Shadows

by Paula Weston

  ‘Fuck!’

  ‘Sorry,’ Daisy says. ‘You okay?’

  My heart thumps again and then settles. She’s injured. Her cheek is bruised and her top lip is swollen and split.

  ‘Me? What happened to you?’

  She shrugs with one shoulder. ‘I went to see you without permission.’

  ‘Today?’

  ‘No, on Sunday.’

  ‘How did they find out?’

  A half-smile. ‘You rang.’ Her red hair looks dull today, tucked behind her ears. Her skin is even paler than when we met at the lookout.

  ‘Shit.’ I’d forgotten all about my panicked call a few hours ago. ‘Sorry.’ I glance up at the camera, step into the bathroom. ‘You know I’m being watched, right?’

  She smiles and then winces. ‘Everyone’s in a briefing right now.’

  ‘Why aren’t you there?’

  ‘I don’t get to know what’s going on—at least for a day or so.’ She closes the toilet lid and sits on it. ‘But just to be on the safe side, I’ll stay in here.’

  ‘Do you know where Maggie is?’ I ask.

  ‘Sorry, I don’t.’

  I want to believe her.

  ‘I had an argument with Taya over what happened the first time she went to see you, so there was no way she was telling me the plans today. Nobody thinks I can be impartial.’ She sighs. ‘Sorry I couldn’t answer your call. Daniel was handing out surveillance jobs when you rang. I turned it off as soon as I saw it was a new number, but he doesn’t miss a trick. He asked to borrow my phone as I was heading out. Nobody says no to Daniel.’

  ‘Did he do that?’ I gesture to her lip and cheek.

  She touches her face. ‘That was Malachi. But only after I busted his nose.’

  ‘Excellent. I smashed his balls.’

  Daisy’s green eyes light up. ‘Why?’

  ‘He tried to drown me.’

  ‘What?’

  I tell her about the bathroom session.

  ‘Daniel let that happen?’ She’s studying me, a frown changing the pattern of her freckles. ‘Why did you agree to come with him?’

  ‘He let me believe Mags was here.’ I’m embarrassed at how easily he manipulated me.

  ‘Ah, well, there’s a reason he’s one of the Five.’

  ‘So, it’s not just because of his perfect hair? It’s a wonder he’s got time to do anything that doesn’t involve a mirror.’

  Daisy snorts. It’s not a delicate sound. ‘Ow,’ she says, and presses her fingers to her lip, trying not to laugh. ‘Oh, I like the new you.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I don’t mean to sound so hopeful.

  She manages a lopsided smile. ‘It’s just…you’re seeing everything with fresh eyes.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well…’ She pauses. ‘Daniel likes to look sharp. Everyone knows that. But nobody makes jokes about it. Especially you.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, for a start, you two only broke up a little while before you disappeared.’

  I blink. And gape.

  ‘He didn’t tell you?’

  I shake my head. Parts of our earlier conversation make a lot more sense. ‘He asked me if I’d slept with Rafa.’

  ‘I hope you said yes, even if it’s not true.’

  ‘No, and no,’ I say. ‘Daniel says I’m the only Rephaite woman Rafa hasn’t slept with.’

  She shrugs. ‘True enough, but that’s Rafa.’

  ‘So you’ve been with him?’ The question’s out before I even know I want to ask it.

  ‘Yeah, but it was a hundred years ago. We were teenagers. Actual teenagers. I was one of his earlier conquests.’ A small smile. ‘Not one of my prouder moments, but he wasn’t such a cocky bastard back then.’

  I really shouldn’t care about any of this, but…’How did he and I get along?’

  ‘That’s complicated.’ A frown. ‘You and Rafa were always our best fighters—when everyone was still together. You led every major operation, and no one went into even a bar fight without one or both of you.’

  ‘Why didn’t I sleep with him, then?’

  ‘I don’t know. On principle? He was Jude’s best friend. And of course he’s a prize smartarse. You two fought with each other almost as much as you fought beside each other, but it was never anything serious. Until Mya came along.’

  I’m so sick of that name. ‘What’s her story?’

  ‘She managed to make it on her own for nearly a hundred and thirty years before Nathaniel tracked her down. She wasn’t a big fan of our way of life here. Too many rules. Plus, she wanted to be one of the Five. Rephaim have waited decades for that chance, and she just waltzes on in and wants to run the place. When she worked out how long she’d have to wait, she stirred up a lot of trouble, questioning Nathaniel and telling us we should think for ourselves. Anyway, she finally left, and took twenty-two of our best fighters with her.’

  ‘Including Jude and Rafa.’

  ‘Rafa followed his dick—big surprise there. Jude followed Rafa, and everyone else followed Jude.’

  I pick up a damp towel, toss it on the edge of the bath. ‘Were Jude and Daniel friends?’

  ‘They were civil to each other, at least until Daniel became interested in you. Then it all went bad.’

  ‘How come?’

  ‘Jude didn’t like how you were when you were around Daniel.’

  I wrap my arms around my knees. I’m not sure I want to know what that means.

  ‘They were never buddies, even when we were kids,’ Daisy continues. ‘Daniel was always a bit threatened. Jude could have been one of the Five in a heartbeat if he’d wanted it, but he stayed on the frontline with us.’ She straightens the bath mat. ‘Everything changed after Hurricane Mya.’

  I glance back at the camera. I hope that briefing is still going. ‘Can you take me to Pan Beach?’

  She looks down at the empty bath. ‘I can’t. They’ll know it was me.’

  I push down my frustration.

  ‘I’ll figure something out,’ she says. ‘I know I’ve said that before…’

  ‘Thanks.’ I gesture to her face. ‘How come you’re still injured?’

  She wrinkles her nose. ‘No one’s allowed to shift with me at the moment.’ She checks her watch and stands up. ‘I’d better get out of here.’

  I nod, and get to my feet too. ‘Thanks, you know, for coming.’

  Daisy catches sight of herself in the mirror and probes her bruised cheek until she winces. ‘My pleasure. Gabe—’ She turns to me. ‘Trust your body. You might not remember how to fight, but I don’t believe Daniel’s theory that your body’s forgotten.’ She cracks her neck. ‘And Gabe?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Fight hard, because we will keep hurting you.’

  And then she’s gone. All the warmth in the bathroom leaves with her.

  HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT?

  My stomach growls. I haven’t eaten for hours. I’m still staring out the window, not seeing anything. I’m thinking about my parents. Not the self-righteous pair who it now seems never existed, but the two people who gave Jude and me life: a woman from another place and time, and a fallen angel.

  Did she know what he was? Was it the best night of her life, or did it just leave her knocked up without a husband? There weren’t too many places on the planet last century where being a single mother was a good thing. And did her life slip away giving birth, or did she somehow survive, like Jason’s mother? And if she survived, what made her give up her babies when Nathaniel came calling? Was she scared? I almost can’t bear to think about her.

  I stare at my reflection in the window. Do I look like her? Do we have the same cheekbones? The same dark eyes? Am I like her in other ways? Even if I remember who I used to be, I’ll never know. If she survived Nathaniel’s visit, she’s still been dead for a century.

  I almost hope she didn’t care about Jude and me. I could bear that. But a mother who loved me, who lived a life searching
for me—or who died protecting me… My throat closes over and I shut my eyes. A tear still slips out.

  What about my father? I try to imagine him. I can’t.

  Does he know I exist? Do any of the Fallen know they left behind a legacy of bastards now hell-bent on destroying them?

  My breath fogs up the window and I use my finger to draw a crescent moon. It fades almost instantly. All I have to do is remember. Then Maggie is safe. Then at least some of these questions will have answers.

  There’s a knock on the door. I tense, ready for anything, but it’s only Daniel carrying a tray of food. My traitor stomach greets him with enthusiasm.

  ‘Is that drugged too?’

  Daniel has changed into a fresh shirt, less dressy than before, but still crisp. He puts the tray on the desk. The plate is covered with a stainless steel cloche, like in a hotel. There’s a sealed bottle of water beside it and some thin breadsticks.

  ‘Your food is fine.’ He sits on the edge of the bed and gestures for me to eat at the desk.

  I don’t move.

  He lets out the smallest of sighs. ‘Opening your mind that way didn’t work, so there’s no point trying it again.’

  ‘Who opened my mind?’

  ‘Nathaniel.’

  I swallow. ‘He was here? He can read minds?’

  ‘Nathaniel can see into our thoughts if we submit ourselves to him.’

  ‘Or if we’re off our face.’ I tuck a stray hair behind my ear. ‘What did he see?’

  ‘Memories of a life you never lived.’

  ‘No shit.’

  The room now smells like cheese and mushrooms—and my stomach rumbles again.

  ‘Eat your dinner before it goes cold.’

  The benefits of a full stomach outweigh the fear of being drugged again. I lift the lid. Risotto. It looks plain enough, just mushrooms and onions, stirred through with parmesan, but when I taste it…

  ‘This is pretty good.’

  ‘It’s the truffle oil.’

  I don’t get it. One minute they’re drowning me and the next cooking me gourmet meals. Must be some kind of Rephaite interrogation method. I pick up the pace. The meal could be ripped away before I finish it. Or I could.

  ‘Good god, you even eat like him now.’

  Daniel is watching me, fascinated.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Your brother.’

  The Jude I remember loved food, but he rarely lingered over it. Apparently the real Jude wasn’t all that different. I lick my fork and smile.

  Daniel clears his throat. I look over at him, but keep eating.

  ‘What does Rafael want with you?’ he asks.

  It’s oddly satisfying, how much he hates acknowledging I’ve been with Rafa.

  ‘He wants what you want. To know how Jude died.’ I don’t tell him Rafa’s theory that Jude might still be alive, but it must have crossed Daniel’s mind. I don’t think too many things get past him.

  ‘That’s all?’

  ‘Isn’t that enough?’

  It’s not a question he answers. I scrape the last of the rice onto my fork and try to make my deal. ‘Let’s assume my old memories are never coming back. You must have a plan B?’

  He doesn’t answer, so I keep going. ‘Why can’t you treat me like I’m another long-lost Rephaite? If you let Maggie go, I’ll stay. Train me.’

  I’ll stay until I learn to shift.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  He sighs and wets his lower lip with his tongue. If he didn’t have such a huge stick up his arse it might be sexy. ‘Because we have to know what happened.’

  ‘But if you retrain me, that other life might come back. I might remember.’

  ‘We don’t have time, Gabriella. It might be too late. You and your brother could have already changed the course of history.’

  ‘How could we have possibly done that?’

  ‘If you found the Fallen and made some pact with them it will condemn us all.’

  I scowl at him. Everything is so freaking life and death with these people.

  ‘Maybe we just wanted to find our father, ask for child support, and move on with our lives.’

  Daniel stands up, but not before I see a muscle twitch in his jaw. ‘You need your memory back for no other reason than to stop this childish behaviour.’

  I wrench the cap off the water and take a long drink. I belch, as childishly as I can, and then meet Daniel’s gaze. ‘When do I meet Nathaniel?’

  He scoffs, forgetting himself for a second. ‘You have to earn that right.’

  ‘Or be unconscious.’

  Daniel drums his fingers against his thighs. I’ve pushed him too far.

  ‘Have you finished eating?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because your time’s up.’

  READY OR NOT

  Daniel signals to the camera, and Malachi and Taya materialise about two seconds later. I’m already scrambling for the window in slow motion, like I’m running underwater. How much would falling three storeys hurt? But they’re already between me and freedom.

  I get a flash of Rafa standing under the jacaranda tree in my front yard. I mimic him, turning side-on and balancing my weight on my toes. I flex my fingers and raise my eyebrows at Taya and Malachi.

  They falter.

  And then they remember I’m harmless.

  It takes them all of ten seconds to contain me. Taya pins my wrists behind me and Malachi’s fingers dig into my neck as he pushes me forward.

  I struggle against them. ‘You’d better hope I don’t get my memory back.’

  ‘No, Gabe, you’d better hope you don’t.’ Taya jerks my arms up behind me. It hurts like hell. ‘When the truth comes out, you’re going to die. For real this time.’ Her voice is low so Daniel can’t hear her trash-talking.

  We’re in the hallway, more beige carpet, acres of it. We reach a tiny lift and only the three of us squeeze into it. Daniel is gone. The lift groans and jerks, then starts down, slowly. I close my eyes. Would Jude be going through this if he’d survived instead of me? What would he do if he was here in my place?

  The lift shudders then stops. The temperature has dropped a couple of degrees. We must be underground. Malachi and Taya frogmarch me down a dim passage. The walls are stone and the floor is bare concrete. Fluorescent lights sheathed in wire punctuate the low ceiling, and the place smells old and dank. We pass through two sets of iron gates before we reach a solid door. It’s green and mottled, like tarnished bronze. Malachi yanks me to a standstill. He presses a buzzer and looks up. Another camera. A few seconds later, electronic bolts slide back. What do they have down here that needs this level of security?

  The door swings open, slowly, like it weighs a tonne. My pulse thuds in my temples. Malachi shoves me forward into a cavernous gymnasium. Before me, punching bags hang from long chains that are bolted to the high ceiling. There are two makeshift boxing rings, and weights and barbells scattered around the floor. But what takes the air from my lungs is the room’s centrepiece.

  It’s a cage.

  A towering, fully enclosed steel cage, made of chainlink wire, with sawdust on the floor, linked by a walkway to another heavy-duty bronze door. It looks like it belongs in a back alley in Bangkok. Bile rises in my throat.

  Please don’t let me be going in there.

  The door behind me closes, and the electronic bolts slide back.

  There’s no one else here. But from the stench of sweat hanging in the air, it hasn’t been empty long. Malachi propels me across the stone floor, towards the cage, my wrists still pinned behind my back. I struggle against him.

  ‘I wouldn’t waste any more energy if I was you,’ he says.

  Taya’s already at the cage. She throws open the door, her sleek black ponytail swishing behind her. She gestures for me to step inside.

  ‘No fucking way.’ I dig in my heels. But we’re close enough now that it only takes a rough shove and I’m in the cage. I hit the sawdust on
my hands and knees.

  Taya grins and snaps a padlock over the bolt. ‘Don’t blame me. You got yourself into this.’

  I fling a handful of sawdust at her. As she’s flicking it out of her hair, her attention locks on to something behind me. ‘Oh, come on.’

  I look over my shoulder. Daisy is standing there, carrying a sword, her face still bruised and busted, her red hair pinned back from her face.

  ‘You don’t think I’m letting her face this alone, do you?’ She gives me a quick nod.

  ‘Get out of the cage, Daisy,’ Taya says, her tone flat.

  ‘She’ll get torn up in here on her own.’

  ‘Or her instincts will kick in.’

  ‘You haven’t even given her a weapon.’

  ‘We will. So get out. Now.’

  Daisy spins the sword in her hand. She looks dangerous, even with those freckles. ‘Make me.’

  Taya’s face lights up and she reaches down for something at her feet.

  ‘Stop!’

  Taya freezes. Daniel crosses the floor from the other side of the gym.

  ‘Enough,’ he says, his voice tight. ‘Taya, stay where you are.’ He looks into the cage, avoiding eye contact with me. ‘Daisy, get out of there.’

  There’s no mistaking his tone for anything other than a command, but Daisy holds her ground. ‘Daniel, this is wrong.’

  His face is pinched. ‘It is what it is.’

  ‘But does it have to be this?’

  I’m turning from one to the other as they speak.

  ‘I’m not asking again,’ Daniel says.

  She holds his gaze for a few long seconds, and then her shoulders drop and I know I’m on my own. ‘Sorry, Gabe,’ she says quietly, and disappears.

  My eyes linger on the imprint of her boots in the sawdust.

  ‘But I’m not leaving the room,’ she says behind me. She’s on the opposite side of the cage to Daniel, Taya and Malachi, her fingers hooked through the wire.

  Daniel pretends not to hear. He nods at a camera across the room. A signal. All this time I’ve been crouched down, so I stand up on shaky legs and face the only other access point to the cage: the bronze door at the end of the walkway. It groans and slides open.

  Something thuds at my feet, and I flinch. A sword.