by Jess Bryant
But she wasn’t the same young, naive twenty-something he’d left behind. He wasn’t the only man she’d ever been with either. She’d moved on, even if her heart never had and going backwards seemed scarier than going forward ever could.
“What’s wrong?” Nick pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, “You zoned out on me again, babe.”
She looked at their joined hands. They fit together so well. They always had. Like two puzzle pieces that had clicked together from the very start. Only she wasn’t as naive and accepting as she’d been back then, what he’d done had made her the skeptical woman she was now.
“I was just thinking…”
“About what?” Nick tilted his head curiously when she trailed off.
“Do you… Do you want children?”
Nick squeezed her hand, “Of course I do. You know that. We’ve talked about it before…”
“Before you left, you mean.” She chewed her bottom lip, “Things change. People change. You’ve changed.”
“Not where it matters.” He pressed her hand to his chest, just over his heart, “Kady, look at me. Please?”
Her eyes went back to his. They had to. She’d never been able to deny him anything. Those dark, soulful orbs looked deep inside of her and let her see inside of him as well. To the truth.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you. I made a mistake leaving. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life but I want to fix it. I want you. I want us back. I told you, I want the life we’d planned together with so much love and happiness that it feels like we’ll bust at the seams and of course I want kids, Kady. I want them with you.”
Kady’s heart ached as she stared into those eyes that she loved so much. Not past tense. She still loved Nick. Always had and always would. He’d broken them, broken her, but he’d come back to try and fix it. How could she possibly tell him that it was too late, when everything inside of her still yearned for a chance to have all that she’d lost?
The answer was, she couldn’t.
Maybe she was a sucker. Maybe Connor was right and she was only setting herself up for more heartache. Or maybe Connor was so wrapped up in his own sense of loss that he couldn’t fathom what it would mean to have the person you loved come back to you, to choose you, to put every fiber of their being into convincing you that they would never hurt you again.
She’d been putting Nick off for months now. She’d tried ignoring him. She’d tried pushing him away. She’d tried to keep him at arm’s length. But he’d gone away. He’d never given up on her, on them. Just like he’d promised, he’d proven to her that he was really here to stay.
Kady took a deep breath and reached out gently, tracing her fingers over Nick’s scruffy jaw. He eased closer at her touch. His eyes drifted shut as if he were taking in the moment, soaking it in, and whatever doubts and fears that she had, Kady knew that they didn’t change the truth.
“I want that too.” She whispered and Nick’s eyes flashed open, “I want us back too.”
“Kady?” His dark eyes searched her face as if he might only be hearing what he’d wanted to for so long, “Are you sure?”
“I want the life you promised me, Nick.” She nodded. “We have to at least try, don’t we?”
“I won’t just try. I’ll give it to you. Everything you ever wanted, it’s yours. I’ll give you the world, Kady.”
Nick’s mouth was on hers before the last syllable of her name was out and she felt the tidal wave of his need crash against her. She drowned in it. In him. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, kissing him back with all the love she hadn’t been able to wipe from her heart.
It wasn’t a sweet kiss. It was hard and demanding. It was a promise of so much more.
Kady threaded her fingers in his dark hair and pulled. Nick moaned into her mouth, his teeth nipping her bottom lip. He’d always loved it when she ran her hands through his hair. So had she. She loved the feel of the thick strands beneath her fingers, loved knowing that just touching him like that made him want her.
He leaned forward, pushing her back and the porch swing wobbled unsteadily. Kady gasped but Nick caught her before she could fall. A giggle fell from her mouth and Nick’s eyes sparkled when she looked back up at him.
“I did promise we’d christen this thing when I hung it.”
She laughed, “And I told you there was no way in hell we were having sex on the front porch.”
“I’ll move it to the back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.”
She smiled as she unwound herself from him and stood up. She could see the flash of sadness that he didn’t try to hide when she moved away from him. She could practically read his mind. As if not a day had passed, she knew those deep brown eyes as well as she knew her own. She knew he was already wishing that he hadn’t stopped kissing her because he thought she was about to send him home.
“Tomorrow you can move the swing.” She offered her hand to him and watched surprise spark on his handsome face, “Tonight, how about you come inside?”
Nick reached out slowly and took her hand. Their fingers laced together as he stood. She didn’t step back and his body brushed hers as he invaded her personal space. He stared down at her, wonder and gratitude and so many emotions that she had to look away before tears welled in her own.
“Kady?” He tipped her chin back up.
“Shh.” She soothed, going up on her toes to brush her mouth against his, “We can talk more later. Right now, I don’t want to have to put what I’m feeling into words. Just come inside and let me show you.”
“You might not need the words right now, but I need to say them. I need you to know that I love you, Kady. I’ve always loved you.”
“I know.” She gave a small, shaky smile, “I know.”
Nick swept down then, taking her mouth again, and she melted against his big body. He took control of the kiss and she let him. She’d always loved the way he claimed her with nothing but a kiss, nothing but a touch or a look, long before they were naked and he was sliding inside her. He’d always made sure she knew who she belonged to and that hadn’t changed.
With a quick move, Nick looped his arms around her waist and lifted her. She squeaked slightly and he chuckled as he peppered kisses along her jaw to her ear. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and held on as he cupped her ass and carried her across the porch to the door.
She wasn’t a small thing. She never had been. But she’d always loved the way he could manhandle her if he wanted. He was big and strong, muscular and fit. Having him pick her up and carry her made her feel about as feminine and desired as she’d ever felt in her life.
“Key?” He nipped her ear, his voice barely above a growl.
“It’s unlocked.”
This time he definitely growled as he twisted the knob and it gave in his hand. He carried her through the doorway and then kicked it shut behind her. Once he’d flipped the deadbolt, he finally looked at her again but he wasn’t smirking anymore.
“You should lock your door, Kady.”
“Come on, Nick. Nobody locks their doors in Fate.” She rolled her eyes.
“It’s not 1954 no matter what these people think. It isn’t as safe as it used to be and I don’t like the idea of anyone being able to walk in here and take something or hurt you, whenever they want.”
“Well it’s locked now.” She nuzzled their noses together, “And nobody’s going to break in with Deputy Sloan’s truck in my driveway.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Nick?” She licked his bottom lip and then nipped it with her teeth, “Stop lecturing me and take me to bed.”
He kissed her hard and fast on the mouth. She tried not to smile against his lips. She knew she hadn’t won anything. She’d be getting a full lecture on keeping herself safe and her personal property secure tomorrow morning. But for now, she’d managed to distract him, or rather, to get him back on track. When he pulled back, she pointed down the hallwa
y.
“Bedroom is the second…”
“Door on the left. I remember.” Nick slid one hand into her hair and kissed her again as he carried her to what had once been their bedroom.
The reminder made her shudder. So many memories. So many things she’d tried to forget but had never managed to. She’d simply locked them away but now that he was back, here with her, in their home, about to make love to her, the locks broke and it all flooded back to her.
He eased her down onto the bed, kissing her as he gently peeled her out of her clothes. He groaned when he got a glimpse of her bra and panties. She bit her lip to try and hide a smile. She wouldn’t say that she’d necessarily planned for this to happen tonight, but she’d definitely been prepared.
“Pink?”
“Still your favorite color?”
“On you, my favorite color is naked.” He growled as he ripped her panties down her legs, “But pink is a close second.”
She laughed as he worked to get her bra off. Her own hands were busy tearing at his shirt and his belt, trying to get him naked. He chuckled when she cursed and then helped her rid him of his pants until there was nothing between them but the heat and fire of their desire.
He crawled over her, his eyes never leaving her face, and her heart clenched. She opened for him, wrapped her arms and legs around him and welcomed him inside. She welcomed him back home. Once they were joined, both of them breathing hard and fighting for control, she forced him to meet her eyes again.
“I love you too, Nick.”
11
Nick had the strangest feeling of deja vu. Like he’d been here before. He supposed in a way, he had. He’d spent many a night in this house, in this room and in this bed with Kady curled up next to him. There was so much about this moment, with her in his arms, that was the same and yet, it was also brand new.
This wasn’t their room, not anymore, and that realization had made him sad.
Kady had repainted the walls. No longer the stark gray they’d been when he lived here with her, they were now a warm, earthy, tan color. The dark wood furniture had been refinished as well, giving it a vintage look that he was surprised to find he liked. Missing completely were the dark blues and silvers of the bedding, curtains and rugs that he’d helped choose. In place of his favorite colors there were simple cream linens, gossamer and lace curtains and woven rugs.
There were no pictures of them on the wall or on the dresser, the only framed pieces were landscapes that he recognized from early in their lives, pictures that had been painted by Kady’s mother before the Alzheimer’s had set about tearing her mind and body apart.
The room was beautiful. Of course it was, it was one hundred percent Kady. But the way she’d removed every trace of him still hurt, even if he knew it was a pain he deserved.
He’d left her, after he’d sworn to spend his life at her side. He’d proposed to her and they’d been planning their wedding when he first got news of the possible promotion that would take him to Dallas. He could still remember the day he’d told her about it, right here in this room as they got ready for bed. He’d been so excited about the possibilities ahead of them but Kady hadn’t been.
Not at all.
She’d dismissed the idea of moving to Dallas and his enthusiasm as if it were a crazy, impossible dream. Without a second’s hesitation she’d said it was too bad he couldn’t take the job, as if there was nothing to consider at all. He’d been so angry at her for shooting down his dreams that he hadn’t stopped to think about all the reasons to her, it was crazy and impossible.
He’d thought she was being selfish. He’d accused her of only thinking of herself. He’d called her small-minded. He’d thought she simply preferred the safety and security of their small hometown and was choosing not to take the leap with him to something bigger and better.
So he’d been selfish in return and decided he was going even if he had to go alone.
Older and wiser, he knew how stupid he’d been. Kady hadn’t been selfish a day in her life. If he’d been thinking reasonably, he would have seen that but he hadn’t been because he’d been young and scared and about to be tied-down to a woman and a town without ever getting to experience his something more.
He hadn’t thought about what it would have meant for Kady to leave Fate back then. She would have been leaving behind her teenage brother who she’d helped raise. She would have been leaving Connor in the care of their father who had turned to alcohol to numb his grief. She would have been leaving her mother alone in that facility with nothing but memories that were fading for her so fast that every day there had been the risk she wouldn’t know her own daughter when she walked into the room.
No, he had been the selfish one.
He’d thought his dreams and the life he wanted with her were more important than her duties to her family. But the kind, gentle, caring woman that had become a nurse after watching disease wreck her parents was the woman he’d fallen in love with and that woman never could have walked away from Fate or her family.
He was a bastard for ever having asked her to.
“Nick?” She cuddled against him and he hugged her tighter, “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He kissed the top of her head, amazed she could still read him so easily. “Just, thinking about everything I missed out on with you all these years. Wishing I could go back and tell my younger self that the only thing that is important in the end is being with the woman you love. Not jobs or money or status. It’s love and family that should come first.”
“Oh, Nick…”
“It shouldn’t have taken almost dying for me to figure that out.” He tucked her against his chest and breathed in that fresh strawberry scent of hers that was now mixed with sweat and him and smelt like home. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Kady sighed as she ran her hand over his chest, “We both grew up a lot in the years since you left. Maybe we needed the time apart to really know that this was what we wanted.”
“You somehow still manage to see the best in everything don’t you?”
“I have to, otherwise life just gets too hard.” Her hand paused as it skated over one of the raised circles on his abdomen and he felt her suck in a sharp breath.
“I guess the upside of being shot is that it brought me back to you.”
“When I heard that you’d been injured on the job, that you might not make it…” Kady buried her face against his chest and shook her head, “It tore me apart all over again, Nick. I wanted to come to Dallas and see you but I didn’t know if you’d want me there or if you had someone else and I… I didn’t want to imagine a world without you in it, somewhere, even if you weren’t with me.”
“Shh.” He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m here with you right now. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
“But you’re still a cop. Your job is still so dangerous, Nick. I don’t know if I can…”
“Hey. Hey.” He cupped her face between his hands, “Don’t even think it.”
“But…”
“Fate isn’t anything like Dallas, baby. What happened there, that kind of thing doesn’t happen in Fate. You know that. The most dangerous part of working for the FSD are the late-night calls about brawls at the roadhouse. Nobody in Fate is running guns or drugs and even if they were, it isn’t my job to track them down anymore. My job is as safe as it could ever get.”
Still, Kady shook her head, “But you’re still a cop. You carry a gun, Nick. Jobs that are safe don’t require firearms in my opinion.”
“Kady…”
“Anything that could happen in Dallas could happen here. The world isn’t what it used to be. Violence isn’t something sequestered in the big cities anymore. Fate is safe today but what about tomorrow? What about in ten years? What would I have to tell our kids if something happened to you?”
Nick sat upright in the bed so that they were face to face. He’d known they’d have to talk about this eventually.
He hadn’t expected it to come tonight but he was ready for it. This was the one thing that could still derail them and he couldn’t let it.
“Kady, I love you but I was born to be a cop. You know that. I wanted the thrill of putting bad guys behind bars and for just a little while, I got that. I got it and it wasn’t enough, not without you. So I’m back in Fate but I’m always going to be a cop. I can’t ignore the part of my heart that says it’s what I was meant to do. I can’t give it up. Not completely.”
She looked away from him, chewing her bottom lip and he groaned. He was losing her again. He could feel her putting her walls back up but he refused to let her push him away this time.
“I would never ask you to stop being a nurse.”
“That’s different.” She spun back to face him, golden brows furrowed.
“Is it? You help people every day. You save lives. So do I. But a crazy person with a gun could just as easily walk into the hospital as into my shift. The world isn’t safe, Kady. You said that yourself. But what I do, it helps make it a little more secure for all of us.”
“Nick…”
“If something did happen to me in the line of duty, I would hope that you would tell our kids that I loved them more than any father could have. That I loved their mother with every breath I took. That I did what I did to try and make this town and their lives, a little bit better.”
“Oh, Nick.” Kady threw herself into his arms and he caught her, holding her close. “I don’t think I can stand to lose you again.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Nobody can.” He brushed her hair back and then wiped at the tears that fell down her cheek, “But I can promise you that I’ll never leave you by choice. Not ever again. You just have to trust that I’ll do everything I can to come home to you and our family every night because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He held her face again, “Can you do that? I know it’s a lot to ask but, can you trust me, Kady?”
