Allegra's Shadow

by Dana Sanders Hill

“Do you love him?” Anna’s gaze caught and held hers. “Are you in love with him?”

  Mariah dropped her eyes before her mother’s steady look. “Yes, but love doesn’t solve everything. You loved –”

  “Stop. Mariah Janelle St. Cloud, you’ve used your father as a shield for too long. God knows he and Terry have warped your mind when it comes to men.”

  “Ya got that right,” Gran D stated.

  Anna placed her other hand on top of Mariah’s. “You’ve got to walk by faith, not by sight. Your father treated you like you didn’t exist. Terry was like him in some ways, controlling in others, and drugs didn’t help. But Anthony – he’s a rare breed. When you came back down here, I asked him to watch over you because I was so scared. I just knew something wasn’t right. And do you know what that man said to me?” She waited for Mariah to shake her head.

  “Then go ask him yourself.”

  #

  Mariah hadn’t seen or spoken to Anthony for three days and it gnawed at her fiercely. Her mother’s last words kept circling around in her head, teasing her, keeping her awake at night.

  And while staring up at the ceiling one of those nights, it dawned on her. For as long as she could remember, part of Mariah waited for the other shoe to drop, starting with her father, and ending with Terry. After her marriage turned sideways, she cocooned herself in work, just so she wouldn’t have to deal with men. Because if she kept them away, she didn’t have to worry about them breaking her heart.

  Anthony broke through all of that. But there was one thing he couldn’t do. She’d have to do it on her own.

  #

  Anthony rinsed his plate off and sat it in the drain by the sink. The last few days were some of his worst ever. His first instinct was to confront Mariah, find out the real reason why she broke things off. But if he did that, she’d only withdraw into herself and he’d never get answers.

  Though backing off went against everything in him, Anthony willed himself to do just that. Anthony would do whatever he could to help, if Mariah trusted him with her heart. He already trusted her with his.

  But until she allowed him to love her, whatever held her back was a hurdle only she could overcome.

  The doorbell rang and Ming barked, snapping him out of his reverie. With a wrinkled brow, Anthony followed Ming to the door.

  It was Mariah.

  Anthony’s heart banged against his ribs like a caged animal trying get free. He opened the door. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” Mariah said, hesitancy written on her face, in her posture. “Can we…talk?”

  “Yeah,” he stepped back and closed the door behind her.

  Ming barked once, and came to greet her, his curly tail wagging. Mariah bent down and gave him a distracted pat without taking her eyes off Anthony. “Am I interrupting?”

  He braced his hands on his hips. “No. What’s up?”

  Mariah cleared her throat as she rubbed the palms of her hands together. “I’m sorry…for the way I left –”

  “I –”

  She held up a hand. “Please. Let me finish or I’ll never get this out.”

  Ming started to whine. Anthony snapped his fingers and the dog quieted, running upstairs to his bed.

  Mariah lowered her eyes for a few seconds. “I’m in love with you.”

  His eyes honed in on her, but he remained still and silent even as his heart sang with delight.

  “But that day in the mall…” Her eyes skirted away from his, and stayed fixed on a spot on the floor. “While I was trying on the dress, I heard two women in the next room complimenting you. One of them said they saw you come in with me.” Mariah took in a shaky breath. “She couldn’t believe a man like you would be with someone like me, someone who’s not…” One hand covered her eyes as tears found their way down her cheeks. “…as fine as you.”

  Grief and anger for Mariah ripped through him. He swept her into his arms, moved to the couch and sat down, tucking Mariah’s head into his shoulder.

  “That’s why I broke things off. Hearing that brought me back to Earth,” she said in a tormented voice, “reminded me that…you were out of my league, reminded me of the constant criticism I’d face if we continued seeing each other.” A painful sigh escaped her. “Anthony, you have to understand… my looks have made me an outsider, the two men in my life never loved or wanted me, and having a sister like Allegra who constantly…shoved her beauty down my throat…it’s a deep cut that never heals. I’m thirty-four years old and I still live at home with my mom because I knew that as long as I did, I wouldn’t put myself into the dating scene again. I convinced myself that all I needed was work, so I wouldn’t have to worry about a man I care for finding me…defective.”

  Anthony smoothed her hair and dropped a kiss on her temple. “Mariah…in my own way, I’ve been an outsider, too. My mother couldn’t love me after my father died. I didn’t have much time with Grandma Lilly, and my aunt made it clear that I wasn’t welcomed in her home, that I was there to serve. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have Kevin and Ms. D.” His large hand took her face and lifted it, catching her eyes with his. “Look at me,” he grated. “You’re not out of my league, because there is none. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.” She blinked tear-wet eyes. “I know you care about me.”

  Anthony’s thumb wiped away a solitary tear from the inner corner of her eye. “No, I don’t.”

  Mariah started, too surprised by his denial to offer any objection.

  “I’m in love with you.”

  “What?”

  One corner of his mouth pulled into a slight smile. “You don’t listen between the words. When we were in Hackensack, I tried to tell you that I was in love with you then, without being obvious. I was trying to be subtle, because I didn’t think you’d believe me, and I didn’t want to scare you. You already ran away from me once.” He peered down at her. “You know; I’ve had a thing for you for a while.”

  Mariah’s eyes expanded and she fell speechless.

  “For years.” Anthony’s smile widened with beautiful candor. “The fact that we had Ms. D in common, but never met, listening to her talk about you…interested me. That’s why things didn’t work out with Lisa. In my heart, I was waiting for you.”

  “Waiting…for me?” Mariah repeated.

  “I believe Ms. D was secretly matchmaking. Why else would she give me a copy of Allegra’s house key? I don’t think the day you came when I was mowing her lawn was an accident, either.” Anthony’s hand slid down to her waist. “When you ditched me in Hackensack, your mother asked me to watch over you, and do you know what I told her?”

  Mariah shook her head.

  “I said I would, with my life.”

  Mariah’s mouth dropped open and tears welled in her eyes again.

  “You’re not defective. I’ve always found you very attractive.” It would take a long time for Mariah to see her own beauty, but he didn’t mind showing her. Anthony brushed away her tears, stood up with her in his arms and placed her on her feet. “Come on.” Taking Mariah’s hand, he guided her upstairs. When they got to his bedroom, he pulled away, opened his top drawer and pulled out a small, blue Tiffany’s box. Mariah’s heart skipped as he opened it, revealing a 24-karat white gold heavy contour engagement ring with a three-carat Princess-Cut diamond.

  He’d have bought platinum, but Mariah might have considered that an overstatement.

  Mariah’s hands flew to her mouth. “When did you…? How did you…?”

  “I got your measurements in Hackensack, while you were asleep.

  Anthony put it on her ring finger, the gesture slow and reverent. “I’d checked out some stores when you started sleeping over. The day I bought you the necklace, I saw you look at rings, one in particular. I’d just picked up the ring and was going to propose to you the night Thomasina…” He shook his head to clear the thought. “I know I wouldn’t be an ideal husband. I’m tight-lipped, bossy and a handful to deal with when I’m sick or inj
ured. But I’ll still ask: Mariah Janelle St. Cloud, will you marry me?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t be an ideal wife. I’m stubborn; I can be snappy, and often wait for the other shoe to drop. But yes,” Mariah whispered, nodding, “I’ll marry you.” Standing on her tiptoes, she touched her lips to his for a brief, soft kiss. “I do have a question, though.”

  Anthony slipped his arms around her waist. “What?”

  “When we had that argument in the kitchen, and you said you didn’t have to work…how much money were you talking about…?”

  #

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” Mariah revealed that night as they lay in bed watching TV.

  Anthony, gloriously nude, shifted to his side. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just…” Mariah faltered. “I guess it’s better if I show you.” She turned over and pulled out a folded envelope from her open purse that rested on the nightstand.

  Anthony noticed how her hand trembled. “What’s this?”

  “I told Mom about my last visit with my father, and she said that he only let me visit to keep up appearances for his adoptive relatives, until they died shortly after I stopped coming down here.” Then she told him what she did.

  His eyes probed her very soul. “Open it.”

  Mariah nodded. Girding herself with resolve, she tore open the envelope.

  #

  Mariah and Anthony watched Allegra’s other DVDs. She mentioned Mariah, and when she referred to her as Two-Tone, Mariah felt a twinge of hurt, but not as bad as before. Allegra talked about Thomas, whom she called Mr. Big Stuff, and turning down his marriage proposal, and cutting ties with Thomasina, a.k.a. Pooh Bear, because of her fixation. She even mentioned Anthony, and Mariah saw another side of Allegra she didn’t know existed.

  “…the Tin Man moved back to Raleigh and he looks better than ever…”

  “I offered the Tin Man a wild night in the sack, and he refused.” She shook her head, conceit evident in the movement, and studied her nails. “Men don’t turn me down. He said it was because I’m sleeping with Thomas, but I know he just wants me to himself.”

  “She almost looks convincing,” Mariah observed.

  “What do you mean?”

  Mariah tilted her head. “She tried to hide it, but I swear I saw insecurity pass over her face when you refused her. I think you shook her foundation. Tin Man.”

  Anthony lifted his shoulders as if to say, “So what?”

  Watching the last DVD was hard for Mariah, because it was dated the night Allegra died. She talked about how she got bored in Nassau, but wanted to take a trip to Bali next time. Then the doorbell must have rung, because she said, “It must be my Thai food. They’re right on time.”

  Tears pricked Mariah’s eyes as she watched Allegra turn off the camera. “And Thomasina showed up shortly after,” she murmured.

  Anthony pulled her close. “I’m sorry, babe.”

  A few days later Mariah made another discovery.

  “Anthony.” Mariah shouted.

  Startled, he pulled back the glass panel. His eyes narrowed and scanned the bathroom, anticipating any danger. “What?”

  “You’ll never believe this.” She held up the paper. “A Milburn Jennings shot himself to death and left a note declaring his unrequited love for a stripper named Divine. He confessed to scaring her away from the club.” Beside the story was a picture of a plain-featured brown-skinned man with glasses and a large birthmark on his face. Mariah held her breath as she read further. “Oh my God.”

  “What?”

  Mariah put a hand to her mouth. “He confessed to killing another man who’d harassed her. He followed the man home from the club one night, pretended to be drunk when he knocked on the door and…” She looked up at Anthony in shock. “It was Diablo. Milburn shot Diablo.”

  #

  In the end, Mariah and Anthony never revealed Thomasina’s hand in Allegra’s death to law enforcement, Anna or Gran D. Only Kevin, Solé and Mark would ever know. In court, Mariah mentioned how Thomasina’s behavior changed as she confessed her obsession with Allegra, but not how she’d gained access to the house or anything else. She’d let the ME’s initial Cause of Death for Allegra prevail.

  To no one’s surprise, Thomas–who defended his twin–blamed Mariah and Anthony for Thomasina’s plight, and he remained ignorant about her true feelings toward him.

  Mariah split Allegra’s stripping money between herself and her loved ones. Keeping her mother and Gran D in the dark about its source, she claimed that the profits came from the jewelry she sold. She closed Allegra’s accounts and put her house on the market with the remaining furniture intact. Selling it took over a year, given its history.

  #

  Anticipation hummed in the air. Mariah could feel it as she approached the dry erase board in front of a classroom of twenty-one students, her leather wedges making no sound as she walked across floor. Fall Break was almost here, and some students started to lose focus because their brains were already checking out, which made the practice of giving midterms before Fall Break a good thing. Those with drifting attention spans needed a yank back onto the road of educational reality.

  “Good evening,” she greeted them and picked up a marker. A collective response in kind followed. “Does anyone have any cats?” she asked as she wrote the four bases of DNA − guanine, thymine, adenine and cytosine − on the dry erase board and capped the marker. She rubbed her palms across the front of her periwinkle button-down shirt and black flat front stretch trousers, and turned to face the class. The size of the classroom, with its combination desks, laminated work surfaces, and bright lighting comfortably accommodated the people seated in straight rows.

  She looked around, noting how night school students differed from day students. Unlike high school graduates whose parents were footing the bill, many worked during the day and had families, so they weren’t here to waste time or money.

  A balding, middle-aged man and a twenty-something woman with large hoop earrings raised hands.

  Well, cats’ eyes are made up of guanine.” She lifted the marker and pointed to the word on the board. “That’s why they seem to glow in the dark. You might want to “remember that.” Her lips curved into a slight smile. “It’ll probably be on the midterm…and the final.” Though none of the students groaned out loud, Mariah could almost imagine them complaining in their heads.

  #

  Though it was difficult, she and Anthony maintained a long-distance relationship for a few months. In between Mariah’s school breaks and her holiday visits to Raleigh, Anthony came up to Hackensack for one week a month, staying in a hotel out of respect for Anna.

  As for Cheryl Chisholm and Thomasina, one judge sent Cheryl to a psych ward instead of jail (probably in deference to her affluent social status), and the other sentenced Thomasina to two years for aggravated assault.

  On a happier note, Kevin ended his adulterous relationship with Mia shortly before Mariah and Anthony tied the knot.

  #

  “You look good, Mariah.”

  “Allegra?” Mariah glanced down at her attire. Sky blue T-shirt and shorts this time. Then she took in her surroundings. They were in Mariah’s backyard now and Allegra was wearing a different color, violet. “It’s been a while.”

  “Two years, in your time. Things are going well for you.”

  “Yes, very. Anthony’s got his own security firm and my career is flourishing. As for our relationship, it’s good. Premarital and individual counseling helped.”

  Allegra smirked. “You got that man to move to Hackensack. I’m impressed.”

  “He still has his place in Raleigh, so we have two homes.” Mariah paused, watching her sister with a observant eye. “After all his denials, it turns out Robert was my father. A sample of his hair from your photo album and DNA testing confirmed it. If not for Anthony, I’d have never found the courage to open that envelope.”

  Allegra shrugged.


  “You know that Milburn killed for you, right?”

  “He was there that night Diablo became…overenthusiastic.”

  Mariah’s lips thinned. “Why did you leave me in charge after you died? We weren’t close.”

  “That’s why I did it. Gran D and Mom couldn’t handle it.”

  “What about Kevin?”

  Allegra shook her head.

  “The day I came back with the bracelet, a voice told me to hide it in the fruit bin. It was you, wasn’t it?”

  Allegra nodded. “Marriage seems to agree with you.”

  “Don’t make it sound so perfect. We don’t always get along.”

  “But he’s a rare kind of guy.”

  “Because he was the first one to resist you.”

  Allegra lifted her hands, pretending to study her manicured nails. Mariah now understood that she always did that when she was uncomfortable or somebody struck too close to home. Allegra waited a moment, slanted her head to the side and murmured a gentle warning.

  “What do you mean?”

  Allegra started to fade away slowly, a thoughtful smiled curved her mouth.

  #

  At seven pounds and nine ounces, Sienna Vivian Caine made her way into the world eight-and-a-half months later. Her skin was a mixture of her mother’s Dove milk chocolate and father’s caramel, and she shared what would be her mother’s diamond-shaped face and upside-down mouth, and already bared a strong resemblance to her father.

  “She’s beautiful,” Anthony whispered in awe for the umpteenth time. Joy shone in his eyes as he cradled Sienna in his arms. He bent down and brushed a soft, reverent kiss across Mariah’s forehead.

  “Mmm hmm, and she shares her middle name with your mother. That’s beautiful, too.” Mariah lay back on the bed, blissfully happy. When she shared Allegra’s cryptic visit with Anthony months ago, he wasn’t skeptical, just confused, until Mariah discovered she was expecting a week later.

  She was still exhausted after three days, since she was breastfeeding every few hours, but having Solé, Gran D and Anna around – who were out buying more baby items right then – proved invaluable. Even Ming took an active part in Sienna’s care, thanks to months of preparing him for Sienna with baby smells and simulated sounds, proving to be a more effective baby monitor than the electronic one.