True Perfection [Aspire 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour)

by Allyson Young

  “Little one, are you feeling better?” Oh, his voice was so kind and so full of compassion that it hurt to hear him. How that would change when he realized what her attitude had cost Warren. Haley nodded, not trusting her voice, but she tried to ask the question with her eyes. Gordon immediately knew what she was wanted.

  “Warren is still in surgery, Haley. When you’re feeling up to it, we will head up to that floor and wait there.”

  Haley pushed up into a sitting position and closed her eyes against the dizziness. Gordon held her arms to steady her, and she relished his warmth and strength, stealing it while it lasted. She swung her legs over the edge of the gurney and let him help her stand. The nurse bustled forward and looked her in the face with warmth and concern. She obviously didn’t know that she was looking at someone who had caused someone else’s death, or she wouldn’t be so kind. Haley managed not to flinch.

  “You need to take it easy, Ms. Snider,” the nurse advised. “Take this water with you and have Mr. Sinclair get you some sweet tea and something to eat. You’ll probably be waiting for some time, and you don’t want to get into that state again.”

  Haley nodded again and managed a polite murmur. The nurse stepped back, and Gordon escorted her out of the little cubicle. They made their way down the corridor and to the elevator without incident, and Haley allowed herself the tiniest flicker of hope. Not for herself. No, she hoped that Warren would survive her and she would spend the rest of her life doing whatever it took to satisfy whoever granted her wish. The elevator doors whooshed open, and they stepped inside.

  “Haley.”

  Haley made herself look at Gordon.

  “It will work out, little one. I’ll take care of you. Please, Haley, talk to me.”

  Nothing came to mind, no words that would encompass this thing. Haley heard the pain in Gordon’s voice, but it was like she was mute. She tried to say something for his sake and finally managed it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Those two words fell like stones between them. Haley wanted to reach out and touch Gordon, seek the comfort he so obviously wanted to offer her, but she couldn’t. She didn’t deserve it, and he would look back on this and resent her even more for taking it. Both he and Warren had tried to make her see that she was theirs, that she belonged with them, to them, and they to her. They had been so patient, even Warren had been patient, and they had worked so hard at accommodating her. And she had selfishly wanted to spread her wings a little. They had known what she needed, and she hadn’t trusted them. Look where it had gotten her. Look where it gotten Warren!

  Gordon pulled her into his arms and nearly crushed her against his chest. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

  Haley didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. When Gordon thought this through, he would see the truth. The doors opened, and she pulled out of his arms to step out and head for the nurse’s station. She heard him make an exasperated sound, but he didn’t say anything further, just followed her closely.

  “Can I help you?” The ward clerk didn’t sound like she thought that she could, and Haley had a ludicrous impulse to correct the woman’s grammar. Breathe. You need to be able to hear the news when it comes.

  Haley found that she couldn’t ask about Warren, and thankfully Gordon made the inquiry. They were told to wait in the room down the hall and that someone would come as soon as there was any news. Gordon made sure she was comfortable and went to get her something to eat and drink. Haley curled up on one of the fake leather and wood chairs and began to count again. Gordon came back with a Styrofoam cup of tea and a sad-looking sandwich several thousand seconds later, and Haley was relieved she was still present and focussed. He plucked her out of her chair and sat her on his lap, and she made herself relax against him. With his usual perceptiveness, Gordon didn’t talk to her, other than to urge her to sip the tea and take a few bites of the food. She could feel the tension thrumming through him and wished she could have spared him this.

  An eternity passed, and finally a slight figure dressed in green scrubs came through the doorway. The spray of crimson on his clothing belied the calm of his Asian features. Haley couldn’t get enough air into her lungs and yet found herself standing, rigid and braced to hear the worst.

  “Ms. Snider? Mr. Sinclair? I am Dr. Wu. Mr. Chalmers is in Recovery at this moment. He will be taken to ICU shortly.”

  “He’s alive?” Haley nearly turned to look for the person who spoke those words. It hadn’t sounded like her, but Dr. Wu was nodding and stepping closer.

  “The knife nicked his liver, and that was what had us so worried for a while there. The skin and muscle damage was minor and will heal quickly, for it was a clean cut, except for the debris we found in the wound. The knife deflected off a rib and went up here, instead of here.” Haley watched as the doctor pointed to his right side and gestured to explain what had happened when Warren was stabbed.

  “What is the prognosis?” Haley was glad Gordon had asked. She had yet to process the amazing news that Warren was alive.

  “Infection is always a concern,” said Dr. Wu. “However, the liver is a remarkably resilient organ, and without complications Mr. Chalmers will likely recover quickly. He is strong and healthy as well, so the odds are very much in his favour.”

  He shook Gordon’s outstretched hand before looking more closely at Haley. “You should go home and rest. I understand you had an anxiety attack, and that could be serious, Ms. Snider. Visiting hours are posted, and your fiancée won’t be awake for some hours to come. Plenty of time for you to rest up.”

  Haley shook her head. “I’ll stay until he is out of the woods.”

  Gordon cut off the doctor’s protest. “She is quite stubborn, Dr. Wu. Haley will make her own decision, and we’ll just have to accept it.”

  Haley’s heart plunged, and the actual pain made her groan out loud, eliciting worried looks from both Gordon and the surgeon. Yes, Gordon had pegged her. Stubborn. Stubborn and selfish. She expected him to simply accept her decision, right or wrong, fair or not, with no consideration as to what it was costing him. She was pushing him to the point where he would assess the situation and put the blame where it should be placed. She forced a smiled and apologized. She wouldn’t push Gordon any further. She needed to stay until Warren woke up.

  “I’m sorry.” Those were the words she would never be able to say often enough. “I will follow Mr. Sinclair’s advice. And thank you for saving Warren, Dr. Wu.”

  The surgeon pressed her hand and nodded to Gordon before leaving. Haley sagged into a chair and leaned into Gordon’s hand when he placed it on her cheek.

  “Good news, Haley. Thank God.”

  “What should I do, Gordon?”

  After a significant pause, Gordon said, “What’s going on, Haley? This isn’t like you. You said you wanted to stay until Warren is okay, and I assumed you meant that. Are you still planning to leave? Move out?”

  Haley welcomed his harsh tone. She deserved it. “No, Gordon, I won’t leave or move out, at least not until…I just thought I should listen to your recommendations, that’s all.”

  Gordon’s hand tightened in her hair, and he lifted her head so that he could look straight into her eyes, giving her a tiny shake when she tried to shift her eyes away. “Are you still in shock, Haley? This isn’t you.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” she pleaded. “I want to do the right thing this time. Please, Gordon.”

  Gordon released her and stepped back, although he didn’t stop staring at her. “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, Haley, but we’ll have plenty of time to discuss it over the next few days. Let’s get up to ICU and work out a visiting schedule.”

  Haley was so relieved she felt light-headed. She wanted to stay near Warren until she knew he was going to be okay, but second-guessed herself. It was what she wanted. What if Warren didn’t want her there? He wouldn’t know right now, but if, no, when he woke up and saw her, well, how would he feel about her t
hen? She hid her worry and pretended. She was really good at pretending, and she was going to do all the right things until Warren told her to go away because her attitude had caused too much trouble. Trouble! Like nearly getting him killed could be labelled as trouble. And he could still die. Gordon might think of it earlier, but he would wait until Warren decided to send her packing. Good riddance.

  The ICU was clearly identified and the posted visiting hours were strict and stingy. Haley wanted to kneel on the floor beside Warren’s bed until he told her to go but had to content herself with perching on another uncomfortable chair just outside the door. She periodically walked over to stand on her tiptoes to peer through the window, trying to catch a glimpse of Warren, but was frustrated by the billowing curtains that had been hung strategically to provide some privacy to the patients. Gordon had gone home to pack her some clothes and toiletries after assuring himself that she was no longer so upset and there would be plenty of time before either of them was allowed into the ICU unit. Haley didn’t like being alone, but she absolutely wasn’t going to be any sort of a bother. She was going to be perfect.

  “Ms. Snider?”

  Haley fixed her eyes on the diminutive woman dressed in a pink tunic and matching pants, patterned with little cats. “Yes? That’s me.”

  “Warren, Mr. Chalmers is awake and would like to see you.”

  Haley could barely force her feet to obey and place themselves one in front of the other. Then suddenly she was beside him. Warren’s big body looked small, somehow, in the hospital bed, his dark hair standing out in sharp relief against the white pillow. He was hooked up to all manner of machines that beeped and flickered, and an IV pole stood guard at the head of the bed. Warren’s beautiful blue eyes were open and fixed on her. Haley inched closer and sank to her knees, closing her eyes when his hand again came up to rest on her head.

  “I’m sorry,” she breathed.

  A slight pressure on her head confirmed that he had heard her, and then it ceased. Haley opened her eyes and saw that Warren’s were closed. The nurse tapped her on the shoulder and motioned for her to stand. Haley carefully moved Warren’s hand to the bed and pressed a kiss on it. She felt the tears on her face, running hotly down to drip off her jaw. The nurse escorted her back to the waiting area and tucked some tissues into her hand. Haley numbly wiped her face and blew her nose. Warren was alive, and despite how terrible he looked, she thought he just might be okay in time. Her gut clenched and spasmed, and she hurried down the hall to the restroom. Gordon found her there nearly half an hour later, curled in a ball on the floor in front of the toilet in the closest stall to the door.

  * * * *

  Gordon was fairly overwhelmed by the turn of events. Warren was making remarkable progress by anyone’s standards and had been moved to a private room within three days. Haley had not left the hospital in all of that time period, but had shown no sign of illness since vomiting and passing out in the washroom the first day. The doctor contended that it was the combination of the sedative she had been given for shock and the additional stress, combined with the relief of seeing Warren right after surgery. Haley gave no explanation, other than quietly insisting she was fine. Instead, she had become a docile creature who drifted cautiously in and out of Warren’s room, speaking only when spoken to, anticipating any and all of Warren’s needs and doing her level best to pay strict attention to everything Gordon had to say and obey him without question. She already seemed to have lost weight despite trying to eat when he told her she needed to do so for her health.

  It was totally disconcerting, and while Warren wasn’t awake for long enough periods of time to have a discussion, Gordon felt that his friend was bewildered as well. It was like Haley had regressed back to the days when she was Warren’s submissive. Gordon tried to talk to her, tried to tease her a little and get a rise out of her. She merely smiled and nodded, agreeing with everything he said, and it was frustrating the hell out of him. He had suggested that she take a leave of absence from her job, hoping that tending to practical and mundane matters would help her become the Haley they cherished. She had nodded, immediately heading to a place in the hospital where cell phone use was allowed to call Nick Lewis. She had then told him it was taken care of, but hadn’t elaborated. Gordon found her lack of emotion unsettling.

  He received a call from Lewis later, the man wanting to make certain that their previous deal on the insurance rebate still stood. Gordon learned that Haley had been replaced, albeit with regret, and that it was unlikely the new restaurant would have a place for her either, depending upon how long she was unavailable. Lewis was apologetic, but clearly Gordon had used up all his influence with the man, and the anticipated damage to both restaurants’ reputation because of the stabbing and Haley’s involvement in the scene hadn’t endeared her to Lewis. Gordon sorely longed to plant his fist in the man’s face. Haley hadn’t told him that she had been, in effect, fired, and Gordon hadn’t been able to read anything from her. No regret, no anger, no disappointment, nothing. It was like she simply accepted it as her due.

  He then perversely suggested that they take the vacation after all, in order for Warren to have further opportunity to recover, and while he saw swiftly hidden panic in Haley’s eyes, she quietly agreed. When he asked her what was wrong, she assured him that there was absolutely nothing wrong. After all, Warren was alive and recovering. Haley told him that nothing could be wrong, considering that miracle. Gordon was struggling with the green-eyed monster and was disgusted with himself for being jealous of his friend who had just barely escaped being mortally wounded. But he had witnessed Haley’s meltdown during what had nearly been a tragedy, and had come to think that her love for Warren was so strong that he was no longer a necessary part of Haley’s life. It was killing him, and he was desperate for answers, even if it meant pushing her at this difficult time. Gordon resolved to talk with Warren first, if at all possible, because he couldn’t figure this out and he was running out of patience. His fear of losing Haley precluded careful planning. He brooded as he watched her kneel beside the hospital bed, waiting for Warren to wake and need something.

  “Good morning, or is it afternoon?” Warren’s rusty voice forced Gordon from his thoughts. Haley came up like a setter on point, and Gordon wanted to shake her. Who the hell was this woman? No one he knew, and his heart ached at the loss.

  “What do you need, Warren?” Haley’s soft, placating voice made Gordon’s teeth grind together, and he got up from the chair. Time to test her recent apparent obedience.

  “I’ll take care of things, Haley. Go and eat some lunch and then go outside and take a walk. Get some fresh air.”

  Haley looked at him, and he steeled himself against the plea in her eyes, wishing she would challenge him. When she looked to Warren, Gordon took her arm and hauled her to her feet.

  “Now, sub.”

  It broke his heart to see the woman he knew as a feisty, passionate wench duck her head and quickly leave the room. However, it also suited his purpose for the moment, and Gordon turned back to Warren.

  “What the hell is going on, Gordon?”

  Gordon poured Warren a glass of water from the carafe on the table and stuck a straw into it. Warren manipulated the controls to electrically raise the head of his bed and took the glass, emptying it in two strong pulls. Gordon refilled it and set it within reach, then pulled the chair closer to the bed.

  “I have no idea, Warren,” he said. “Well, I might have a few theories, but I’m kind of stumped. Haley is like a zombie or a windup toy. She hasn’t left your side since they allowed her into your room, and has become your total slave, whether you’re awake or not.”

  Gordon watched the myriad of emotions play across Warren’s face. Warren didn’t hide behind that aloof, arrogant persona anymore, and it was a relief. He continued with his explanation even though he felt a hit of guilt over trying to do this while Warren wasn’t up to par.

  “I could tell her to do anything, and as long as
it didn’t detract from your care or outright harm you, Haley would do it. It nearly killed her to leave the room just now, but she didn’t protest. Her job is gone, and she didn’t say a word.” Gordon put his hand up to silence Warren when his friend began to share his opinion of Nick Lewis in unflattering terms. “I even suggested we take that cursed vacation, and she agreed, despite the fact that the idea of it terrifies her. Maybe you can shed some light on this. Because I’m feeling left out in the cold here, buddy. I thought Haley cared about me, loved me, and now I don’t think she feels much of anything, although she’s clearly fucking devoted to you.”

  Warren rolled his head on the pillow. He spoke with a strength that was at odds with his appearance. “I don’t do much other than sleep and think, Gordon. I might have a clue. Haley keeps saying she’s sorry. Each and every time I open my eyes, she apologizes. What do you think she’s sorry for, Gordon?”

  Gordon fought incredulity and elation in equal parts. It was like blinders had fallen from his eyes. Haley thought she was to blame for that idiot stabbing Warren! She hadn’t fallen out of love with him. He had been too close to the situation to read her. She thought the stabbing was her fault and had decided to make amends in the best way that she knew, by subjugating her own needs. She had become expert at that way of life when she’d lived with Warren previously.

  “Gordon? I’ll be out of here by the end of the week, and we are going to have a discussion with Haley. In the meantime, I want you to take her home. I mean it. I can’t stand seeing the little ghost I wake up to. It reminds me of my past mistakes with her. Go. Come back during regular visiting hours.”

  Gordon nodded and reached into the corner to snag Haley’s overnight bag. There was nothing else of hers in the room. She carefully put everything away each time she took something from it or changed her clothes. The symbolism of it struck Gordon, and he mentioned it to Warren. “It’s like she’s prepared to leave at a moment’s notice. I don’t get it. She has devoted herself to you and obeys me, yet she’s ready to head out.”