throbbing in his head had reached epic proportions. He had just received a text message that Special Agent Alex Bailey had been spotted at Dulles, but that his CIA detail would make it impossible to get to him. Things were happening and Scott Mitchel was impotent to do anything about it. If something didn’t happen soon, he would be forced to take drastic measures.
A second text message made him snap back to attention.
Jason Knettle is involved with Charles MacAvoy and the plea deal he made. We have a tail on him and have bugged his home and office. He won’t shit without us knowing about it.
Scott sighed and leaned back against the leather interior of his town car.
Et tu Knettle, et tu!
***
Church Hill Neighborhood
Richmond, Virginia
August 28, 2008
8:00 PM
~~~
Alex sat outside on Doc’s deck with a beer in hand and his feet propped up on the railing as he dialed Katherine.
She answered on the first ring. “How did it go?”
He chuckled at her directness. “It couldn’t have gone better. All the hard work is going to pay off big time. They have some loose ends they need to tie up, and I have an asset I’m meeting with later, but it looks like indictments are going to come down this fall.”
“Oh, that is wonderful!” she nearly shouted. “I’m so proud of you! We’ll have to celebrate when you get back.”
His voice dropped an octave. “Oh?”
“Oh, yes.” Her sultry tone made his toes curl inside his shoes.
His face flushed and his heart skipped a beat in anticipation. “I like the sound of that. It kind of makes me want to play hooky and go home now.” He couldn’t wipe the silly grin off his face if he tried.
She chuckled. “Oh no, you have to finish up all your work before you can play.”
He grumbled good-naturedly, making her laugh even more. God I love her laugh.
“I should be done and flying home to you on Monday.” His anxiety returned with a flourish. “How was your day?”
She went into a long discussion about all the changes she and Betty had been making to the garden to get it ready for fall.
He settled into his chair and listened attentively, asking all the right questions.
***
Hardtails Biker Bar
Elkdon, Maryland
August 31, 2008
5:00 PM
~~~
Alex sat smoking in the back of the darkened bar, waiting for Sally. His anxiety over the meeting had him slipping into bad habits. In order to set a professional tone, he had dressed in a full suit, and some of the looks he was getting from other patrons made him a little uneasy.
The buzzing of his phone told him that the show was about to begin.
Meet me out back.
They had a bad history of things happening in alleyways behind bars. As much as he didn’t want to meet her out there, he knew she’d already set her mind. He got up from the seat and slipped out the back door, by the men’s bathroom.
Sally jumped him the moment he stepped outside. She kissed him full on the lips, then dropped to her knees to undo his dress pants and bring her very skilled mouth down on him.
His eyes rolled back in his head as a swell of anxiety coursed through him. His brain was sending out “cease and desist” messages that his body was ignoring. He told himself he needed to break this cycle before he did something he couldn’t take back.
I can’t do this to Katherine. Hell, I can’t do this to myself! I need to stop this before it’s too late...
And it was almost too late.
He grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her back up to her feet. “Whoa, Sally.” He swayed a little, overwhelmed by the rush of blood away from where he needed it most.
As he fixed his pants, he caught Sally narrowing her eyes at him. For good measure, he put some space between them, since he didn’t think he had it in him to stop her if she tried it again.
She crossed her arms over her chest and gave Alex an angry glare of warning. “What’s the deal, Alex?”
Gooseflesh broke out all over his arms and legs. Shit! She had used his name and not Spook. He needed to think fast, because she was dangerous enough when you were on her good side.
He cleared his throat. “I want to talk to you about the terms of that agreement. We can’t do this anymore.”
Her icy blue eyes narrowed down to two angry slits. “What, my blow jobs are suddenly not good enough for you, Spook?”
Alex shook his head and tried to backtrack his way out of the verbal hole he was sinking into. “God no, you’re very good. Best blow jobs I’ve ever had.” He shoved his nervous hands into the pockets on his dress pants. “It’s just that....”
He tried to think but was finding it very difficult, as he was equal parts terrified and turned on. When a sly smile crept across her lips, his heart jumped.
“You fucker! You got yourself an old lady, didn’t you?” Her full lips curled at the ends in an amused smile.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” He let out a relieved sigh. “So I don’t think it would be a good idea to continue with what we’ve been doing.”
Sally burst out laughing. “Alexander Bailey got himself a girl. Damn, I thought those rumors of you and that bitch from the FBI were BS. I thought, no-fucking-way is that prick not still chasing every tail he can get.” She laughed so hard that tiny tears slid down the sides of her cheeks.
He didn’t appreciate her laughing at him and his apparent failings, but it was better than the alternative.
“We’re cool, Spook. Though I will say, I wish I had known that the last time really was our last time. I would have savored it a little more.” She licked her lips, teasing him.
A shiver rippled through him and his mouth went dry. “Yes, well... do you have any information for me?” They needed to focus on the real reason for the meeting.
“Oh, yeah! Don’t I always?” She paused, as if for dramatic effect. “I found out some fucked-up shit that you are going to really love.”
He slowly let out the breath he had been holding.
She told him about her brother-in-law’s cousins, Marcus and Skins, and how they were found dead at the hands of The Syndicate. Apparently, they had taken Marcus out after he “raped some chick of theirs.”
Alex clenched his hands into a tight fist, but otherwise just nodded and kept his cool.
She then went on to say that some dude they had
paid off to go into hiding went even deeper into hiding, and that he was holed up somewhere in Illinois just outside Chicago.
Then she pulled a padded envelope out of the storage bag on her bike and handed it to him. “This is the security footage from my brother Mack’s shop. He lets some of his asshole buddies of his use the place to make deals.”
He nodded. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s on this one?”
Her familiar sly smile danced across her face. She got off on this stuff. “One of those FBI stooges that they pay off to keep quiet.” She looked pleased as punch with herself.
Now it was his turn to smile. “Damn, Sal, you did good!”
She beamed as he bent to peck her cheek.
“Thank you. I aim to please,” she purred.
As he started to pull away from her, she took him by surprise and grabbed him firmly between the legs, making him gasp. “Are you sure you don’t want to fool around a little bit, Spook? Because it seems to me that a part of you still wants to.”
She made him squirm and shudder, but he calmly took her hand and extracted it from his person before he embarrassed himself. “Yes, well, he and I aren’t always on the same page. He’s gotten me into too much trouble, so I’ve put him in timeout.”
Her saucer-sized blue eyes twinkled with amusement in a way that had always led to them doing things that got them in trouble.
It had been good....
“Wow, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? You sure ya don’t want me to help you relieve some of that pressure?”
He gulped hard. “I’m sure.” The slight quiver in his voice gave away just how uncomfortable he was with the whole situation.
“I’m just messing with you, Spook. Be good to your old lady. Don’t step out on her.” She took his hand and shook it with an exaggerated serious look on her face. “It was good doing business with you, Spook.”
He straightened his tie and jacket. “Thank you, Sal. I’m glad I could entertain you.” He bowed slightly, which made her smile.
As he walked back to his car, he let out a deep shuddering breath, pulled out his phone, and texted Katherine. He didn’t quite trust the integrity of his voice yet.
I just finished my last bit of business. I’m anxious to get home and celebrate. Love you!
She responded quickly:
Everything okay?
He took a deep breath and thumbed a reply:
Yes, it’s just been a long week and I miss you.
He imagined her wearing that giant floppy hat and working in the garden. The thought made his heart ache.
Her reply made him even more anxious to get back to her:
Hurry home.
***
CIA Safe House
Wrigleyville Neighborhood
Chicago, Illinois
September 1, 2008
10:00 PM
~~~
Alex’s flight had been delayed twice and then canceled, but he had managed to get the last flight out on standby. Upon finally arriving at the condo, he dragged himself and his bags through the darkened house in utter exhaustion. The sound of snoring coming from the guest bedroom made him smile.
As quietly as he could, he set down his bags in his and Katherine’s room, and began to strip out of his sweaty suit.
She sat up in bed and squinted at him. “You’re home!”
“I’m sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep.” He tossed his dirty suit in the laundry pile.
She excitedly threw off the covers and scrambled out of bed. “Not on your life.”
Her warm arms hung around his neck, and as tired as he was, he kissed her the way she wanted to be kissed. She was wearing one of his t-shirts again to bed, which awoke his senses and propelled him to gather her up into his arms and lie her down on the bed. Her hungry gaze met his, and his control started to slip. Her kiss and her hands were insistent despite the anxiety he sensed. They weren’t ready for this, but that didn’t stop her.
She slipped the t-shirt off her slim frame.
Another woman with her mind set.
He began to tremble from the sheer force of holding back. While his body was green-lighting this project, his brain flooded him with burning anxiety, which rippled through him like a wild fire. He was grateful when his phone rang not once but three times in rapid succession.
When he started to move away, she pulled him back to her. “Alex.”
He shook his head and climbed off her to get his phone, which had fallen out of his pants and onto the carpet. He had three missed calls from Chris.
No one ever calls with good news at this hour.
His heart sank and his throat went dry as he clicked his phone to call Chris back.
His friend answered on the first ring.
“Hey, Chris, is everything okay?” As he listened to his friend relay the devastating news, his heart beat like a reckoning. He couldn’t lose Doc. “Oh God! Is she okay?”
Katherine pulled her shirt back on and sat beside him on the bed.
“Do you want me to come back?” He paused. “Yeah, call me later when she gets out of surgery. Okay. Please give her my love.”
He ended the call and hot tears streamed down his face. “Doc... she um... lost the baby. She’s lost a lot of blood. The doctors don’t know if she’s going to make it,” he choked out.
He let her pull him back into the bed with her, where they laid until he stopped crying and fell asleep.
Chapter 19
Wrigleyville Neighborhood
Chicago, Illinois
September 5, 2008
Noon
~~~
Katherine and Alex walked hand in hand to the local hole-in-the-wall diner down the street from their condo. The Chicago street bustled with families and young people walking along the sidewalk to the L stop. Katherine stopped at her favorite flower cart to buy deep purple mums, which he carried for her as they walked the rest of the way to the diner.
He took time eating his breakfast and drinking the bottomless cups of coffee. With the bulk of his investigative work done, he was able to enjoy a brief reprieve, and all during brunch he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Her long auburn hair hung in loose curls that cascaded past her shoulders and down her back. The summer in Chicago had done her good. She had never looked more healthy and vibrant.
It had been good for him, too. He no longer drank or smoked to excess, and his sexual hiatus was entering into its fourth month, something he was very proud of—it was the longest he’d gone since losing his virginity at fourteen.
Alex had spent some of his first week off researching the various bed and breakfasts in a small town that boasted about its apple orchard. They could pick apples, eat donuts and drink hot apple cider—normal couple stuff. He hoped this might quell the deep-seated fear within him that she would come to her senses one day and leave him.
He no longer had his trusted confidante to talk to. Doc’s stillbirth had caused severe hemorrhaging that required an emergency hysterectomy; there would be no more babies for her. Since she’d gotten out of the hospital, she wouldn’t talk to him; his calls all went to voicemail. She had managed to shut everyone out, including Chris.
Katherine looked at him with concern as she reached across the table for his hand. “Hey.”
He shook his head to clear it of all his dark thoughts. “I’m sorry.” He returned his attention back to her. “I have a little surprise for you this weekend.”
“Oh?” Her left brow raised into a high arch.
He smiled. “Yeah, if we’re all done here we can get started. I already have a rental car packed and waiting for us.”
Her hand flew to her throat. “What?”
He raised his hands to reassure her. “I know you hate surprises, but you’ll like it—trust me.” He rose from the booth and offered her his hand.
Her shoulders relaxed and the three lines of worry, doubt, and mistrust retreated from her forehead. “Well then, let’s get going.” She took his hand.
>
***
Nancy’s B&B
Speer, Illinois
September 5, 2008
3:00 PM
~~~
After almost three hours of driving, the bed and breakfast where they would be staying came into view. Katherine fiddled with her seatbelt and stared out the passenger window. Alex had been so patient with her, but could she really trust him to wait? Was this his way of trying to take their intimacy up a notch? Over the course of the summer, they had tried several times, unsuccessfully, to make love.
Alex put the car in park and looked over at her with a look of concern.
She tried to hide her panic and insecurities behind a half-hearted smile, but he knew her well enough to see through her charade.
“Katherine....” His voice registered just above a whisper.
She looked away and tried to compose herself.
“Katherine....” His voice rose, but he didn’t try to touch her.
For that she was grateful.
“Katherine, honey, please look at me.”
She turned to face him, her hands shaking in her lap.
“You’re in control, just as always. I’m not asking or expecting anything. This is just where we’re going to stay tonight. We’re going to spend all day tomorrow at an orchard. Honey, I’m sorry. I should have just told you beforehand.”
She wiped at the tears that had begun to fall. Things needed to change; she couldn’t keep feeling like this all the time. When am I ever going to feel normal again? “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for that.” He shook his head and rubbed at the stubble on his chin.
It always surprised her how much he loved her, especially considering how little he got in return. Overwhelmed by what she saw in his eyes, she leaned forward and laid a delicate kiss on his lips. But it wasn’t enough.
For the first time in months, she wanted.
She tugged him closer and deepened the kiss, but as she was throwing caution to the wind, he held back, creating a maddening tug of war.
Alex won by breaking off the kiss and sitting back. “I love you, Katherine, and I really, really want this too, but I’m also afraid.”
