“You fucking hate her.”
“Don't say that,” she snapped, stepping back from him. “I don't hate her. I just ... I don't understand her. But she's the only mother I've got, so I'm going to go to her when she needs me.”
“Please, don't do this,” he begged.
“I'll see you in San Francisco, Liam, I'm not dying. I'll still do your accounting.”
That statement didn't seem to make him happy. He covered the distance between them.
“I don't want you to do my accounting,” he said. “I want you to fuck my brains out and go to the movies with me and be the best person in my life.”
“I don't know who you're talking about, because I'm not that person,” she replied.
“Yes, you are. I know you are.”
“You don't know me that well.”
“Stop it!” he yelled. “I like you. You like me. Be with me.”
“Look,” she held up her hands. “This is ... too much. We've spent a lot of time together, things are intense. Just because I'm going home doesn't mean ... it doesn't mean anything is changing, okay? Go drop off your car, then call me when you get home.”
It was best she could give him in that moment, but she could already tell it wasn't enough.
“No. You come drop off the car with me, and we'll go home together,” he suggested.
“I don't want to ruin your vacation.”
“You couldn't ever ruin anything,” he said. “Just ... calm down, okay? I know chick's hate that, but let's both calm down. Let's sit down and talk. Tell me exactly what happened between when you woke up and now. Okay? Please?”
He sounded frantic and he looked upset. Not a natural look on him, for sure. It broke Ayumi's heart that she was the one making him feel that way. He'd only ever tried to make her feel good.
I'm a ruiner of things.
“Okay, but I really think ...”
Ayumi's voice trailed off when her cell phone started ringing. It was still in her hand, so when she held it up, they were both able to see the screen. Wulf's name and title were scrolling over a picture of his office building.
“Do not answer that,” Liam almost growled. Ayumi looked up at him in surprise.
“Why? It could be an emergency,” she pointed out.
“This is an emergency, Ayumi. Call him later. Don't answer,” he insisted, his voice hard. She frowned.
“This isn't about some competition between you two,” she told him, and she could practically see his blood pressure rise. “He's my boss, Liam. I have to answer.”
“No, you don't. He won't fire you if you make him leave a voicemail. You're with me, Ayumi. Talk to me right now.”
While she stared at him, she lifted her phone to her face.
“I have to, Liam. It's my job. I have to.”
Before he could argue, she hit the green button and the call connected.
“Ayumi,” Wulf said in his low, serious voice.
“Wulf,” she replied.
“Katya called me.”
“I told her not to.”
“She's awful at listening to instructions. Are you okay?”
“I am,” she replied, still staring up at Liam.
“She said your mom sounded upset. Are you really okay?” he dug deeper. She took a deep breath.
“No. But I will be.”
“Is there anything I can do?” he offered.
“No. I'll be home at the end of the day,” she informed him. Liam's eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline.
“No you fucking won't,” he replied. She grimaced and waved him away.
“Don't cut your vacation short for that bitch, Ayumi,” Wulf told her. “If you don't want to come home, don't. I'll go deal with your mother myself.”
“No, it's okay. I'm ready to, I swear. It's time I got back to real life.”
“This is real,” Liam corrected her.
“Is someone there?” Wulf asked.
“No. No, it's nothing, just some -”
“Tell him I'm here,” Liam insisted. She shook her head. “Fucking tell him I'm here, or everything you've said this whole time is a lie.”
“Stop it!” she hissed, covering the mouthpiece with her hand. “I promise, we can talk about this, but please, don't do this right now.”
“You made it a competition when you answered the fucking phone,” Liam said. “Now tell him I'm here.”
“Ayumi!” Wulf was barking. She bit down on her lip for a second, not sure what she should do. She didn't want to jeopardize her working relationship with Wulf by admitting she'd been lying to him, but she also didn't want to lie to Liam.
“Please,” she spoke in hushed tones while she pleaded with Liam. “Please. I'll stay. I'll go home with you. We can go talk to him together. Don't make me do this over the phone.”
Liam, however, seemed to be finished with arguing. She gasped as he ripped the phone out of her hand. She was sure he was going to blab all their secrets to Wulf and for a split second, she shockingly felt relief. Finally. Someone was ripping control away and she could breathe.
But instead of doing that, Liam stormed out of the trailer. He went right up to the edge of the deck, cocked his arm back, then launched her cell down the hillside. She ran up to his side and stared in wide mouthed shock as her phone disappeared from view.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” she shrieked, shoving him in the arm.
“You are what's fucking wrong with me!” he snapped back, then he tugged her back away from the edge. “How could you do that? How could you talk to him right now, in the middle of us, and then act like I don't exist?”
How could you talk to Katya right now, in the middle of us, like I don't exist?
“Look,” she took a deep breath and stepped away from him. “I'm trying here, okay? This is all new for me, too, and maybe I'm shit at it. I just want a moment. A goddamn moment. Can I please have a moment?”
“No. Because I know you, and if you take a moment, you'll talk yourself back into being the ice queen, and then it's like we never happened, and I can't handle that,” he told her.
“I won't. I just don't know,” she breathed, staring up at him helplessly. “I don't know what I want, or even what's going on. I'm scared, okay? I was scared last night, and I'm even more scared today.”
“It's okay to be scared,” he whispered, grabbing her hand and squeezing it between both of his. “As long as you're scared with me.”
She didn't know how to respond to that, didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to just let go and trust him. Trust herself. She was petrified, and all she wanted to do was run home where things were safe and normal.
So they stood in silence and stared at each other. Her unable to say what he wanted to hear, and him unable to say anything to help her. It grew beyond uncomfortable and well into the realm of awkward before he finally let her hand go.
“I never lied to you,” she whispered, and he nodded.
“I know. Look ...” he let out a deep breath and shoved his hands into his hair. “Okay. You want to go home, I get it, I really do. But please, don't let it end like this? I care about you. Let me come with you. Let me show you I'm not what you think I am.”
“And what do I think you are?”
“Some lying womanizer who only wants to use you.”
Ah, he really is psychic. Mystic Liam can see into the hearts of women and know their greatest fears. Their deepest secrets. Their biggest insecurities.
“I don't ...” she started, but she couldn't lie to him. “It's only been a week, Liam. A really intense week. We still don't know each other very well. Let's go home and take a step back and think about things.”
“I know you well enough, and I don't want to take a step back. Look, this is fucked – I have to fucking drop off this stupid car. I'm gonna call the guy and see if he can meet me somewhere close by, or if I can just drop it at LAX or something. Come with me and we can talk while we drive.”
Standing there in the gre
at wide open she felt so awful, she wanted to scratch her skin off. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be stuck in a car next to him. She wasn't emotionally or mentally equipped to deal with this situation, she didn't have the tools. She could buy and sell a house in three separate languages, all while doing her taxes, and she would get it done right.
But relationships? Feelings? Love.
No, she'd never been taught those things.
“I can't,” she whispered, then she cleared her throat. “I mean, I don't want to. Be in the car. I feel sick to my stomach right now, I can't imagine what the drive will do to me. Just go return the car, then come back and get me.”
He eyeballed her for a second like he didn't trust her. Then he must have realized that without the car, she was miles away from civilization – as fit as she was, even Ayumi wouldn't risk hiking out of the hills on her own. She also didn't have a phone, so she couldn't call for help.
“I'm coming back,” he said in a low voice as he stepped up so close to her, he was able to lean down and press his forehead to hers. “Two, three hours, max. Please calm down and don't think about who we used to be – think about who we are together.”
“Okay. Okay, Liam,” she replied.
He kissed her then, and it was almost enough to make her believe in herself. But then he pulled away too soon, and she could feel her strength going with him.
“I'm coming back. You'll be here. We'll figure out exactly what we're doing next,” he told her as he walked backwards towards the car. She nodded her head.
“What we'll do next,” she echoed him.
“I'm sorry about your phone.”
“It's okay.”
He stared at her for a long time. He looked ... afraid. She'd never seen him look scared before, not even when things had gone to shit with Katya. Then he slid his sunglasses back on and he fell into the car. The tires spun, kicking up a huge dust cloud as he peeled out of the spot. Within a matter of seconds, he was gone from sight, and she was all alone again.
Always alone.
She stumbled back into the trailer, not sure what to do with herself. The sausages were burning in the pan – she threw them in the trash, then systematically cleaned every dish. After that, she wrapped the leftover French toast in suran wrap and tucked them into the fridge. The bacon and coffee Liam had gone into town for were sitting on the kitchen table. She went to the pick up the bag, but stopped just shy of grabbing it. Just stared at it.
What am I doing right now? I'm cleaning a fucking trailer in the middle of nowhere, Malibu.
Ayumi spun around, putting her hands on her head. She felt a panic attack coming on – she hadn't had one in years. She couldn't handle any of this, she felt like she was going to burst apart. She needed something to ground her. Something to make her feel sane. Normal.
She dashed over to her tote bag and dug out her laptop. She'd hardly used it on the trip, she was willing to bet Liam had forgotten all about it. She obviously couldn't make a phone call with it, but the Air Stream had wifi. She quickly connected to it and winced when she saw emails from Wulf. She logged into The Stone Agency's network and accessed the messaging system.
I dropped my phone.
She tapped a fingernail against her bottom lip, waiting to see if he'd respond. After a couple seconds, she got a reply.
Where, off the Grand Canyon? You gave me a fucking heart attack, I thought you were getting mugged. I was gonna call the airline and charter a plane to Seattle.
She groaned. Liam hated it when people acted like he wasn't an adult – Ayumi liked it even less.
Don't be ridiculous, I'm fine, but my phone is broken. I'm sorry I scared you.
I heard another person, are you with someone?
No, there's no one here.
Ayumi glanced around at the empty trailer. It was technically a true statement.
Is there something you're not telling me? I'm not just your boss, you know that.
I know, everything is fine. I'm fine.
So then what's your plane? Are you staying or coming back?
I think I'm coming back.
I don't want you coming home because of your mother, but if you are, I would gladly appreciate the help. A huge opportunity has fallen into our laps, I can't handle it by myself.
Of course he couldn't. The good thing about Wulf was his cold, clinical manner. She knew exactly where she stood with him, at any given point in time. He didn't beat around the bush, he didn't say things just to be nice, he didn't act one way with her, then different around other people. He was just Wulf. Just her boss. Just her friend.
Ayumi let her eyes fall shut for a moment. She listened to the breeze as it rustled through the bushes and the trees. Took a deep breath, taking in fresh mountain air. Then she looked down at her computer and put her fingers back on the keyboard.
I'm ordering a car right now. I'll be home by tonight.
15
Well, Liam couldn't exactly say he was shocked, which was really the saddest part of it all.
He'd driven like a mad man all the way to LAX, all while shouting into his cell phone. His friend wasn't happy about having to drive up to L.A., that wasn't part of their arrangement. Liam had told him to suck it up, then promised to leave enough money in the glove compartment to cover the garage fees.
After stowing the car in an easy to find spot and hiding a couple hundred dollars inside the instruction manual, Liam had run to the car rental shuttles. Bounced around inside the shuttle, then raced up to the rent-a-car counter. He was running on auto-panic-pilot, so he booked the first car they mentioned and rented it for a week. He didn't even blink at the hefty price tag, just signed his life away and snatched the keys to his new Jeep Liberty.
The drive back to Malibu was pure torture. Not only had traffic decided to be a fuckshow, but he had a horrible feeling. It didn't matter how fast he rushed, he wouldn't get there quick enough.
Don't say that. She doesn't even have a phone, what's she going to do, walk out? Trust her, she'll be there.
Of course she wasn't fucking there. The trailer was sparkling clean, the bed had been made, and every single trace of her – of them – was completely gone from the space. All that was left behind was a letter. A Dear fucking John letter. He'd almost laughed when he'd picked it up off the table. He'd written a few in his time, but never had the pleasure of receiving any.
Liam -
I'm sorry, but I had to go. Wulf needed me, something came up at work. Please don't read too much into that – it's not a competition between the two of you.
But it was, because she'd clearly chosen one of them. And it wasn't Liam. It was the second time a woman close to him had run away to Wulf.
This time, though, it felt much, much worse.
I don't know how to do this thing with you, I'm sorry. I had no business getting involved with someone when I don't even know how to be with someone. I'm not saying it's over or that I want it to be over. I'm just saying I don't know what I want. But when I figure it out, you'll be the first to know.
Thank you for the best vacation I've ever had.
Ayumi N.
He crumpled the letter, but he didn't throw it away. Instead, he shoved it down into his front pocket, keeping it close to him.
He had a feeling it would be the last communication he'd have with her for a long time.
THE DRIVE HOME TO SAN Francisco sucked. Over six hours, just him and his crushing self-doubt. In his original plans, he would still be on vacation. Would be surfing along Manhattan Beach. In his plans with Ayumi, they'd be spending another night under the stars, memorizing each others bodies.
Now, he was quickly approaching cold weather, bad surf breaks, and a fucked up relationship with an even more fucked up chick.
He'd tried to call her. Right after reading her letter, but of course she hadn't answered – he'd thrown her phone into a national park, he'd eventually remembered. He knew Ayumi, though, and she was definitely the kind of chick who wou
ld immediately replace her phone. She couldn't survive without her connection to Wulf and her work. So when Liam finally walked into his apartment after the drive from hell, and he'd looked around at the utter emptiness of his home, he'd decided to see if she'd gotten a new device yet. He took out his phone and stabbed at her contact info, then waited for her to pick up.
“Hello, you've reached Ayumi Nakada from The Stone Agency. If you're trying to reach Wulfric Stone, please leave a detailed message with your contact info and what it's regarding. For all other calls ...”
He started squeezing his phone so hard, he almost thought he'd shatter it by the time the beep sounded.
“Hey,” he grumbled, rubbing at his eyelids with his free hand. “Hey, it's me. I don't ... I'm trying not to be angry. I'm trying to figure out what to do, too. Just please, please, call me. Or stop by. Come down to the club, do my accounting. Whatever. Anything. We can't let it end like this. You said it wasn't over, but you're certainly fucking act like it is. Fuck, I'm sorry, but I am really fucking angry. We may be fucked up and opposites and not in the right time of our lives to have relationships, but it fucking happened, and it was fucking awesome, and it would still be fucking awesome if it wasn't for your mom. Or you. Or Wulf. Or me. Or whatever! Fuck, this is so fucked. Please call me before I make an even bigger ass out of myself. Please? You know I'll just show up at some point. Call me.”
Not exactly breezy, but he couldn't take it back, now. He hung up and threw his phone over the back of his couch, then was shocked when there was a groaning sound.
“I'm sorry your booty call isn't answering,” Landon groaned as he sat upright. “But that's no reason to throw your phone at me.”
“Shit, I didn't know you were there. I texted you an hour ago and you said you were out,” Liam said, moving around the sofa so he could sit next to his twin.
“I was. Didn't work out, chick's boyfriend showed up. So who's the girl?” Landon asked, digging a cigarette out of his pocket. Liam scowled and yanked it out of his hand before tossing it across the room.
“Just a girl.”
“Just? Sounded like more than that.”
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