Grace: An Eternal Beloved Novel (Eternal Beloved Novel Series)

by R. Rodriguez

  “So you’re not death.”

  “No, but I was there, too.” He paused, reluctant to tell me the rest.

  Finally he breathed deeply and continued. “I was actually the one that died that night.”

  He let his words sink in. I was mute. I couldn’t react to what he was telling me.

  “The funny thing is… I wasn’t even supposed to be there, Grace. I drove all the way from North Dakota on a whim. I always longed to be an engineer in a big city like Chicago. I heard about the renovations being made to the Skyway Bridge and I came by to see the work being done. I was trying to work up the nerve to leave my unrewarding life and move on to better things.” He seemed anguished by his confession.

  “You don’t know this, but suicides bring on another death. I was so enraptured by the bridge that I didn’t notice your car. I slammed right into it. My car catapulted over the bridge and landed at the bottom of the Calumet River. I realized I was dead when that god awful panther landed right next to me. As I started to rise up in the air, I noticed you. A beautiful brave girl fighting for life.” Lucian paused for a breath.

  I inhaled a deeply as I listened to him.

  “What happened to you is my fault, Grace. I interfered. I committed a great transgression. I stopped your demise,” he said in a tormented voice. “You gotta understand. You repented at the last minute. I had to stop it.”

  “I stopped it when it wasn’t my right to do so, and somehow I ended up back in this dimension. In fine standing, no denying. All the dreams I ever had for myself when I was alive were granted to me. I soon found out that I wasn’t like a regular man, though. I have the perception and abilities of a spirit. I know things that I’m not supposed to know, somehow. Worst of all, I became a participant in your torture.” Lucian closed his eyes.

  “What your life has been up to now, after that night, could’ve been prevented.”

  “I don’t understand.” My throat felt parched and I couldn’t breathe.

  “What I let happen to you is my fault, Grace. It was all explained to me when I went away to search for answers after the second time death tried to take you away. You were meant to live another life. After death. A perfect life. Full love, full happiness…No more pursuit. Fulfillment. Everything in a balance,” he explained.

  “You were going to be spared because you repented,” he said quietly. “When I interfered with your natural death, I made things worse for you and for me. Death never gave up. You don’t know what I’ve been through, trying to keep you away from harm,” he cried.

  My mind was reeling. I was so confused. I only had complete chaos in my head. I couldn’t understand. What was Lucian trying to do? What sick game was he playing? I felt trapped. I felt claustrophobic. I couldn’t stand to be near him anymore.

  “I didn’t let you go, Grace. I coveted you. I refused to let you go where you were supposed to go. I’ve tried and tried to come to terms with what I did, but it’s unforgivable,” Lucian said breathlessly.

  “That’s why I asked Dr. Stella to help me out,” he cried out.

  “What have you done?!” I reproached in harried sobs.

  “She was the only one that offered hope. That believed me. That perceived me for what I was. A half- spirit. She said we had a chance. That the fact that I had trespassed to your dimension, meant that I could be with you. We waited. We researched. I got confirmation. There is a way.”

  “What you saw could be. What you saw could be our reality,” Lucian continued.

  I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t want to be seduced by his lies. What he was saying was unfathomable.

  “Get out! Get out! You’re a sick, deranged person! I can’t believe I’m letting you brainwash me this way. Why am I to believe in the ghosts and goblins story you’re dishing out to me? I believe in God. How can I deny everything that I believe in?! That is my foundation you’re denying me, Lucian. You’re lying! You must be lying!” I yelled out, hysterical as I stood up from my corner of the bed.

  Lucian just sat there patiently and took it all in. His face transformed into a calm mask of dignity. There was no other way to describe his expression. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t sadness. I could tell that he was restraining himself.

  He rose slowly, filling the room with his tall frame. He seemed taller all of a sudden. Menacing, even, and I was right to perceive him this way, because he sauntered over to where I stood in two long strides.

  I backed against the wall in fear. Lucian quickly reached me and I was stunned when he pinned me against the hard wall with his equally hard body. The pressure was enough to let me feel his strong muscles on the contour of my body.

  An unexpected tingling began to creep up my body. I felt weak when it reached my chest. Lucian’s proximity seemed familiar and right, although I was certain he and I had never been closer than the branding hug he had offered me out on the beach.

  Lucian’s beautiful face seemed to twitch as he made an unearthly effort to control himself. I was afraid he would explode after my outburst. Instead, he held my head in his hands with such care that I could hardly feel them on me. They felt like a caress, not hard like I expected them to be.

  “There is a way, Grace. If you should only choose it. I have stood by and watched you make mistake after mistake. Mistakes that you weren’t supposed to live through. I was frantic trying to save you each time you were in danger. I even manifested myself in my younger form hoping you would fall in love with me.”

  Luke! I suddenly remembered the young stoic boy who had taken me to the Talent Show After Party years ago.

  “Even then, I hardly made a dent. Dario was the ultimate threat. Death’s last card I almost lost you. Yet, you had a choice all along. And you kept choosing wrong. You refused to let him go. You always chose him. But now you’ve come to terms with how wrong he was for you. You have finally decided to end it. You’ve ended it the way I hoped. You have let that man go. You can finally move on. You can finally have the life you’re supposed to have,” he ascertained.

  His words felt right, but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe.

  My mind was tortured by everything that he was saying.

  “So…what am I supposed to do? How do I do that? And how do I set you free?” I let out a heart wrenching sob and broke down at the guilt that was wearing Lucian down. “If what you say is true…you need to know….You don’t understand how it felt, Lucian… I got nothing but crap after crap. It seems like there was a whole lot of “test and trials” poised on my head ready to be poured entirely on me. My life has resembled the cartoon where the somber rain filled cloud follows one particular character around forever. There is no explanation for everything that happened to me! The drawing man decided to do it.”

  “No, no, Grace. Calm down. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. It was all me. There was no other way for you at that time to escape your predicament. It was just that way. Your fate was sealed by me. If I hadn’t meddled with your passing, you would’ve been spared those experiences. You didn’t want to kill yourself, remember? You had the intention, but you didn’t go through with it. Death was there. It was going to do the job differently. It wasn’t my call to make…to cross over. Tragedies happen for a reason and they usually happen in pairs,” Lucian emphasized, looking straight into my eyes.

  “How was I going to die, Lucian?” I asked him desperately. My resolve in denying his claims was dissolving.

  “You weren’t going to be able to hold onto the ledge of the bridge much longer. You were supposed to die at the bottom of the Calumet River next to me.”

  My mind was reeling.

  “You would’ve died instantly, sweetheart,” he said solemnly.

  My tears were uncontrollable now.

  “Don’t cry, love.” He attempted to dry my tears with his thumb.

  “Look at me, Grace,” he urged. “Heavenly Grace can still deliver you.”

  “Deliver me from what?” It was so hard for me to breathe with all of
this information.

  “You have no choice, Grace. You weren’t meant to live much longer. That man was going to kill you,” he revealed. “But then— you let go. You let go. You did it.”

  I almost smiled feeling instantly proud of myself but his next revelation brought me down again. “You’re not completely safe, though. Death can still get its way. There will be a next try. It’s just going to be in a different way.”

  I gasped.

  “Sometimes our surroundings are set in stone and it hinders our true development. You’ll just keep hitting deathly turns, Grace.” Lucian stroked my hair as he explained all of this to me.

  His look was so intense as if he was trying to make sure he transmitted his certainty into me. “I’m afraid I won’t be there to save you that one time. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself,” he said desperately. “If you’d just remember how you felt when you we were about to begin of our life together. If you just let yourself see how we’re connected.”

  “You love me. You’ve been an open book to me,” he assured. “That would be the only way balance could be restored.”

  “How can you be sure of all of this?” I beseeched him to reassure me.

  “You’ve already come to me before, love. As your future opens up in front of you, you’ll see. It’s only natural. You’ve been dwelling in the unlivable.”

  “What about my kids, Lucian?” I lamented their loss in my vision.

  “Don’t worry about your kids, Grace. Our children will be and have always been just fine.”

  He gazed into my eyes and smiled meaningfully.

  “You’ll never lose them. What you saw was them going away to college. Even babies grow up.”

  “So that means…” I touched my belly remembering the aqua room.

  “Yeah,” he said sheepishly.

  “That’s exactly what we have to start working on.” Lucian grabbed my face.

  “Believe me when I say… our kids will never want for anything. They’ll have two parents who are deeply in love. Who care and respect each other. Who’ll be striving together. Who’ll love them dearly. Who’ve surpassed death to provide for them a perfect life. One which they did not have before, as neither did we.”

  I was wallowing in the truth I saw in his eyes. His tranquil gaze that was so full of patience and strength. His reassuring presence. The remembrance of his constant care and concern for my well being had been as clear as his gray eyes.

  Lucian had been a constant in my memory. And if what he said was true, he had never pressured me into succumbing to this life he spoke of. Surely any man, or spirit, would grow tired of waiting around for such a defective woman to come around to her senses. Even now, when he ascertained that I had finally made the right choice, I couldn’t possibly be over whatever made me stall cuz’ here I was listening to it as if it was for the first time. I only hoped that Lucian was right and everything would be okay. I hope I was cured from whatever stupidity overcame me before.

  I couldn’t understand for the life of me why Lucian had chosen me. I wondered what he saw in me. I was obviously on my way to hell when he ran into me. I had even taken him with me. I had condemned him to living in this half state he was in. I shook my head in disbelief thinking of my strike of luck at having Lucian.

  As if on cue Lucian responded to my question in one breath.

  “I see the most beautiful woman. I see your huge emerald eyes, your creamy skin. I admire your never ending ginger locks that sway at your waist when you walk. I see your grace and natural sensuality. I see your curiosity to experience and learn new things. I see your vivaciousness. I see your endeavors, your creativity and your will. I see your sensibility, your generous and humble spirit. I see a fighter. I feel your music. I see the woman that can carry me and accept me into eternity.”

  “I see you, Grace. I love you entirely. You really don’t know how amazing you are,” he professed.

  “Can you read my mind or something?” I said.

  “No… Your aura turns yellow when you doubt yourself.” I suddenly felt lost in Lucian’s eyes. I had the urge to reach out and touch him as if he would disappear and I was dreaming again.

  I had never had the surge of feelings that I was having for him now. It was as if I needed him. But, not in the usual way I had needed Lucian before. I didn’t need him to solve my problems or hear my woes. I needed for him to remain near me. I needed for him to touch me.

  Lucian had a self satisfied look on his face.

  “What color am I now?” I asked, focusing on his lips.

  I suddenly became reminded of why so many women flocked to Lucian. He was an exquisite looking man. Tall and tanned even in the dead of winter. His sandy brown hair was always clean cut, but a bit tussled on top. He had the tendency to pull on that part unconsciously when he was trying to make a point.

  His lips were full and his eyes large and captivating. Overall, his features were mildly feminine, but in a larger disproportionate way that is characteristic of a beautiful man or a being from another dimension.

  “It’s red, Grace.” He seemed somehow hesitant to appear pleased by this.

  “And when is it usually red for me, Lucian?” I ventured, hoping that I was emitting the exact color that exudes when a woman wants a man to kiss her as badly as I suddenly wanted him to kiss me.

  I guess I had it all wrong, because instead of getting a kiss from Lucian, I got a good night and a chaste kiss on the forehead.

  “It’s getting late,” he muttered absentmindedly. “Think about what I said. There’s a way, but you have to arrive at it yourself.”

  Before I could open my mouth in protest, he was opening the door and was gone. I fell back on the bed in total confusion and frustration.

  Chapter 20: Bliss

  After what seemed an eternity, I stood up to take my clothes out of my suitcase. I sat back down, flabbergasted at what I had been revealed. Lucian still hadn’t told me how it could all be resolved. My heart fell. I remembered that he told me he was staying at the room that was across from mine.

  I dared not disturb Lucian. I settled for a long hot shower and a pair of my most comfortable pajamas. I still had many more questions to ask to Lucian, but I decided they could wait until the next day. Lucian seeped into my dreams again.

  “Be mine,” Lucian said as he kissed me possessively. I had heard those words before, I was sure, but they didn’t ring quite the same as they had before. Lucian’s words weren’t empty rhetoric to charm a young girl into his bed. They were a reflection of his true wish. I was surprised how right those words sounded to my ears. I wanted to belong to Lucian and I wanted Lucian to belong to me. In my dream, I understood that we did belong to each other. I was complete. I was fulfilled.

  I woke up suddenly and I knew what I had to do to set us free. I’d only let Dario truly go, when I made myself free to accept something wonderful. When I allowed myself to feel the love that I was imprisoning against its will. My love for Lucian. Dario was nothing. It had meant nothing. Having loved him had been a waste of precious time. An agony that I kept prolonging for myself without need.

  I searched my head for a single reason not to forgive Lucian for his apparent sins, but I couldn’t come up with a single one. It was true that I had been through hell, but that hell made me stronger. I would’ve never been prepared to have the life I deserved here or in any other place, if I hadn’t found myself first. I pulled the covers up hoping to drift off to sleep, but it didn’t work. I tossed and turned and wondered if Lucian was already sleeping. Lucian. His name sounded sweet in my thoughts.

  Despite the fact that Lucian was in another room I could uncomprehendingly feel his presence. I looked into the dark wall as if I had X-ray vision. I reflected in awe how this had come to be. This curiosity and longing I suddenly had for Lucian was bearing witness to the truth that he was telling me.

  I was also relieved to finally know why Lucian had always felt like something much bigger than what I saw on the outside. I
t was the realization that this wonderful guy had come to my life or death, in my case, at all to bring such blessings into it and I never valued him as much more than a simple confidant. The realization that I had taken him for granted and yet here he was for me.

  This gentle wonderful spirit, loved me and I realized that I did, too. I acknowledged the feelings of longing to be near him. My sudden feelings that could only be described as pure abandon. It was a feeling I could never let myself experience with Dario. He had too many walls up. Lucian’s heart was open wide, as wide as the infinite universe.

  I felt my yearning creeping up my belly, all the way to my head and I felt an urgency to go to him. I didn’t have any more second chances. This was it and I wanted to start actually participating in the perfect life that Lucian talked about before.

  I flicked on the bedside lamp and stepped onto the warm carpet barefooted. I stopped briefly in front of the mirror to see if I looked okay. I arranged my hair a bit around my face and cursed under my breath for not remembering to buy my Victoria Secret arsenal to this escapade. My pink tank top and pajama bottoms would have to do. I looked at my obviously flat stomach, and decided to start working on that. I marveled at the realization that Sarah and Cody would be safe. That Lucian would be their true father, not Dario. A father that was loving, caring, and warm.

  My heart raced as I walked across the hallway to his room. I stood in front of it and breathed heavily before knocking lightly. There was no answer immediately, but after a few more knocks, Lucian appeared in all his divine form. The fire in his room must have died down, because I only saw a small light flickering behind him.

  He was also clad in pajama bottoms, but he was shirtless and somehow he looked a lot more appealing in his pants, than I probably did. The cut muscles that stemmed from his groin didn’t leave much to the imagination. I gulped when he lifted his hand to his tussled crest and pulled at it nervously.

  Lucian looked so delectable that I almost wanted to cry. I was deciding my next move when he suddenly took a decided step toward me and lifted me in his arms. He hugged me tightly without saying a word and let me down softly only to search my eyes. He cupped my face with his hands and brought his face down to mine.