When You're With Me

by Wendi Zwaduk

  Elmer nodded and folded his arms. “Max got spooked and Matilda followed him across the road. I need you to help me wrangle them back before the Kincaids find out.”

  Jude tried desperately to cover her giggles. Between the tough manly stance they shared and the slight scent of manure, it was all too much. The grumpy neighbours and pernickety farm animals only added to the scene.

  Jude couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. “Max and Matilda?”

  “We personalise our livestock.” Ramon raked his fingers through his dishevelled hair. “Mind going in to meet Gramma Edna? I know she’ll be dying to see you. She won’t bite hard, I promise. I’ll be in as soon as we get them back into the barn. Okay?”

  Ramon looked confident but sceptical—like he knew she’d be all right but regretted leaving her alone. Jude knew he wished he could be with her, but the need to help his family outweighed the obligation to her. She’d be fine—always was…eventually.

  Jude winked at Elmer and narrowed her eyes at Drew. “Unhook the bag and I’ll brave the storm.” She gave in to her giggles. “But you’d better tell me the truth soon.” The idea of Ramon wrestling with a cow gave her hysterics.

  Moments later, Ramon and Elmer disappeared behind the barn. Jude headed towards the house. She could do this—this was Ramon’s family. A bit early to meet his family. Did he consider their relationship something that could become deeper? Did she want an actual love relationship with him? She raked her fingers through her hair. His grandmother was probably a very nice woman. Then why was she so scared? Possibly because he’d left her alone to get acquainted, that’s why. Everything had happened too fast.

  Jude paused a moment and fought the urge to throw up. She and Ramon weren’t really involved, but there was no escaping now. Breathe…just breathe.

  When Jude got to the porch, she saw a lone, fragile-looking woman sitting on the swing. Jude shored up her courage. Frail? No sweat, I can do this. I’m scared to death, but I’ve handled violent drunks, so handling her can’t be that hard. “Hello,” she called.

  “Hello.” Gramma Alwyn patted the seat. “Sit down. I want to get to know you.”

  Edna Alwyn appeared to be about seventy years old, maybe a tad older. Despite her advanced age, she was full of spunk and animation—nothing frail about the woman. Her silver hair rustled slightly in the breeze and her brown eyes sparkled with unasked questions.

  Jude crept over, took a seat on the swing, and decided to grasp the bull by the horns. She twisted to look the woman in the eyes. “What do you want to know?”

  “I can see exactly why Drew picked you.” Edna patted Jude’s knee. “You look a lot like his mother, but not completely.”

  Jude smiled weakly and looked at the ground. “Drew doesn’t talk about his family. In fact, he’s never mentioned them. He told me his name is Ramon.”

  “Oh, that’s his middle name.” Edna stared out at the cornfield. Her thin hands knotted together as she spoke. “He’s very quiet when he wants to be.”

  “Why is he quiet? What happened?”

  Edna grinned and waved her hand. “Let me show you a couple of pictures. I think that may answer your question.” She led Jude into the cavernous farmhouse. “By the way, you can call me Gramma or Edna. I don’t care which. Ramon calls me Gramma unless he’s in trouble—then I’m ‘the grouch that hollered at him’.”

  Jude stifled a chuckle. Edna stood maybe an inch shorter than Jude, but she exuded a force, like she could put Ramon in his place with only a verbal command.

  Jude followed Edna into the sitting room. The scent of mothballs and perfume permeated the space. Photographs of Ramon’s family lined the walls. Among them were his graduation photo, a wedding photo, and one of him with two younger women that looked an awful lot like him.

  Jude studied the pictures and winced at the ones she didn’t like. Seeing other women who were no longer in his life made her wonder why they had ever walked away. She supposed the others had never seen the diamond buried in his rough exterior. Or was she missing something?

  “That’s Nat, his first wife.” Edna pointed to the wedding photo. “She was a nice thing, but too picky. She wanted Drew…I mean…Ramon to save her from a nasty situation. When he wanted her compassion in return, she turned her nose up at him. Stupid girl.”

  “What happened?” Jude dug her nails into her arms. Seeing Ramon with another woman was strangely uncomfortable, yet comforting. Without the others as dead-ends, she and Ramon might never have found each other. Still…he’d had a wife? He didn’t seem like the type to settle down. Why would a life with her be any different?

  But Ramon was the only man she couldn’t pass up. She’d enjoy the good time while she had it.

  “He’s gone a lot… You know, on the job,” Edna said. “She expected him home every night. When she didn’t get what she wanted, she walked out. Her father never liked Ramon, so immediately they got together and rushed into marriage. It was a mistake, but he had to learn somehow.”

  “Who are they?” Jude pointed to the women in the third shot. Based on their clothing, the photo appeared to be about ten years old. With less stress in his life and fewer creases on his face, the man in the photograph looked rather angelic, especially with brown hair. Somehow, Jude favoured the weathered look, but with his natural hair colour. “Are they part of his harem?” It was a lousy attempt at humour that fell flat.

  “His sisters, Chloe and Erin.”

  Jude’s eyes widened and her throat constricted. Sisters? That was definitely something she hadn’t seen coming. Her voice cracked. “He’s got sisters?”

  Edna shook her head. “He’ll never talk about them directly. He’s older by four years. Chloe’s thirty-two and Erin’s about your age, I’d guess.”

  Jude looked away to compose her thoughts. Edna had to regard her as a dunce. Either that or the woman must wonder what honest couple forgets to mention family members. Jude ran a shaky hand through her hair. “I see.”

  Edna turned to Jude. “Their father, my son, was a drunk—a nasty son of a bitch, if you ask me. He beat the tar out of those kids and Ramon took the brunt to keep the girls safe. He’s a born protector. And, to this day, neither of them has ever thanked him. They think like Natalie did. He had his use and, when it was up, they were gone too. It’s sad, but that’s life. Unforgivable really. They haven’t spoken to him in at least ten years.”

  “What about his mother?” Jude searched the wall for a family photo. No wonder he’d stayed silent. Why remember someone who chose to erase you from their life? “Where’s she? I don’t see her.”

  Jude’s stomach clenched and her palms became clammy. Hiding her growing discomfort had become a daunting task. Did she resemble a woman who wasn’t good enough for the memory wall?

  “You won’t find her up there,” Edna replied. “Carol walked out right after Erin was born. She left raising the children up to Robert—who, in turn, left it up to an eight-year-old Ramon.”

  Jude sighed and tried to clear her mind. She didn’t need to know the entire background on Ramon Decker, yet Edna seemed to want to spill every little detail.

  Jude turned to see Ramon out on the front lawn leading a brown and white mottled cow back to the barn. She pointed to the animal and tried to change the subject. “Who’s that?”

  “Matilda,” Edna replied with a giggle. “Max is all black.”

  Not far behind Matilda, Elmer led a reluctant Max back to the barn. The poor cow mooed in protest.

  “Max is stubborn, just like Ramon,” Edna said and wrapped an arm around Jude. “He’s complex, but not impossible to decipher. You’ll need to be his strength and his sensitivity. I know he loves you very much.”

  Jude turned to look at the older woman. Love? He’d never said a word about love in their whole three days together. “Oh, really? How do you know?”

  “Because he brought you here. No other girls have cut my mustard—not even Natalie. He’s particular and deeply in love.” With
that, Edna walked out of the room.

  Jude stared at the wedding photo. It seemed so stiff and fake. She wondered if there was a different story hiding just below the surface. At the same time, Jude looked around wondering where Edna had disappeared to. An edgy feeling crept up her spine. Maybe she didn’t belong here and the whole scene was nothing more than lip service.

  Before she could worry further, Edna returned with a worn piece of paper in her hand. “You see this girl?”

  Jude glanced at the picture and then at Edna Alwyn. She inspected the image. Light hair hung in curls around a beaming, much younger face that could only be Edna in her prime. A flowing skirt hugged her slim figure while the cinched gingham bodice accentuated her full bust. Sugar and spice sparkled in her eyes and brightened her mischievous smile. No wonder Ramon’s grandfather had married her—she was gorgeous.

  “That was me in my heyday with Ramon’s granddad. Alice Stockman had legs to die for, but I had Jonas. He was just like Ramon. He fought so hard to be tough, but all he ever wanted to do was protect the people and things he loved. He saved me from a charging bull when we were kids. He knocked me out in the process, but I fell in love with him anyway. The lump on the head had nothing to do with it.”

  “That’s sweet.” Jude grinned. Edna was the grandparent she’d always dreamt of.

  “Ramon saved you.”

  Jude twisted her fingers together. “Maybe.”

  The entry door banged shut. Edna opened her mouth as if to speak but never uttered a sound. Ramon rounded the corner. His boots sounded heavy on the hardwood floors.

  “Gramma? What are you telling her?”

  Jude’s wide-eyed expression melted his anger. Well, he wasn’t really angry…just frustrated. There were things Ramon had wanted to keep under wraps until he’d found the right time to explain. Like revealing his real name. He should’ve suspected Elmer and Gramma would say when he brought Jude to the farm.

  “I told her the truth.” Edna gestured to the photo wall. “We looked at pictures and talked about you. I told her that you got the chicken pox at three years old and ran around stark naked because we couldn’t keep the medicine on you any other way.”

  “You did not. Besides, I was four when I got the pox.” Ramon crossed the room and slung his arm around Jude’s shoulders. He smiled quietly and sighed slowly to mask his feelings. It felt like all the air had rushed out of his chest. “She told you everything, didn’t she?”

  Jude snuggled into his embrace. “She told me enough.”

  “Even who the neighbours are?”

  “I never said a thing about living next to celebrities. But I will.” Edna pointed out of the picture window. “Next door is that actor, Logan Malone. Behind us is Ray Russell. He’s got a band. Nice folks—quiet but nice. Cass Malone sends over proof books before they come out and brings Julian by to play. He’s a doll baby—so chubby and giggly. Logan and Ray help out when Elmer and I need a hand. I couldn’t ask for better neighbours.”

  “Well, now you know the whole story.” Ramon kissed the side of her head and stared at his family in the photographs. As much as he tried to stifle the urge, his body stiffened. Memories flooded his mind and hardened his heart. There wasn’t enough anger in the world to make up for his past, but holding Jude made bearing it easier. And she had no idea.

  Edna fluttered her hands in the air. “I have to talk to Elmer and start dinner. Feel free to show her the sights. I assume you’ll stay in your room tonight?”

  He nodded.

  “Goodnight then, for now.” With that, his grandmother scurried from the room.

  “Well?”

  Ramon swallowed hard. “Well, what, sweet girl? This is my home and she’s my grandmother.”

  Jude turned and cocked her head. “Is Ramon your middle name?”

  Ramon continued to look at the wall. “Uh-huh.” He’d rot in hell for that lie. Or would he lose Jude? He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to find out. A slow burn of anger and frustration simmered in his belly. He wanted to leave, just to walk away, and forget the drug bust. That wasn’t likely now, though. “So, what did she say, Jude? I can take it.”

  Jude squeezed his hand. “Short version—this is Nat. She’s selfish and left you.” Jude then pointed to the photo of his siblings. “These girls are your sisters—ungrateful brats, so I was told, but still family. And this is your father, the alcoholic. Your mother isn’t pictured because she’s gone.”

  Ramon swallowed hard. Jude knew Drew’s story.

  “That’s pretty much it,” he snapped.

  Jude chewed the corner of her mouth. “I’m not sure why your Gramma told me all those things, but it makes me understand you a little better.”

  The muscles in his jaw began to clench and unclench. Had he finally found the woman who could help him move forward? He’d wanted her to know the truth, just not like this.

  “I want to show you around.” Ramon wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. “You ever watched the sunset behind a pond?”

  Jude pulled the jacket tighter around her body as they walked outside behind the house. “I’d like to.”

  She was so damn beautiful he could hardly stand it. He couldn’t tell if she was cold or scared.

  He longed to reach in and know what she thought. He felt her bristle slightly when they reached the grey wooden bench next to the pond. He wanted her to feel many things for him, but fear wasn’t on his list. Far from it. Why was she scared? What wasn’t she telling him? He’d give his life to keep her safe.

  “Talk to me, sweet girl.” He sat down and propped his arms over the back of the bench, giving her freedom to move. “Tell me what’s on your mind.” His feet shuffled silently on the tufts of bottle-green grass. Ramon didn’t know how he could expect her to open up about the goings on at the club. He just wanted to help. It wasn’t the cop speaking. He was starting to care even more than he could begin to comprehend.

  Her eyes met his. She had cool, consuming blue eyes that reminded him of serene pools. He wanted to tell her everything—his name, his occupation, his fear of snakes…

  His desire to stretch her over the seat of his Harley and fuck her until she screamed his name three times over…

  Jude chewed her bottom lip and picked at the cuff of his jacket. Her nails scarred the butter-soft surface. “Do you think I’m a prostitute because of where I work?” Her voice was small and choked. Her hands shook. “I know the rumours and I know what the other girls do. Tell me the truth.”

  Ramon felt like she’d stabbed him in the heart. She’d cut him right to the bone with her blunt question. The orange glow of the setting sun silhouetted her body.

  “I know you want sex.” She swayed back and forth, twisting her fingers. “I want to know how you feel and what you’re planning to do. I don’t see why you’re trying to make me feel like I belong. I’m nobody.”

  “We’re here for you to rest.” He patted his thigh with his right hand and held his left hand open. “I wanted to see you because I like you. I never expected anything else. If we have a relationship, then wonderful—if not, no problem. I refuse to push you into doing anything you’re unsure of. And no, you’re not a nobody.”

  No problem? No pushing? Leaving Jude alone would be a huge problem. One taste just wasn’t enough. To win her trust—and, ultimately, her heart—Ramon would wait forever. “Why don’t we talk? Just talk…about whatever’s on your mind.”

  Worry etched Jude’s beautiful face, but he could see her body relax a bit more. Was she considering his suggestion or devising a plan to escape? “Promise?”

  Ramon nodded “Cross my heart.”

  Jude dropped onto the bench next to him. Her arms stayed tight against her body while her eyes scoped out the scene, never totally allowing herself a chance to breathe. “What do you want to know?”

  Ramon propped one foot on his knee and toyed with his jeans cuff. “Why are you afraid of Tiny?”

  “Because he’s not afraid to hurt people fo
r sport. Slade wasn’t like the other guys. I think he was a cop. He carried himself differently, with more…stature. He cared about the girls and made a point to talk to all of us. When Tiny found out about him and Astra, he had a meltdown. We never saw Astra or Slade after that. I never heard what happened, other than they ran off to Vegas together. But… I doubt it.” She stared at the glittering water. Ripples shimmered light across her face. “I know—you probably think I should have a better job. I’ve heard the argument before.”

  Ramon dropped his chin to his chest. More confirmation concerning Randy. Fuck. “I haven’t heard your rationale. Tell me.”

  She chuckled. “I’m not the prettiest girl there. Goldie gets that award. I’m not the most coordinated either. That’s all Andie. So, for me, it all boils down to studio time.”

  He hooked his fingers under her chin and closed the gap between them. “Look at me, sweet girl…please? Studio time for what?”

  Her gaze vacillated between his eyes and his lips. “I’m studying to be an artist. I have about two months to go and I’ll have my degree in studio art—unless I have to miss a lot of classes. Finding the time some weeks, when Tiny’s being an asshole, is tough and I hate it.” She worried her bottom lip. “The best time to get into the studio is the early morning. No one’s around. Most students wait until late at night. I work the opposite so I can have time to myself, usually.”

  Ramon slid his hand along her jaw, rubbing his thumb over the bone. “You could do more…” She looked away. He inched closer to her, cupping the back of her head. “But you’re doing what you need to in order to survive. No one can take that away from you.”

  Her lips parted and her eyes widened. Ramon leant forward, not about to miss the opportunity. He swallowed her whimper. She wound her arms around his neck. He twined his fingers in her hair, savouring the silky texture.

  Jude groaned. She straddled his lap and snuggled closer to him. “You love to surprise me, don’t you?”

  “Among other things.” Ramon wrapped his arm around her waist. Blood pounded in his ears and surged to his groin. This woman would be the death of him and he welcomed the challenge. He wanted to taste her, drown in her. He needed to re-learn every inch of her.