Baby Wishes and Bachelor Kisses

by Valerie Parv

His look was slow and measured. “Believe me, the feeling is very, very mutual.”

  Unfortunately Maree chose that moment to stand up in her crib again, the sound of her activities amplified by the speaker system connecting her room with the living room. They both rose at the same moment. “I’ll go.”

  He grinned at the chorus. “We’ll go together.”

  For the third time since he’d put her to bed Maree was holding on to the sides of the bed. “I know you can stand, little darling. You’re amazing, but do you have to practice in the middle of the night?” he grumbled.

  Bethany moved him gently to one side. “Don’t make it into a battle of wills. It’s just what she wants.”

  “Then what can we do?”

  She demonstrated. “Put her back down firmly and tuck her in tightly. She’ll probably get up another time or two until it stops being fun. It’s part of learning how to control your world and the people around you. Now she’s worked out how to stand up she needs to know she can get down again on her own. All it takes is time.”

  When they were seated at the dining table again with dessert in front of them he massaged his chin with one hand. “With so many interruptions to their romance I wonder how parents ever get round to having more than one child”

  She laughed, the musical sound thrilling to his acoustically trained ears. “They obviously find a way or the world would be full of only children.”

  He refilled her wineglass and his own, then sat back, swirling the jewel-colored liquid so it caught the candlelight and fractured into diamond points. “An only child would never do for me.”

  She seemed to straighten, and her voice sounded off as she said, “Why not?”

  “After my mother left I found out the hard way how lonely it gets with only your own company.”

  Her fingers whitened around the stem of her glass. “You had your father and brother.”

  “A father who shut himself off from the world and an older brother who soon went away to school, so I spent most of my time alone. It was only when I stayed with Aunt Edna and her brood that I felt truly alive. Then and there I promised myself I would have a big family like hers. Maree is going to have all the brothers and sisters I can give her.”

  Bethany had pulled away from the light so he couldn’t see her expression, but there was tension in every line of her slender body. “And if you can’t?”

  “No risk there. My doctor assures me I check out perfectly on the baby-making scale, biologically I mean,” he added with a grin. “Modesty forbids me commenting on technique.”

  “Of course.”

  He didn’t like the coldness he heard in her voice suddenly. “What is it?” he asked, since something was obviously wrong. “Aren’t children important to you, too?”

  She hesitated. “Isn’t it a bit soon for us to be discussing children?”

  “Probably, as long as I know the woman in my life wants them eventually. I didn’t mean there’s any hurry if that’s what’s worrying you.” He leaned toward her. “You do want children of your own, don’t you, Bethany?”

  She lifted her head slowly. “Me? Good grief, no. I’m a career woman, remember? I have big plans for my publishing activities when I can afford them.”

  “And you intend your plans to come before having a family?”

  She began to play with her dessert, not really eating it. “Naturally. Did you doubt it?”

  He couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his voice as he stood up and began to clear the table. “It was probably presumptuous of me, but as it happens, I did.”

  Chapter Six

  Why had Nicholas chosen last night to bring up the subject of children? Bethany asked herself next morning. She was almost sorry she had the luxury of the morning to herself for once, because it left her too much time to think. Nicholas had taken Maree to the doctor for her regular checkup but had refused Bethany’s offer to take her. He wasn’t exactly cold toward her, but something had changed since last night, and she was afraid she knew exactly what it was.

  He wanted children and he now believed Bethany didn’t. She supposed they would have had to talk about it sooner or later, and it was probably just as well to get it over with. But she had been walking on air for most of yesterday evening and it had been a shock to be forced to come back to earth.

  Kylie was also out, grocery shopping, so Bethany had the house to herself. She made coffee, being in no mood for breakfast, and carried it out onto the veranda to drink. Would it have helped to tell Nicholas the truth, that she wanted children more than anything in the world but she was unable to have them?

  Then she remembered how Alexander had reacted when she told him the truth. She had made a promise never to put herself through such humiliation again. Pretending she was a career woman who didn’t want anything standing in the way of her ambitions was surely less demeaning than leaving herself open to any more rejection.

  She had reckoned without her growing feelings for Nicholas. She would have given anything not to have to see the disappointment in his eyes when she told him she didn’t share his hopes for a large family. It was in cruel contrast to the way he had looked at her during the meal, as if she was a gift he had never thought he would receive.

  Would he ever look at her that way again? It seemed unlikely, and even if he did, her conscience wouldn’t let her encourage it, no matter how wonderful it felt. It was a no-win situation, she thought as a deep sigh was wrenched from her. If ever a man was cut out for fatherhood it was Nicholas Frakes. He deserved a woman who could share his dream. And Bethany deserved a man who would love her for herself. It made them as far from being soul mates as it was possible to get.

  She started as the telephone rang, the sound amplified by an outside speaker so it could be heard around the vast gardens. It was unlikely to be for her, she thought as she got up to answer it. She had left Nicholas’s number on her machine in Melbourne but so far most of her callers had chosen to leave messages for her to return.

  “Except for brother Sam,” he said cheerfully when she explained why she was surprised to hear from him. “I trust your boss isn’t such a slave driver he objects to you getting personal calls?”

  She laughed imagining Nicholas in such a role. “Hardly. He took me bush walking yesterday, and today he’s taken the baby for her checkup so I have the morning to myself.”

  Sam whistled down the phone. “How do you get a job like that? I want to apply.”

  “It helps to be good with babies,” she said, knowing Sam would do almost anything to avoid being involved with infants.

  “Guess that lets me out.” There was a pause, then he said seriously, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but are you in some kind of trouble, little sister?”

  “No, why?”

  “I picked up your mail this morning and found a legal letter. You said I should open anything official, and this is so official I practically saluted it. It says if you don’t pay your printer’s bill within fourteen days, he’ll see you in court, or words to that effect.”

  Her throat went dry. “But he owes me money. He hasn’t accounted for the deposit I gave him before he printed the last two issues of the journal.”

  “Can you prove it?”

  “He kept promising me a receipt, but I never received it.”

  Sam gave a low moan. “First rule of business, get everything in writing, especially where money’s concerned.”

  “Just as well I have this job,” she said soberly. “It sounds as if I’d better pay his bill before it gets any more complicated, then countersue him for my deposit.”

  “Can you afford to pay him?”

  This was a discussion she had hoped to avoid having with Sam. “Most of it,” she said carefully. “Before you say anything, I don’t want your money. You need it to run your own business and pay your employees.”

  “I can afford to help you out,” he told her, and overrode her objections with a growl. “Besides, I already sent him the check. I only ca
lled to let you know what was happening.”

  Tears prickled at the backs of her eyes. “Sam, you’re impossible but I love you. Thank you. I’ll pay you back in installments as soon as I can,” she insisted.

  “I know you will, even if I forbid it—heck, especially if I forbid it,” Sam said cheerfully. “So pay me back when you’re able.” He took an audible breath. “Tell me, has your new boss proposed marriage yet?”

  “I only work for Nicholas. He isn’t about to propose anything,” she denied, wondering if she wouldn’t have been so certain yesterday. “He wants lots of kids and...well...”

  “He doesn’t know you can’t have any?” Sam guessed. There were few secrets in the Dale family. Their joys and sorrows tended to be shared in equal measure. “A problem shared is a problem halved” was one of her mother’s favorite expressions. Except that in this case it wasn’t true. Bethany’s sorrow wouldn’t be halved, it would simply have another source.

  Sam correctly interpreted her silence. “Not all men are the same. If you give him a chance, maybe Nicholas will surprise you.”

  If it was true, then she owed him her silence even more, she thought. “I’ll think about it,” she said with forced cheerfulness. Although he was probably aware of her tactic, Sam allowed her to change the subject to their family. She’d called her parents a couple of times since moving to Yarrawong, and Sam filled her in on the rest of the family news.

  She felt less alone by the time they said their goodbyes and hung up. One of the joys of belonging to a large family was having support through thick and thin. It made her awareness of Nicholas’s lonely teens even more poignant. Even if he was willing to accept her situation, she wasn’t willing to cheat him of his chance at a real family life. It was the right decision. She only wished she felt happier about it.

  He didn’t seem all that happy, either, she noticed when he brought Maree home from the doctor. He looked grim as he slammed into the house and dropped his briefcase onto a chair with a crash. At first Bethany thought something must be wrong with the baby, but she looked radiant as she sat in her high chair, chewing on a piece of banana.

  “She’s perfectly healthy,” he snapped. “The doctor says whatever we’re doing we should keep doing it.”

  “For the baby,” she said.

  His pewter gaze searched her face. “Of course for the baby. We aren’t doing anything else, are we?”

  Last night she would have said they were close to putting their relationship onto a more personal footing. Today things were completely different. Since learning that she didn’t want children he had built a wall around himself that she could barely see over. It was to be expected. By claiming to put her work ahead of everything else in her life, she had made him think she was ambitious and self-centered.

  It wasn’t a lovable picture, she had to admit, and it hurt to have him see her like that, but it served a purpose. As long as her supposed shallowness created an emotional chasm between them, he would never be forced to choose between her and his dream of a family.

  “I guess Maree is all we have in common,” she said flatly. “I enjoyed the bush walk yesterday and the dinner you prepared but—”

  “But it was too cozily domestic to fit in with your plans for the future,” he threw at her. “You made the point clear enough last night.”

  She laid a hand on his arm and felt an immediate surge of connection between them, so it was all she could do not to snatch her hand away. “Nicholas, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I can’t change facts.” The truth at last even if he didn’t recognize it.

  He looked at her hand as if something distinctly unappealing was crawling along his arm. “You didn’t hurt me. You were right to let me know where you stand. But I would like to know one thing. If you’re so determined not to let children interfere with your career plans, why are you here? Why aren’t you working for some big-time publishing firm which can further your ambitions?”

  She had no intentions of embroidering her lie. “Publishing jobs aren’t easily come by.”

  “So taking care of Maree is purely a means of earning money?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t trust herself to say more.

  “Bull.”

  His explosive denial made her jump. “You don’t believe me?”

  “I don’t believe you’re the cold, calculating type to put a career ahead of a husband and family. You’d find a way to combine both. This dollhouse journal is supposedly your passion, yet you put it aside to work at a shelter for disadvantaged children, and you come up to the hills at the drop of a hat to take care of an orphaned baby. It doesn’t add up.”

  As he faced her she felt her skin prickle with awareness of him. Even angry he looked magnificent, like a stallion at bay among the hills. He stood with his muscular legs wide apart, his tailored trousers strained by the aggressive stance so she couldn’t help but be aware of his overwhelming masculinity. His palms were flat against narrow hips and there was a wildness in his expression, which alarmed her even as it sent surges of primal sensation along every vein in her body.

  “Maybe it doesn’t need to add up,” she said huskily.

  He shook his head. “I’m a scientist. You’re a mystery, Bethany. Getting to the bottom of mysteries is my passion, one of them, anyway. You tell me one thing, but in my arms your body tells me another. One of you is lying.”

  The look on his face almost shattered her. He wanted answers and he wouldn’t rest until he got them. If only she could give them to him. But it could only lead to two outcomes. Either he would insist that her childless state was no barrier to closeness between them or he would reject her out of hand. Knowing how much Nicholas wanted children she couldn’t allow the first, and she wasn’t sure if she could bear the second.

  She tried to keep her body language from betraying her. If Nicholas suspected how much she had begun to care for him, he wouldn’t rest until she admitted it. She managed to toss her head carelessly. “Can’t I enjoy being kissed? It doesn’t always have to mean something. Men do it all the time.”

  “This one doesn’t.”

  The caution in his voice should have warned her, but she was unprepared when he pulled her into his arms. Resistance made her body stiff, but as soon as he touched her, a lump of pain in the center of her chest started to dissolve and she melted against him, her heart picking up speed. She had to fight to keep her true response from showing on her face.

  Nicholas had no such problem. To him this was a scientific experiment to prove that his kiss engaged Bethany’s deepest emotions. He wasn’t letting her get away with the glib assurance that it was simply chemistry. She felt something for him, he would swear to it. He sure as blazes felt something for her. So why wouldn’t she give it a chance to develop? She wanted him to write it off as mere lust, but he didn’t buy it and he was sure she didn’t, either. So what was going on here?

  Few scientific experiments he’d conducted were so pleasant, he allowed as he set about getting her to open her mouth to him. His hands roved over her shirt, a thin woven affair through which he could feel her slight body trembling. Trembling meant she felt something, right? He slid his fingers down her spine, and she trembled again, adding a soft moan to the mix.

  He took advantage of the moan to deepen the kiss, touching the tip of his tongue to hers in an experimental foray. Her eyes slid shut, and she tilted her head back, exposing the sweet column of her throat. He pressed his lips to it and felt the faint throb of a pulse. It became a flutter as he trailed kisses all the way to the inviting valley between her breasts.

  “Nicholas, no, please.”

  Her fingers went to the buttons of her shirt which he’d started to unfasten. As he drew away from her she closed them again with shaking fingers. A mistiness in her eyes caught at him, slamming into him like a fist Somehow he had managed to hurt her. It wasn’t what he intended but he couldn’t suppress a glimmer of satisfaction. If he could hurt her then he could heal her. She wasn’t as immune to him as she
pretended.

  “Satisfied now?” she asked shakily.

  “Are you?”

  She turned away, her shoulders dropping so dejectedly that he couldn’t help himself. He pulled her against his chest, feeling the hard knobs of her shoulder blades pressing against him. He kissed the top of her head lightly and felt her shudder. “It’s all right, Bethany. I’m a louse. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She looked up at him over her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have lumped you in with ‘all men.’ You aren’t the type to kiss and run.”

  He settled his hands on her shoulders and turned her gently. “This isn’t about me. It’s about us.”

  She shook her head bleakly. “There isn’t any us. There can’t be.”

  “Why not? You said yourself there’s no one waiting for you at home.”

  They were right back where they started. Only this time it hurt a lot more because Nicholas had done more than make his point. He had reminded her of what they could have shared if things had been different. “There’s still my future and my plans for a career in publishing.”

  He swore softly and spun around. Lifting Maree from her high chair he swung her into his arms and left the room. Moments later she heard his footsteps on the cobblestones outside and the sound of the coach house door creaking open.

  For a few minutes she remained in the center of the kitchen, trying to still the fast beating of her heart. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. They felt full and bruised from the force of his kiss. She felt more vibrant than she could ever remember, as if his touch had brought every part of her to life. Something told her the memory of this moment would take a long time to fade, if it ever did.

  It hadn’t brought to life the one part of her that would make a difference, she thought, forcing back a choking sob. Nothing could change the fact that she couldn’t give him his heart’s desire. The only thing she could give him was freedom.

  If she was going to convince him of her disinterest she would have to work much harder at it, she decided. No more half measures. He had to see her as a committed career person with big plans for the future. Otherwise he would keep trying to make her admit that she could care for him—and she was terrified that he might succeed: