Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies

by Pamela Des Barres

  When Lexa showed up at a Murderdolls gig in San Diego, Joey sang a different off-key tune. It turned out he had girls in various cities and wanted Lexa to be his L.A. woman. "When he told me, I was tripping on mushrooms and thought, `This sucks in a million different ways.' I tried to maintain coolness while frying, but inside I was humiliated. I can deal with any situation as long as you're honest about it." Her pal Ben Graves commiserated, and they wound up all lovey-dovey again. "I was tripping, so everything clicked into place, and I realized I was chasing after an asshole who lied to me, meanwhile my true friend Ben was telling me he loved me."

  Lexa says she "melted" and when Ben got home from tour they began sleeping together. But when Joey found out, he coaxed Lexa away. "He found me with Ben and out came the amazing apology. Here was this big rock star, and I'd rather be with his `hired help' as he referred to Ben." Lexa relented and went back to Joey, but it was a disaster. "It was all about his ego. I stupidly gave Joey another chance, which was the worst mistake. I was only with him a couple nights. I still feel horribly guilty about it. I think I was actually in love with Ben but was on drugs and didn't know how to handle the situation. He took me back but was bitter from then on. I tried to repent, but Ben was also aware of my situation with Manson and that made him not want to take the relationship further."

  Not long ago, Lexa had a fling with Monster Magnet's androgynous guitarist, Ed Mundell. "I was Ed's L.A. girlfriend. When he was here he didn't see anyone else. I really like the experience of being with a guy in drag. Ed loved me to dress him up like a girl and take pictures. He couldn't get enough. He said, `Oh, I look just like Gwyneth Paltrow.' Putting makeup on guys is foreplay for me. There's something about a cock underneath a dress. Ed and I genuinely liked each other. He told me there was a part of him he shared with me that he didn't share with anyone else in the world." Lexa sighs, "But it's hard for me to date anybody because I wind up comparing them to Manson. I don't think I'll fall in love with anyone unless they're on that same level. His shoes are really hard to fill."

  There has been so much speculation about Manson's eccentricity. Does Lexa feel it's warranted? "He's not your average, normal person, but we don't sacrifice goats or anything. He's a character, an artist, but he's no weirder than I am. We all love those androgynous rocker boys, but if they don't have the art to back it up, it doesn't mean anything. I'm very flattered and honored that he lets me in on his projects, his ambitions, what he's pursuing in the future. It's like being the chosen fan, the one inside, knowing all the secrets, seeing everything before it happens. If you're a halfway decent girl, anybody wants to fuck you, it's not that hard to accomplish. [Manson] trusts me and respects my opinion, and that's a lot more flattering than just fucking. It's weird because I was so attracted to rock stars, even as a small child. I suffered through so much trauma and kept myself alive by fixating on this mythical rock star who would one day reach out and bring me through the TV screen into his imaginary rock star world. And the most ironic thing is ... Manson did just that!"

  For an entire decade, Lexa has had sporadic encounters with Marilyn Manson and his crew while having romantic relationships and creating an entertaining life for herself. As we await the rest of the Plastics, Lexa says matter-of-factly, "I didn't see him for a while, and during that time he met Dita Von Teese. I got engaged to a singer from a band called Fetish, and shortly after I got engaged, he got engaged to her. I was only engaged for a year, then we broke up. Manson got married."

  The doorbell chimes and the rest of Lexa's decked-out team arrives in high spirits. Sandra has on a Pink Floyd baby-T and Gothic platform sandals. Staci wears a strategically torn tank top with multireams of necklaces and scarves, while Jenni is head-to-toe in shiny black vinyl, tattered fishnets, and giant knee-high Demonia boots from last night's revelry. We quickly get into a rollicking chatterfest about the extreme highs and lows of groupiedom.

  It all begins with Faster Pussycat's ubiquitous Taime Downe. What a surprise.

  Pamela: C'mon, which one of you hooked up with Taime?

  Staci: I was out in Hollywood one night and he was calling my phone, "Hey, you wanna come over and check out my place?"

  Lexa: You wanna come over and sit on my face? I mean check out my place?

  Staci: So I go his house, we hook up for a good two minutes, then he just watches TV. I'm like, "I can't deal with this, I'm going to sleep!" Taime has done way too much cocaine and has a difficult time getting an erection.

  Lexa: I don't think he'll verify that.

  Staci: I was expecting us to have sex, but it was just me going down on him and him going down on me and that was it. And it only lasts about two minutes until he comes.

  Pamela: Well, someone like Taime who's probably had sex with five thousand women ... I'm surprised he still wants to do it.

  Sandra: He's a horn dog! I've kissed him a couple of times. He's actually a good kisser, big lips.

  Staci: He's a good kisser but with all the cocaine he's done, his penis isn't very big.

  Lexa: I heard it used to be.

  Pamela: What? Cocaine can change penis size?

  Lexa: Oh, yeah ... I've seen it happen to people.

  Pamela: Have you been with any of those big-hair guys?

  Staci: Steve Summers from Pretty Boy Floyd. He was playing with Dokken, and after the show he grabbed me by the arm, dragged me backstage, locked the door, and said, `I just love your tits. They're so big I want to come on them.' I'm like, 'OK.' And he starts jacking off, staring at my boobs. It was pretty hot.

  Pamela: A regular fellow couldn't get away with that.

  Lexa: If a typical lawyer came up to you in a bar and said, `I really like your tits. You wanna go to the bathroom so I can jerk off?' you'd probably call security.

  Sandra: In the music industry, you've been looked at and prodded and touched so much that your assets aren't seen in the traditional way. I'm used to going out and having people ask to touch my tits or my ass, and I'm comfortable with it. It's just like someone asking to shake my hand.

  Pamela: Some people might view that as a low self-esteem issue.

  Lexa: I think that's a misconception. It might be considered low self-esteem if you did it for acceptance or approval. Some women, including us, are more open and honest about sexuality. Women want sex too and don't need to be freaked out by it. It's not low self-esteem; it's having more self-esteem.

  Sandra: It's flattering that someone thinks a part of my body is so beautiful that they want to touch it. As long as it's not done in a disrespectful way, what's the harm?

  Jenni: A while back I happened to meet and hook up with a very hot former member of Guns N' Roses who was phenomenal in bed.

  Lexa: I guess he would be after fucking ten thousand chicks.

  Jenni: He was the kind of guy that would hold your face: passionate, caring, and gentle, a sweetheart.

  Pamela: How many times did you see him?

  Jenni: About eight times. I flew out to visit him on tour, and he had this great Jacuzzi in his room and we took baths together.

  Pamela: Were you in love?

  Jenni: Totally, he broke my heart!

  Pamela: How did it start?

  Jenni: I met him at a club where he was playing, and we really clicked. He seemed sad, and we started talking and exchanged numbers. It kept getting better as time went onuntil he told me he couldn't concentrate on his work because he couldn't stop thinking about me. He said, `I wake up and all I think about is how I'm going to see you next and it's not good for me, I have other things to take care of.' I was unhappy about that.

  Sandra: It's fun to mess around with rockers, but I let them know where I stand. When it comes to sex, I don't want to take anything home with me that I didn't have when I arrived. And it's less complicated if you just fool around because you leave your options open in case you want to hook up with someone else in the band. It doesn't cause as much drama as going all the way with them.

  Staci: Sandra has newfoun
d love for a guitar tech she met last night.

  Lexa: One of our rules is that we don't engage in sexual relations with anyone in the road crew.

  Sandra: But he's sooo cute!

  Pamela: You have other groupie rules of etiquette, right?

  Sandra: One word of advice to a girl dating a rock star: when they get back from the road, make sure they get tested for STDs. If you don't get an STD, you'll get some other girl's yeast infection. Make sure you get that boy tested before you sleep with him!

  Lexa: Another rule is not to have sex in a tour bus. That's for the low-rate girls.

  Sandra: Lexa taught me the groupie rules. I'd broken a few when she gave me the list. I'd already been on the Dope tour bus with one of the guys from Twisted Method, the opening band.

  Lexa: A real groupie gets invited to the hotel.

  Sandra: Unless they don't have a hotel that night.

  Lexa: Yeah, if you've already had sex repeatedly in hotel rooms, and it's an ongoing relationship, it's OK to hook up on the bus. I've never done it, though. You'll get invited to the hotel if you're worth it.

  Sandra: The first time I hooked up with Ben from Twisted Method was in a hotel room. We spent a week in hotels on the first tour, but on the second tour they weren't getting hotels. So I had sex on the bus quite a few times. It's good when they kick everyone else off the bus so you can have complete privacy.

  Lexa: Isn't that what the back of the bus is for?

  Sandra: He wanted the whole bus. We had sex in his bunk, the band member's bunks, the couch, the driver's seat. People should be careful'cause groupies can make band members do horrible things. The first time Ben and I had sex on the tour bus, I was mad at the guitarist, Andy, 'cause he was being a real jerk. So after we were done and needed something to clean up with, I said, `Why don't you get one of Andy's beanies!' So Ben grabs one of his beanies, flips it inside out, cleans me off with it, and throws it back on Andy's bunk. The next morning we walk in and Andy's wearing that beanie!

  Pamela: Yikes! What do guys think of the actresses, porn stars, and models who have taken the place of the real groupies in recent years?

  Jenni: It sucks for those of us who don't have connections.

  Lexa: I've seen some celeb-type girlfriends at concerts and they don't even know the words to the songs. I think a lot of those girls do it to up their status and don't really understand what it's like to be emotionally involved in someone's music.

  Sandra: It's a trend now: rock stars and porn stars go together. They even did a VH1 show about it.

  Lexa: One of the things we're trying to do is turn the groupie into a celebrity once again, give us status so musicians date us publicly. They're all dating us, they're just not publicizing it.

  Pamela: It's not being written about because you're not Winona Ryder.

  Lexa: That's sad because a lot of musicians are in relationships with girls who don't treat them well. They stay with them because of celebrity pressure instead of being with someone who loves them for them.

  Sandra: If you have to change someone, you really didn't like them to begin with.

  Lexa: A real groupie will only sleep with someone whose music they admire. It's giving something back-engaging in a ritual with somebody you have feelings for through their art. The Plastics don't just go to shows; we are part of the show. That's why we dress up; we're performing as well. And how boring for the band without us there!

  Jenni: For the word "groupie" to stop being used negatively, it needs to become more elite. I was at C. C. DeVille's house last night with his current girlfriend. Everyone was calling her a groupie, but she was the epitome of everything bad. She was controlling and threw out all C. C. 's alcohol. She asked me questions like she thought I was dumb. I'm not ignorant; I'm working on my Ph.D. right now. Everyone who hangs out with musicians isn't necessarily a groupie.

  Lexa: There's a big difference between a star fucker and a groupie. Star fuckers are there to get something for themselves. A groupie is there to say, `Thank you, I got your message. I loved it, and I'm here to honor you.'

  It's when your eyes connect, and you don't have to say anything, you both feel it and break into a smile. The magic moment when you get them in that same frame of mind with you, when you simultaneously exist in that dimension of art. It's like sexual euphoria.

  Pamela: What started the rocker obsession for you guys?

  Sandra: For me it was Marilyn Manson. Seeing that show made me want to be a part of it, to look like that and be in that environment.

  Staci: For me it was watching Keri Kelli with L.A. Guns. It was one of the first shows where I met and hung out with the band. Just watching him I thought, "I want that! I want a musician. That's what's been missing from my life."

  Lexa: But you have to accept that they are always going to be with other people, whether it's sexual or emotional.

  Jenni: I'm what you call polyamorous, I suppose. It's hard when you get into a serious relationship with a musician because a lot of them can't handle commitment, and I get jealous.

  Sandra: It's not about them being able to stay faithful, it's about me being able to stay faithful. I couldn't be in a committed relationship and not stray. There are too many musicians that I think are amazing. I couldn't keep my hands off them! Every time I see a tour bus, I get giddy wondering who's on it.

  Jenni: We're all hopeless.

  Lexa: And probably damned to be single forever.

  Pamela: Any particular instrument you go for?

  Sandra: Drummers tend to flock to me.

  Lexa: Drummers are a scary breed. They have the most issues.

  Jenni: I love bass players!

  Lexa: I tend to end up with drummers or singers. Polar opposites. But whoever I'm with in the band, the singer always tries to steal me away.

  Pamela: Why do you think that is?

  Sandra: Lead singer complex.

  Lexa: Singers often write the lyrics, so they research interesting topics. I research a lot of alternative subjects as well, so I think they like that I can hold a decent conversation. Whereas other guys in the band might not care as long as the girl is hot.

  Sandra: Is that why drummers flock to me?

  Lexa: Yes, they need someone to indulge their mommy issues and their sick fetishes!

  Sandra: I think what's different about the four of us is that we're on the level. We won't put up with any shit. If you don't treat us well, we won't stick around.

  Lexa: It's different when you're a famous groupie. As we get more notoriety it's becoming a status symbol for smaller bands to be seen with us. I've gotten laid so many times by people who think I've slept with Manson-even though I've never confirmed the rumors. Mystery is sexy. Never confirm or deny anything.

  Sandra: We get recognized at shows a lot. Bands dedicate songs to us and give us shout-outs.

  Jenni: Yeah, I'll never forget the time we were walking into a show with our laminates and this random guy whispered to his friend, "Oh my God, the Plastics!"

  Pamela: That's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? So, Lexa, how would you sum up the influence Marilyn Manson has had on your life?

  Lexa: Manson made me. He has inspired almost everything I've done. I owe my survival to him. Everything out there that needs to be cracked, he's cracked it. All I had was my brain, and those clues hooked me. He played with my mind, and it was almost like turning in my homework. He still drops clues to see if I can figure 'em out, but now I do it back to him. It's very exciting, waiting for the puzzles. I've almost created a religion around Manson, and now I have a little following of fans that are also cracking the codes. These young kids come to me with the work they're doing and we listen to the music and talk it over. I've become the high priestess of Mansonism. He taught me that art is not just a song or a painting; art is you. Art is the essence of your being, anything you create. That's what the Plastics are: living, breathing performance art."

  Miss You in a Heartbeat

  ven in the drop-dead of winter
, with the promise of snow squalls swirling 'round my head, I'm happy to leave the sunny shores of California and board a plane to the freezing Midwest. I've been e-mailing back and forth with a couple of lively groupies residing in Minneapolis and have decided to meet up with them. It's quite a trek, but I sincerely enjoy tromping around all-America, meeting new dolls after my own heart. Landing at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, I burrow into my huge faux-fur coat, rent a little Toyota, check into a Holiday Inn Express, and call Sarah Madison, a savvy-sounding cutie in her early twenties. She suggests we meet at a nearby seafood joint in the same gigantic mall where she works at the local Hooters.

  Sarah has sent me photos of herself, nonchalantly posing next to wild-eyed rocker dudes from Tantric, Sevendust, and Marilyn Manson's band, so I recognize her right away. She is tall and willowy with long, straight platinum hair and a knowing greeneyed gaze. After a hug, we scooch into a booth, order a couple of exotic tropical drinks, and I find out pretty quickly that she's not too thrilled with the G word. "I hate that word. But sometimes I think `Band Aid' is okay. But any sort of label implies that the only reason I'm friends with these people, or attracted to them, is because they're famous. When you work for a music magazine, you don't meet a lot of people outside the rock and roll community. Until I moved here, I was writing feature stories, doing CD reviews in Madison, Wisconsin, for Maximum Ink music magazine-'All Access with Sarah: Who knew that kids genuinely want to know what kind of beer Nickelback drinks? Yep, Corona." Sarah laughs.