Return to Silver Bay

by Lara Van Hulzen

  “Really? Because I feel like I went from knowing exactly all I needed to know to knowing absolutely nothing. I have never been so confused before in my life.”

  “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m not trying to make it seem like the truth of that isn’t huge. It’s just that, well, your dad did allude to that idea a few times and some of us started to wonder if it was true.”

  “So your parents must have been at the town Christmas party years ago too.”

  He turned toward her. “How did you know about that? I would assume your mother never told you.”

  “She didn’t tell me. I just…found out.”

  “What makes you think you’re adopted?”

  “When I was cleaning out the attic, I found letters written to my mom from another woman. I think she’s my birth mother.”

  He looked straight ahead again. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Maggie noticed the color of his sweater complemented the color of his hair. The blonde streaks that would pop out every summer from the sun were now a lighter brown. She stared at his profile. The emotion and pain building inside her was too much and emerged in sobs that wracked her body.

  She heard the creak of his chair. Kneeling in front of her, he wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his shoulder. He smelled of leather and the woods and just…Josh. Her whole body relaxed.

  She eventually leaned back a bit and looked into his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “For what? Having feelings?” Still kneeling in front of her, he swept a lock of hair behind her ear. “Maggie, you’ve been through so much in your life. I’m amazed you’re still standing, even as strong as you are.” His eyes searched hers. “If there’s anything you need, you know I’ll help you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I care about you, Maggie, and I want this pain to end for you. I’ve prayed for you every day since high school. I know better than anyone what you endured with your father.”

  He pulled her into his arms again. She held him tight, listening to the sounds of the water as the tide began to rise and waves plowed against the rocks. The wind was beginning to pick up.

  “Would you like some dinner?” Maggie offered.

  “I would love some.”

  “I have leftover soup from lunch.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  “Just know that I can’t cook like a master chef such as yourself,” she teased.

  “I promise to make no judgments. I’m just glad for the company.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  *

  Josh tossed his keys on the kitchen counter. He kicked off his shoes and sank down into his easy chair. After leaving Maggie’s he’d driven along the coastline for a while to think. However, it didn’t clear his head the way the fresh air flowing through the open Jeep usually did.

  He ran his hands along the arm of the chair. He couldn’t sit in it now without thinking of Maggie and her dad. He had only dealt with the man from time to time in the past. Maggie had lived with him. The thoughts that used to plague him at night about Patrick potentially hurting her floated through his mind. His hands clenched into fists. She said her dad never hit her, and he believed her, but he could always see the defeated lifelessness in her eyes when Patrick had been mean, his words crushing blows to her spirit as hard as a fist.

  Josh had been thrown when she told him tonight about being adopted. But it seemed to piece things together more. As angry as he was, Patrick always seemed afraid. As if something or someone would one day catch up to him. Maybe Maggie learning the truth was exactly what Patrick feared.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‡

  “This is going to be the one and only negative part of having me as a neighbor because, yes, I’m nosy. I would like to hear about the car that was parked outside your house on Saturday. I believe it was a Jeep driven by a handsome man that you so adamantly don’t like to talk about.”

  Kate had come over to help Maggie clean out the garage. There were still no calls on the house, but Maggie wanted it cleaned out and ready for when the time came. Her mind was telling her it was optimism; her gut was telling her it was wishful thinking.

  The thought hadn’t crossed Maggie’s mind that Kate could see whatever car pulled up to her house. She was grateful Kate didn’t say anything about Gwen’s car. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to share that new friendship with anyone just yet.

  “Darn it. I need to have a secret garage built.”

  “Either that or just start spilling the beans. Besides, I have my ways around secret garages.” Kate wagged her eyebrows up and down.

  “Okay, okay. You win. Actually, he just came by to hang out and visit for a while.”

  “Just hang out? What, are we back in high school?”

  “Truthfully, it felt a lot like high school, but in a good way. Josh has always been able to put me at ease, and now that my father’s not around, I’m able to really enjoy his company. It was nice.”

  “Hmmm. Nice. My gut tells me there’s more.”

  “Seriously, we just talked for a while on the porch and then had some leftover soup for dinner. Josh is staying true to his word, allowing us to be friends until I say otherwise.” Maggie found herself staring off and smiling. “It’s good to have him as my friend again.”

  “Yeah, well, if you ask me, I can’t figure out what’s taking you so long. That man is gorgeous, half the town is in love with him, and you’ve got him friend zoned.”

  Maggie rolled her eyes.

  “I’m just messing with you.” Kate’s turned serious. “I think it’s really great that you’re letting him back into your life and I think it shows the kind of man he is that he’s willing to just let the relationship go at a pace you’re comfortable with. Believe me, VERY few men out there would do that.”

  *

  Maggie was nervous as she and Josh headed into church. Initially, she thought it sounded nice when he asked her to go. Now she wasn’t so sure. They walked up the front steps toward his parents, who were waiting just inside the door.

  “Hello, Maggie,” Mrs. Harden said. “It’s so good to see you again. We were thrilled when Josh said you were going to join him today.”

  Mr. Harden was standing behind his wife, talking to another man. Their conversation ended and Mr. Harden turned and gave Maggie a bear hug.

  “What a joy to see you today, Maggie. We’ve been praying for you and we’re so happy you’re here.”

  “See,” Josh whispered in her ear. “I told you not to be nervous.”

  They went inside and found Kate, who had already arrived and was sitting with Hannah and Paul. As they slipped into the pew next to them the piano began to play and everyone rose to sing. Maggie stood quiet a moment and let the words and music rush over her. She thought of how majestic it sounded with the congregation singing together, voices rising to the rafters and bouncing off stone and marble. It was such a vast difference from when she sat alone in the back not long ago.

  After church, Paul, Hannah, Josh, Maggie, and Kate sat at lunch discussing the sermon. Pastor Jake had spoken about letting go of the old and putting on the new.

  “I liked the message,” Hannah said. “I felt pretty encouraged. I’m more at peace about moving forward with adopting.”

  “Any news on that yet?” Josh asked as he dipped another chip into the salsa bowl and tossed the entire thing in his mouth.

  “No. We knew it would take awhile though. And praying for patience is not new. We’ve got that prayer down.” Hannah smiled at Paul, who grabbed her hand and kissed it.

  “Well, I sure needed to hear it myself. I appreciate hearing that it’s okay to move forward and let God heal what’s in the past and trust Him with what’s ahead,” Kate said.

  I wish I could do that, Maggie thought.

  Paul held up his glass of iced tea in a toast, the others doing the same. “To the future.”

  “To the future,” they all said in unison as they
clanked glasses. Maggie smiled and joined in, but only half-heartedly raised her glass.

  *

  Josh and Maggie sat in his Jeep outside of Maggie’s house.

  She ran her fingers through her hair, tucking a clump behind her ear. Josh looked out the window, his brow furrowing a bit.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” Maggie said.

  “How do you know I was thinking about something? I could have been mindlessly staring.”

  “Because you get those crinkles above your eyebrows when you are either worried or deep in thought.”

  “My mom says the same thing.”

  “I always pegged her for an intuitive woman.” Maggie smiled.

  “You are two of a kind in many ways.” He smiled back. “I actually have a random question for you.”

  “Okay, shoot.”

  “Well, you’ve said that your dad was much nicer to you when you were young. What do you think made him change so dramatically?”

  Maggie sighed and thought about it. “He was always moody, but the bad moods were more apparent than the good ones the older he got. I think control was a huge issue for him.” She shrugged. “If I was adopted, he may have just gotten angrier with that reality, let it burn up inside of him until it literally ate him up. I think that deep down, he was afraid Mom would leave if I knew the truth.”

  “Sadly, that makes sense. I hope I’m not being too nosy, but did your mother ever say why she didn’t have more children?”

  “She never said anything specifically. I vaguely remember asking her about a sibling when I was about five years old, but she said something about her body not being able to. That was all she said. This may sound strange, but I wonder if in some strange way that protected us.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “If my mother had had another child, my father might have loved that child more than me and he may have turned his anger more toward me as his love for that child grew. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes, it does.”

  Maggie leaned her head back against the seat rest. “I just wish I could find some sort of solid evidence of who I am. Where I came from.”

  Josh placed a tender kiss on her hand. “You came from here, Maggie. And you are beautiful, smart, giving. You are special.”

  *

  Maggie kicked off her shoes, put her feet up on the coffee table, and decided to check her voicemail. Her hand was still warm from Josh’s touch. Another brick around her heart crumbled and fell.

  Her phone beeped, alerting her to her first voice message.

  “Maggie, It’s Doyle. You need to get back here, kid. Things are…changing around here and I’m afraid it isn’t pretty. Call me when you can.”

  Her whole body tensed, her future uncertain once more.

  Chapter Sixteen

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  Maggie met Josh for dinner the next day at the Sand Dollar, a local dive right next to the water. Eating seafood with ocean water only yards away was one of Maggie’s favorite things. The scent of the salt and fish added to the flavor.

  The light bulb behind the letter D on the sign above the door was blinking so that periodically it read “THE SAN DOLLAR.” Through the front window she could see Maeve Cranston standing behind the cash register, talking and laughing with a young waiter. She and her husband, Ray, owned the place.

  Maggie got out of her car and made her way to the front door. As she opened it, the smell of fried fish filled her nostrils. Her stomach growled. She spotted Josh in a booth near the window and made her way over. The closer she got, the more her insides churned at the thought of what she had to tell him. He was looking out the window, so he didn’t see her coming.

  “You look like you’re deep in thought,” she said.

  He looked at her with a large grin and said, “I am, but you can interrupt me anytime.”

  She sat down across from him and began reading the menu he gently pushed toward her.

  “It’s been so long since I’ve been here. It’s amazing how much it has stayed the same.” She held up her menu. “I think these things are the same ones they had when we were in high school.”

  “They are. Nothing’s changed. I love coming here. It’s always nice to have some things in life that just don’t change on you, you know?”

  Maeve came over to their table. She was a heavy-set woman with a jovial laugh and a face to match and knew all the local customers by their first name.

  “Hi there, Josh. It’s good to see you tonight.”

  “It’s good to see you too.”

  She looked from Josh to Maggie and did a quick double take.

  “Why, is that Maggie Mitchell? Girl, I haven’t seen you since you two came in here in high school. How are you?”

  “I’m fine, Mrs. Cranston. How are you?”

  “Oh my, please call me Maeve. I’m doing fine, thank you for asking.” There was a moment of quiet as she smiled at Maggie and then Josh and with a sincere look in her eye said, “It’s really good to see you here again.” She patted Maggie’s arm in a motherly fashion. “Excuse me while I go seat the folks who just came in. I’ll talk with you two later. And Sam will be right out to take your order.”

  “Thank you, Maeve.”

  Maggie went back to looking at the menu while Josh looked out the window again.

  “Do you know what you want already?” she asked.

  “I always get the same thing, fish and chips, right after a big bowl of chowder.”

  “That sounds great. I think I’ll have the same.”

  When Sam came over to their table, Josh ordered for both of them and then focused his attention toward Maggie. “So. You’ve got something on your mind?”

  “I’m going back to Seattle,” she said to the window, unable to face his eyes.

  “When?”

  “I leave in a few days. I need to talk to my editor. Apparently a younger, eager writer with nothing but time on her hands has taken over my work while I’ve been gone and has impressed the powers that be.”

  “I thought you had time off until after Christmas.”

  She faced him. His eyes searched hers for answers to questions beyond the ones he spoke.

  “I do, but I need to at least show my face and talk to my editor to make sure I don’t lose my job.”

  “Will you come back?” His voice was almost a whisper.

  “Probably…I don’t know. I need to get the house sold and now with this adoption thing…” She looked back out the window.

  “Can I take you to the airport?” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

  “That would be nice.”

  “Maggie, look at me.”

  She did, heartbroken at the hurt in his eyes.

  “I will always be here for you.”

  A lump lodged in her throat and she swallowed tears. “You have always helped me. You’ve listened and been my friend. But, I can work this one out on my own.”

  “That’s just it. You’ve been alone too long, Maggie. You’ve learned to carry everything on your shoulders all by yourself. I don’t want you to do that anymore.”

  She looked out the window, willing the color to not rise in her cheeks.

  “Thank you,” was all she could say.

  *

  Maggie stared out the window of Josh’s Jeep. Raindrops slid down the glass and away into the wind – just like all the facets of her life. As Josh pulled the car up to the curb, she checked once more for the boarding pass in her purse.

  “Maggie.”

  “Yes?” His eyes were such a deep blue, like the sky on a summer day, and filled with so much pain. Pain that she caused, once again.

  He looked at her for a moment and then in one swift move, took her head in his hands and kissed her. A sweet, soft, tender kiss that lasted only a moment, but held a lifetime of feelings.

  He pulled back, his forehead against hers. “Come home to me, Maggie.”

  She took his hands in hers and then turned to get out of the car, unable to
give him the answer he wanted – the answer he deserved.

  He helped her get her bags to the curb and then hugged her. After kissing her on the forehead, he turned and got in his Jeep and drove away.

  She watched the Jeep get smaller and smaller, feeling as if her entire world was fading away.

  *

  Josh drove away, Maggie’s reflection getting smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. He looked down to make sure his heart hadn’t torn completely from his chest. It ached the same as it did all those years ago when she’d left for college, vowing never to return.

  After their prom night, Josh tried everything to get Maggie to talk to him, to listen. Her dad and his behavior meant nothing to Josh. She was all that mattered. But the wall she’d built to keep him out had grown too high and too strong.

  Since she’d come home, the wall around her heart had begun to crack and fall. But for whatever reason, she still felt the need to hold everything close to the vest, do things alone. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel. If he only had more time!

  She was coming around, slowly letting him back into her heart. But he wanted everything. All of her. He prayed that whatever she faced in Seattle would only remind her to come home. To come back to him. She needed him. And he needed her.

  Chapter Seventeen

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  Exhausted, Maggie slumped into her airplane seat and propped a pillow up against the window. Drifting off to sleep, she thought of her mother.

  She could see her mother swimming in the ocean, Maggie watching from the shore. As her mother floated on her back, the waves carried her along, her face soaking up the sunshine that covered both of them like a warm blanket. She looked so happy and peaceful. Then the sky grew dark and the waves grew violent as they crashed over her, but she never moved, staying motionless and serene. As the largest wave came crashing down on her mother, a voice whispered to Maggie, “Secrets can consume you.”

  *

  Dropping her bags in the entryway of her apartment, Maggie tossed her keys on the hall table and surveyed her home. Her neighbor, Annie, had stacked her mail neatly on the kitchen table and her plants looked vibrant and thriving. The rest of the place seemed tired and dusty. Ugh. Just like her.