Slave Species of god
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Any of the above, depending on His mood. None of the above.
3. How does God kill whiners? 4. How does God prefer to torture those who somehow become enemies of His chosen people?
What? God wouldn't kill people just for complaining. He breaks their bones and pierces them with arrows.
Fire. He sends hornets to kill them.
Earthquakes. He has them eat their own flesh and drink their own blood.
Terminal illness. All of the above.
5. How does God kill those who vacation in Egypt? 6. How did God express his hatred toward people living in metropolitan Babylon?
Sword. By destroying their livestock.
Famine. By making the women barren.
Pestilence. By turning the men into drag queens.
Take your pick. All of the above.
7. When a community's sins really make God mad, how does God find comfort? 8. Whom does God slaughter when He gets jealous because a community is worshiping someone else?
By killing a third of the people with plagues and famine. The women.
By killing a third of the people with local warfare. The babies.
By killing a third of the people with international warfare. The unborn infants.
All of the above. All of the above.
9. How does God punish promiscuous folks, like men who have sex with both their wives and mothers-in-law and daughters of priests who sleep around? 10. In Jesus' time, how did the Trinity deal with nonbelievers?
He has their genitals mutilated so they can sin no more. They had one eaten by worms.
He ensures their misdeeds result in unwanted pregnancy or venereal disease. They struck one blind.
He has them burned with fire. A and B.
Any of the above. None of the above.
Answers to ‘God's Favourite Ways to Kill’ quiz:
Which of the following are among God's methods of punishing those who break His commandments? Correct Answer: D. (Any of the above, depending on His mood.) “But if ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments… I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes… I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle.” (Leviticus 26:14-22.) “If thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe to do all his commandments… The Lord will smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish… The Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed. The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart.” (Deuteronomy 28:15-28)
How does God handle people who make Him jealous by having a religion different than ours? Correct Answer: B. “They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up... And he said... They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God; they have provoked me to anger...For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains. I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them. They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust. The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of grey hairs.” (Deuteronomy 32:17-25.) “Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel.” (Psalms 2:8)
How does God kill whiners? Correct Answer: B. (Fire.) “And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.” (Numbers 11:1)
How does God prefer to torture those who somehow become enemies of His chosen people? Correct Answer: D. (All of the above.) “God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of a unicorn: he shall eat up the nations of his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.” (Numbers 24:8.) “Moreover the Lord thy God will send the hornet among them, until they that are left, and hide themselves from thee, be destroyed. Thou shalt not be affrighted at them: for the Lord thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible.” (Deuteronomy 7:20-21.) “And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood.” (Isaiah 49:26)
How does God kill those who vacation in Egypt? Correct Answer: D. (Take your pick.) “And now therefore hear the word of the Lord, ye remnant of Judah; Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; If you wholly set your faces to enter into Egypt, and go to sojourn there; Then it shall come to pass, that the sword, which ye feared, shall overtake you there in the land of Egypt, and the famine, whereof ye were afraid, shall follow close after you there in Egypt; and there ye shall die. So shall it be with all the men that set their faces to go into Egypt to sojourn there; they shall die by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence: and none of them shall remain or escape from the evil that I will bring upon them.” (Jeremiah 42:15-17)
How did God express his hatred toward people living in metropolitan Babylon? Correct Answer: C. (By turning the men into drag queens.) “How is Babylon become a desolation among the nations. A sword is upon their horses, and upon their chariots, and upon all the mingled people that are in the midst of her; and they shall become as women: and sword is upon her treasures; and they shall be robbed.” (Jeremiah 50:23, 37)
When a community's sins really make God mad, how does God find comfort? Correct Answer: D. (All of the above.) “Wherefore, as I live, saith the Lord God; Surely, because thou hast defiled my sanctuary with all thy detestable things, and with all thine abominations, therefore will I also diminish thee; neither shall mine eye spare, neither will I have any pity. A third part of thee shall die with the pestilence, and with famine shall they be consumed in the midst of thee: and a third part shall fall by the sword round about thee; and I will scatter a third part into all the winds, and I will draw out a sword after them. Thus shall mine anger be accomplished, and I will cause my fury to rest upon them, and I will be comforted.” (Ezekiel 5:11-13)
Whom does God slaughter when He gets jealous because a community is worshiping someone else? Correct Answer: D. (All of the above.) “Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.” (Hosea 13:16)
How does God punish promiscuous folks, like men who have sex with both their wives and mothers-in-law and daughters of priests who sleep around? Correct Answer: C. (He has them burned with fire.) “And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.” (Leviticus 20:14.) “And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.” (Leviticus 21:9)
In Jesus' time, how did the Trinity deal with nonbelievers? Correct Answer: C. (A and B.) “And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost.” (Acts 12:23.) “But Elymas the sorcerer (for so is his name by interpretation) withstood them, seeking to turn away the deputy from the faith. Then Saul, (who also is called Paul) filled with the Holy Ghost, set his eyes on him. And said, O full of all subtilty and all mischief, thou child of the devil, thou enemy of all righteousness, wilt thou not cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord? And now, behold, the hand of the Lord is upon thee, and
thou shalt be blind, not seeing the sun for a season. And immediately there fell on him a mist and a darkness; and he went about seeking some to lead him by the hand.” (Acts 13:8-11)
And if you think I am done trying to prove a point, you are mistaken. When I started uncovering the brutality in the Bible and the way it has been passed down the generations and used as a tool of oppression, fear and punishment, I was so shocked I could not sleep for weeks. We have to separate ourselves from these barbaric acts of self-righteous bigots from days gone by, who have hijacked the true spirit and meaning of God, and by so doing imprisoned an entire planet for millennia. We must separate the true spirit of God from the whims and needs of the advanced beings who settled on Earth and planted the seeds of a violent society among humans, into which we have evolved so comfortably, seemingly oblivious of our origins and true purpose. So here is some more food for thought especially for those who are still not convinced. Another quiz from a righteous religious group. Trying their very best to glorify the sadistic words of a lesser god.
Fourth Quiz: ‘God’s License To Sin’
The following excerpt is another statement from the Landover Baptist Church glorifying cold-blooded murder as long as it is in the name of God: “The Bible is loaded with verses restricting our activities and making even the most mundane of human reactions a sin. But if you carefully scour the Good Book, you'll discover that countless exceptions to these commandments literally swallow up the rules. Find out how you can do just about anything you desire by taking the License to Sin Bible Quiz.”
1. Murder is a sin, unless your victim is: 2. Intolerance toward the handicapped is a sin, unless the discrimination takes the form of:
A homosexual. Not allowing them to approach the altar of the
Spouses of a mixed marriage. Lord.
Someone who urinates on partitions. Expelling them from the community.
Any of the above. Barring men with damaged testicles from entering the church.
3. Cannibalism is a sin, unless you eat: 4. Murdering your own child is a sin, unless your child:
Trick question. Cannibalism is always a sin. Spoke to you with curse words.
Your children, infants, friends and self when God destroys everything else so these are all that are left to eat. Encouraged you to join a faith other than Christianity.
A person who is already dead, if you're very hungry. Is killed in the name of Jesus.
B or C. Any of the above.
5. Self-mutilation is a sin, unless: 6. Rape is a sin subject to the greatest of punishments, but is easily overlooked and forgiven if the victim is:
You remove a body part that has engaged or is about to engage in sin, such as slicing off your genitals to remain a virgin. A captive in war.
You don a tattoo in the shape of a religious symbol, such as a crucifix or angel. A slave girl.
You take action that results in no permanent body changes, such as a man shaving his head or trimming his beard. Someone you're willing to marry with a father you're willing to pay.
Any of the above. Any of the above.
7. Savagely beating another person with a weapon is a sin, unless you stop just before your victim dies and the victim is: 8. Abandoning your family is a sin, unless:
One of your domestic help. It is a family you have out-of-wedlock.
Your own child. It is a family originated by a mixed marriage (e.g., your wife is a foreigner)
Either of the above. You abandon them so you can spend more time praising Jesus.
None of the above. Any of the above.
9. Homosexuality is a sin, unless: 10. Killing someone is a sin unless your victim is:
You're in a permanent, monogamous relationship with your boyfriend. Any wiccan.
You're one of God's favourite children, and you have many wives in addition to your boyfriend. A stranger who has the nerve to approach you.
You're a woman making love to another woman. A virgin raped in the city.
Any of the above. Any of the above.
Answers to the ‘License to Sin Bible’ quiz:
Murder is a sin, unless your victim is: Correct Answer: D. (Any of the above.) “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman…they shall be put to death.” (Leviticus 20:13.) “One of the children of Israel came and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman… And when Phinehas… saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a javelin in his hand… and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel.” (Numbers 25:6-8.) “He slew all the house of Baasha, he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolk, nor of his friends. Thus did Zimri destroy all the house of Baasha, according to the word of the Lord.” (1 Kings 16:11-12)
Intolerance toward the handicapped is a sin, unless the discrimination takes the form of: Correct Answer: D. (Any of the above.) “Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.” (Leviticus 21:17-21.) “And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Command the children of Israel, that they put out of the camp every leper, and everyone that hath an issue, and whosoever is defiled by the dead: Both male and female shall ye put out, without the camp shall ye put them; that they defile not their camps, in the midst whereof I dwell.” (Numbers 5:1-3.) “He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 23:1)
Cannibalism is a sin, unless you eat: Correct Answer: B. (Your children, infants, friends and self when God destroys everything else so these are all that are left to eat.) “And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend in the siege and straitness.” (Jeremiah 19:9.) “And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and the straitness.” (Deuteronomy 28:57.) “Through the wrath of the Lord of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm.” (Isaiah 9:19-20.) “Whosoever toucheth the dead body of any man that is dead, and purifieth not himself, defileth the tabernacle of the Lord; and that soul shall be cut off from Israel: because the water of separation was not sprinkled upon him, he shall be unclean; his uncleanness is yet upon him.” (Numbers 19:13)
Murdering your own child is a sin, unless your child: Correct Answer: D. (Any of the above.) “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.” (Exodus 21:17.) “If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods…thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.” (Deuteronomy 13:6-10.) “And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death. And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.” (Matthew 10:21-22)
Self-mutilation is a sin, unless: Correct Answer: A. (You remove a body part that has engaged or is about to engage in sin, suc
h as slicing off your genitals to remain a virgin.) “And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee.” (Matthew 5:29-30; see also Matthew 18:8-9; Mark 9:43-48.) “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” (Matthew 19:12.) “And no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth. These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the first fruits unto God and to the Lamb.” (Revelation 14:3-4.) “They shall not make baldness upon their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard, nor make any cuttings in their flesh.” (Leviticus 21:5)
Rape is a sin subject to the greatest of punishments, but is easily overlooked and forgiven if the victim is: Correct Answer: D. (Any of the above.) “And when the Lord thy God hath delivered [a city] into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword: But the women…shalt thou take unto thyself.” (Deuteronomy 20:13-14.) “And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free. And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the Lord, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering. And the priest shall make atonement for him.” (Leviticus 19:20-22.) “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found: Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife.” (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)