Standing Outside the Fire

by Jillian Neal

  “She has wanted grandbabies for a long time now.” Charlie was genuinely thrilled for Ford and Callie, but every single time she saw a newborn, a twist of unwelcome jealousy turned in her stomach.

  The unspoken question of whether or not the two of them would ever eventually have children hung between them, and she swore if he proposed to her right then and there in his truck in the middle of Kansas she would’ve said yes. That was thoughtless and stupid. They still had dating to do, and things to work out, and…well, she was sure there were other things. All those things she’d never done with Ed, she wanted to do with Jamie. If they were going to make this work, she wanted to build a strong foundation and all that other stuff her father talked about in the premarital counseling he did with newly engaged couples, the ones she’d brushed off with Ed.

  “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Jamie took a sip of the tea he’d gotten at the drive-through where they’d gotten burgers.

  “Just how much has changed in the last few days.”

  “Things have changed for me too, babe, so if you wanna talk about it I do seem like the ideal candidate for that.” He winked at her.

  They talked for hours, just like they always had. Jamie finally said, “I don’t feel like we got to finish our talk last night before Wes called. I want to always be in the business of making your wishes come true.”

  “So, you want to be my genie in a bottle?”

  “Hey, if you rub it the right way, good things happen is all I’m saying.”

  Charlie dissolved into giggles, but eventually they were back to her having to verbalize things she wasn’t sure she could. “I like everything you said you wanted to do to me last night. Couldn’t we start there?”

  “Yeah, but I was looking for specifics.”

  She owed him that much. Actually, she owed him everything. “I think maybe that people have always been so careful with me. They see my scars and know my story and they’re afraid to touch me, like I’ll break or something. Do you know one of the best parts of us skipping class on my first day at school?”

  Jamie smirked. “Other than you getting to spend it with me?”

  “You’re hilarious.”

  “I am aware.”

  She rolled her eyes. “It was that we had to run fast to get away before any teachers saw us. I loved that I got to run. My dad always freaked out if I got winded at all after the fire. I know why, but I always felt like a flower in a vase.”

  “Interesting analogy.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “I get it, baby. You were cut and shoved into a glass cage to be admired but not to really live.”

  “Exactly, and that’s what Ed wanted from me too. I want to not be afraid, but I also really want people to stop being afraid for me on my behalf. I want you to be rough with me. I liked when you…you know, popped me on the butt that time. It took me a little while to understand that you might be okay with that. You’re so protective of me, but not in a smothering way. It…was an unexpected juxtaposition, I guess.”

  “If you like it rough, and I already know you do, then part of my job in taking care of you is to fulfill those fantasies. Don’t seem like a juxtaposition to me. Seems like it falls right in line.”

  “That’s usually what I think about when I’m alone. You…using me.” There. She’d said it. Maybe not the specifics he’d likely wanted, but it was a start.

  Jamie adjusted the seat belt strung across his lap. “Gonna have to unsnap my jeans here in a minute.”

  “I could take care of that for you,” she offered.

  “I’ve worked way too many wrecks to ever do that while I’m driving, but you can be damn sure that’s what I’ll fantasize about next time I jack off, which I’m hoping ain’t for a long while.”

  “Why?”

  He chuckled at her. “Because, honey, I plan to have you in my bed day and night.”

  Before Charlie could respond to that, her cell phone rang. She’d called Becca to tell her why they were coming home early but hadn’t alerted anyone else to the news. She glanced at the screen. “It’s work.” She answered on the third ring and tried to plan out what to say to get her job back. But before she could launch into her spiel, the new director cut her off.

  “Hi, Ms. Tilson, we have a bit of a problem that we’re hoping you could help us with.”

  “Sure. What’s going on?”

  “Trisha can’t seem to find your laptop with your patient files on it. We were under the impression you were leaving it in your office, but it doesn’t seem to be there.”

  Trisha was the other OT at Pecan Crescent, and a good friend of Charlie’s. “I did leave it in my office. It was on my desk, still plugged in and everything. It should be on the facility’s mainline. All of my patient files are there with the Pecan Crescent passwords.”

  “Trisha insisted that you wouldn’t have left us in a lurch. She says you’ve always been professional, but the laptop isn’t there.”

  “Is it possible that someone else needed to use it?”

  “I have no idea. I’m still trying to get my new office sorted.”

  Charlie knew the timing was bad, but she wanted her job back badly enough to plow on through. “Um, Ms. Billingham, since we are talking about me always being professional, I would really like to speak to you about perhaps getting my job back.” The line went silent for too long. “I could come in tomorrow, maybe, and help you find my laptop. It has to be there somewhere.”

  “I’m going to need to give that some thought. I’m not certain it’s such a good idea.”

  “Oh,” Charlie hadn’t known what the reaction would be, but she hadn’t expected an automatic no. “Well, if you change your mind…”

  “To be frank, I wasn’t very impressed with your irresponsible, downright senseless decision or the way you’ve treated Chaplain Weaver. He’s been so helpful to me since I started here.”

  Charlie’s mouth dropped open, but she couldn’t produce any words for several seconds. “Irresponsible?” finally spluttered from her.

  “And cruelly embarrassing if I’m being honest. Ed was devastated.”

  Never, in her entire life had she ever been accused of being any of those things. She’d worked for Pecan Crescent for over a decade. Ed had only worked there for two years, and he was starting a new job in a week. How was this happening? “My reasons for doing what I did are personal, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have them or that they are senseless.”

  “Yes, well, that isn’t what it looks like from my desk.”

  Those words turned directly into flint on steel. Charlie’s temper flared, “And just what does it look like?”

  Jamie patted her thigh as if that would help her simmer down. It did not produce the desired effect.

  “I don’t have to answer that,” the director countered.

  “But you will.” She’d only been there two weeks, and had rejected help at every stage, but Ms. Billingham always liked to have the final word. Charlie was likely digging her own grave, but she no longer cared.

  “Fine. I will then. It looks to me like you left a good Godly man for the frivolous pursuit of becoming another woman in the lengthy list of Holder conquests. Have a nice evening, Ms. Tilson. I’m sure we’ll be able to find the laptop without your aid.”

  She ended the call and Charlie considered tossing her phone out the truck window yet again.

  “What’d she say?” Jamie finally asked. “When you go silent, I know you’re pissed.”

  “Basically, that I can’t have my job back because they like Ed better than me even though I’ve worked there way, way longer and he barely shows up for his own Sunday services.”

  “Damn.”

  “Oh, and my laptop is missing or something. Ms. Billingham couldn’t find her butt cheeks with a mirror so it’s probably still sitting on my desk.”

  Jamie was chuckling at her analogy. “You are so fucking cute when you’re mad at someone who’s not me. Trust me,
honey, men will always show you their true colors. Sounds to me like he’s been showing them at work for a while, but people gotta sit back and pay attention. Once they do that, they’re likely to be begging you to come back.”

  “Maybe, but his last day was Friday, just like mine. So, neither of us have been there. Plus, he hasn’t really done anything wrong. I just didn’t want to marry him, which technically isn’t his fault. Meanwhile, I’m out of a job. I can apply other places, but I’d need a recommendation from Ms. Billingham and I’m not going to be able to get that.”

  “They ought to take recommendations from your patients, not your boss. They love you.”

  That wasn’t a terrible idea. Maybe she could make that work. “I do miss them. I want to go visit them even if I can’t get my job back. Mrs. Garcia especially.”

  “You know, there’s a decent chance that they’ll let the wedding thing blow over in a week or two. Let them get to needing you, then they’ll be calling.”

  “I can’t go on too long without work. I’m going to have to renew my lease that I was going to let go.”

  Jamie glanced her way as he took the exit that would lead them home. “Move in with me.”

  “What? You cannot be serious.”

  “I’m dead serious. Let the lease on your house go. Move into mine.”

  “We’ve been dating for two days.”

  “Yeah, and best friends for two decades. Even if you decide you hate me, you can stay there until you find somewhere else.”

  “I would never hate you.”

  “Then why not?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

  By the time they were pulling into the hospital parking lot, Charlie still wasn’t sure what the right decision was. She decided to think on it later, so they could be there to celebrate with Jamie’s family when the baby finally came. According to Wes, Callie was progressing slowly, and Ford was fit to be tied that she was hurting.

  But the whispering began as soon as they passed the admission desk heading to the maternity floor. All of the Holders were highly recognizable in Odell. Everyone in a hundred-mile radius of Holder County knew Ford was going to be having a son soon. They’d been waiting on the birth of this child ever since the oldest kids had graduated from high school. To the citizens of Holder County, it meant Holder Ranch would live on another hundred years or more and would remain under Holder family control. The entire community’s economy would remain healthy. All of the hospital staff knew Charlie’s father because he visited patients up there all the time. They knew her by proxy and, based on the number of hushed whispers as they walked by, they all had an opinion on her life.

  Great.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Jamie tried to keep an eye on Charlie’s expression as they got on the elevator. Just like always, gossip about the Holders moved faster than two nekkid teenagers who just got caught.

  When a couple in their thirties both leaned into one another and started whispering, Jamie cleared his throat rather loudly and shot them a glare. They hushed up, but he knew that wouldn’t be a permanent solution. Dammit. He’d been hoping to ease Charlie into the churn of the rumor mill that ran constantly about his family instead of tossing her in headfirst right off the bat.

  They exited on the third floor and headed toward the familiar sounds of his family.

  “I feel bad for the baby,” Charlie whispered.

  Of all the things he thought she might say, that sure as hell wasn’t one of them. “Why’s that?”

  “It’s a lot of pressure on his little shoulders. He’s not even here yet and people are expecting him like a royal birth or something.”

  Jamie debated. Did she think people were whispering and giving them odd looks because of Ford’s kid? Surely not. “I don’t…think people are talking about the baby yet.”

  “I know. It just occurred to me that it’s a big deal to be born a Holder here. I’m trying not to care what they’re saying about us. They’ll get over it. Believe me, I have plenty of experience with people talking about me wherever I go. That was my whole life after the fire.”

  Jamie tucked her closer to him and guided her into the waiting room that was packed with his family. They received a hearty welcome from the entire Holder clan.

  His mother beat a path to them before everyone else. “I didn’t expect y’all back so soon.” She gathered them into a three-person hug and squeezed so hard Jamie was mildly concerned she was cutting off Charlie’s air supply. When she finally released them, she took Charlie’s hands. “Now, I have to tell you, I’d almost lost hope when I got your wedding invitation, and I am so thankful that you two have finally come to your senses. I know it’ll be you two I’m up here waiting on grandbabies from soon.”

  “No pressure though, right, Mama?” Jamie shook his head at her. Charlie had folded her lips under her teeth to keep from laughing. He got several handshakes and slaps on the back from his cousins. His daddy and his Uncle Gentry were seated in a back corner and both smiling at him, so Jamie joined them. He pulled Charlie down in his lap to save his cousins from offering up their seats since there were no others available.

  She seemed uncomfortable at first but relaxed a minute later and grinned up at him. Barrett chuckled. “I see you might’ve gotten a few things figured out since we last talked, son.”

  “Yeah, but we’re still taking it a little at a time despite Mama wanting us to make good use of an empty gurney and then head on down to the justice of the peace right now.”

  His dad and uncle both laughed.

  Charlie shook her head at him, but her smile had widened. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

  “I was just saying for efficiency since we’re already here with the gurneys.”

  “Don’t ever be efficient in that area, son,” Uncle Gentry said. “Always take your time.”

  “Amen,” Barrett agreed.

  “Is Ford still trying to strangle the doctor?” Jamie quizzed.

  “Your brother, just like all of my boys, got a hearty dose of overprotectiveness from me. I’ve tried to simmer him down every time I’ve been in there, but only Callie has succeeded. I hope that kid makes an appearance soon. She finally agreed to the epidural, so he’s been better since that went in.”

  “They give it to him or to her?” Jamie laughed.

  “For a minute, I thought we might have to give it to both of them,” Uncle Gentry agreed.

  As the night wore on, Charlie eventually fell asleep curled up in Jamie’s lap which suited him just fine. Most of the Holders who hadn’t headed back to the ranch for morning chores were dozing in chairs.

  “What did you do to make this a reality?” Gentry softly asked as he gestured to Charlie.

  Jamie grinned down at her and whispered. “I finally said a lot of things I should’ve said a long time ago. And then I shut my mouth and listened. I decided to quit the fire department too. I think that helped.”

  Gentry shifted in his seat. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “If I have to choose, I choose her. I’ll choose her every time.”

  “I understand that, kiddo. Did she ask you to quit?”

  “No,” Jamie shook his head. “She just explained what it was costing her when I’m at work and it’s too much. I can’t expect someone who went through what she went through to ever be okay with my job.”

  Gentry had his Stetson balanced on his bent knee. He placed it in his lap and thumbed the rim. “I hear you. Only problem is that taking a man who loves his job the way you love firefighting out of his profession often works about as well as pulling skin from bone. It’s a part of you.”

  “I’ll figure it out.”

  “Seems to me you might be selling your horse to buy a saddle. That ain’t ever gonna work itself out.”

  “I’ll work the ranch. It’s what everyone’s always wanted me to do anyway.”

  “You haven’t ever loved ranching the way you love fighting fires. You know it a
nd I know it. The thing about quitting something you love for her is that resentment don’t usually come on all at once. It sneaks its way in real slowly over time. Sometimes you can stop it and sometimes it’s taken over before you even realized you opened the door for it. It’s mighty hard to get it out once it’s in too. Think on it a little before you go talking to the chief.”

  Before Jamie could agree, a weary Ford appeared in the waiting room. He was beaming. “Eight pounds, six ounces. Poor kid looks just like me.”

  Soon everyone was up and congratulating the happy, sleepy couple and taking turns holding Ezra James Holder. Jamie had no idea he was going to be the kid’s namesake, but he was thankful he hadn’t missed his arrival.

  When the little guy began to wail to be fed again, Charlie and Jamie headed back to the ranch.

  “He’s so tiny and adorable,” Charlie gushed.

  “He does look like Ford. Doesn’t even seem like Callie had a hand in it.”

  “Your mom is over the moon.”

  “Yeah, listen, I’m sorry about her. She gets ahead of herself.”

  Grinning at that as she stared up at the star-strewn night, she squeezed his hand. “I definitely wouldn’t mind having your babies. I just want to make sure we do all the right things so nothing goes wrong.”

  Exhaustion made the miles between the hospital and the ranch feel endless, but Jamie roused at that wish. “I’m not sure that’s how life works, angel. There will always be some good and some bad. As long as we face it all together, that’s all I think we can ask for.”

  “I know. I just want to feel totally prepared. I want to take it slowly like you told your dad.”

  “I’m fine with slow as long as we keep moving.”

  “I’m exhausted but I’m ready to finally start doing things that are right instead of only doing the things that don’t scare me. Maybe if it doesn’t scare you a little it’s not worth going after.”

  “Sounds about right to me.” They pulled under his carport, grabbed their makeshift luggage, and headed inside. “I’m beat, but I’m never too tired to make you moan out my name.”