by Noelle Adams
Ryan straightened up, his back aching horribly as he did so. He was so winded he couldn’t take a full breath, and sweat was pouring down his face, into his eyes. He found a dry spot on the bottom of his T-shirt and yanked it up to mop up his face. “I thought about it.”
Noah’s green eyes—so much like Ginny’s—held his with a steely look. “She’s my sister.”
“I know she is,” Ryan said, swallowing over a painful tension in his throat. After a moment, he asked, “Is she all right? They wouldn’t let me see her last night.”
“I don’t know if she really is. She was so upset she had two drinks last night.”
Ryan almost choked as he took this in. “What? She would have been so sick.”
“She was.”
Ryan had just picked up another sack of feed, but he dropped it immediately, taking a step toward the door. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? I’ve got to—”
Noah put a hand out to stop him. “She’s better now. I talked to her this morning. She’s not feeling great, but she’s not still sick.”
“But—” Ryan cut himself off at the look in his friend’s eyes. It was quite clear if he wanted to go see Ginny, he would have to go through Noah first. The two men were the same height, but Ryan was broader through the shoulders. He could probably have taken Noah in a fight, but it certainly wasn’t a sure thing.
He didn’t want to fight with Noah, however. And that meant he had to finish this conversation.
“I’ve made more mistakes than anyone,” Noah went on, “so I’m willing to let this one slide. But if you do this to her again, we’re going to have a problem.”
“I...” Ryan had no idea what to say, so he couldn’t finish.
“I’m not some Neanderthal who acts like his sister is untouchable. She makes her own decisions about who she wants to be with. But I’m not okay with you hurting her like this.”
Ryan opened his mouth to defend himself but couldn’t get a word out.
Noah was right. Ryan had hurt Ginny. He’d known what he was doing when he did it because it was so important for him to protect himself.
“She chose you a long time ago,” Noah went on. “But if you’re not willing to choose her, you need to stay away. But if you love her—”
“I do love her,” Ryan broke in, a rasp in his voice he barely recognized. “You know I do.”
“Then what the hell is your problem?”
“I...” When Ryan couldn’t finish the sentence, he had to start again. “You know what happened between us before.”
“When you were in college? When she was nineteen? You think your future was decided when she couldn’t even legally buy a beer? Ginny is a lot like me. Can you imagine what would have happened if I’d tried to have a committed relationship when I was nineteen? It would have been an appalling train wreck. And you still think Ginny was wrong for trying to put on the brakes with you back then?”
Ryan stared at his friend’s relentless face, ignoring the sweat that was still running down his face, his neck, his back.
“I’ve grown up since I was nineteen,” Noah said in a softer voice. “Do you really believe Ginny hasn’t grown up too?”
Emotion was roiling inside Ryan so violently he felt nauseated, slightly dizzy. “But...”
“You’re just using the past as an excuse,” Noah continued. “I get it. I’ve done the same thing. But you can at least be honest enough to admit it’s just an excuse. And the only truth that matters is that you’re scared.”
Ryan swayed on his feet slightly, trying to process Noah’s words and all the emotions they evoked.
“So you’re a chicken ass,” Noah concluded. “All of us are when it comes to this kind of thing. But if I could get over it and step up, then you’ve got to be able to do it too.”
GINNY STAYED AT EMMA’S until after noon, but then she finally went back home to Nan’s house.
Nan must have known that something was wrong, but she didn’t say a word. Just fixed Ginny some chicken soup and crackers for lunch and told her she should go get a nap or she wouldn’t be in a fit state to start the week.
It was good advice, so Ginny took a long shower and then went to bed to sleep for a while.
She slept well for about an hour, and then she lay under the covers feeling bleak and exhausted but at least mostly comfortable, which was a big improvement from last night.
She wondered what Ryan was doing.
She wondered if it was possible that he’d really shouted out her name on the street last night.
She could have been dreaming. Probably had been.
A light tap on the door woke her from her light drowse, and Nan came in when Ginny replied.
“Hi, Nan,” she said with a rueful smile, making herself sit up and prop her back against the pillows. “If you’re here to quote me Bible verses about overindulgence and debauchery, I more than deserve them.”
Nan chuckled and came into the room with a fresh bottle of water. “As if I would ever use the Good Book as a weapon.”
For some reason the words struck Ginny, and her whole head seemed to tighten with emotion. “I know you wouldn’t.”
Nan shook her head. “You’re in pretty bad shape, dear, if you’re getting teary over that.”
“I am in bad shape. I’m... disappointed in myself.”
“It happens. To all of us. So the only thing to do is pick yourself up and start over again.”
“I will. I promise I will.” Ginny closed her eyes for a moment. “Maybe tomorrow.”
“I thought we’d discussed your telling Ryan the truth, but it seems like perhaps you didn’t do that.”
“I... I didn’t have the chance.”
“Things are always going to get tangled up if you keep hiding from what you know you really need to do.”
“I don’t want to hide, but it’s not as easy as it sounds—to tell a guy you’re in love with him, that you’ve always been in love with him, that you made the biggest mistake of your life when you messed up your relationship before—when you know he doesn’t love you back and he’s just trying to move on. Don’t you think... don’t you think sometimes it’s better not to say anything?”
“Sometimes it is better to hold your tongue, but I’m not convinced this is one of those times. You have all these feelings inside you, dear, and they’re getting bigger and bigger until they’re practically bursting out of you. Trying to contain them just isn’t healthy.”
Ginny almost chuckled at the word picture. “Yeah. It does kind of feel that way. I’ve never really thought about myself as an emotional person before.”
“We’re all emotional people, and emotions will catch up to you eventually. Best to deal with them so you can make good decisions that aren’t dictated by those sneaky emotions you’re trying to ignore. Noah has always been exactly the same way, trying desperately to rein in his feelings until they simple explode, leaving him a broken mess.” Nan opened her mouth again but then closed it.
Ginny gave her a fond smile. “If there’s an appropriate Bible verse that fits the occasion, you don’t have to hold yourself back.”
Nan laughed too. “I’d rather you promise me you’re going to talk to Ryan.”
“I will. I promise.”
“Good. No time like the present.”
Before Ginny knew what was happening, Nan had left the room. A minute later someone was pushed through the open door.
Ryan.
Ginny straightened in surprise and instinctively smoothed down her hair, which must be a tangled mess. Ryan was big and handsome and sexy and unshaven in jeans and a white T-shirt. He looked almost sheepish as he stood just inside the room, but his eyes were concerned as they searched her face.
Nan had closed the door, and in just a few seconds, Ginny heard something dragging across the floor in the hallway.
“What are you doing, Nan?” she called out.
“I’ve wedged a chair under the doorknob,” Nan explained through the door. “Now yo
u two are to talk things out, and neither one of you is getting out of the room until you do.”
“Nan!” Ginny cried in shock.
“You heard me, young lady. And remember. You promised. The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.”
Obviously, the last sentence was a quote from the Bible, but Ginny didn’t understand it. She was embarrassed and confused and excited and absolutely terrified as she met Ryan’s eyes.
“What did that last part even mean?” Ryan asked, looking back in confusion at the closed door.
“I have no idea.” Ginny smoothed down her hair again and wished she looked a little more attractive. It wasn’t just her hair. Her face felt flushed and blotchy, and she was wearing an oversized T-shirt that did nothing to flatter her.
“And do you think she knows that the door opens inward so that chair isn’t going to do a thing to trap us in here.”
Ginny almost choked on an unexpected surge of amusement at Ryan’s dry question. “Then I guess you can leave if you want.”
“I don’t want to leave,” Ryan said, coming closer to the bed. “I came over here to talk to you. Can I sit down?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Ginny scooted over so Ryan could sit on the bed next to her, leaning back against the headboard. He kicked off his shoes before he lifted his feet onto the mattress.
She looked at him, and he looked at her, and Ginny was suddenly overwhelmed with the flood of feeling—all of it directed just at him.
She had absolutely no idea what to say.
What she ended up saying was “Hi.”
RYAN WAS IN A KIND of exhausted daze after working for so many hours and then talking with Noah.
After they’d finished moving the bags of feed, Ryan had gone inside to take a shower and change clothes. Then he and Noah had made sandwiches for lunch. When Noah had left, Ryan had come over to Nan’s house, his heart filled with things he wanted to say.
But when he saw Ginny in the bed, looking so pale and tired and vulnerable, his words all fled, leaving him silent.
Ginny obviously felt the same way. All she said was, “Hi.”
“Hi,” Ryan said back. He wanted to touch Ginny, to take her hand, to put his arm around her, but he could hardly do that after how they’d left things before. So he clenched his hands in his lap.
“If you’re here because Noah bullied you into it, then I’d rather we not have this conversation.”
Ryan lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “He didn’t bully me into it. I went to your place last night. I was worried about you. And I’ve wanted to talk since then.”
“I’m sorry about last night. I know I should have stayed so we could do our phone number count—”
“Damn it, Ginny.,” he interrupted. “Can we please forget that stupid contest ever existed?”
“Okay.” She swallowed and lowered her eyes.
“What happened last night?” he asked.
“Didn’t Noah tell you?”
“He told me a little. But I want to hear it from you anyway.”
She sighed, clearly reluctant about admitting it. “I drank too much. Two whole drinks. I was as sick as a dog.”
He’d known that much—not from seeing it but from what Noah had said. “Why?” This part was what he didn’t truly know.
“Because I thought you left with some other girl.”
“I didn’t.”
Her eyes flew up. “You didn’t?”
“Of course I didn’t. I just had sex with you last week. You think I can even consider having sex with anyone else?”
“But you said it was just casual—just closure. You said you were moving on, so why would I think you weren’t moving on?”
Ryan sighed and relaxed against the headboard, closing his eyes for a minute. “I wanted to move on. But I’m nowhere close to being able to do it.”
“Really?”
When he looked over at her, Ginny’s green eyes were wide and slightly awed, as if she couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Really. I’ve been in love with you since I was twenty-one, and nothing about that has changed.”
Before he knew what was happening, Ginny had dissolved into tears.
She didn’t do that. She almost never did that. The fact of it was baffling and unsettling. Acting on instinct, Ryan pulled her into his arms, letting her shake and cry against him.
His heart was beating wildly but in a good way.
This was good. This was right. This was exactly as it should be between them.
Together. As one.
When she kept crying, he finally muttered, “Damn it, Ginny. You’re unnerving me. Can you at least tell me what this means?”
She lifted her head and gazed up at him with a wet smile and naked feeling in her eyes. “It means I never stopped loving you either.”
They had more to discuss. A lot more. But this felt like the most important thing.
He dragged her back into his arms, holding her in a tight hug, and felt like his heart had finally knit itself back together.
Nine
That evening, Ryan got out of the shower to find two texts from Noah and three from Carol.
I’m thinking about you tonight!
Just be honest with her and it will be okay.
Be brave!
Those were Carol’s.
You can do better than I did with Emma.
That was from Noah. Then two minutes later, he sent another one, as if he was worried he’d been too nice. Don’t be a chicken ass. And remember she’s my sister.
Ryan gave a huff of amusement as he towel-dried his hair.
Essentially, they were telling him the same thing, and he was determined to do as they’d said. He and Ginny might have told each other the most important thing that afternoon before Nan removed the chair from the door, looked in to see them on the bed together, and told him primly to please put his feet on the floor. But they still needed to talk about a lot. She was coming over for dinner tonight. They needed to figure out where they could go from here, and Ryan still wasn’t sure what that would look like or what Ginny even wanted.
You could love someone and still not be able to work out a long-term relationship. It happened all the time. It might be true of him and Ginny.
He hoped not.
He pulled on a decent shirt and a clean pair of jeans. He’d shaved before his shower, so he looked basically decent, even though his hair was still damp. He was just putting on shoes when his doorbell rang.
He went to open the door, his heart doing that silly little flip when he saw Ginny standing there, wearing leggings and a long top in a soft pink material, her hair hanging down around her shoulders. She looked almost shy as she smiled at him, and that was exactly how he felt as he let her in.
“Has everyone been texting you too?” she asked.
“Yes! Carol and Noah anyway.”
“I’ve heard from Carol, Noah, and Emma, so I’ve had it worse than you. I’m dreading what we’ll have to tell them if we can’t work things out in some way this evening.”
“I’m sure we can.” He wasn’t actually sure, so he added, “I hope.”
She seemed to understand. “Yeah,” she breathed. Then she smiled and said in a different tone, “I hope you have something good for dinner. I’m finally feeling better, and I’m starving.”
They came to an unspoken agreement to eat before they got into heavy discussion. He had steaks and fresh produce from a friend’s garden, so they cut up the vegetables and put them in the oven to roast while he grilled the steaks outside.
They talked and laughed about casual things, and it felt like things were back to normal between them. They were friends and maybe more—but nothing that would hurt either one of them.
He was having such a good time, even after they had finished eating, cleaned up, and went to sit down outside on the porch bench to watch the dogs run around, he still didn’t want to bring up the questions that were still hovering aro
und them like ghosts.
Eventually they fell into silence.
The sun was getting low in the sky. The chickens were clucking softly from their pen nearby, and the goats had come over to stand at the fence closest to the house to see if any snacks would be coming their way. When there were guests, they sometimes got an extra treat, so they were always hopeful.
When he glanced over, Ginny was watching him, but she looked away when their eyes met.
“Well,” she said with a nervous little smile.
He sighed. “Yeah.”
“It seems to me,” she murmured, just a little wobbly, “that if we both still love each other, then we should do something about it. Or else agree that it’s over for good and we’re never going to touch each other again. But either way it has to be clear, or we’re always going to be caught up in this soap opera, as Patrick calls it, and drag everyone else into it too.”
“Yes. I agree.” He took a breath. “Which one do you want to happen?”
Ginny finally turned to meet his eyes again. “I want to... I want to do something about it. I know I was the one who ended our relationship before, but that was a mistake.”
The swell of relief and excitement was so intense that Ryan couldn’t possibly hold it back. With a low groan, he took Ginny’s head in both his hands and kissed her hard and deep.
She made a helpless sound as her arms went around him, but she mumbled against his mouth, “So you want that too?”
“Of course I do. Of course I do.”
He’d always known what he wanted—since that first night when they’d gone to the movie together and realized they were perfect for each other.
He wanted only Ginny. He wanted a life with her. He wanted a marriage and family and all the traditional trappings. He wanted her forever, and there was no way to make himself stop wanting that.
For the first time since he’d bought that engagement ring that was still at the bottom of the box of Ginny mementos in his basement, he believed what he wanted might actually come true.
GINNY REALLY HADN’T known what would happen tonight.
