Mother For His Children, A

by Drexler, Jan

  “Before Bram moved here, everyone—at least my sister and Ellie’s parents—thought we were the perfect match. Her husband had died, I had just lost Salome, and we both had children we needed to raise.”

  “But you didn’t marry.”

  “We didn’t get very far along that path. I don’t think she likes me very much.”

  “You don’t feel forced to marry me? Doesn’t what Eliza said change the situation?”

  Levi turned to her. “You mean about not asking for the girls to come live with her anymore?”

  “She thought you might not feel the need to marry me if she stopped putting pressure on you. You could just hire another housekeeper....”

  “Why do you think Eliza would change my mind? She might have been the reason I started looking for someone to come and help us, but she isn’t the reason I asked you to marry me.”

  “But when you first asked me...you said you wanted to keep your family together....”

  Levi combed his fingers through his beard, staring out the windshield. Champ trotted on.

  “I had more than that one reason for asking you to marry me, Ruth.”

  Ruthy’s hopes fluttered, then stilled. He didn’t love her.

  “Your children still need a mother, I suppose.”

  “Ja, they do, but there’s more than that. I like you, the children like you. You’ve brought something to our home that has been missing....”

  Fixing her eyes on the snowy fields at the side of the road, Ruthy fumed. Did the word love have no place in this man’s vocabulary?

  “I don’t want to live without you, Ruth.” Levi took her mittened hand in his until she turned so he could see her face. “I want you beside me for the rest of my life.”

  Ruthy gave him a quick smile, and then turned to face forward again. He liked her, he wanted to be with her. It wasn’t love, maybe, but she could live with what he was offering. If he decided he loved her later? She would face that when the time came.

  * * *

  By the time Levi unhitched Champ and turned him into his box stall late that afternoon, he was exhausted. Eliza had accepted his apology quickly, as he knew she would, but the strain still wore him down. When would he learn to curb his tongue when he spoke to his sister?

  Ruth had been quiet for the remainder of the trip. Even their stop at the store in Middlebury had failed to arouse any enthusiasm, except one time. While he was paying for the new skimming disks for the cream separator, he noticed she paused at a display of washstand bowls and pitchers. She had reached out to finger one with a delicate blue-flower decoration, and then pulled her hand back as if she were afraid to admire it.

  That image had stayed with him all afternoon. Would she like something like that? It would make a nice gift for her. Something for her to remember their wedding day.

  What kind of wedding would it be, though, when he couldn’t even tell her how he felt? When his mind went back over their conversation in the buggy, he wanted to kick himself. He liked her? The children liked her? Why couldn’t he say what he wanted to? That she brought light into his home, that he thought she was beautiful, that he... He couldn’t bear the thought of marrying her on her terms, and he couldn’t bear the idea of not marrying her at all.

  Glancing at the house, windows glowing in the soft dusk, he sighed. A wall stood between them, a wall that shouldn’t be between two people talking of marriage. But he couldn’t get over it or past it, and he would never be able to go through it unless she let him. Until then, he could be patient. He could wait.

  * * *

  Ruthy steeled herself for the questioning she knew was coming. Bishop Yoder needed to confirm that she was a baptized church member, that she was marrying Levi of her own free will and that she had nothing in her past that would prevent her from entering this marriage.

  Her stomach turned as Levi pulled Champ to a stop outside Bishop’s house. While her feelings concerning Elam and Laurette wouldn’t prevent her from marrying Levi, she hated the thought that she would need to bring them up. If asked, she had to tell the bishop and Levi why Elam had thrown her over for Laurette when she would rather just forget the whole thing ever happened.

  She followed Levi out of the buggy and up the walk to the front door. Bishop lived in a little Dawdi Haus on his son’s farm, separate from the main house and outbuildings so that people who came to him for counsel would have some privacy.

  After knocking on the door, Levi reached for her mittened hand and gave it a small squeeze. The gesture calmed her nerves. Did Levi know how hard this interview would be for her?

  The door opened and Bishop motioned them in. “Good evening, good evening. Come and sit down. I expected you to come by.” The old man caught Ruthy’s hand as she walked past and she looked into his eyes. “I’m so glad you have come to live in our community, Ruth Mummert.”

  “Denki, Bishop. I am, too.”

  Levi had already taken a seat at Bishop’s square table in the center of the kitchen, and Ruthy sat across from him.

  “You’re here to talk about your coming marriage?” Bishop sat carefully in his chair, settling himself on a cushion and leaning his cane against the table.

  “That’s right.” Levi glanced at Ruthy, and when she nodded in agreement he went on. “Last week when I asked you to announce the wedding, you said you wanted to talk to both of us before we went any further.”

  The bishop turned to Ruthy. His kind face and gentle smile put her at ease, and she answered his questions one by one. Ja, she was a baptized member of her church in Bird-in-Hand and planned to continue her membership here in Eden Township. Ja, she was entering into this marriage willingly.

  “No reservations?” Bishop Yoder peered at her closely.

  Ruthy glanced at Levi. He was studying some imperfection in the table’s wood grain, as if he were waiting to hear her answer.

  “Ne.” Ruthy shook her head. “No reservations.”

  “Before I ask this next question, I must tell you Levi has already shared with me that you were to marry a young man in Pennsylvania, but that agreement has come to an end.”

  Ruthy nodded. “Ja, that is right.”

  “Are there any sinful actions or thoughts from your past that need to be repented of before entering into this sacred union?”

  Ruthy’s tongue dried into a stiff board. “I...” She looked at Levi. He was looking at her. Waiting for her answer. She would never forgive Elam and Laurette, but was that a sin? It was as a drop of water in an ocean compared to what she had suffered as a result of their actions.

  “Ne, Bishop, I have no sin I need to repent of.”

  Ruthy heard Bishop Yoder ask Levi the same questions he had asked her, but her thoughts were on her statement. She hadn’t been asked to share any details of her past with Elam, and she hadn’t sinned against anyone, so why did her words keep echoing in her mind like some loose gate banging in the wind?

  Finally Bishop Yoder was satisfied, and closed their time together in a prayer. Ruthy closed her eyes, but the old man’s words flew past her without resting. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was just nervous about the approaching wedding. It had nothing to do with her feelings about Elam and Laurette.

  * * *

  When Bishop Yoder made the announcement of the coming wedding at the end of worship on Sunday, the women sitting near Ruthy hardly waited for the word of dismissal before turning to her.

  “Ach, what a surprise!” Ellie Lapp reached over the children to give Ruthy a hug. “I had a feeling you were just the right one for Levi, but I didn’t know it would happen so soon.”

  Annie Beachey had to settle for a handshake of congratulations as the other women crowded around to extend their best wishes for her happiness. Ruthy gave up trying to match names with faces and let herself enjoy the welcome.<
br />
  Elizabeth Stoltzfus enveloped her in a motherly hug, and Ruthy clung to her for a brief moment. “Levi is such a gut man,” Elizabeth said, holding Ruthy at arm’s length and smiling at her. “I hope both of you will be very happy.”

  Ruthy felt her face go red as she glanced across the room at Levi, who was shaking hands with the men of the church. “Ja, he is a wonderful-gut man. Denki.”

  After dinner, Annie and Ellie pulled Ruthy into a quiet corner.

  “The last time we met for church, you let us go on and on about how you and Levi would make a good match, and you never gave us a hint of what was happening,” Annie said, hitching little Elias up on her hip.

  Ellie watched her as she tried to come up with an answer for Annie. “I don’t think you had any idea Levi would ask you to marry him, did you?”

  She put a hand on Ruthy’s arm, and the gentle gesture sent Ruthy’s stomach rolling again. What would these women think if she told them Levi didn’t love her, but was only marrying her to provide a mother for his children? She had seen the way Ellie’s husband looked at her, and Annie’s husband was just as loving in his attention to her. Was it wrong for her to marry Levi when she longed for the kind of marriage her friends had?

  “You’ve talked to Bishop Yoder about this, ja?” Ruthy nodded in response to Ellie’s question. “And you’ve spent enough time with Levi to know you want to marry him?” Ruthy nodded again. “And you’ve prayed for God’s direction?” Ruthy nodded once more. “Then you’ll be fine, and before long you’ll stop feeling like you’re being led to an execution.”

  “How did you know?”

  Ellie laughed. “For one thing, it’s written all over your face. Before my wedding, both weddings, I felt like I was coming down with the flu.” She patted Ruthy’s arm again. “Don’t worry. You’ll feel better when it’s all over.”

  “And then life just gets better and better.” Annie jiggled her baby in her arms and smiled at Ruthy.

  Ruthy turned to greet another woman, and caught sight of Levi across the room. He towered above the men around him as they shook his hand, congratulating him. Would life with him get better, just as Annie said?

  Just then, Levi looked up and caught her staring. A slow smile spread on his face before he was pulled away by Bram Lapp. Ruthy’s face grew warm as she bent to receive the holy kiss on her cheek from Miriam Miller. The older woman patted her hand and moved away, and Ruthy looked back at Levi. For the first time since he had suggested they marry, she felt like they had made the right decision.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sam bounced from one foot to the other on the train platform in Shipshewana, jumping in and out of the shadow cast by the overhanging roof in a game to beat the dripping water from the roof.

  “It would be warmer inside, Ruth. Do you want to wait there?”

  Ruthy shivered as she pulled her cape more closely around her, but shook her head. “I’m too anxious to see them. Out here I’ll be able to hear the train even before we can see it.”

  Levi laughed. “Ja, for sure you’re anxious to see your mam and dat. You’ve been away for nearly three months.”

  “And they’re anxious to meet you and the children, too.” Ruthy turned to look at Levi. Ever since they had agreed to marry, he had changed. He was more relaxed, his eyes sparkled more. In the evenings he told the children stories so funny he would set them all to laughing so hard the little ones would end up sitting helpless on the floor.

  But other times she would catch him looking at her with an unfathomable, sad look in his eyes. Was he haunted by his wife’s memory as they prepared for their wedding? Or was he sorry he didn’t withdraw his proposal before it was too late?

  He had that look in his eyes now as he watched her. The early spring sunshine turned his beard to reddish gold, framing his sad smile. “Do you think they’ll like me, Ruth? They won’t think the less of me for keeping you here so far from them?”

  “Ja, for sure they’ll like you, Levi Zook. Who wouldn’t?”

  “Do you like me, Ruth Mummert?” His voice was soft, the words meant only for her.

  She smiled at him and laid her hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t be marrying you if I didn’t, now, would I?”

  Levi laid his hand over hers, the wistful look on his face disappearing. “I hope you’ll always like me.”

  “There’s the train!” Sam’s shrill voice was drowned out by people from the waiting room crowding onto the platform.

  The steam engine rolled past the station, hissing loud bursts of steam, the wheels squealing as brakes took hold. The mail car went by, and then the passenger cars rolled to a stop. Ruthy searched the windows for Mam, knowing Daed would keep her sitting until the train came to a complete halt.

  Sam grabbed Ruthy’s hand. “Do you see them? Where are they?”

  “Be patient, Sam.” Finally, she saw Mam in the last car. Ruthy waved to her and rushed to the door where the conductor was lowering the steps for the passengers. She kept Sam’s hand in hers as Levi followed.

  Mam’s face beneath her bonnet hadn’t changed at all, and Daed loomed over her tiny frame as always, carrying their bag in one hand. Ruthy melted into Mam’s arms.

  “It’s so good to see you.”

  Mam patted her back as she held her. “It’s hard to believe it’s only been three months since you left.” She pushed back to look up at Ruthy. “You look good, daughter. They must be treating you well here.”

  “Ja, they are.” Sam tugged at Ruthy’s shawl and she put her arm around his shoulders. “This is Levi Zook and his son, Sam.”

  Daed shook Levi’s hand, measuring him with his look. “It’s good to meet you. We were surprised to get Ruthy’s letter telling us about the wedding.”

  “It’s good to meet you, Ezekiel.” Levi looked toward Ruthy, still holding Mam’s arm. “I’m glad you were both able to come.”

  Daed’s eyebrows raised above his glasses. “I hope you aren’t rushing into all this too quickly.”

  Levi glanced at Ruthy, and she rushed to head off Daed’s questions. “We can talk about that later. Let’s get home. Waneta will have dinner all ready for us.”

  While Daed sat in the front of the buggy with Levi, Sam wiggled in between Ruthy and Mam.

  “When Ruthy marries Dat, you’ll be my grossmutti, ja?” He grinned at Mam, waiting for her answer.

  Mam glanced at Ruthy over the boy’s head, and then put her arm around his shoulders. “Ja, I’ll be your grossmutti.”

  “I’ve never had a grossmutti before.”

  Mam laughed. “I hope I’ll be a good one for you.”

  “Ja, Johnny Lapp says they make the best cookies.”

  When they reached the farm, Ruthy took Mam and Daed inside the house while Levi and Sam took care of Champ and the buggy. As Ruthy hung her bonnet from the hook on the back porch, Mam took her by the shoulders and spun her around.

  “Ruth Mummert, what have you done to your kapp?”

  Ruthy reached her hand up to make sure the pins were in place. “It’s the kind they wear here, Mam. Waneta helped me make new ones.”

  Mam shook her head at the difference, but Ruthy had become so used to the Indiana style, she didn’t notice it anymore. Still, she thought as she followed Mam into the kitchen, the Lancaster County kapps looked so soft and homey. Just the sight of the heart-shaped kapp covering Mam’s gray hair brought back the pangs of homesickness she thought she had conquered.

  The kitchen met Mam’s approval, Ruthy saw. Waneta had a late dinner well in hand, with the table already set and a ham coming out of the oven. After introducing them, Ruthy led the way through the front room to the spare bedroom at the front of the house.

  “I hope this room will be good for you.”

  Daed put the satchel on the floor and walked over to
the window. “Ach, ja,” he said. “I’m surprised Levi had an extra room for us, as large as his family is.”

  “This room has always been for guests.” Ruthy smoothed the quilt she had stretched out on the bed that morning, remembering Jack, their last guest. “But you could have Levi’s bedroom if you think this one might be too chilly. He’s made himself a place in the barn until after the wedding. Bishop thought it would be best.”

  Daed gave her one of his measured looks while Mam sat on the bed and took Ruthy’s hand. “Before any more time passes, we need to know why you and Levi have hurried this wedding so much. You can hardly know each other.” She pulled Ruthy down to sit on the bed next to her. “Elam broke your heart, I know that. Is that why you’re marrying Levi? To run from Elam? Or is there another reason?”

  Ruthy looked from Mam’s worried face to Daed’s frown. She had always been able to share everything with them, but would they understand the reasons she couldn’t fathom?

  “I know you’re worried that something inappropriate has happened, but it hasn’t.” Mam squeezed her hand, but let her continue. “After Elam, I didn’t think I’d ever marry. Sometimes God calls women to be single, doesn’t He?” Mam nodded and Daed turned to look out the window as he listened. “The church—the deacons and Bishop Yoder—thought it was unsuitable for me to live here with Levi without being married, even though I live in the Dawdi Haus.”

  Daed turned to her. “You must have given them some reason to think there might be a problem with it.”

  Ruthy felt her face heat as she remembered the day Deacon Beachey had found them embracing in the barn. “Ne, not really. It was more because we are both the right age to marry, and because, well, we like each other.” She glanced at her parents’ unsettled faces. “Like brother and sister, not in any way that could be wrong...”

  “And there are impressionable children to consider,” Mam said.

  Daed clasped his hands behind his back and rocked from his heels to his toes. “So, I think I see what’s happened. You’re living in the Dawdi Haus and Levi is living in the barn. Meanwhile, he has ten children who need a mother and he wants to live in his house again, so he asked you to marry him.”