by M. R. Joseph
My parents and Jocelyn gave Mack and me a dual graduation party with some family and friends. We ate and danced and most of all, smiled. Even Jocelyn did. She shed enough tears during the graduation ceremony.
I work part-time at the Village Ice Cream Shop on the boardwalk on Long Beach and Mack is a lifeguard. I see him every day, of course. He comes in on one of his breaks, begs me for free ice cream and cools off. Unfortunately, Veronica always seems to show up at the shop when Mack is on break. Ironically.
Ironically nauseating.
I can’t believe he’s still with her. She’s going to some small university near BU. All her efforts to go to where Mack is going went down the toilet when the dumbass couldn’t score high enough on her SATs.
Mack walks in as I wipe down the counter after some little brat took a fit and smashed his ice cream on top of it because I forgot the sprinkles. Whatever. Kids suck.
He plops himself on a stool. Beads of sweat claim his forehead, and his tan is deep and golden. He looks handsome … wait, no … he’s gorgeous. When I see Mack in this light, I mentally tell myself that it’s okay to find my best friend attractive. There’s no denying it. You can’t even walk past Mack without looking at him. Anyone would find him attractive. It’s fine. Our relationship is based on trust, friendship, and respect. Mack being attractive is just a plus.
I hand Mack a few napkins so he can wipe the sweat from his brow.
“Hot out there today, isn’t it?”
He puts down the napkins and looks at me with an annoyed grin.
“Ya think, smart ass.” I take pity on him and hand him a water with ice.
He takes a long drink. I watch the methodical bobbing of his Adam’s apple while the water slides down his throat, and I swallow hard watching him. I break out quickly from my temporary gaze and clear my throat as I speak to him.
“So I heard there’s a party at Rich Murphy’s tonight. You going?”
He runs his hands down his face and groans slightly.
“Probably not. I promised Veronica that I’d take her to go see that new Reese Witherspoon movie tonight.”
I roll my eyes of course. “You mean the one where she’s the lawyer? The second one? Are you serious, Mack? This is one of the last parties of the summer before people start leaving for school. Don’t you want to hang with your friends since you won’t see them?” I sound frustrated, which I am.
“Well, she wants to spend as much time with me as possible before I leave, so I told her to pick a movie. I want to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, but even enticing her to see a Johnny Depp movie wasn’t changing her mind.”
I turn my back to Mack and shake my head as I sigh.
“What’s the problem with that, Rinny? She is my girlfriend, and boyfriends take girlfriends to see girly movies. I’ll go see the pirate movie with Steve or Jeff, or I’ll make you go with me.” My hands slam on the back counter after I refill the straw dispenser and turn around to glare at him.
“No, Mack. You should be making her go with you to see that movie. It’s always what she wants. She wanted to go to that new sushi place on Third. You hate sushi but took her when you really just wanted to go to the Italian place on Tenth. And why? Because when you told her you didn’t want to go there, she cried and told you she didn’t think you cared about her feelings. Am I missing anything else from that conversation because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly the way it went down, verbatim?” My voice is raised, and I’m lucky there aren’t any customers here right now.
Mack crosses his arms in front of him and stands up defensively. “Look, I know you hate her, but she is my girlfriend and if I want to take my girlfriend to a movie she wants to see, then that’s my choice, Corrine, and it’s none of your business.”
Shit. He called me Corrine. A warning sign that I’m in trouble.
In no way shape or form am I going to allow him to make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do about her, or the fact that she takes advantage of him in so many ways.
“You make it my business, Mack. You tell me shit about you and her, and I’m constantly defending you because she’s an idiot, Mack.”
Mack shakes his finger at me as a warning. “Watch it. Don’t call her an idiot.”
I laugh backhandedly. “You just don’t see it. She’s going to a community college for an undeclared major a half-hour away from BU so she can be closer to you. I mean who does that?”
“She’s not an idiot just because she’s going to a community college. And what’s wrong with her wanting to be close to me?”
“Hmm, let me think about those answers for a second. I didn’t say she was an idiot for going to a community college. I know plenty of people going to one and that doesn’t make her an idiot. What makes her one is the way she drapes all over you and follows you around like some dog in heat. All you two do is make out in front of people. And in case you weren’t aware, just because my bedroom window is closed, doesn’t mean I can’t hear her screaming your name from your room while your mom is sleeping with Dr. Xanax. It’s disgusting.”
All there are now are a few moments of uncomfortable silence. A look appears on Mack’s face like one of realization, and he smirks at me and nods several times.
“Oh, I get it now. You’re jealous because I have a girlfriend and we have sex and you’re an eighteen-year-old virgin. Is that what it is, Rinny? And speaking of draping all over people, don’t think I haven’t seen you rubbing up against any guy who pays the slightest bit of attention to you in the last few weeks. You look desperate and pathetic just because you want to do it with someone—anyone—before you go to college.”
I step around the counter, the anger boiling inside me like a volcano ready to erupt. Placing myself in front of his tall frame, my hands shake so badly I can’t control them. They quiver at my sides.
“Fuck you, Mack. You think you know me so well. I’m not jealous of you and her. I pity you both because if you think I look pathetic for trying to hook up with guys, which I’m allowed to do, you look doubly pathetic for carrying on like two dogs in heat. Trouble is, it’s right in front of your face and you don’t even see it. There are things about her you don’t know about. She has ulterior motives. I know it. You’re just too blind by her stupid vagina to see it.”
Mack steps up to me, nose to nose. The tips of his flip-flops and my Converse are touching. He eyes me up ready to strike.
“Well at least someone’s vagina is getting some attention, unlike yours.”
But it’s me who strikes. I take a small step back, and my hand makes a strong contact to his face, and I hear it. I even feel the sting as my hand slaps his face.
“Get out, Mack. Don’t talk to me ever again. I hate you.” My selfishness doesn’t even allow me to feel bad because I don’t. I just don’t. I don’t know if it’s embarrassment, my pride, or lack thereof. I probably deserved his words.
He rubs his cheek and looks to the floor. His eyes go nowhere near mine. The bells on the ice cream shop door chime and his stare turns to the door. A family walks in. Happy, content, and oblivious to what has just transpired between Mack and me. I spin quickly on my heels and turn to go back around the counter. My heart beats rapidly inside my chest and my ears are on fire.
I stutter out, “May … may, I help you?” Mack still stands there. I feel him staring at me. The dad tells me they’re deciding what to order so I stand there and meet Mack’s glare. His eyes are set on me. If I were the center of a target and Mack’s eyes were the arrow, his aim would be spot on.
The family orders, then take up residence at a table at the far end of the shop. My hands are firmly placed on top of the counter until Mack grabs both my wrists. I try to loosen myself from his grasp without making a scene. I seethe and close my eyes tightly.
“Get off me, Mack. I told you to go. We’re done here.” He doesn’t let upon his hold.
He brings his face closer to mine, and I tilt my chin away from him.
“I’ll g
o, Corrine, but remember, some things you say, you can take never take back. Strong words. Meaningless words. You can’t take them back.”
And because I’m me and this is what I do, I pull back and escape his hold on me. Almost in a whisper I spew out, “Don’t worry. I have no intention of taking it back. Get out.” I pin my eyes back to his so he gets I’m serious, and I’m faced with the liquid, soft brown, tender eyes I’ve looked at all my life. These eyes are different now. I can’t allow myself to back down. Mack’s words have no ill effect on me. He can’t say whatever he wants to me and get away with it.
I back up until my bottom hits the back counter, and I want to tear my eyes away from Mack’s. I’m holding back my own tears because I don’t think I’ve seen Mack’s eyes look this way since the day his father died. But then there’s the sound of a little kid asking me if his ice cream cone is ready. My eyes leave Mack’s and go to the kid. I put on a fake smile.
“I’m sorry. Give me one second.” And then I look up when I hear the bells on the door, and Mack is gone.
I wasn’t planning on going to Rich Murphy’s party. My friends Lizzie and Jenna convinced me to go. Telling me Mack was an idiot, and if he couldn’t see what a total skank Veronica was, then that was his problem. They were right, but it was my sixth sense that couldn’t settle my uneasiness about her. From day one I knew she was no good. Not good enough for Mack anyway.
Rich Murphy was the class clown. His parties were always epic. He was close with Mack. They were part of the same crew. My crew. We were all friends. So I knew the inevitable was going to come. As soon as I walk through the door with Lizzie and Jenna, partygoers ask where Mack is. After about the tenth person asks about Mack, I snap. The poor sucker that receives my wrath is Danny DiPaulo.
“Jesus Christ. Can’t I go anywhere without Cooper? Give me a break.” He looks shocked and holds his hands up in defense.
“Whoa, take it easy, Corrine. I was just asking. Go grab a beer and chill.” He walks away clearly annoyed and Jenna smacks me on the arm.
“Corrine, you need to just shake it off and have fun. I told you forget Mack. He’s always acted like he’s better than you. You’re leaving for school soon and this may be one of the last parties we get to hang out at. Let’s just have fun.” And she’s right. Why should I let MacIntyre Cooper spoil my fun?
Lizzie elbows me. “Hey, Corrine. Will Clark is staring at you like you’re a piece of candy he wants to take a bite out of. I bet he’ll take your mind off of Mack.”
Jenna nudges me as soon as I roll my eyes at Lizzie, then I avert my eyes towards Will. He makes his way over to where we stand as our eyes meet. I’m still. My feet are planted pretty firmly on the floor and I’m feeling a bit uneasy. It’s only because he’s insanely good looking, and has never paid me one ounce of attention. Will’s and my friendship has always been based on subtle nods and exchanging pleasantries when we’ve been in social situations together. However, tonight, Lizzie is correct in her observation. He is looking at me differently and I kinda like it.
“Hey, ladies. What’s up?” Jenna and Lizzie nod at Will when he reaches us.
“Hey, Will. Looking good soon-to-be college man.” Lizzie flirts with him by batting her long eyelashes and rolling back her shoulders so her boobs are more pronounced. I just laugh because it’s Lizzie and you either love her or you don’t. I love her.
“Thanks, Lizzie. Yep, two more weeks and I’ll be at the University of Miami. Dream come true.”
Jenna looks at Will, starry-eyed. “Wow, Florida. I’ve never been off Long Island. That’s so freakin’ cool.” Will shrugs. “Yeah, pretty cool I guess. Um … Corrine you leave soon for Mass Arts, right?” I nod and rock back on my heels.
“Yep. Can’t wait to get off of this God forsaken thing they call an island.”
Will laughs. “Yeah, I blame Verrazano.” I smile at him.
“I see your hand is empty and in need of a drink. Want me to get you one?” His blue eyes shimmer and his one side dimple comes into view. Yes, these are a pair of good eyes.
“Nah, I’m okay. I think I’ll just have a water.” One side of my lip quirks up and Will looks at me exactly like what Lizzie said.
“Why don’t we go grab you one and then we can catch up, Corrine.”
I feel a slight push on my shoulder from Jenna. This is her way of urging me to go with Will. Jenna and Lizzie know what happened at prom between Mark and me, and they know since then my love life has been … let’s say null and void. This is just something that I have to do for myself. And Will is a friend. Someone I’ve known for a long time, and I trust him.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
“And then the guy says to me, I don’t know, I only work here.” I laugh and snort my beer out my nose as Will tells me the ending to a funny story. We sit on the brick wall out back at Rich’s house and chat. I feel very comfortable talking with Will. I ask him about the University of Miami.
“I was impressed with your photos in the spring showcase at school. You have a great eye. You have a promising future, Corrine.” makes my cheeks heat up and I smile. I rarely blush but it’s the way Will says it.
“Well, I appreciate that. I was told what to take by my art teacher, so I didn’t have much of a choice. My mom thinks I’ll wind up taking pictures of food for the circulars at the Stop ‘n Shop.”
Will inches a little closer to me on the wall and I look down to watch our legs dangling.
“That’s a shame. What sort of photographs do you like to take the most?”
I sip my water. Will hits my shoulder with his. “Come on. Tell me. What’s the one subject that lights your fire?”
I think about it and the answer is so simple.
“People.”
His eyes grow big. “Really? Like portraits? I mean, I know you took photos of the sports teams for the yearbook and stuff, but like posing people and taking their picture?”
I adjust myself so that my one leg swings over the other side of the wall, and I’m now straddling it. I put my cup of beer down and focus on Will’s face and try to explain to him what I mean by people.
“Not just people. Actually, that’s not what I mean. I want to take pictures of them in their natural environment. When they aren’t looking. Maybe an old man sitting in front of a barbershop reading the paper or talking with a friend. Maybe a homeless person across the street with a sign that reads ‘will work for food’ in front of him. I take pictures all the time of random people doing random things.”
A wide smile broadens across his face. “So humans doing nothing in particular.”
“Absolutely nothing in particular.” I point over to Rich Murphy, who is blowing smoke rings impressively out of his mouth.
“See Rich over there. See what he’s doing?”
Will looks over at him. “Yeah, he’s smoking.”
“No. The smoke rings. He’s not paying any attention to what he’s doing. He’s talking to a group of people, and he isn’t even aware he’s doing something skillful. Look at the way the smoke drifts up into the tree above him and how the twinkling lights that are on the tree make the smoke look illuminated. I know he’s ruining his lungs, but if I had my camera right now, I could capture that moment and the look on Rich’s face as he does it.”
Will furrows his brows. “He’s just making a fish face and smoke’s coming out of his mouth.” He goes back to drinking his beer and, in that moment, I realize I’m talking to Will. Not to Mack. Now, if I explained to Mack what Rich was doing, he could see it as well. Mack’s the only one who can see the art in things like I do. He noticed when we were kids how I saw things in the world that others didn’t see. He began to see what I did. Suddenly, I feel alone even if Will is sitting here. A longing intensifies deep inside, and even though I hate his guts I wish Mack was sitting here with me and looking at the art in front of us. But then I remember and get angry. Fuck Mack. Fuck the fact that Will has no idea what I’m trying to make him see and fuck the fact that Ma
ck would have seen it.
Fuck everything.
“Want to take a walk, Will?” I swing my legs over the wall and hop off, waiting for him to take me up on suggestion. He gets closer to my face and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. He winks at me as his hand leaves the shell of my ear, and his thumb drifts down the side of my face, and suddenly for the first time, in a really long time, I don’t need MacIntyre Cooper telling me what and what not to do. I know exactly what I’m doing.
I’ll have to admit, the past few weeks have not been all that easy not talking to Mack. We’ve stayed clear from each other, but it’s not that we aren’t invisible to one another. We live next. Our parents are best friends, and getting out of our usual Sunday dinners with the families takes a bit of finagling on our parts. My paycheck over the last few weeks should reflect the extra time I’ve been spending by lying about working overtime. Especially lying to get out of Sunday family dinners with the Coopers.
My mother is on to me. And why? Because according to her, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Will Clark and Mack hasn’t been up my ass about it. Will and Mack are friends, and if I was dating someone Mack would be in my business, asking where we’re going, being at my door or at my kitchen table when the poor schlub picks me up. This has not been the case since I’ve been—I don’t know what you would call what Will and me are doing. A little kissing here, going to the movies there. Walks on the beach. Lots of talking. So with all of that being said of course my mother is suspicious.
As I get ready for Will to pick me up so we can go hang out at the beach with a few friends, my mother comes in my room as I dress.
“Just barge in why don’t ya, Mae.”
As if she’s on automatic pilot, she begins to fold the clothes on my bed that I haven’t had a chance to fold myself.
“My house, Corrine. Remember? Where are you off to?”
I put on some gloss and check myself out in my mirror.
“To the beach with Will and a few friends.”
“Mack being one of those friends?” I ignore her and shove some money in my purse.
