by Jess Bryant
“What’s Nick up to that has you in such an agitated state now?” Holly leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms expectantly.
“He showed up at Sullivan’s last night when I was out with the other girls.”
“I heard.”
Kady sniffed, “Of course you did. Shane was with him.”
“Shane didn’t say a word to me about you and Nick. We have an agreement that we don’t talk about things that might cause a fight. It’s one of the reasons we’ve managed to stay such good friends since the divorce. You and Nick? You’re definitely something we would fight about.”
“What? Really?”
“Of course. You’re one of my best friends Kady and what Nick did to you…. All it would take is one word from Shane trying to rationalize Nick’s actions and I’d be all over him like white on rice.”
“Thanks.”
“I thought it went unspoken that I was on your side but now that it’s been said maybe I should also tell you that after I talked to him for you the other day, my opinion of him changed.”
“What?” Kady furrowed her brow.
“I believe him.”
“You believe him?” Kady found herself repeating the words in shock.
Throughout the years, other than Connor, Holly had been her most staunch defender and supporter. She had never once wavered in her conviction that Nick was an idiot, an asshole and a bastard for all but leaving her at the altar. She’d been there as Kady had to cancel wedding plans. She’d held her hair when she went out drinking to forget and only ended up feeling worse. Holly had cursed Nick with her every breath but now she was sitting here, next to Kady, telling her that she believed him?
“I do.”
“You believe what?” Kady demanded.
“I believe he’s serious about getting you back.” Holly offered her a sad smile, “I believe him when he says that nearly dying made him rethink his life choices and that he knows he made a horrible mistake leaving here and leaving you. I believe that he’s trying to make it right. And I believe that he still loves you.”
Kady bit her lip because a flash of tears nearly overtook her. Hearing Holly say those words hit her harder than she’d expected. She’d always counted on Holly to have her back, to tell her the truth. If Holly truly believed that Nick was serious, that he was back now with his heart in his hands because he’d nearly died and he’d realized that he didn’t want to live another day without her, how could she continue to ignore him?
The defenses around her heart were already weakening to him. That much had been obvious last night when she’d let him dance with her. She’d let him take her into his arms and her body had felt more relaxed and at peace in those few minutes than she had in years. Being in Nick’s arms felt like coming home but she’d refused to give in to the emotion because she was still hurting and still too upset by his sudden reappearance in her life. But she’d let him in just a crack when she’d told him that she would see him today for lunch.
She’d agreed to have lunch with him. It had seemed like the only way to get away from him at the time. She’d thought that if she gave him this one, little thing that he would leave her alone but she hadn’t gotten even as far as the parking lot before she’d realized her mistake. She’d promised to have lunch with him when she already knew that spending more time with him would only make her want him more. At the time she’d called herself every nasty name in the book. She’d told herself that she was a masochist, just begging to get hurt again. But now, with Holly’s words ringing in her ears, she wondered if some small part of her had wanted to believe him too.
Of course, she had.
She wanted to believe that Nick still loved her. She wanted to believe in the big romantic gesture he was making. She wanted to believe that his biggest regret as he’d lay dying was that he’d left her. But she was scared to believe. She’d been hurt before. He’d hurt her before and she’d been very careful not to open herself up to anyone else since. She’d dated occasionally. She’d even had a lover or two. But her heart had never been in it. She’d told herself that was because her heart was solid stone, frozen over and with battle armaments keeping it safe but when the elevator doors open and she glanced up to see Nick step out of them, she knew the truth.
Her heart had never been involved because her heart belonged to one man and only one man. He’d broken it. He’d shattered her to pieces. But he was here and he was trying to put her back together. She swallowed hard. Maybe, if she was ever going to be happy again, she had to let him try.
He looked so handsome, as if not a day had passed even if it felt like an eternity. His hair was slightly disheveled. He had stubble on his jaw. He looked tired, but the moment he saw her his eyes lit up and that same smile she’d fallen in love with when she was a little girl made butterflies in her belly take flight all over again.
“Give him a chance.” Holly whispered and when Kady glanced at her, her friend gave her a reassuring smile, “It’s just lunch.”
“It’s just lunch.” She muttered more to herself than anyone else as Nick sauntered over and she steeled her spine for the onslaught of feelings she couldn’t deny he made her feel.
“Good afternoon ladies.” Nick drawled as he leaned one elbow on the tall part of the desk and held up two brown bags that smelled delicious, “I come bearing gifts.”
“Hey.” Kady managed and his grin softened.
“Hey. You got time for lunch?”
“I… uh…”
“Yes.” Holly answered for her. “She does.” When Kady spun to give her a glare her friend all but shoved her to get her moving, “Go take your lunch break. I’ll cover the desk until you get back.”
“Are you sure? I could…”
“Go.” Holly shooed her. “Enjoy your lunch.”
“Thanks Hol.” Nick grinned and held out the smaller of the two bags of food, “I brought lunch for you too.”
Holly gaped but quickly grabbed for the bag, “You didn’t have to do that!”
“I know. I wanted to.”
“Thank you.”
Kady felt her stomach do that fluttering thing again, “That was nice of you. Oh, Holly. Why don’t you join us for lunch?”
Holly scoffed, “Nice try but no. Not in the mood to be a third wheel. Besides, Brad and I have been trying this new keto diet thing and I’m about to go off the rails on this cheeseburger. Nobody should be forced to see that.”
Nick laughed. Kady rolled her eyes. She’d known asking Holly to join them had been a longshot but she’d thought a referee might be a good idea. Now her last hope was gone and it was just her and Nick, sharing a meal, acting as if everything was good and right in the world and not as if they had become this weird, awkward, unnatural pairing that didn’t know how to deal with each other.
“Ok. See you in a bit.” Kady sighed and waved as he headed down the hallway.
“Where are we headed?” Nick fell into step beside her, his long strides eating up the floor beneath him.
“The critical care unit waiting room is just down here and since we almost never have anyone in critical care it’s always empty. Some of us sneak off and eat down here because the chairs are more comfortable than the ones in the breakroom.”
Nick raised an eyebrow, “In the entire hospital, nobody is in critical care?”
“Nope.” She pushed a door open and held it as he followed her inside, “We don’t get a lot of big emergency cases and when we do more often than not, they get a medi-flight over to Amarillo.”
“Small towns.” Nick shook his head with a smirk and she felt her hackles rise.
“Yep. Small town. Nothing exciting ever happens here. Isn’t that what you said before you left for the big city?”
Nick whipped to face her, his smile falling, “Kady…”
“Never mind. Forget it.” She waved off what she knew was going to be another apology. “We can sit here.”
As she’d imagined the waiting room was empty so she walked o
ver to the sitting area with the oversized leather sofas and chairs. She didn’t want to give Nick a chance to sit too close so she bypassed the sofa and took one of the chairs. She expected him to take the chair beside her but he surprised her when he pulled one of the end tables over in front of her and then sat opposite on the sofa by himself. It put them face to face, another thing she’d been hoping to avoid. She refused to look at him as she took the bag of food and quickly sorted out their burgers and fries.
“Kady?”
“Hmm?”
“Kady.” He said her name again and then sighed, “Kady will you look at me please?”
She glanced up and his face was soft and remorseful again. He looked hurt but dammit, he wasn’t the one that got to be hurt. He’d broken her heart. All she’d done was throw his words back at him. It was something the old Kady never would have done though and she felt childish and immature for doing it now. She chewed the inside of her cheek and then lowered her eyes back to the food, suddenly feeling a lot less hungry than she had been before she saw that look on his face.
“I’m sorry, Kady.” Nick’s voice was barely above a whisper, “I know I have a lot to make up for. I have to prove myself to you and I will. I’ll prove myself to you again and again every day for the rest of our lives if you’ll give me the chance. But please, baby, please just give me a chance.”
Kady swallowed past the lump in her throat. Baby. He’d called her baby. She’d always loved it when he did that. It made her feel small, and special and cherished. But even that felt different now.
“I am giving you a chance. I’m here, aren’t I?”
“You’re here but…”
“But what?” She prompted when he trailed off.
“But I feel like you’re just looking for a reason to push me away again.”
“I’m not.” She denied automatically.
“Are you sure?” He looked doubtful, as if he didn’t believe her, and really, why should he? She wasn’t sure she believed herself. She was a mess. She wanted him and she hated him and she loved him and her heart yearned to forgive him even as every voice of reason in her head told her that she was only setting herself up to be hurt again. She didn’t know which part of her would win. She didn’t even know which part of her she wanted to win.
“Let’s just… let’s just eat lunch.” She tried for a smile but wasn’t sure even that was believable when Nick frowned.
“And talk. We need to talk too, Kady.”
“Not right now.” She shook her head, “Not about… us. We can talk about other stuff but I’m not ready to go there with you. Not yet. So you can talk about work or your parents or sports scores or the weather or you can eat in silence. That’s the best I can do right now, Nick.”
He stared at her for a long moment and she tried to tell him without words what she needed. She needed for them to find their footing again. They had to talk about the past, eventually, but when they did, she needed to have the present to balance out all the hurt. She needed them to start making new memories, even if it was something as simple as having lunch in a mostly forgotten room of a hospital and talking about the weather. She needed them to be friends. Just like she’d told him the night before. They’d always been the best of friends. Their romance had sparked out of that friendship and if it was going to spark again, if she was going to allow it to burn her up, she had to know that she was in it with her best friend and that, unlike last time, he wouldn’t leave her to burn to ash alone.
“Okay.” Nick nodded eventually.
“Okay.” She breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” She couldn’t help the grin that spread over her face when he said it again.
“Okay.” He grinned right back and her heart soared.
It felt like a million years ago that he’d caught her curled up on their couch, bawling her eyes out over that John Green book about the sick kids who fell in love. She remembered he’d gotten her tissues and wiped at her cheeks and then he’d hefted her up into his lap and told her that it was just a story, a silly story for teenagers. When she’d argued that it was so much more than that, he’d picked the book up and started reading it aloud to her. By the end, Nick had been just as choked up as she’d been and for weeks after they’d swapped “Okay” back and forth like a private joke.
She was awed that he even remembered such an uneventful day but it warmed her heart and she knew that giving him a chance was the right thing to do. They’d shared so much. All the joys and good days but also all of the hurt and bad days too. And then they hadn’t and she’d tried to forget because she’d had to bear the hurt all alone. But she hadn’t forgotten, and neither had Nick. Their memories were forever intertwined and if she let herself fall for him again, she could almost believe their futures were too.
“Okay.” She smiled and took that first leap of faith, praying he’d be there to catch her.
7
Nick ignored the glare that Connor shot him as he picked up his take-out order from the counter of the diner. They’d been partners for nearly a month now and he’d yet to garner anything but disdain from the younger man. Even though he was older, even though he had more experience, he’d tried to be patient and play along. He’d tried to give Connor the time and the space to come to the conclusion on his own that Nick was here to stay and he might as well accept him, but damn it was getting hard not to knock the asshole upside the head whenever he sneered at him like that.
“You’re not really going over there again, are you?”
“Yep.” He tossed some cash to the waitress and pocketed his wallet.
“You’re not going to win her over. You might as well give up.”
“You’re one to talk. So should you. You’re not winning this argument, Shaw.”
“You’re not getting my sister back, Sloan.” Connor shot back.
“We’ll see about that.” He smiled just because he’d figured out nothing pissed Connor off more and then glanced at his watch, “I’ll meet you back here in thirty. Enjoy your lunch.”
“Enjoy getting rejected for the twenty-third day in a row.”
Nick ground his teeth together and refused to acknowledge the barb. He pushed out of the diner with the food bags in his hands and headed towards the hospital just as he’d been doing for the past three plus weeks. Kady refused to go out with him or see him but she couldn’t kick him out of the public hospital so he’d taken to calling on her at work.
At first, she’d ignored him. She’d had her friends intercept him and send him away. But he’d kept coming back and she’d eventually relented. She’d been eating with him for the last week, talking to him even, and he thought that maybe, just maybe he was wearing her down.
Not exactly the most romantic thought but he’d take what she would give him.
So far, that had been nothing but grief. She refused to talk to him about anything of importance. She’d kept their lunch conversations to small talk, purposefully ignoring the elephant in the room.
Clearly, she was still hurt. Maybe he was a bastard for taking that as a good sign too but he did. If she was still hurt then she hadn’t managed to shut him out completely. If she’d agreed to see him, even for just a handful of minutes a day, it meant there was still an opening. If he could just get her to talk to him, really talk to him, he might have a chance of getting the woman he loved back in his life and in his arms where she belonged.
Nick rode the elevator to the third floor where he knew Kady would be working and when the elevators opened, he smiled his first genuine grin of the day. She wasn’t working. She was leaning against the nurse’s counter and her gaze met his as soon as he stepped off the elevator. She was waiting for him.
His heart double-tapped in his chest.
God she was beautiful. Even more beautiful than she’d been when he’d left. Her long blonde hair was tied up in a tight ponytail like it always was at work but he’d spent many a night the last few weeks imagining pu
lling that tie from it and running his fingers through the golden waves. Her blue-green eyes sparkled and her full pink lips tipped up just a little at one corner, as if she wanted to smile at him but was forcing herself not to. He’d earn a smile before he left today. He promised himself that would be enough even if just looking at her made him want so much more.
She’d always been tall which he’d loved. She’d fit against him just right. Curves in all the right places. Those legs of hers in shorts were a walking fantasy and naked, wrapped around his waist… Jesus, the memory alone made him hard.
She was wearing light pink scrubs today. The boxy material did nothing to hide her body though. She looked young and beautiful and like his, because she was all of those things.
She’d always been his. From the moment he’d kissed her when they were nothing more than kids, he’d known that she was his. He just had to remind her.
“Hey gorgeous.” He strolled towards her with the bags of food, “Brought you your favorite.”
“Bacon cheeseburger with extra cheesy fries?” Her eyes lit up and he laughed.
“You know that shit is bad for you, right? You’re a nurse. You’re supposed to be more health conscious.”
“I am health conscious. I eat fruit for breakfast. I work out. And occasionally I indulge in really delicious fried foods smothered in cheese.” She grabbed the bag from him with a shrug and opened it immediately, “Oh God, that smells delicious.”
“You smell delicious.” He leaned in close, boxing her in against the desk, needing closer to her, “Like strawberries and vanilla.”
“Nick.” She said his name in a warning tone, just like she did whenever he tried to flirt with her but for the first time since he’d begun his attempts at wooing her, she didn’t try to push away from him.
“It makes me want to taste you.”
Kady sighed, “Ok. That’s enough. You can go now.”
He raised an eyebrow, “You’re just going to take my food and kick me out?”
“Yep. Sorry. I have to get back to work.”
