Gut Deep: Torn Worlds Book One

by Augustine, Donna

  “They’re Donovan’s men. I have no idea what this is, and I don’t give a fuck.”

  I left Sassy sitting on the kitchen floor, pulling out all sorts of food items and clothing. She could have whatever was in it. The man lined guards up, sent boxes filled with stuff, but didn’t have the decency to show up at the door.

  Thirty-Nine

  Donovan

  “If I’d known it was going to turn out like this, I never would’ve pushed the situation,” Huddy said as he sat across from me in the club office, nursing his bourbon.

  I leaned forward, topping off his glass. “I’ll let you in on something. It didn’t matter how hard or little you pushed. I was going to do it anyway. I was trying to fight it, feigned indifference, but I was already done.”

  “Maybe it’s for the best. Your life will be easier without her. Think of it that way.” Spoken like a true womanizer, someone who’d never been in love.

  He sounded like I might’ve a few months ago. Now I knew better.

  “My life won’t be worth shit without her. When I had her, all I kept telling myself was why it wouldn’t work and how miserable we’d both be. Over and over again I’d remind myself of all the issues, tell her there was no future. When I saw something that didn’t add up, I used it as my stamp on how right I’d been.” I’d been miserable ever since I walked out of that room on her. She’d told me she loved me, begged me to stay, and I’d left.

  “You know, you weren’t all wrong. You couldn’t know. The situation looked bad.”

  “Except I knew her, even with all her secrets. I knew the kind of person she was. I talked myself into not believing her because I thought I was being soft and I couldn’t stand the slightest chance of being duped.” What a fucking idiot I’d been. Poor Bigs had tried to tell me, and I’d even resisted then.

  “Look, she was the one who held out. She could’ve told you the truth.”

  He didn’t get it, or didn’t want to. I would’ve done the same as Pen had. “How? When the first time she ever met me I was sitting at a table full of vampires laughing over how sick humans should be put down?”

  “Oh shit. She was there that night?” he asked, and I could see him replaying the dinner in his mind. If you were on the other end of that, it had to have been even worse.

  “Tell me this: if I’d been the sick one, would you have taken a chance with my life if you were her?”

  He shrugged. “How are the efforts coming?” he asked, aware of my plan.

  “I think there’s a little progress. She isn’t going to cave easy, not after I accused her like I did.” There were other blunders I couldn’t share with him. I couldn’t tell him how she’d cried, begging me to trust her. How I’d walked out, leaving her there in a puddle of tears. It wasn’t for my sake I kept silent on those things. I’d broken her. I wouldn’t betray her again, not even in the smallest of ways, by sharing that.

  “The war hasn’t been lost yet. My men tell me every time a box arrives, she looks more enraged. The last box she got she punched and kicked down the stairs, cursing the entire time.” I laughed, thinking of the video one of them had gotten of her doing it. She’d been in such a fit that she hadn’t noticed she was being recorded.

  “And that’s good?” Huddy asked, his eyebrows rising as if he thought I’d lost my marbles.

  “She’s mad, not indifferent. I can work with mad. There’s emotion in mad. Mad can shift. If she were indifferent, I’d know she was over me. Nothing can be done with that.” And she was anything but cold toward me.

  “Still can’t believe you’re doing all this,” he said.

  I’d never cared enough to pursue a woman before. I typically picked from the lineup. That I’d ever thought I only wanted her because she hadn’t been in the lineup had been foolish on my part. She was different, always had been. She was stronger than any person I’d ever met, more determined and loyal. I’d doubted all of that, thrown her away. She had every right to doubt me now.

  “If she does come around, what about your mother? You know she’s not going to handle it well. She’s thrilled that you two are done.”

  “She’ll have to get over it.” If Larissa didn’t, I wouldn’t really care. But she’d adjust. My mother was like a reptile who needed the sun to heat her cold heart. She’d do whatever she needed to her alpha son around.

  “And the pack?”

  “She saved Ralph. Kia has been apparently singing Pen’s praises ever since. They’ll adjust if she wants to stay. And if she doesn’t want to, it won’t matter. I’ve been in charge for too long. Maybe some fresh blood wouldn’t be so bad.”

  “What about kids? Forget about being alphas. They might not even be shifters if you have any at all.” He was scratching his head, so far from where I was that he couldn’t fathom my choice.

  He couldn’t understand that when you loved someone, there was a shift. Your goals changed. Everything changed.

  “If we have any kids, I’ll love them, because they’re ours, whatever the fuck they turn out like. And if there aren’t any, that’s fine too. Maybe we’ll adopt a wolf and name him junior. I don’t care.”

  Huddy laughed. “Oh yes, the queen of D.C. is going to be thrilled. Might as well go to the pound and get a mutt.”

  “Forget an alpha grandson; my mother is lucky she still has a throne. If Melinda gets her way, there’ll be no more political functions to host. It’ll be more like a gladiator arena when our races come together.” That day still might come. I didn’t have guards lined up around Pen’s house out of paranoia. Melinda knew exactly where to hit me if she changed her mind on the truce.

  Huddy leaned forward, squinting. “Okay, there’s one thing I still don’t get. Why don’t you just go to her?”

  I shook my head. He didn’t know Pen the way I did. “I can’t. I need her to want me enough to come to me. I’m letting her set the pace for once. I think she needs to make the choice.”

  Huddy raised his glass to me. “Well, I wish you luck. You know the old saying: the man might pick the dress, but the wolf picks the mate. Looks like yours has chosen, but who the fuck would’ve expected it to pick a human.”

  He laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh with him.

  Forty

  Sassy

  I marched up to the front door and pounded on it. I didn’t stop until it was opened. Which had happened pretty fast. I might not have had to pound like a dickhead, but I might as well start the way I was planning on finishing. Why put on a civilized act when I was going to be anything but?

  The man that opened the door looked exactly like the person Pen had described as Bigs. I didn’t care how nice she said he was. I was not going to like any of them.

  “May I help you?” he asked.

  “My beef isn’t with you, but I need to speak to your dickhead boss. I’m Pen’s sister.” I narrowed my eyes, silently telling him to keep his distance.

  “So nice to meet you. Come in!”

  Oh yes, he was as formidable as Pen had said.

  “Send her in,” someone with a deep voice called out from the other room.

  Bigs pointed, still smiling. I moved away from his kind of trouble as fast as I could. I knew when I was outgunned.

  I walked into the other room and found Donovan. I wasn’t sure a werewolf could look bad, especially not this one. But he did seem a little scruffier than I expected, the shadow on his jaw a little long and his shirt not as cleanly pressed as Pen had said they always were.

  “I came to talk to you.”

  “Then talk,” he said, walking away from me and into another room. He waited by the door, and I realized that if he was even a fraction of the animal I feared him to be, being in his house, going into this room alone with him, might be dangerous. I strode in anyway. My sister would give her life ten times over for me, and I had every intention of doing the same.

  He shut the doors and pointed at a chair.

  “I won’t be staying that long.”

  He settle
d in a chair himself. “Why are you here?”

  “Why do you keep having things delivered to my sister?” We were on nearly the second week of daily deliveries, and I knew it was fucking with her head something awful.

  “Because I’m in love with her.”

  That was it? Just blurt that shit out? What was up with this guy?

  “You sure about that? You don’t treat her like a cherished loved one, that’s for sure. You shit all over her and wrecked her. If that’s how you treat a loved one then you should be put down like the filthy fucking dog you are, and I’m here to do it.”

  I pulled the gun out of my pocket and pointed it at his head, not sure I’d be able to kill the man my sister loved. If I knew it would help her, I’d do it in a second. But I didn’t think it would. It might be the last straw on her misery.

  He didn’t flinch. He would if he knew what a good shot I was.

  His brow creased. “Does she know you’re still sick?”

  Ah, fuck. Pen had warned me about their alphas, but I hadn’t truly believed her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m healthy. You sent the cure, remember?”

  “It patched you up, but it’s temporary. I can smell the sickness on you. I’m sure you can feel it lingering.”

  His voice was soft, like he felt bad for me, or Pen. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t say anything else, trying to take his measure.

  He waved toward me. “You don’t need to worry. Most of my kind won’t sense it yet for probably a few more years, and you’re unlikely to bump into too many alphas.”

  “She doesn’t know I’m not cured, and you better not tell her,” I said, waving the gun at him.

  Wasn’t sure why I’d even loaded it. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t shoot this guy. He really didn’t seem that bad. Plus, I was still full on the croissants he’d sent over this morning. Something about shooting him now seemed wrong.

  “I know a doctor. He’s one of my kind, but he’s been doing research into the Sucking Sickness. He might be able to help you. I can’t say for sure, but he’s your best bet.”

  “Why? So I don’t kill you? You think you can use me to get to her?”

  “I don’t care if you never tell her. I’d actually prefer you didn’t. That you go and say you found him on your own.”

  “Then why?”

  “Because from what I know, your father is a drunk who ran off on you. You’re all she’s got left, and I don’t want her to be alone.”

  Fucking asshole was really screwing with my plans. I might not be able to kill him, but I was going to leave a nice little scar to warn him off.

  I moved my aim to his arm. Maybe a nice reminder right by his bicep?

  He waited.

  I sighed and dropped my arm. I couldn’t mark him. I knew bad people. He wasn’t one of them.

  “How’d you get infected?” he asked.

  I stopped pointing the gun at him and took the seat he’d offered earlier. “You answer my questions first. How could you do that to her? How?”

  He shrugged. “I guess years of distrust. It was easier to believe it than not? I don’t have a good reason.”

  Man, this guy was good. So damn believable.

  “How’d you get sick?” he asked.

  “It was in the beginning. My mother was killed by a vampire in the weeks following the takeover. Before the feeding donors had been set up, right after the takeover and the vampires had gone on a feeding frenzy. Do you remember that?”

  He nodded, listening patiently.

  “My father had still been working at that point, so it was just me, my mother, and Pen at home. The vampire came into the house with fresh blood still dripping from his lips and attacked my mother. Penelope lunged for him, but he flung her across the room, knocking her out. After he was done with my mother, he grabbed me. He didn’t drink much. I thought it was because he was too full, but turned out that wasn’t the problem. He died fast. I was left to dwindle.”

  “How’d you get Mallard’s concoction the first time?”

  “After I got sick, my sister reached out to one of the professors who’d been a mentor to her. He was brilliant and had been recruited to work on Mallard’s project, trying to make vampires immune to people like me. He managed to smuggle out the first dose, but he escaped to Europe shortly after.”

  He stood and poured a drink then brought it back to me.

  I swigged it back in one shot. How I hated that memory. “How long do you think you’ll keep trying before you give up on her?”

  “Until I’m dead, which will be longer than you’d probably imagine, being human.”

  “So you do love her?” He looked like he did. He might actually look worse than her.

  “I’m not sure when I fell in love with her, but I did. It crept up on me slowly when I wasn’t paying attention, when I thought my walls were fortified. And then she blew my fortress to hell.”

  I stood. “Send me the doctor’s number. For some reason, I’m guessing you already have my phone number.”

  He laughed but didn’t deny it.

  I stopped by the door and looked back at him. “You know, I’m not all she’s got. She has you. She still loves you. I know my sister. She loves fiercely, like no one you’ll ever meet. And once she loves someone, she keeps loving them. She’ll come around. When she does, you better be worth it. No second-class citizen shit.”

  He smiled, still not looking happy but with a glimmer of hope.

  “If I fuck it up, I’ll load the gun for you.”

  Forty-One

  Penelope

  Sassy was sitting on the counter by the kitchen window again. Seemed it was the only spot she liked to sit anymore.

  She was squinting into the sun. “There’s a new man out there. I don’t know about this one. I liked the guy that used to stand there with the thick, dark curls. This guy is blond and his shoulders aren’t as broad. His nose is kind of shoved in, too. Definitely not as cute.” She reached down next to her and grabbed the binoculars.

  “When did you start liking shifters at all? Why do you care?”

  “I guess since I started watching them every day. How long do you think they’ll keep coming? Do you think that other one will come back?”

  “I hope not.” I sorted out some more items from the latest box. Seriously, who was packing these things? What did he think I was going to do with gourmet coffee? I lifted it to my nose. Oooh. That was the stuff Bigs used to brew for me. Okay, I might not give that away.

  “Are you sure you haven’t underestimated his interest? None of this seems as casual as you made it out to be. If someone were to ask me, he’s acting like a man who lost his greatest love.”

  I forgot the box and turned to Sassy. “Stop talking weird. What’s gotten into you? Why would you say that to me?”

  She shrugged. “Just my gut. I think you’re wrong.”

  I went back to the box. “Well, you’re wrong. He has a lot of money. He probably forgot that he hired them. When he remembers, he’ll tell them to stop.”

  “I hate to say this to you, my favorite sister—”

  “Only sister.”

  “But I’m starting to think you’re being a stubborn ass. You know, he did a lot for you. I think you should go talk to him.” She jumped down from the counter.

  I gave up sorting the box again. “He threw me out like day-old garbage. How much could he want me if he did that?”

  “It lasted all of, what? A day before he was here pounding on the door?” She looked down at the donation box and plucked some chocolates out of it.

  “He showed up to threaten me.” I took the chocolate and put it back in the box.

  “That’s bull. The only reason he was back here was he had to see you and he took whatever excuse he could.” She grabbed the chocolate and put it behind her back.

  “And he could take another excuse to get rid of me.”

  She crossed her arms, hugging the chocolate to her chest. “I think you’re not talking to h
im because of Dad.”

  “What does Dad have to do with this? I don’t know why you’d drag him into this argument.” I grabbed one of the boxes I was sorting and moved it into the living room. She followed after me.

  “Because you’re afraid of being disappointed by another man,” she said, the fight gone from her voice. She unfolded her hands, unwrapped the chocolate, and held it out to me.

  I took a piece. “He’s not exactly ringing my phone off the hook.”

  “He’s not, but if all this shit isn’t him asking to get back with you”—she waved at the piles of supplies in the house—“I don’t know what would be.”

  Sassy took a couple of bites of chocolate herself, but I knew it was just to get a sugar rush to build up for whatever was coming next. I knew her too well to know there wasn’t something.

  “What else? Just get it out,” I said.

  “You stepped up after the takeover, trying to be strong for me when Mom died and Dad fell apart. But it’s okay to have something of your own now. Have someone for you.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I crossed my arms and turned around, looking at all the stuff piling up. It felt like he was surrounding me. “Either way, I’m done. This is stopping. I can’t do this anymore. He can’t keep sending stuff like this.” I grabbed my jacket from the chair.

  Sassy turned, her mouth dropped open. “You don’t mean the food, do you? I can live without the furniture and new rugs, even the new roof that they refused to stop working on, although it’s really nice not to have to arrange furniture according to where we need to put buckets. I can get past all of that, but please, can we keep the food deliveries? I’ve never had sushi before, and I’m finding that I’ve really acquired a taste for it.”

  “You’ll have to adjust.”

  She yelled, “Ask for some more of that sashimi while you’re there? It’s good shit!”

  I shut the door on her.

  “Do you need a ride?” one of the suits asked me as soon as I stepped outside.