Raine Falling (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club)

by Marinaro, Paula

  Oh yes, I did. And I wasn’t done yet.

  “I’m definitely feeling you, Ellie. Now listen up, because this is you feeling me.

  “Pocahontas, just to be clear, was the daughter of Powhatan. He was the chief of the Algonquian Indians. She was an honest-to-Christ real Native American princess. I’m not her. My name is Raine, Ellie. You got issues with me, you call me by my goddamn name.”

  She was watching me and I was watching her. None of the crazy was gone from her eyes, but she was listening.

  “I met your man a week ago. In that time, I’ve been threatened by him, rescued by him, and judged by him. I’ve had dinner with him and been for a ride with him. What I’ve not been is fooled by him or used by him. Or, and hear this clearly, fucked by him. So you don’t get to call me a whore. The Diego trophy is still all yours, girlfriend, and it certainly sounds like you have earned it.”

  I paused for a minute to let that sink in. Then I full-on started again.

  Oh yes, I did.

  Because really? Really?

  “You’re right about one thing, Ellie. That black and blue you see on me is from a man. He hit me and I left. The reason I went back wasn’t because I needed him, but because I needed something he had that was mine. He found me and he beat me again. That’s not something I plan on ever getting used to. There’s no reason for me to ever go back there again. The hope I had of him loving me died with that first punch. If he ever comes back to get me, I’ll not go back to him. I’ll kill him. You still feeling me, Ellie?”

  Ellie’s eyes were on me, brittle with hate, but also just a glimmer of understanding.

  And I had more.

  “I don’t fight over men. I don’t respond to threats made by women who want to fight over men. Whatever there is between you and Diego is none of my business. And honestly, despite the crazy you’re wearing, I get this is what it costs you to love him. I get it, and I’m sorry for the part I might have played in making you feel this.”

  And I honestly was. No woman should be made to feel that much pain over loving a man. I didn’t like being part of what caused that.

  But because Ellie was too far gone, she wouldn’t take the out I had just given her.

  “Bitch, you don’t even know what it takes to love a man like him.” She just couldn’t quit.

  I took a step back then. There are some women who will just never get it.

  I was talking to Ellie, but I was looking straight at Diego.

  “I do know. I know exactly what it takes. It takes everything. It takes it all. And every time, every single time you dare to hope it’s gone for good, it sneaks right back in, and then it takes some more.”

  It was 12:01.

  CHAPTER 25

  Crow had seen that crazy chick approaching Raine and was on it. When Jules moved in on her throat, he was only half a step ahead of Crow. Jesus, what was Diego thinking? You don’t go from a woman like Ellie to a woman like Raine without doing some serious damage control first. He had left her out there. Again. When Diego moved to go after Raine, Crow stood in front of him.

  “Brother, you need to clean this up first.” And he nodded right at Ellie. Diego knew Crow was right, but had to make one thing clear.

  “Me taking a minute to do that should not be mistaken as me opening that door. You feel me, Brother?”

  Crow walked away thinking that’s exactly what that meant.

  CHAPTER 26

  Diego had headed Ellie off when she went for Raine the first time. She had thrown herself at him when he had tried to tell her it was over. What Raine had seen was Ellie’s last-ditch attempt to persuade Diego another way. But she had turned her fury onto Raine. The twisted look on her face, the spittle foaming at her mouth, she had gone full-on crazy. A full-on assault. Holy fuck, Ellie wouldn’t shut up. Ellie had Raine on the ropes and kept slugging.

  Diego knew Ellie had it in her, but honestly, he was shocked at the venom that came spewing from her mouth. He knew that anything he said would just make it worse. So he watched, ready to pick up Raine and physically remove her if it came to that. But it didn’t come to that.

  Because his girl had handled it.

  While Ellie continued her battery, Raine had gone perfectly still. Her hands fell to her sides, and she was listening. She absorbed each blow. Ellie pressed her advantage, backing Raine against the ropes. Raine took in all the shit that Ellie was handing her.

  Until she didn’t.

  Then she had come out swinging.

  CHAPTER 27

  Diego banged on my very locked door much later that night. I ignored him and his ridiculous pounding. He had stood on the other side of that door yelling my name and threatening to “kick in this fucking door right now.” I had to pull the pillow tight around my head to drown out his voice. Eventually he went away. Actually, eventually, I heard someone come and drag him away.

  I had stood my ground with Ellie, but it had taken a toll on me.

  Two years. Ellie and Diego for two years. I didn’t know how to feel about that. I didn’t know what to think of a guy who would spend two years with a woman like that. Two years and he had never taken her on his bike. That seemed to be the core of what set Ellie off. I hadn’t one clue, not one insight into this whole MC thing. I didn’t think I wanted to.

  But I sure as hell knew Crazy. I had spent my life avoiding Crazy. I certainly would never willingly start a thing with Crazy’s man. I wasn’t about to open my bedroom door in the wee hours of the morning to let that man in. Not at dawn or twilight either. Opening that door would bring me nothing but trouble. And heartache.

  The trouble I could handle.

  The heartache would kill me.

  Just seeing her with him wrapped in his arms proved that. For just a little while last night at dinner, I had let myself imagine what it would be like to be loved by Diego. I imagined it all to be wonderful. A little house with a fireplace and flowerpots in the window. Wind chimes and stained glass. And babies. Lots of brown-eyed, soft-skinned, chubby little happy souls. I would love them and the man who gave them to me. As long as we both shall live.

  Then it all came crashing down on me. I felt like such an idiot. Ellie had called me Pocahontas and beaten-up. She had made me feel humiliated and pathetic. I swear to God, I was ready to just turn and run. I wanted to run and run and run as far as I could away from her, from him.

  But then her voice cracked and I saw her. And when I saw her, I saw myself, or what I could have become if I hadn’t been fighting to keep that down for my whole life. So I had tried. I tried to explain and apologize and bring her into the Sisterhood of Lost Souls. But Ellie was too far gone. I didn’t know what happened between Diego and Ellie after I left, but I hoped I would never see either one of them again.

  CHAPTER 28

  I got up and got dressed. I wanted to be out of there before anyone saw me. I felt like I needed to put more than a few hours between my total humiliation and those who had witnessed it.

  But that was not going to happen. Jules was manning the kitchen and must have heard my shower running because there was a hot cup of coffee and some cinnamon toast waiting for me. When I tried to wave off his offer of coffee and head for the door, he took pity on my nervous glance around. He told me that Diego had “apparently cleaned up the Ellie mess and they reached a mutual agreement” (whatever that meant), and “he had got rid of her” (holy shit, whatever that meant).

  Then Jules explained that the “getting rid of” meant that Diego had given Ellie the transport to catch a plane, train, or bus. Her choice, as long as she was gone by that morning. That meant Diego would be gone at least most of the day. Then he was going to do some MC business that might take a couple of days. Crow was out doing a restock at one of the bars that the Saints owned downtown.

  Good news and good news.

  The day was already looking up.


  Too bad Diego wasn’t taking that plane, train, or bus with Ellie. I was singularly unimpressed with the “shipping her off” thing. Crazy finds its way back. It always does. I wasn’t ready to face Diego, and I was thinking that the “not ready” thing may turn into a “never, ever ready” thing. Pure self-preservation. He wasn’t the man for me. Besides that, this whole mess had hurt me a lot. I honestly didn’t think I could be with a man who could be with a woman like that.

  So I had my cup of joe with Jules and munched on some toast. I told him that I planned to take Prosper’s car out for the day and get some errands done. I wasn’t familiar with the area, but was hoping there was a branch of my bank around and maybe a mall. Now that I had my life savings back, I could take a moment to do some retail therapy and take time away from the compound to think about my future. I couldn’t stay holed up here forever. I needed a job.

  My nursing school graduation was imminent. However, I had decided to wait for the diploma in the mail. I didn’t have the heart to don the cap and gown. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be a nurse anymore. I had taken the course of study because of how well it paid, and I knew I could probably get a job just about anywhere Claire and I decided to go. I thought it would fill my life with purpose to help the sick little children and their families, but really it had just made me sad. I hadn’t liked the windowless corridors of the hospitals or the arrogance of the doctors. Having the support of Prosper made me feel like I had family. That felt secure to me. Maybe I could start thinking in a different direction now. After all, education is something that never goes away and I would have that nursing degree forever.

  Jules had his head bent and was cursing over some numbers. I smiled at the top of his head. I knew that Jules was a badass. He was a big, scarred biker dude with huge hands and tribal tattoos. But to me, he was a gentle giant and a hero of sorts. He was the first one who had come to my rescue when I called out for help on that strange and fateful day. He made me breakfast and had almost choked Ellie last night on my behalf. Jules was my friend.

  I brought my head close to his and looked at what he was struggling with. It was some kind of inventory sheet. A few pages’ worth and, by the looks of it, it was a mess. I was a numbers girl. As a kid in school I had always loved math. I loved the unshaken reliability of it. Two plus two always made four. No matter what. It was logical and sequential and fixed. Yeah, I loved math.

  After a brief discussion with Jules, I found out that the Hells Saints actually owned three saloon-type bars and were in the process of opening up a fourth. Their bookkeeper was going through some “transition time” (which I think was probably better termed “prison time”) and the bookkeeping task had fallen to Jules. He was having a fuck of a time with it. His words, not mine. I looked it over, subtracted a few things where he had added, moved a couple of columns over, and then checked the total. Jules looked at me like I was Houdini and gave me a big bear hug. He made me laugh and I smiled. Then he offered me a job doing the books for the newest bar, a place called Ruby Reds. I accepted on the spot, and he told me there was even a real office to work in. I wasn’t sure if this was a true and serious offer for employment, but Jules assured me it was. I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

  I took Prosper’s car for the day. It was a five-speed black Saab. It was fun to drive and had a kickass stereo system and a built-in navigation system. I plugged in some destinations and was on my way. The area was really pretty and had these little caches of small towns that surrounded an urban hub. I stayed away from the major city, but enjoyed driving through the small towns. Two of the towns had branches of my bank, so I was able to deposit my money again. Snap! I felt that relief in the tips of my toes. I kept some out though. I stopped at a cool little store and bought Claire a cute card. I sent her the max cash she was allowed.

  Then I treated myself to a day that I hadn’t had since . . . well, ever. I totally enjoyed the whole retail therapy experience. The only thing that was missing was a friend to share it all with. Or a sister. I missed Claire. But I still managed to do it up. Honestly, I had a blast.

  I treated myself to a Cobb salad and two glasses of wine at a little bistro nestled in the foothills. They had a great pastry section, and I spent a small fortune on scones, cinnamon buns, fruit tarts, turnovers, and muffins to bring back to the kitchen house so that Jules could get a break on breakfast duty in the morning. I also treated myself to a manicure and a pedicure. I found an organic cosmetic store and spent too much on black velvet mascara, eyeliner, shampoo, and conditioner. I bought body wash, lotion, and spray all in the same fragrance so I could layer the scents. I bought new underwear.

  I bought two pairs of outrageously expensive jeans that made my ass look great and three soft sweaters in neutral colors. When the clerk told me that the navy-blue pencil skirt and the off-the-shoulder white blouse looked fab on me, I added them to the pile. I decided on four thin V-neck tee shirts in black, light pink, baby blue, and bright white. I tried on and purchased a tiny black backless dress that the sales person convinced me looked classy and not at all trashy. I threw in the silver strappy sandals to go with it. I finished off the trip with a butter-soft, black leather jacket, biker boots, pajama pants, and camisole tops. I bought a lacy nightgown in black, then I bought it in white.

  I bought and I bought and I bought. Oh yes, I did.

  Later I took myself out to dinner. After that, I took myself to a movie. Finally, I drove myself home to the Hells Saints compound where I had to make three trips out to the car to bring in all my packages. Some of the brothers were out in the yard area. I could see a small fire burning, but otherwise it was pretty quiet. I laid the pastries out on the counter with a note to Jules. I went to my room to unwrap and delight in my purchases. That night I had the flying dream again.

  CHAPTER 29

  I had a good night’s sleep. I woke up rested and in a good mood. I had decided that I was going to test the seriousness of Jules’s offer to take over those books. I showered and put on all my new stuff. I thought I looked pretty good in the pink tee shirt and the jeans. They were something that I would probably live in. They felt that good and they looked even better. Yep, I was going to give that one to myself.

  When I walked out into the main kitchen area, I was met with applause from the dozen or so bikers who were hanging around drinking coffee and eating the great stuff I bought the night before. It felt nice to be appreciated and I blushed and smiled. Still no Diego. Thank God. But it didn’t escape my own notice that he was the first one that I looked for. I felt like a coward. The more time that passed, the more I dreaded seeing him again. I had stood up to Ellie. Oh, I certainly had. But that wasn’t me. I hadn’t wanted to respond in kind to the crude words that came spewing from her mouth. But I had and with a vengeance. Diego was just bad news for me, for my temper, and for my heart.

  Diego was gone for now. But Crow was back.

  He was having a cup of coffee with Jules. I couldn’t help but notice he took it black and hadn’t touched any of the pastries. He had on a white V-neck tee shirt under his cut and a worn pair of Levi’s that fit low on his hips. He had a beautifully beaded black-and-silver belt on, and his glossy black hair was in a long black ponytail that went halfway down his back. The fact that he was a truly beautiful man wasn’t lost on me. When he turned his eyes on me, he took my breath away.

  “Raine.” He chin-nodded me.

  “Crow.” I smiled a little at seeing him again.

  He didn’t smile back. Crow, come to think of it, didn’t smile a lot. He was one of those guys who didn’t easily give away his thoughts. He was intense, even stoic, in the few dealings I had had with him so far. Except when we were playing music. I remember he was smiling at the end of it. But, then again, we had done some kickass harmonies.

  His eyes softened when he looked at me though, and he leaned in towards me. His tanned hands curled around his coffee mug through the handl
e. He smelled like dark roast and Polo. I thought I could get used to waking up and smelling that. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, and I was sure I was blushing. Crow raised an eyebrow.

  “Jules was just telling me you’re gonna be takin’ over the books for Ruby Reds.”

  I looked at Jules, who was pouring me a cup of coffee. He gave me a wink.

  “She worked some magic yesterday, Crow. Man, I’ve got to tell you, I cannot wait to get rid of that bullshit. Prosper won’t hire anyone outside the club, and half these clowns can’t add two and two. Man, no fuckin’ shame in this game. Two plus two is about as far as I go.”

  “That’s not true, Jules,” I said softly because I hated to hear the big man selling himself short.

  Crow looked at me. “Thought you were a nurse?”

  “I am. Formally, I will be after next week,” I said in way of explanation.

  “What’s next week?”

  “It’s the graduation. But I’m not going to the ceremony,” I added quickly. “I’ll get my degree in the mail. It’s just that I’m not sure it’s what I want to do anymore. I thought I could do some good. Maybe give back a little, being a pediatric nurse. But, honestly, it just made me feel sad and helpless.”

  It was the first time I had ever voiced the concerns I had out loud about my chosen career. I wondered if Crow would think that I was being foolish and self-centered.

  “I get it,” he said, taking a sip from his coffee mug, his eyes on me. “I’ve got two years towards a degree in architectural design myself.”

  “You do?” I asked, my eyes wide.

  “Yeah. I do,” he said in a tone that told me this was all the information I was going to get.

  “So you ready to take on Ruby Reds? There’s three of them, you know.”

  Jules stepped in. “I’m gonna have her break her economics cherry slowly. Brother, let’s not scare the chick off before she gets the first bite in.”