Allegra's Shadow

by Dana Sanders Hill

  “Really? Why do you say that?”

  “Gran D was in love with Aunt Celia’s father, was going to marry him. His family adored her, and continued to help her after he died in a bar fight. After she lost him, Gran D became overprotective of Aunt Celia, and according to Mom, she stifled her so much that Celia rebelled, had Kevin and left him in Gran D’s care for months at a time.”

  “Kevin was six when she died in her sleep.”

  Mariah nodded. “In Gran D’s house. Something to do with her heart.” Her eyes dropped to the table. “A part of Gran D died, too.

  “In contrast, Mom’s father was a one-night stand with a neighborhood boy who went off to war a few weeks later. Gran D didn’t have his support, or his family’s, and I can’t imagine what it was like for her, being black, pregnant and poor with only an eighth grade education. That’s why she always stressed getting a good education and got her GED later on. When my grandfather returned from the war, he got married. Mom knew who he was, but they never spent time together until a few months before he died. His wife couldn’t have children and she died before him, so he left Mom all of his life insurance money. Mom put herself through school, bought the house I grew up in, and gave Gran D money for hers.”

  “Ms. D rented her house before she bought it, right?”

  “Yes.”

  Anthony waited a moment before asking, “So what about your father?” He saw Mariah tense a little.

  “My father…was no good. After his mother died, he was raised by well-to-do-cousins — who made their money from juke joints and funeral homes down here. He never knew his father. His cousins didn’t have children, so he was spoiled, but when Mom found out she was carrying Allegra…They had strong feelings about children being born outside marriage and demanded that he marry her. He obeyed. He didn’t want to be cut out of their will. From what Mom told me, he doubted Allegra’s paternity, until she was born and her resemblance to his mother Phyllis, whom he adored, couldn’t be denied.” Mariah dropped her lashes to hide the hurt. “I was eight when he and Mom divorced. He moved back to Smithfield, and we visited during the summer and holiday breaks. He gave Mom money for Allegra, but never for me. I heard a few arguments he and Mom had over the phone about that, but she refused to take him to court or tell his relatives. I didn’t understand why he thought so little of me until I was nine…”

  Mariah climbed into bed and laid on her side in a fetal position, her back against the wall. She found sleep difficult, and it didn’t help that Allegra didn’t come back for almost two hours.

  Mariah drifted into the land of wakefulness when she heard two voices, one male, one female, in the hallway. It was her father and Ramona, one of his lovers. Mariah crept out of bed, making sure she didn’t wake Allegra, and cracked open the door about two inches. The sun wasn’t up yet, so the room was still dark.

  “Will I see you later?” Ramona asked in a drowsy voice.

  “Probably.”

  “Can we do this without the kids around? I swear, I thought that girl was never going to bed.”

  “We’ll work it out. I can send them to their grandmother’s for a night. Allegra won’t like it, so I’ll have to make it up to her.”

  “What about the other one?”

  He paused. “What about her?”

  “That’s cold, Robert.”

  “So?”

  “But she’s your kid, too.”

  “Uh huh. You can’t look at those crazy eyes and tell me she’s mine. There’s no way…”

  “When we got back to Hackensack, I told Mom I didn’t want to see him again and I cried so much that she didn’t force the issue. I never told her what he said, and she never sent me back.”

  Anthony surveyed her. “Maybe you should have.”

  Mariah nodded. “Maybe.” She speared a small piece of French toast with her fork with her free hand and ate it. “But I guess I can thank Robert St. Cloud for the valuable lesson he taught me.”

  “And that was?”

  “Independence.”

  Anthony released her hand and finished off his French toast. A knowing look flared in his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve been on the receiving end of that, even when it causes more harm than good.” He grabbed his plate and fork and pushed to his feet.

  Mariah’s mouth watered the sight of him wearing nothing but boxers. “What do you mean?”

  “That night I took you to the hospital and that incident with the salad.” He looked over his shoulder as he finished washing his dishes.

  “Oh.” She lowered her eyes before raising them again. “I apologized both times,” she reminded him.

  “Yeah, you didn’t want me around. But I’ll never forget these words: ‘Kevin, where are you? I don’t want him to take me home. Please call me back.’”

  Mariah gasped. A quick denial sprung to her lips, but then the memory flooded back. She didn’t say those the words. She whispered them…

  Anthony sat back down and picked up his glass of orange juice, humor glinting in his eyes.

  “That’s why you heard the sirens that night. You have ears like a cat.”

  Anthony took a sip and nodded. “I’ve always had exceptional hearing. My dad had it, too.”

  “What was his name?”

  His lips lifted, and the movement sent Mariah’s pulse racing. “Bennett.”

  “Your middle name.” Mariah had seen it on his driver’s license. “What was he like?”

  “From what Grandma Lilly told me, he was quiet, a gentleman, but not somebody too many people messed with.” Anthony shrugged. “He spent his whole life in foster care because someone left him on a church’s steps when he was hours old. He told my grandmother that a few of the homes were good, but the rest…they made him tough.”

  Mariah fixed him with a playful glare. “So how many people know about your special ability?”

  “Ms. D, Kevin…and you.” His eyes caught and held hers.

  Mariah’s equilibrium shifted. “Oh. Well,” she cleared her throat, “I’ve heard about people with heightened senses of smell and taste. But you’re the first super-hearer – if there is such a term — that I’ve met. Perhaps one of your ancestors was a sentinel. Anthropologists believe that those with acute senses are the defenders of their tribe.” Mariah’s eyes seemed to delve into him. “You were the kid that stuck up for the weaker ones, weren’t you?”

  “Yeah,” he answered without delay, taking another long sip of juice.

  “Maybe that’s why you became a cop. Being a guardian is in your blood.”

  And that’s one reason why you’re in love with him.

  Her heart sank. God, no. Not again. When would she ever learn?

  She had to get out of here.

  After breakfast, Mariah made up some excuse about needing to get back to Allegra’s house. “I need to go through some of her papers. I can’t put it off anymore.”

  Anthony didn’t argue. They pulled up to the house and Mariah was proud of how calm she was. “I’ll pick you up later,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  When Anthony placed a tender kiss on her lips and forehead, her resolve was shaken because she was lying to him. She would not be here when he returned. Part of her felt guilty for the deception, and she almost changed her mind about going back home for a few days – behind Anthony’s back. But she needed to put some space between them. She was afraid that if she went back to his house tonight, she would blurt out that she was in love with him, and then he would have the upper hand. It happened with Terry, and she couldn’t afford to let it happen again.

  So desperate to get away from Anthony and all he represented, Mariah didn’t even change clothes. After Anthony drove away, she packed her suitcase. She was about to put the suitcase in the trunk just as Beth Lareaux walked up the driveway.

  “I just stopped by to see how you and your family are holding up.”

  Mariah sighed. “We’re hanging in there.”

  “I understand. I also wanted to give you th
is.” It was a folded piece of paper.

  Mariah was so preoccupied with going home that she didn’t ask what was on it. She just put it in a small section of her purse and forgot about it.

  Beth looked down at the suitcase Mariah held. “Looks like you’re going out of town.”

  “Just for a few days.”

  “Well, I’d be happy to pick up the mail while you’re gone, so it won’t be obvious that no one’s home.”

  “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.”

  #

  Hackensack, New Jersey

  “It’s so good to see you.” Anna embraced Mariah before releasing her.

  It was nearly ten o’clock in the evening and the air in Hackensack was cooler, so Anna wore a dark blue turtleneck and matching trousers. On her feet were thick, insulated slippers.

  Mariah dropped her purse and keys on the contemporary writing desk next to the living room window. “I’m only here for a few days.”

  Mariah looked around her childhood home, relieved at the presence and comfort of familiarity. She eyed the stairs leading up to the second floor and a wisp of a smile curled one corner of her mouth. She recalled sliding down that banister when Mom wasn’t looking, of course, the times she played board games with her friends in the attic, or how she and Solé played Tag, using the two stairways – one leading into the living room, the other to the kitchen – and how they had gotten on Allegra’s nerves.

  “I thought you’d have the house on the market by now,” Anna remarked, disappointment and worry marring her features.

  “It’s not that easy, Mom.”

  Anna folded her arms across her chest. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  She lifted her shoulders in a vague gesture. “It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

  Her mother’s eyes caught and held her own. “Mmmm hmm.” She moved to the couch and patted the spot beside her. “C’mon. Tell me what happened.”

  With a wretched sigh, Mariah flopped down on the couch, put her head in her hands, and began to talk.

  #

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Solé demanded the next afternoon. She gave Mariah a strong hug as they stood in her living room.

  Solé’s two-bedroom, one-and-a-half bath townhome on Prospect Avenue near Beech Street, an expensive area in Hackensack, wasn’t far from the Hackensack University Medical Center and Hackensack High School. It was only a few minutes away from Mariah, who lived a few houses away from Solé’s parents.

  Mariah removed her sneakers and tucked jean-clad legs underneath her as she regarded her “sister from another mother.” She and Solé went through their school years together. The only time their lives diverged was when she attended Fairleigh Dickinson University in Teaneck, the town right across the Hackensack River, while Mariah attended the Camden, New Jersey campus of Rutgers University.

  Kimberly Soledad Gonzales Waverly – “Solé” to those closest to her –was a girl most girls envied. She was drop-dead pretty with melting brown eyes and the body of a Playboy centerfold. Her coral hoodie and relaxed fit drawstring pants complemented her copper brown skin and short, curly dark honey brown hair. The only daughter of a Puerto Rican mother and Black father, she was comfortable in her own skin, something Mariah wished she could be.

  Solé slanted the other woman a curious, thoughtful glance. “Lucky for you I’m working from home today. So tell me everything. I mean it.”

  Mariah threw a surprised glance in Solé’s direction and started her tale. She finished with, “He took me back to his house and…I told him everything.”

  Solé blinked. “Whoa.”

  “He wouldn’t let me leave. I wasn’t scared for my safety…but my pride was something else. I even tried to head-butt him.”

  “Ha. If only I’d been a fly on the wall for that.”

  “Then my clothes disappeared.”

  Solé leaned forward, a gleam in her eye. “You finally got some…” She uttered a Spanish slang word for sex and winked.

  “I never could relate when you and other women talked about how men made them sweat, scream and cry.” Mariah shook her head, as if in a dream. “Anthony’s…”

  “He’s what?”

  “Relentless.”

  Solé’s waggled her brows. “Really?”

  “Our first night he made me…you know…five times. I couldn’t see straight after the third.”

  A bright smile lit up Solé’s face. “Hallelujah. My best friend finally knows what good lovin’ feels like.”

  “I’m sore in more places than one,” Mariah ran a hand over her head, “and he’s ruining my hair. I swear the man is a sexual demon. Yesterday morning, he didn’t even let me finish brushing my teeth. It was either rinse out a mouthful of toothpaste or choke.” Her eyes glazed over as she remembered…

  And while Mariah felt Anthony’s warm, solid chest against her back, his talented mouth nibbled the area where her neck and shoulder met, the sensation firing electricity through every nerve ending. Inundated by yearning, Mariah could only watch their reflection in the mirror through half-open eyes. One large hand slid up her back, pressing her forward until her breasts rested on the cool sink. The other glided down her outer thigh before making its way to her inner thigh and knee, lifting it just as he thrust his hips forward, spiraling Mariah into deeper erotic bliss –

  “Pobrecita. You must’ve hated every minute of it,” Solé mocked. “I’ll bet that was a sight to see.”

  “I’m sure the dog thought so,” Mariah mumbled, feeling heat rush to her cheeks as she relived what happened next, “until Anthony slammed the door on him.”

  Solé doubled over with laughter. By the time she regained her breath, tears ran down her cheeks. She sank back against the couch, wiped the moisture away with one hand and fanned herself with the other. “He’s my kind of guy. You’re making me jealous. I should call Mark, make him come home early.”

  Mariah wrinkled her nose. “Stop. I don’t want the visual.”

  “So what happens now?”

  “Nothing.”

  Solé flashed Mariah an incredulous look. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I am. I don’t need the complication.”

  “What you need,” Sole declared, “is to ride him into the ground.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Does he know you’re here? You didn’t tell him you were leaving, did you?”

  Mariah shrugged, the gesture defensive, then nibbled on her pinky nail.

  Solé pointed a finger at Mariah. “You ran because you’ve fallen in love with him and you’re terrified.”

  Mariah’s silence confirmed her best friend’s insights.

  Solé opened her mouth to reply when Mariah’s cell phone rang. She reached for her purse and unzipped it. “Must be Gran D. I had to tell her I was leaving, and swear her to secrecy so that I could surprise Mom.” She pulled out the silver phone and looked at the number that came up on the screen. It was Anthony.

  Hesitation crossed her face and she pressed a button, sending the call to voicemail.

  #

  She sent him to voicemail.

  By the time Anthony returned to Allegra’s and found Mariah gone, he was three levels past livid. Anthony called Della, who revealed that Mariah had gone back to Hackensack for a few days. Banking his rage, he dialed Mariah and left her a message, since he knew she wouldn’t answer. “Hey, Mariah. I stopped by to pick you up, only to discover that you weren’t there. I had to find out from Ms. D that you took a spontaneous road trip back home. That was real sneaky of you.”

  Anthony hung up, fighting the urge to slam the phone down. He didn’t know what he felt more, hurt, disappointment or fury. He’d always been good at reading people, even before his cop days.

  Mariah was spooked about something, and he had a strong feeling he knew what it was.

  He should’ve known she would bolt.

  #

  Meanwhile, Mariah looked at the message button that beeped and blinke
d.

  “Are you going to call him back?” Solé asked.

  Mariah shrugged. “Why?”

  “Díos.” Solé snatched the phone and pressed the message button.

  “Hey.” Mariah’s eyes met her best friend’s disparaging look. She seized the phone from Solé and put it to her ear. Her brows shot up in surprise. Her nervousness evaporated, leaving only anger.

  “What? What did he say?” Solé’s eyes were wide with eagerness.

  Mariah pressed the button to replay the message and handed the phone to Solé. “I don’t know Anthony,” Sole told Mariah after she listened to the message, “but I have to agree with him on this. What you did was sneaky.”

  “Et tu, Bruté?” Mariah remarked as she took the phone from Solé. “He can say what he wants. His name’s not imprinted across my forehead or on my butt. I don’t owe him anything.”

  #

  Back in Raleigh, Kevin was worried and burdened with secrets as he surveyed Gran D checking on her garden.

  All his life, she’d been his rock and he loved her more than anyone. She’d survived the stigma of being a single mother with an eighth grade education, cleaning up after white folks, his mother’s recklessness and early death, and now the loss of her eldest granddaughter.

  But she wasn’t Superwoman.

  If he told her the truth, could she survive it? If he didn’t, how long could he stand the guilt?

  #

  Sticky and tired, Beth Lareaux rose from her bed. One advantage of living alone was being able to walk around your home naked whenever you felt like it, or whenever the need arose. Menopause still had a stranglehold on her sometimes, and hot flashes were her friend tonight. She padded downstairs to turn down the thermostat. The air-conditioner kicked in. She breathed a sigh of relief and headed back upstairs.