Kiss Me Deadly

by Susan Kearney

  “Her weight has more than doubled since she was born.”

  Gabrielle sucked her thumb contentedly. Zack didn’t understand what was happening to him. Ever since Mandy had told him about the baby, Gabrielle had seemed more abstract than real. But now that he was holding her, hearing her tiny breaths, feeling her move, taking in her warmth, it hit him that she was a person, an individual, who could love and be loved, who would grow up and make decisions that stemmed from her past.

  For the first time he considered how she might feel about growing up without a father. His parents had been divorced—and that had been tough. Look what it had done to Dana. She’d been starved for male attention, and she’d fallen for a man who made her feel feminine. Would his sister have made the same choice if his father had been around? Zack didn’t know.

  But he didn’t like the idea of this vulnerable baby growing up with thoughts that her father didn’t want her. Zack hated the idea of causing anyone pain, especially this beautiful child.

  The dryer beeped, signaling their clothes were done.

  Mandy reached for Gabrielle, and he was reluctant to hand her back. As if sensing his hesitance, she grinned. “You can hold her again and feed her and change her in the morning if you like.”

  His head spun. He’d almost said, “I don’t think so.” But the words wouldn’t come out past the tightness in his throat.

  He handed over the baby and headed for the laundry room, appreciating that Mandy didn’t ask questions. He pulled on his jeans, slung his shirt over his shoulder, and recalled that his workout shorts had been destroyed in the fire along with the rest of his things. In the morning he’d ask his mother to bring a suit to her office in Tampa, so he could change before the funeral.

  Zack ached to go for a run on the beach or for a real swim to clear his head. It was wrong to come into Gabby’s world, get to know her, then leave for undetermined amounts of time. Better she never knew the pain of missing her dad—especially since he came to Florida so infrequently. But he refused to leave Mandy and Gabrielle unprotected.

  “Give me a minute.” He opened the door onto the balcony that spanned the entire waterfront side of the beach house and cleared the porch furniture to one side, making a space on the deck about ten feet by ten feet under the stars. With the waves lapping gently on the beach, the breeze in his hair, he sought to center himself.

  After a few quick stretches, he began shadow boxing, jab, punch, counterpunch, and follow-through, the drill he’d practiced for many years. Usually he kept his mind involved. Hands up, quicker, faster. Spin, repeat. But tonight, his punches had no focus, no heat. He kept thinking about Gabrielle, how little she was, how much she needed care.

  How he’d soon be gone. Undercover. Out of touch for long stretches of time. He’d already missed the first year of her life. It was quite possible that he might not see her again until she was three. Four, or even five.

  He started adding kicks between the punches, not so much a conscious decision, simply his muscles knowing what to do from long practice sessions. As he spun, performing a spinning back kick followed by a lunging jab, he glimpsed Mandy stepping onto the balcony and closing the door firmly behind her. If she wanted to see what the father of her child was really like, then he’d show her how much he didn’t belong in a family environment. Zack could kill with his hands, his head, his feet. Even one finger could be lethal since he was an expert at knowing where to strike.

  Since the day his brother had died, he’d honed his skills, devoted his life to taking down the drug dealers, the cartels. While he’d had some success, he could only put a dent in the supply chain. Drugs were simply too profitable for criminals to ignore. When they made it to the streets, kids like Kevin died.

  Zack moved so fast his hands became a blur. His kicks could knock out a muscular thug before his opponent pulled a trigger—even if his gun was already in hand. The trick was being within striking distance.

  Zack could cover distances quickly. Keep his balance. Attack.

  And right now he’d rather be dealing with an enemy than with thoughts about his daughter.

  “She got to you, didn’t she?” Mandy asked.

  Of course, she hadn’t. Zack was in total control of his body, mind, and emotions.

  When he didn’t answer, continuing his routine, Mandy spoke quietly. “Wait until she smiles at you. Once she recognizes you and looks forward to you picking her up, she holds up her arms and practically jumps into your hands.”

  “Stop it.”

  “She’s learned to give wet, sloppy kisses. She likes to kiss my forehead and nose and cheeks. Four kisses every time. I sometimes wonder if she’s taught herself to count.”

  “Don’t. I know what you’re doing—” Mandy had sounded so innocent, but she wasn’t.

  “I’m telling you about Gabrielle.”

  He followed through with a knife-hand strike that stopped just short of her neck. Mandy didn’t so much as flinch. So he looked her straight in the eye and spoke with determined ruthlessness. “She’s a beautiful little girl. It’s too damn bad I won’t be around to watch her grow up. She shouldn’t have a father like me.”

  She spoke quietly. “Gabrielle might think differently—”

  He shook his head. “I’ve already thought about what it’s going to be like for her to grow up without a father around. But even if I were to be involved in her life and she could handle the long absences, there could be consequences, dangerous consequences. I don’t want you or her to fear that a simple phone call from me could endanger your lives. The people I hunt have sophisticated equipment. If they ever broke my cover, they’d try to use Gabby against me. I won’t ever put her in danger or myself in that position.” After realizing his admission revealed how much he cared, he practically growled at Mandy. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

  “Why aren’t you?” she countered. When he glared at her, she rolled her eyes at the sky. “I stayed up to put the rest of the clothes in the dryer, then I checked on Gabrielle.”

  Mandy might have kept secrets from him but there was no denying her loyalty to her baby. “It can’t be easy raising her by yourself.”

  “Mom’s been here for me.”

  Her words might imply he hadn’t been, but there was no disapproval in her tone. But if Mandy had told him about her pregnancy, would he have been there for her? He didn’t know. He was a different person now than he’d been two years ago. Back then, he’d seen the world as good or bad, now he’d learned there were many shades of gray in between. Todd’s mother had loved her child, yet she’d gotten him killed—with Zack and the DEA’s help. She hadn’t been able to live with that knowledge. Zack was fairly certain her overdose had been deliberate—she’d shot up triple her limit.

  “Your family has also been great,” she continued. “They accepted what I told them about a one-nighter. So I don’t know if they suspect you’re Gabby’s father. I do know that I’ve gone out of my way to include them in Gabby’s life, and they’ve gone out of their way to be included.”

  “I’m glad.” He had to ask. “You never considered ending the pregnancy?”

  “I thought about it, but I couldn’t . . . She was part of me . . . part of us. That night may have been a one-night stand to you, but to me it was more. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I did.” Mandy looked away, as if fearing she’d exposed too much. Clearly, she had some feelings for him.

  “I’m willing to provide child support.”

  “That’s big of you, Zack.” Pain flashed in her eyes for a moment before she cut him out as effectively as if she’d put up a bullet-proof shield. She leaned on the balcony railing and stared at the gulf.

  Zack joined her and placed an arm over her stiff shoulders. “We need to keep on protecting her. It’ll be difficult for a little girl to understand her daddy might have to go months witho
ut seeing her. I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  “I know.” She nodded.

  She looked so sad that he suppressed his churning emotions and drew her into his arms for a hug. His anger wasn’t at her, but himself—for getting her into a position where she’d become a single mom. For putting himself inside a vise.

  Mandy came to him easily enough, seeming to understand his turmoil. Or maybe she needed comfort. He held her close, threaded his hands into her hair, marveling that despite everything, they could still want each other. Just like on that long-ago night, when their need for each other defied reason. When they were in each other’s arms there was no past, no future. Only now.

  She stood on tiptoes and kissed his mouth. What started as a sweet kiss added fuel to embers that needed no more than a spark to flare into smoldering heat. For a moment, the image of Mandy holding his baby seared his mind. A thought flitted through his head that his desire for her was wrong, that she was a mom now. The thought went up in flames. She was a mom, yes—one steaming hot mama. In less than a second, all his pent-up anger broke into desire and flooded back tenfold. Blood in his body rushed south.

  He tore his mouth from hers, ground his pelvis into her, making certain she understood the full ramifications of what her kiss had done to him. “What do you want from me?”

  He thought she’d pull back. But instead she met his gaze, and he could see desire softening her expression. “Nothing. Everything. Right now—if that’s all you’ve got to give.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Oh, yes.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Tell me exactly what you want.”

  He hadn’t thought her lips could look so sexy, but hers pouted at his challenge and shot a sizzle of heat to his core. Her voice wafted in the sea breeze, soft and provocative. “I want everything you can give me. Your hands, your mouth, your—”

  He didn’t need to hear more. Angling his mouth over hers, again, he took what he wanted, raked in everything she gave. Mandy knew how to give. She’d always been that way. Once she made up her mind, she didn’t hold back. She participated fully, meeting him more than halfway.

  She opened her mouth, dipped her tongue between his lips, flirting, then invited him to enter hers. He placed one hand on her back, the other on her butt, drawing her closer until they stood chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh.

  Zack, who prided himself on finesse—had none. It had been too long. He wanted her so badly he burned. He tugged off her shirt. She wasn’t wearing a bra, only panties. From her lips, to her neck to her collarbone, he traced a path to her nipples. He helped himself to a long hard pull from each breast, and took satisfaction as they turned to hard points and her breath grew ragged.

  Then her fingers dived into his hair, and she jerked him back with a painful tug. “Zack. Stop.”

  “Stop?” He ground his teeth, his mind whirling with confusion. How could he stop?

  But she’d sounded frantic.

  Eyes wild, she gasped. “Have you got any protection?”

  “Huh?”

  “Condoms?”

  “In my bag.” He swore. “The one that burned in the fire. Don’t you have—”

  She shook her head, a muscle in her neck pulsing. “Nothing. None. Zip. I haven’t been with anyone since you. I’m not in the habit of—”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay,” she practically wailed.

  When they’d first met, he’d never expected her to be so passionate given the straightlaced image she presented to the world. The night of Gabby’s conception, she’d told him she’d never had a fling, and he’d been charmed by how self-conscious she’d seemed until he’d reassured her that he loved how she let herself go with him.

  He lifted her chin. “Tomorrow we’ll buy a whole damn case. In the meantime, we can make do.” He hooked his hands into her panties, slipped them over her hips, her knees, her ankles. She looked as good as he remembered. Mandy had a tiny waist, womanly hips, terrific legs and shapely toes that she’d painted passionate purple.

  He looked into her eyes to tease her, but his breath caught in his throat. Her pupils had grown huge. Her nostrils flared.

  He spread her hands on the railing. “Do you have any concept of how lovely you look?”

  “I’ve gained a few pounds since Gabby—”

  “You’re stunning.”

  “Show me,” she whispered, parting her thighs, arching her back, an action that caused her breasts to rise. Zack loved the way she loosened up when they were alone together.

  He kneeled between her legs, let his hot breath tease her curls. She tilted her hips toward his mouth and he covered her breasts with his hands. At the same time, he slipped his tongue into her heat. At his first lick, she cried out in joy.

  Just out of her shower, she tasted like the first raindrops before a storm. Tension in her gathered. Her thighs quivered—hot, wild. She was so ready for him.

  He’d barely tendered a few licks when the first orgasm ripped through her. She shivered right into his mouth.

  “Ah, Zack. More. More. A little more,” she panted, her breath raspy, needy.

  Sensing the first explosion was only the tiniest ripple in an onslaught of needs, he licked harder, faster.

  “Ah, Zack. Yes. Yes.”

  The sound of her coos rewarded him. She bucked her hips, unable to hold still. He tweaked her nipples, holding her there, determined to give her everything she could take.

  As much as he enjoyed her taste, he still ached to plunge into her. He settled for skimming his fingers down her stomach, sliding them between her moist nether lips, first just his pointer finger, then another, and another.

  He maintained constant pressure with his tongue, licking and flicking her core, pleased to focus on her sensitive spots while she swayed and jerked.

  Finally, she creamed into his mouth and hands, her hips gyrating. Her fingers twisted into his hair.

  “Please,” she whispered.

  “Please what?”

  “I need you inside me, Zack.”

  “We can’t—oh, yes. We can.” He pulled back.

  Her eyes popped open, frantic and searching. “What do you mean?”

  He chuckled wickedly. “I forgot about the condom in my wallet.”

  “You forgot?” Her voice was mock-angry.

  His only excuse was that with Mandy around, he never seemed to think too clearly.

  “Come inside with me.”

  “You go. I need a moment to cool off.”

  “You’re certain?” He didn’t want to leave, but his wallet was just a few steps inside the living room.

  “I’m fine.”

  He placed his hands on her hips. Turned her around to view the ocean. Meanwhile he had the most delicious shot of her ass, high and round and firm. “Why don’t you watch the view until I come back?”

  She glanced over her shoulder at him, her eyes dark and questioning. “Zack?”

  He swatted her bottom. “Don’t turn around or you’ll spoil the surprise.”

  “It had damn well better be worth waiting for,” she threatened, but her tone was more needy and tormented than threatening.

  When he opened the sliding glass door, she whispered, “Hurry.”

  He suppressed a chuckle. “How long will you wait for me, Mandy?”

  “Not too damn long,” she muttered.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay,” she turned to look at him again, “but promise me that you’ll make it worth the wait?”

  This time Zack didn’t hold back his laugh. “Now that’s a promise I’m sure to keep.”

  Her voice turned throaty and playful. “One more thing.”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t
forget to bring back the massage oil in my bathroom.” She grinned at him, the moonlight revealing her brazen smile. “Get going.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Zack took one last mental picture of her standing on the balcony, waiting for him as she gazed out to sea. Walking in his state was painful, but he still moved quietly.

  He found his wallet on the coffee table, opened it with shaking fingers. Please, let it be there.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  MANDY LOVED the feel of the sea breeze skimming her bare flesh. Even more she liked the way Zack made her feel so sexy—as if she was the only woman in the world—because he acted as if there was no place he’d rather be. When he centered all his magnificent intensity and focus on her, she changed into a different woman—one that was bold and brazen and unafraid to ask for exactly what she wanted. She liked herself when she was with Zack. For some reason she was more confident, bolder, sexier.

  Although Zack had already given her pleasure, she recalled from their night together that he was capable of so much more. He anticipated her needs with extraordinary skill. When Zack stroked her, he performed magic. The night of Gabrielle’s conception she’d asked how he had known what she wanted without her saying the words. He’d told her that he paid attention. Listened to her breathing patterns, the hitch in her moans. Watched the tremble of her flesh, felt the tension in her muscles. He read her body like sheet music, interpreted the rhythms, and then played her like a maestro.

  Her entire being certainly hummed with anticipation, and when he returned, she looked over her shoulder to see him pick up the garden hose.

  Her pulse sped, and she licked her bottom lip. “What are you doing?”

  “You splashed me when we were swimming.” He shot her a playful look that tingled right down to her toes. “Now it’s my turn.”

  She spun to face him and held up her palms. “Zack, that water’s going to be cold.”

  “You said you needed to cool off.” He sprayed a little water on his hand. “It’s perfect for what I have in mind.”