“I want it to be real,” she whispered. “But I don't know how.”
“That's okay,” he whispered. “I can wait till you figure out. Remember? Compromise.”
That's exactly what we are, a beautiful compromise.
14
“Angel Cake.”
Ayumi drifted around in a fog of semi-consciousness. She was aware that Liam was talking, but couldn't figure out what he meant. Was he offering her dessert for breakfast? She didn't like sweets, though, and especially not so early.
Though maybe if he's feeding them to me, it wouldn't be so bad ..
They'd stayed on the deck all night. The dark wasn't so scary after a while, not when she was bathing in his light. When the fire was dying down and the torches had long since burned out and they were both naked, curled around each other, she'd watched his sleeping face in the fading light. He would compromise for her. He would wait for her. Had anyone ever said those things to her? Could she dare to believe something so beautiful?
“Don't tease me like that.”
Ayumi became fully awake. What the hell was he talking about? She hadn't said a word all morning. She struggled with the sheet, pulling it away from her head and wrapping it around her chest before sitting up.
It was glaringly bright out, and the slight chill in the air told her it was still early. She glanced around, then saw Liam sitting on the very edge of the deck, facing the view. She smiled when she saw he hadn't gotten dressed. He'd only bothered to pull on a pair of boxers before sitting down. Then she lost her smile when she realized he was on the phone. She glanced down at her watch. It was eight o'clock in the morning.
“Seriously,” he was laughing into the phone. “You can make all the sexual promises you want, I'm not blabbing.”
Sexual promises!?
Ayumi combed her fingers through her hair before shoving it all behind her shoulders. Then she moved onto her knees, scooting a little closer to him.
“Okay, okay, okay – I'll tell you this. Yes, I'm with someone down here, okay? And no, I won't tell you. I don't kiss and tell, Angel Cake.”
She felt her heart rate start to increase. Angel Cake. Liam had a nickname for everyone. Ayumi got blessed with Ice Queen, because she could be a stone cold bitch. Katya Tocci, however, was light and sweet and beloved by all. Just like those desserts she was so famous for baking – just like angel food cake. He'd been calling her that since they'd first met. Katya was the one on the phone teasing him.
“Yeah, I got it. ... I got it! ... What!? How little faith you have in me!” he laughed loudly at whatever the baker had said, his voice echoing down the hill side. “I know. I'll be home in like a week or so, I'll share all the dirty details then ... okay, okay, one more detail – remember that camper I showed you, when I wanted you to come to the beach with me? And instead you made me go on the vacation from hell to Carmel? ... Yeah, that one, the Air Stream ... yeah, well, I finally booked it ... yup, we got here yesterday, it's even more gorgeous than its pictures ... that's right, be jealous, you had your chance ... so hey, margaritas when I get back? ... and how's Tori? She answers my texts about work, but nothing else. Is she doing okay? Club isn't too much for her?”
Ayumi turned away and stealthily crawled across the deck, the pink sheet trailing behind her. When she got to the camper, she glanced over her shoulder, but Liam still had his back to her and was guffawing at some other amazing thing Katya was saying.
She felt ridiculous. There was nothing to be upset about, so why were her hands shaking as she got dressed? He was friends with Katya, they had a flirty sort of relationship, and probably always would – she knew how they were together. It wasn't some big shock.
Yet for some reason, it felt like it was a shock. In her stupid girl-brain, she'd thought flirting and being silly with her meant he wouldn't be that way with other girls. But that was just ridiculous – it was his nature. It's just what he did. Why would he change overnight for her? Why would he change at all?
Calm down. Just calm down. This is new to everybody. Why can't you be like angel cake? No one really likes an ice queen. He found this place for her, not for you. Who would ever think of you and then think of this place? No one, that's who.
“What are you doing?”
Liam's voice was so close behind her, it startled her. She let out a yelp and almost jumped out of her skin.
“Just getting dressed,” she managed to say in a semi-normal voice. She threw a smile over her shoulder, then moved down to the kitchenette section of the camper.
“You okay?” he asked. She looked back at him again and he was standing with his head slightly bent so he could fit in the small trailer.
“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?” she replied, dragging all of her hair up into a ponytail.
“I don't know, that's why I'm asking. You're all twitchy.”
“I'm not twitchy.”
“Ayumi, I've spent every moment of every day with you for the past week. I know what you look like when you're normal, and I know what you look like when you're nervous,” he told her. She nodded and bit down on her bottom lip for a second.
“I just ...” she struggled with what to say. How to say it. “Who were you on the phone with?”
“Just now?” he asked, gesturing outside. “Katya. She called to check on me. She thinks she's my nanny. When I go too long without checking in, she has to make sure I'm eating my vegetables and what not.”
He said it all with a laugh and a smile, but it just drove a needle into a space somewhere near her heart. It wasn't Katya's job to check on Liam, he was an adult. An adult who was with another woman. Why didn't he ever tell Katya that he didn't need her to mother him all the time?
Because he knows Katya likes to mother, and he likes to do things she likes. Kind of like with me. Kind of like with a lot of girls.
“Oh, I didn't know. I hope she's doing okay,” she managed to say in a flat voice.
“She's fine. Seriously, are you alright? You seem, I don't know. Bugged,” he told her. She nodded.
“I'm fine. I just haven't had coffee yet, that's all.”
Good enough excuse.
“Oh shit,” he suddenly groaned. “I forgot. We were supposed to stop at the store, the people who stocked this place forgot coffee. And bacon! Can you believe it? Three different kinds of organic milk, and no fucking bacon. Let's run into town real quick.”
“No.” She said it a little too quickly and he gave her another strange look. “I wanted to do some yoga, I haven't worked out in forever. I can get breakfast started so most of it's ready before you get back.”
He nodded and finally walked over to his bag. He pulled on the first t-shirt he found, followed by the first pair of board shorts he touched. It made her smile sadly. She always had to lay everything out and look over her options before she got dressed.
We are so different. A beautiful compromise. Or a disastrous combination.
“It shouldn't take me too long,” he said, stepping into his flip flops. “An hour, tops. Want anything?”
“Just coffee,” she replied, then she held still when he walked up and kissed her quickly.
“I wanted to wake you up with breakfast,” he sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I'm an okay cook. But someone wore me out last night.”
Ayumi wasn't in the mood for his boyfriend voice right then. Not so soon after he'd been using it on Katya. She just needed a minute. Some space. She refused to freak out like she had in Santa Barbara, but she still wasn't so good at dealing with her emotions. She needed time to think through things, and she couldn't think when he was around. Not anymore.
“Takes two to tango, Edenhoff,” she managed to joke. “Now go get me coffee before I turn into the Hulk.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Long after he'd pulled away in the car, Ayumi was still sitting out on the deck. Staring out over the ocean. It was silly to be jealous – there was no chance of anything happening between him and
Katya. The other woman was head over heels in love with Wulf, they were hardly ever apart, she would never cheat on him.
But Liam ... he'd never quite gotten over losing to Wulf. He'd never been in love with Katya, he'd admitted that much to Ayumi during one of their talks, but he'd liked her a lot. Cared about her. And she'd just been another person to make him feel less than special.
Ayumi had an acute sense of what he'd been describing. Katya would always, always, be someone special in Liam's life. Ayumi was new, and different. Not sweet, not friendly, not adventurous. She'd never gotten it on in a sex club – Katya had on their first date. Ayumi would never date two men at once – Katya had done it with almost no hesitation. She'd used Liam to learn about her sexual side while at the same time falling in love with Wulfric.
It was scary. How could Liam like two women who were such opposites? How could he be teasing and flirting with Ayumi one moment, then turn around and do it with someone else? How could he possibly think it wouldn't upset her? Maybe because he'd thought she'd been asleep – he'd never taken a phone call with Katya in front of her.
Maybe he was like Katya. Exploring his emotional side with Ayumi, trying to figure out what it was like to really care about someone. Figure it out so he could actually have a relationship with her. Or ... figure it out so he could use his new found relationship skills on someone else.
No no no, that's NOT happening. Don't even think it. Just TALK TO HIM. Figure this out TOGETHER. He made you promises. Believe him.
Her self-doubt was eating her alive, so she decided to keep herself busy. She cleaned up the deck and put the sheet back on the bed. Then she got out all the supplies to make a huge breakfast for the human garbage disposal. She'd just finished making a stack of French toast and was about to start on the sausages when her cell phone rang. She licked vanilla off her thumb and glanced at the screen, then almost started choking when she saw the name there.
KATYA. TOCCI.
“Yes?” Ayumi answered after she'd made sure her voice would be flat and even.
“Hey, Ayumi!” Katya's cheery voice came over the line. “How are you? How's Seattle?”
Ayumi had told everyone she'd been going to the city in Washington to take part in a marathon. She normally didn't like to lie, but she hadn't wanted anyone to know she'd been going on an adventure with Liam.
“Um, it's good. How can I help you, Katya?” Ayumi asked, moving to sit at the foot of the bed.
“Everything is fine,” Katya started out, which just made Ayumi even more nervous. “I've been checking on your cat every morning, and Dean's been looking in on him in the evenings.”
“Wait, Dean? My neighbor, Dean? He's been going into my house?” Ayumi was shocked.
“Yeah, I thought you knew? He has a key, said he's watched your stuff before. Is that not okay?” Katya sounded worried.
Shit. Her creepy neighbor Dean did have a key, Ayumi had completely forgotten. When she'd first moved in, she'd had to go out of town right away. Dean had seemed like a nice guy, the previous owner had spoken highly of him, so Ayumi had given him a key and asked him to water her plants.
How many times has he been in my house since then?
“I'd forgotten,” Ayumi mumbled. “I didn't know he was going to do that.”
“Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to ask for it back? Or like talk to the authorities, or something?” Katya asked quickly.
“No, no, it's fine. He took care of my plants once, I'm sure he thought I'd want him to do it. He brings over my mail sometimes, he likes to help out,” Ayumi explained. There was a noise in the background, someone talking, then a rustling sound. When Katya got back on the phone, she was speaking in hushed tones.
“Well, you won't have to worry about it, anyway,” she said. “Because your mom is here.”
Ayumi leapt to her feet.
“My mother is there!?” she yelled.
“Uh huh. She was waiting on the steps when I got here, her luggage in her lap. I didn't know what to do, I mean, she's your mom. She wanted inside, I was going inside, she just insisted and followed me,” Katya whispered. “I've been here with her for like half an hour, but I have to go to work. I wasn't sure what you'd want me to do.”
Ayumi felt like she was going to hyperventilate. Talking to Katya while her emotions were all over the place was one thing, but her mother? She couldn't handle her mother. Not right then.
“Just leave her there,” she spoke fast. “I'll ... I'll call her tonight. I'll do something. Just get out.”
“Okay. I'm really sorry, I -”
“Ayumi-chan! Is that you!?”
There was a brief discussion and it sounded like they were fighting over the phone. Ayumi groaned and even before someone started talking, she knew who'd won control of Katya's cell.
“Hello, mother,” she said in a polite voice.
“This is who you have watching your home?” her mother shouted. “Some girl and a strange man! My daughter, allowing men to just parade through her home!”
“I don't allow men to 'parade' through my home, he's -”
“You should have let me come when I insisted! The place is disgusting, Ayumi-chan, it needs to be cleaned.”
“No, please don't clean my house. I will call the cleaners to -”
“Do not argue with your mother!” her mom shouted in Japanese.
“I'm not arguing, mother. I just don't want you cleaning,” she explained.
“Disrespectful daughter who doesn't care about her mother at all, lives alone with strange men coming through her home. You are an embarrassment. I send you to school to become a doctor, you go on to become a lowly assistant for some man.” Ayumi could tell when her mother was really mad because then she only spoke in Japanese.
“I'm not just an assistant, mom. I'm a very successful realtor, too. And he's not just some man, you've met Wulf. You like Wulf.”
“He's like any other man. He only wants you for one thing, and no doubt you give it to him.”
“Mother!”
“Shameful girl, Ayumi-chan. You need to come home immediately, I need to see the doctor again, and your aunt is moving.”
“I'm not coming home, I'm on vacation. Auntie can wait.”
“And what about me? You'd rather I die than see the doctor?”
“Don't say that. You don't need me to go see the doctor.”
“That's fine. I will sit here and die from all my ailments and then you can come home to my corpse.”
“Stop it, mother.”
“What did I do to deserve such an ungrateful daughter? I gave you everything, you are only here because of me, and what do I get in return? Nothing. Disrespect and embarrassment. You have always been a burden to me, Ayumi-chan. All I do is try to help you, and I get nothing in return. It's a waste of my time!”
Every word her mother said lashed against her soul. Carved away at her scar, opened it back up. Erased Liam's words. They confirmed every bad thought Ayumi already had about herself.
“I know, mother. I understand, mother. I don't mean to be rude, mother,” she prattled off like a robot.
“What kind of girl runs off to some strange city by herself? Why would you go? Why wouldn't you take your mother? Because you are ashamed of me? Well, not half as ashamed as I am of you. You are probably with some man, aren't you? You ran off to be with some man and forgot all about your mother. He will never take care of you the way I have. He is just using you. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Of course, mother.”
It went on like that for a while. Finally, Ayumi was able to convince her mother that she didn't hate her, and that she didn't want her to die, and that Katya really needed her phone back because she had to go to work.
“I didn't understand any of that,” Katya said when she got back on the line. “But it sounded rough. Are you okay?”
“Perfectly fine,” Ayumi said. “She just worries about me.”
“Are you sure? I could call Wulf, m
aybe he could -”
“No, Wulfric doesn't need to be involved. Don't worry about the cat anymore, my mother will be staying there. Thank you for checking in on him.”
“Of course, any time, but Ayumi, I really feel like I should -”
“Thank you for calling me. I'll see you soon.”
Katya was still speaking when Ayumi ended the call.
God, she wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw away her cell phone and forget it even existed. Then just run and run and run and run until she fell down somewhere.
But that wasn't who she was; Ayumi wouldn't lose control in that way. Couldn't. She had too much to do, too many things to prove. Too many scars to hide.
So she stood up, she wiped off her face, and she started packing all her clothes away. She was so engrossed in the act, she didn't hear the car pull up. Wasn't aware of Liam until he was turning her around.
“Hey, I've been saying your name,” he said, already shoving a piece of French toast into his mouth. “Thanks for cooking, I'll do the bacon. Why are you packing?”
“I have to go home.”
The toast fell out of his mouth.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, I have to go home.”
“No, I heard you. Why are you saying it?” he asked, glancing around the trailer, as if it would explain to him why this strange girl was talking crazy.
“Because I have to go,” she replied.
“No, no, no,” he shook his head. “Fuck that. Don't you shut down on me. I knew something was wrong this morning. What the fuck happened?”
“It's not what you think,” she told him. “My mother is at my house. She's ... she's not happy I'm here. She wants me to come home.”
“So you drop everything and run when she calls? Ayumi, we're in the middle of something right now!” he told her.
“I know, but she's my mother. I have to go.”
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