End of the Alphabet

by Fleur Beale

  THINGS I’M GOOD AT WOULD I LIKE TO

  DO THIS FOR A JOB?

  Child care No

  Unpicking seams No

  Cooking No

  Speaking Portuguese No

  Water-skiing Dream on

  Making fashion posters Yeah, right

  That took me two periods. I didn’t show it to Miss Harris.

  The third week of term, and the winter turned cold and bitter. Cat, Davey and I ran home from school to keep warm. Maria came to our house to pick her up. She said it was too cold by four for us to walk. She stayed for our half-hour chat. ‘I look forward to it, Ruby. You are learning so fast.’

  When she left, she gave me more books on CD. ‘This one is for adults, but I think you will understand much of it.’ She told me what it was about — a woman who worked with homeless children in the slums of São Paulo.

  My birthday was on Friday in the last week of July. Megan came up with a bright idea. ‘Let’s have a midwinter feast for your birthday. Mum says she’ll cook us a turkey.’

  ‘Great idea,’ said Tia. She got out her phone. ‘I’ll just tell Callum he’s history.’ She looked at me. ‘What’s your mum planning?’

  I shrugged. Nothing she’d told me about.

  ‘We can switch to Saturday if it’s a problem,’ Carly said. ‘Hey, let’s sleep over.’

  ‘And I can wake you all up when I go to work,’ I said.

  I got up as usual on Friday morning. Calvin said good morning, but he didn’t say happy birthday. He’d probably remember during the day. I didn’t say anything.

  At work, it was the same old, same old. I should ask old Grumble-guts for a raise now that I was fifteen. I didn’t bother.

  I hurried back home. I hoped Mum had got me some new fashion mags, but I had no idea. Usually, I could guess what she’d give me, but she’d been very quiet about it all this time.

  She looked up as I came in the door. ‘Oh, thank goodness you’re back, darling. Can you sort Theo out? He’s throwing a right wobbly.’

  Okay. Theo first. Happy birthday, dear Ruby next.

  But when I sat down for breakfast, she didn’t bring a present. Slowly, it dawned on me that she’d forgotten. I gave her a clue. ‘Mum — don’t forget I’m going to Megan’s tonight.’

  She’d forgotten that too.

  Bugger her. I was damned if I was going to remind her about my birthday. Bloody Max had got the full treatment. I should run away. Distance might make her heart grow fonder. I didn’t say goodbye to her when she raced out the door, dragging a screeching Theo with her. She didn’t notice.

  School was better. The girls all wished me happy birthday. Wiremu stood up and sang happy birthday. The whole class joined in. My face burned, but it was nice.

  At four, Maria came to my place with a present. ‘For your bedroom,’ she said.

  I pulled off the paper. She’d given me one of the masks that hung in their lounge. ‘Oh, Maria! It’s my favourite! How did you know?’

  Cat beamed. ‘I told her. You always look at that one.’

  When she and Cat left, I packed the gear I’d need for the night and then prepared the dinner. Calvin and Theo got home at five. Calvin hadn’t remembered my birthday. I jumped on my bike and rode through the rain to Megan’s house. They all had presents for me. Tia gave me a bracelet, Megan’s present was a book on fashion. ‘It’s got lots of pictures,’ she said. ‘I thought it would be okay.’

  I flicked through it. ‘It’s fabulous. Thank you!’

  Carly gave me four new magazines. One of them was a British one I hadn’t seen before.

  ‘You guys are the best!’ I hugged them all. We didn’t talk about my family. Instead we ate, watched DVDs and laughed.

  Megan’s mum came in to wish us goodnight. I ran and hugged her. ‘Thank you! This is a magic birthday!’ She looked pleased.

  I made myself think about what a great evening we were having. I wouldn’t let thoughts of my family spoil things. But when we at last decided sleep might be a good idea, it was harder.

  Every single member of my family had forgotten my birthday. Even when Maria gave me the mask, Davey hadn’t said anything.

  Mum should have remembered. She didn’t forget Max’s birthday.

  I was determined not to cry, but a couple of tears sneaked out. The girls had all dropped off to sleep.

  My family. A girl with backbone would have said something.

  No, bugger it! Other people remembered your birthday because they loved you, because they cared about you and because you mattered to them. Birthdays were something other people did for you. Birthdays shouldn’t need backbone. The tears vanished. There’s nothing like plain old fury for chasing tears away.

  This was a turning point in my life. It was a time for another important promise. I, Ruby Diana Yarrow, would no longer let my family walk all over me.

  I sighed. I seemed to remember making that same promise not so long ago.

  I went to sleep. My alarm woke me much too soon. The girls all muttered and groaned as I got dressed.

  I shoved my clothes in my bag and put my presents carefully on the top.

  It was dark outside, and cold. I pedalled fast to warm up. The light on my bike looked thin and tiny in the darkness.

  Old Grumble-guts greeted me with his usual grunt. I didn’t sing as I worked. I wanted to think. I wasn’t in a singing mood. He paid me and I went home.

  Nobody was up. Good. I got into my bed and slept.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  I got up in time for lunch. Mum still hadn’t realised she’d forgotten my birthday. Well, bugger her, I wasn’t going to remind her.

  We’d almost finished eating when the phone went. Mum answered it. ‘Max! Oh, darling — how wonderful to hear your voice!’

  She was laughing and crying.

  I wasn’t. I didn’t think he’d rung to wish me a late happy birthday.

  ‘Of course you can, darling! You don’t need to ask — this is your home. It always will be.’ She wiped her eyes and smiled at the rest of us.

  Home. Max was coming home. Oh, lovely, fantastic, superb.

  ‘When will you be here, darling?’ Her eyes widened. ‘He won’t? Oh, Max — are you sure?’ She listened. We couldn’t hear his voice. ‘We’ll see if we can work something out. Money’s very tight right now … no, of course we want you home. Ring back this time tomorrow. We’ll see what we can do. Love you, darling. Talk soon.’

  She put the phone down on the table.

  Calvin said, ‘Hayden won’t pay?’

  She shook her head. ‘He says he’s paid once. He says Max can’t keep flitting between there and here.’ She sank her head into her hands.

  Calvin put an arm round her shoulders. ‘We’ll work something out, Tessie. We will.’

  She lifted her head. ‘But the money, Calvin! How much does it cost to fly from Perth to New Zealand?’

  He put on the jacket he had to wear when he worked at the service station. ‘Pop over and ask Alf to look it up for you. Then when I get home, we’ll decide what to do.’

  ‘I want to go to Alf’s! I do. I really do,’ Theo said.

  ‘Me too,’ Davey said. ‘Alf likes us.’

  That left me, the dishes and my thoughts.

  My thoughts were:

  The bank wouldn’t lend them the money.

  There was nothing we could sell to get the money.

  I was the only one who had money.

  I probably had enough.

  I didn’t want to waste my money on Max.

  I didn’t want Max home anyway.

  When Mum and the boys got back, I was studying one of my new magazines. I looked up as they came in. Her face was pale and worried. ‘Oh, Ruby — it’ll cost about seven hundred dollars. Then he’ll have to get the bus from Auckland to Napier and he’ll need a few dollars to buy food.’ She stood at the bench, stared into space and tapped her fingers. ‘Seven hundred dollars! I hope Calvin can work something out.’


  I bit back what I wanted to say. Tell Max to get a job and earn the money. Tell him to stay where he is and suck it up.

  Calvin got home in the evening. He looked so tired. ‘Tessie, the only thing we can do is get a loan from one of those finance places.’

  Mum sank onto the couch. ‘But the interest … they charge so much! We’ll never get out of debt.’ She told him how much the ticket was.

  He sat down, stretched out and closed his eyes. ‘It’s the only way, honey. It’s the only way.’

  They didn’t see me creep from the room. Before I could change my mind, I slipped from the house and biked to the money machine. It would only let me get out five hundred dollars per day.

  I went back the next morning before Calvin left for work, and drew out the rest.

  They were sitting at the table when I got back, the remains of breakfast around them. I put seven hundred dollars’ worth of twenty dollar bills on the table. ‘Don’t get a loan.’ It was all I could say. I ran from the room. I didn’t want to listen to the fuss. They’d say I shouldn’t have done it. Mum would cry. But in the end, they’d take it. So just take it and don’t go on about it.

  Bloody Max. Being good was supposed to make you feel good in return. I felt bad. I felt as if the money had been stolen from me. I shut myself in my room.

  After about ten minutes Mum knocked on the door. ‘Ruby? Can I come in?’

  Best get it over with. I sat up. ‘Okay.’

  She’d been crying. She sat on the bed and put her arms around me. ‘Thank you, darling. You are the best daughter in the world. But don’t worry — we’ll pay you back.’

  Why don’t you make Max pay me back?

  ‘It’s okay, Mum.’ If I was the best daughter in the world, I’d tell her I was glad to help. But I wasn’t so I didn’t.

  I wondered if they’d tell Max where the money came from, but when he rang again at lunchtime, Mum didn’t mention it. She was all excited and happy again by then. ‘Max, darling — we’ve booked you on a flight next Sunday.’ She gave him the details. ‘We’re sorry it can’t be sooner, but it costs a lot less if you wait a week.’

  I watched her face. She kept smiling so he wasn’t pushing to come sooner.

  ‘I’ll meet you at the bus. Can’t wait! Love you, darling.’ She hung up and actually did a dance around the kitchen.

  My last Max-free week passed quickly.

  I went into town with Tia, Megan and Carly on Saturday. They all had stuff they wanted to buy. I left my bank card at home. Now that I’d dug such a big hole in my savings, it would be so easy to spend the rest. But I had backbone busting out all over — Max wasn’t going to stop me going to Brazil. I wouldn’t get the seven hundred back. I knew that. So I’d just have to save harder, work harder. Because I was going to go to Brazil.

  We bumped into Wiremu and Niles in town and ended up going bowling with them. I bowled four strikes.

  It had been a good day. I was still smiling when I got home. ‘Hi! I’m back!’ I ran down the hall and flung open the door to my room.

  Mum was in there. She’d stripped my bed. She had the drawers open and held a pile of my undies in her hands.

  ‘Mum! What are you doing?’ I grabbed the stuff from her and shoved it back in the drawer. ‘And what have you done to my bed?’

  She flapped a hand at me. ‘Calm down, Ruby. I’m just changing the rooms over. Max will be here tomorrow.’

  As if I’d forgotten. I said carefully, ‘Mum, I know Max will be here tomorrow. But this is my room. It’s got nothing to do with Max.’

  She clicked her tongue the way she does when she thinks I’m being particularly dense. ‘Don’t push, Ruby. We went through all this before. You and the little ones have the big room. Max has this one.’

  I lost it. I completely lost it. ‘No, he bloody doesn’t!’ I yelled. ‘I never wanted to share with the kids. And I’m not going to do it again.’ I stamped my foot. ‘I’m not! You said at the start it was just till you sorted something out.’ I took a breath. ‘But you haven’t even tried. The deal’s off.’

  She dragged the drawer open again. ‘Don’t be selfish, Ruby. And stop being difficult.’

  That just about took my breath away — but not quite. I got very calm and I felt very dangerous. ‘Mum,’ I said quietly, ‘I’m not sharing with the boys. I’m a girl, and I’m fifteen. I need a room of my own.’

  She snapped, ‘You’re not fifteen.’

  I stared at her and raised my eyebrows. I watched her work it out — saw her realise she’d forgotten my birthday. ‘Please get out of my room, Mum.’

  She sat back on her heels and gasped, ‘Ruby! I’m so sorry! I forgot!’

  ‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘You did. You didn’t forget Max’s birthday, and he wasn’t even here. But you forgot mine.’ I kept my voice even. ‘I am keeping my room. I am not going to share it. Now please go.’

  She went. I flopped down on my unmade bed. I was shaking but at the same time I wanted to cheer. So I did. I hoped she heard it.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Mum didn’t say any more about forgetting my birthday. I don’t think she told Calvin, because he didn’t say anything either.

  I sighed. I think I’d sort of hoped that when she found out, she’d make a fuss of me — cook a special dinner. Something. She couldn’t very well go out and buy me a huge present, not unless she borrowed the money from me. That would be funny — Ruby, can you lend me another couple of hundred? I want to buy you the best birthday present ever.

  Oh, get over it, Ruby Yarrow.

  Yeah. Good idea. I should think about Max instead. He’d be here mid-afternoon the next day. At dinner, Mum muttered, ‘I can’t believe Hayden. Does he realise Max will be travelling for two whole days to get home? Not that he’d care.’

  Calvin gave her a sharp look. ‘Max is very lucky to be coming home at all, Tessie. Concentrate on that.’

  She blinked, then rubbed a hand over her face. ‘Yes. You’re right. Of course.’ She smiled at me. ‘He’s very lucky.’

  Davey asked, ‘Will he have to be in our room? We don’t want Max in our room. We want Ruby.’

  Calvin ruffled his hair. ‘Max will share with you and Theo, buddy. But don’t worry — he’s going to be a much nicer Max this time.’ He looked at Mum as he said it.

  She straightened her backbone. ‘Yes, he will be. Much nicer.’

  I would believe that when I saw it.

  ‘Don’t you like us, Ruby?’ Theo asked — and his eyes were huge and tragic.

  I jumped off my chair and hugged him. ‘I love you to bits. But I’m a girl and you’re not.’ I frowned at him. ‘At least, I don’t think you are?’

  He giggled, but Davey wasn’t happy. ‘Max won’t talk to us. He’s mean.’

  ‘Max will talk to you. And he will be nice,’ Calvin said, his eyes on Mum.

  She nodded. ‘I won’t let him get away with things this time. I really won’t.’

  I stood up and cleared my dishes away. ‘I’m off, Mum.’

  She looked at me in astonishment. ‘Where, Ruby?’

  Okay, so maybe I hadn’t told her. ‘Megan’s. She’s got a couple of DVDs. Tia and Carly are coming too. See you later.’

  She smiled. ‘Have a good time. And be home by eleven.’

  I paused in the doorway. ‘Eleven-thirty, Mum. Remember? Half an hour longer with every birthday.’

  She went a bit red. ‘Oh. Yes. I forgot. Be home by 11.30 then, darling.’

  Calvin glanced at her, then at me. He was frowning. I grinned at him and shut the door.

  I intended to enjoy my last Max-free moments, but 3.30 Sunday afternoon arrived much too quickly. I didn’t go with Mum and the boys to collect him from the bus station. I made sure I wasn’t home when he got back. I wanted Mum to get over the worst of her excitement before I saw him.

  I turned up in time for dinner. She’d cooked his favourite meal — roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, gravy, roast vegetables, peas and a pavlova to fol
low.

  ‘Hello, Max,’ I said. That sounded a bit bare and unwelcoming. I made an effort. ‘You’ve got a tan. But you’d better not be taller than me.’

  He made an attempt at an effort too. ‘I was taller than you before I went. But I reckon the boys are catching me up.’

  That made everyone smile. It would be great if the happy family thing could last. I wasn’t holding my breath.

  It seemed though, that he was okay with sharing his bedroom. He didn’t say anything about it. I didn’t trust him enough to relax my guard. He wouldn’t catch me again the way he’d done last time.

  He said he was too tired to go to school. Mum gave him a hug. ‘It’ll be easier if you do go, Max. It’ll be all right. You’ll see. They’re expecting you.’

  He grumbled, but she stayed firm. ‘You have to go, Max. No arguing, please.’

  He was surprised. I was surprised. Wow! Maybe things would be different.

  In the morning, she made him get up on time. She told him off when he snapped at her. She made him clear away his breakfast things and reminded him to do the dishes.

  I kept my mouth shut. Davey and I left the house together.

  ‘How’s the Crown Prince?’ Tia asked when we met up.

  ‘Doing as he’s told,’ I said. ‘It’s scary.’ I gave her a full report. ‘And he was doing the dishes when Davey and I left.’

  She laughed all the way to school. ‘Way to go, girl! Keep it up.’

  I was worried that he’d come home in the middle of my Portuguese lesson with Maria, but he didn’t. He went straight back to his old habit of coming home, getting changed then racing out again. He always managed to come back just in time for dinner. That suited me fine.

  Maria and I discussed the whole thing. I learnt quite a few new words during that discussion: fairness, equality, sibling, expectations.

  She gave me another book to listen to. This one was a novel about a woman in an arranged marriage.

  There was something I wanted to ask Max, but I waited for a few days. On Saturday, when Mum wasn’t around, I asked, ‘Max — what’s Hayden like?’

  His face sort of closed down. ‘I don’t want to talk about him.’