Beautiful Mess

by Preston, Jennifer

  “Oh. How did she take it?”

  “She was upset. But I was honest with her, and she seemed to understand.”

  “You told her you couldn’t stand her because she was a total bitch?” Bri half teased, half hoped.

  “No!” Cole laughed. “I just told her that we could keep pretending all we want, but my feelings for her hadn’t changed. I said that I wasn’t interested in her at all romantically, and if we kept going like we were someone was going to get hurt.”

  “Wow. And you got out of there with your head still intact?” Bri had a feeling that Serena had been furious. And when she got mad, she got mean.

  “Barely,” Cole admitted with a laugh.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” he smiled, his eyes holding hers. His gaze was making Bri a little uncomfortable. There was an intense well of emotions hiding in his eyes. She wasn’t sure what they were, or what it meant, but her body was responding to it. Her breath caught, and butterflies swarmed her stomach. Unable to take it anymore, she turned her head and looked out the window beside her.

  They finished eating, and Cole drove her home. After they said goodbye, Bri watched as he got on his motorcycle and started it up. She didn’t think it was possible, but Cole just got a little hotter. For a brief moment, she regretted not letting him take her out on his bike. But, luckily common sense reappeared. He flashed her his sexy-as-hell smirk, that riled up those dang butterflies again, before putting on his helmet and zooming off.

  Oh, man, she was in some serious trouble.

  Chapter 13

  “So, how would you feel about meeting my dad?” Cole asked one day in Ceramics.

  Bri, who was working on her slab piece, paused a moment.

  “It’s not a big deal, or anything. My dad just wanted to meet the person responsible for my “unbelievable turnaround in math”. His words, not mine,” he grinned. “Maybe on Tuesday you could come to my house to study, and meet my dad. What do you think?”

  “Um...” Bri was a little surprised by Cole’s request. But, they were friends after all. Friends hung out at each other’s houses and met their parents. She’d never had the chance to meet Cole’s dad last summer, and now it seemed Cole was ready to rectify that. That was all this was. Nothing more, no need to worry. Bri smiled. “Sure. That would actually be great, because my brothers are done with their soccer practices, so my house is going to be a little loud from now on.”

  “Great,” Cole tried to sound nonchalant, but his eyes sparkled. “I’ll make sure my dad is there. Then he can stop bugging me about it. So does this mean I finally get to meet these little monkeys you’ve been talking about?”

  “My brothers? You want to meet my brothers?”

  “Of course! And the infamous stepmom, too, if that’s okay?”

  “Um, sure, I guess. Not that you’d be able to avoid it. Soccer doesn’t start up again until spring. In fact, we may want to start considering other locations to study at. Liam and Logan take rambunctious to a whole new level!”

  “I don’t mind at all,” Cole reassured her. “I love kids. They are the highest form of entertainment! I bet I could get some good dirt on you from them!”

  Bri laughed. “Well, I’ll have to make sure I grill your dad on Tuesday for some dirt on you, then!”

  “On second thought, how about we agree to a no dirt digging truce? I’m horrified to think what my dad might spill.” He shivered dramatically.

  “Deal,” she laughed. “Now, quit distracting me. This slab piece and I have some unfinished business,” Bri glared at what was supposed to be a rectangular vase in front of her. It looked more like a lopsided cereal box.

  Cole laughed loudly, earning a warning look from the teacher.

  “You know, the key to art is to become one with what you are doing. You’re not going to be able to threaten it into submission.” He had to stifle another laugh.

  “Ugh, why did I take this class?” Bri groaned. “This is in no way fun. It’s more humiliating and depressing than anything. Kind of like golf. And just like golf, I completely suck at it!”

  Cole burst out laughing again, and Bri couldn’t help but join him.

  “Oh, Bri,” Cole wiped a tear from his eye. “I spend my whole day just waiting to hear what freaking hilarious, off the wall comment you’ll come up with next. You never leave me disappointed!”

  On Tuesday, Bri drove over to Cole’s house, feeling a little nervous. She didn’t know why she was nervous, it’s not like this was some big, sit down dinner with his family or anything. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her bag and got out of the car. She knocked on the door, and a moment later a freshly showered Cole answered.

  His still wet hair hung in his eyes, and she could faintly smell his shampoo. She’d never admit it to anyone, but she loved the smell of Cole’s wet hair. She’d grown quite accustomed to it over the past little while. Yep, it was definitely not fair that he smelled so good.

  “Hi Bri! Come on in,” he smiled and motioned her inside.

  She walked into the familiar living room. A man with Cole’s same dark hair was sitting on the couch. He turned and smiled at Bri, standing up to meet her.

  “Bri, this is my dad, Jimmy. Dad, this is Ambria.”

  “Ambria, so nice to finally meet you,” Jimmy smiled, his light blue eyes shining. “Cole talks about you all the time. It’s nice to finally put a face with the name!”

  “Dad!” Cole huffed. “Don’t listen to him, Bri, he likes to exaggerate. I think it’s because he’s getting so old,” he joked. “Old people exaggerate everything!”

  “Yeah, well, this old man still has more game than you, Sport!”

  Bri smiled at Cole, glad she wasn’t the only one saddled with parental nicknames.

  “Now Bri,” Jimmy motioned for her to sit down. “Tell me about yourself.” He smiled warmly and sat down next to her on the couch. “It isn’t often I get to meet Cole’s girlfriends.”

  Bri’s breath caught, and she blushed. She wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Luckily, Cole jumped in and saved her.

  “Dad!” He sat down exasperated. “I told you, Bri and I are just friends. Stop trying to embarrass me, it’s making her uncomfortable.”

  Jimmy leaned closer to her. “I’m sorry, Bri, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that embarrassing Cole here is too much fun!” He winked and sat back.

  Knowing that Cole’s dad hadn’t been serious, Bri relaxed. She told Jimmy a little about herself, and they talked for a few minutes. She found that Jimmy shared his son’s easy going, gregarious nature, so different from the Cole she saw at school. In fact, as Bri watched Cole and his dad tease each other good naturedly and swap one-liners back and forth, she realized that this was yet another version of Cole she hadn’t seen before. This sarcastic, wise-ass Cole, though he shared a lot of qualities with her Cole, was a stranger to her. And while she found his playful banter funny, and was laughing out loud at the exchange, she felt a little sad as she fully realized that who Cole was changed depending on who he was with. This scared her a little because it validated her fear that she didn’t really know who he was. And how many more versions of Cole was she going to come across? She was worried that she would never know the real him. Shoving aside her concerns, Bri focused instead on getting to work as Jimmy left her and Cole to their homework.

  The next few weeks seemed to fly by. Dance kept Bri busy as the team prepared for their competition season that began in December. Most of the girls had come around and weren’t as hostile towards Bri anymore, which made practices much more bearable. The team also had some more halftime performances as the football team advanced to the semi-final game for the state championship, which they lost. Cole had been upset, but he’d had a great game despite the loss.

  Layla and Devon were quite the item now, so she didn’t have as much time to hang out with Bri. Bri completely understood, and while she missed her friend a little, she was glad that Layla was happy.

/>   At school, things between Bri and Cole remained the same. They continued to keep their distance, except in ceramics where they could talk. Cole still ate lunch with a very pouty Serena, despite their breakup. But when they passed each other in the halls, Cole’s eyes always sought Bri out, and he always had a smile or a wink for her.

  Trey, on the other hand, had ignored Bri ever since that night at the party. His face took a while to heal, but he had refused to say what had really happened. Instead, he pretended that Bri didn’t exist, which suited her just fine.

  Cole finally got to meet Summer, Liam and Logan. The boys were instantly smitten with him, mainly because he would play with them for a while after he and Bri were done studying. It was the twins’ reward for leaving the them alone so they could work. The boys were quickly becoming Cole’s biggest fans. Even Summer didn’t seem to mind him coming over, and she would even set out drinks and snacks when he was there.

  Bri was out watching Cole and her brothers playing football one Tuesday evening. She laughed as Cole dramatically missed tackling Logan and landed face first in the lawn.

  “You know,” she laughed from the front steps, “if you keep encouraging them, they’re never going to leave you alone!”

  Cole lifted his face out of the grass and grinned.

  “Are you kidding? They’re great! I’ve always wanted little brothers!”

  “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

  “Bri!” Liam yelled as he rushed towards her. “Come play with us!” He grabbed her hand and she let him pull her over to where Logan was body slamming Cole on the grass.

  “You guys are in trouble now,” she grinned as she picked up Liam and twirled him around. As she set the slightly dizzy Liam down, Logan raced over and tackled her to the ground. She burst out laughing, and Liam jumped on the dog pile. She glanced up to see Cole laughing with her. The pure joy on his face, and his deliciously tousled hair, caused her heart to start pounding. His eyes met hers, and Bri felt herself blushing under his gaze. She had a sudden, almost irresistible urge to run over and tackle him. She quickly dropped her eyes, uneasy at her reaction.

  As hard as she tried, Bri found it was practically impossible not to be affected by Cole. One look sent her pulse racing. A smile would set butterflies loose in her stomach. And even a small touch would cause goose bumps to break out on her skin. No, it was futile to deny it any longer. He had been affecting her this way from the beginning, and as much as she tried to fight it, her body just responded to him.

  And it seemed her mind was starting to follow suit. She couldn’t get him off her mind. She spent hours trying to puzzle him out, but could never come to any definitive conclusions. With Cole, there were always more questions than answers. She decided that if she was going to find the truth, she’d have to get it from him.

  It was a cool Tuesday evening, a week before Thanksgiving. Cole and Bri were sitting at her dining room table reviewing Cole’s chapter for his math test that Friday. Summer had taken the boys out to run errands, so they had the house to themselves for a change. Bri wasn’t going to get a better chance to talk to Cole, but she was having trouble gathering up the courage to do it. She decided to start by giving Cole some news she knew he’d be excited about.

  “So,” she grinned mischievously at him. “I have some news for you.”

  “Oh, yeah?” he looked up at her.

  “I just found out last night that your favorite stalker, Carly, is coming out here for Thanksgiving!”

  “Psycho Chick? She’s coming here?” Cole looked almost scared.

  “Unfortunately,” she gave him a sympathetic smile. “And I’m pretty sure she still wants to pound you into the ground. So you might want to lay low next week.”

  “Lay low? I’m thinking about fleeing the country! Is there any way you could pretend you don’t know me, or more importantly, where I live, while she’s here?” he pleaded.

  “Well, I suppose I could,” she considered playfully. “I mean that is what friends do. They protect each other from their crazy, psychotic stalkers!”

  Cole reached over and took Bri’s hand. She was too surprised to do anything but let him.

  “You see, Bri, that’s what I like about you. You don’t get squeamish with the nastier aspects of friendship,” he smiled, looking down at her hand in his. His thumb began rubbing circles on the top of her hand. She drew in a sharp breath, and he glanced up at her through his lashes. As she gazed into his gray eyes, thanks to his black t-shirt, something stirred inside her. She suddenly wished that things between her and Cole didn’t have to be so complicated. That they could just go back to the way things were before school started, and forget about everything else. But she knew that things were never that easy.

  She dropped her eyes, and pulled her hand away.

  “Cole, if I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?”

  “If I can,” he replied hesitantly. “What is it you want to ask?”

  “How is it possible that there are so many different versions of you?” she asked quietly, finally looking up at him. “I mean, there’s the version of you at school and with your friends. Then there’s a totally different version of you when you’re with your dad. And you’re even more different when you’re with me. How do you possibly keep up so many different personas? And more importantly, why? Why do you feel the need to hide yourself from everyone?”

  This time it was Cole who dropped his eyes. He let out a long breath. He seemed to be debating something internally, so Bri kept quiet and gave him some time. Finally, he spoke.

  “Yeah, I guess that is a question you would have. And I think you deserve an answer,” he looked back up at her. “I guess it all started after my mom left. My dad was devastated, and even though I was young I could see it. And I quickly learned that if I was sad, or cried, or even asked about my mom, my dad would completely shut down. He’d leave me with a babysitter and go to the bar, or lock himself in his room all night. So, I started being what I thought he needed me to be. Happy, normal, well adjusted. I hid all my pain and problems from him so he wouldn’t worry, or spiral into depression. I also tried to cheer him up and make him laugh as much as possible. If he was happy, my life was better. As I grew up, I pretended to be interested in the things he was, football, cars, poker. And I kept from him anything that didn’t fit in with what he wanted or needed.

  “In school, my friends seemed to want something different from me, too. They liked my sense of humor, but also wanted me to be smart like them, or play sports with them. So, whatever my friends were into, I got into. Then, in the ninth grade my dad wanted me to try out for the football team, even though it wasn’t my favorite sport. Of course, he didn’t know that, he still doesn’t,” Cole gave a sad smile. “I made the team, and suddenly all of the kids I was hanging out with were the popular kids. They were selfish, shallow, superficial, and automatically expected me to be that way too. I’d seen the way they looked down on everyone who wasn’t like them. So, I had a choice to make. I could be what they wanted me to be and be popular, or I could be true to myself and be a nobody.” Cole sighed, “So, I made the easy choice.”

  Bri couldn’t speak, she had no idea what to say to him. She felt bad for him, but couldn’t believe he had really chosen this. Catching the shocked look on her face, Cole hurried to explain.

  “You have to understand. By that point, I’d been hiding inside myself for so long, I wasn’t even sure who the real Cole Marra was anymore. And instead of fighting to find out, it was just easier to be who everyone wanted me to be. Like I said, I made the easy choice, not the right one” he shrugged.

  Bri couldn’t hold back her question.

  “But, if who you are changes all the time, how can you even know what’s real anymore?”

  “It didn’t take me long to realize that I did not want to be like my arrogant, shallow friends. At all. I could pretend easily enough, but I didn’t want that to be who I became. So I started thinking about what I
did want. What I really liked, and wanted to do. I thought about what, if it was just me and no one else, I would want and who I would want to be. And I started doing those things. I started painting because I liked it, and it was a great outlet for me. I started spending more time alone, away from my friends, where I could be myself. That was one of the reasons I went down to Venice Beach last summer. I needed a break from everyone else’s expectations of me, so I could figure out who I was and what I wanted. I can’t tell you how liberating that was, to finally be able to be myself. That was the Cole you met, the real me. You know me, Ambria. Even if you don’t think you do.” He gazed at her earnestly.

  She felt so torn. She wanted to believe him, to put all her doubts aside. But she just couldn’t, not yet.

  “But how do I know that?” she asked dismally. “How do I know that my Cole isn’t just another personality you concocted based on what you thought I wanted you to be?” As sad as Cole’s story made her, it filled her with fear just the same.

  “Because, Bri, you are the first person who hasn’t expected anything from me!” he exclaimed fervently. “You didn’t judge me, or see only what you wanted. You just took me in and accepted what you found. I didn’t have to try to be what you expected me to be, because you accepted me just as I was.”

  “But, Carly didn’t have any expectations of you either. She never said anything like that,” Bri was confused.

  “Yes, Carly did. She may not have spoken it aloud, but she did. She took one look at me and decided that I was a typical, boneheaded guy who would happily accept any proposition she offered. That all I was interested in was hooking up with any girl that showed interest.” He eyed her, daring her to disagree.

  “Okay, so maybe Carly did,” Bri relented. “But, not everyone you meet wants something from you.”

  “Yes, they do,” Cole deadpanned.

  “Well, what about Serena?” She shook her head, still not convinced. “You two had a relationship. You must’ve been able to be yourself with her at some point.”