He rounds the desk and takes an abrupt seat, bent as though he’s about to stick his head between his legs to keep from vomiting.
“Ben, talk to me. What are you feeling? We need to talk about this.”
“Well, what do you feel?”
“Scared, confused…happy in a strange way.”
“Darcy…” He swallows, and it seems to echo through the room.
“Talk to me.”
“Darcy, we’re not ready for this.”
“I know. I know we’re not.”
“We just got married.”
“I know.” I stare at my shoes, biting my lip. “I know.”
His company phone blares, and he picks it up briskly. “I’ll be out in a moment.” He slams it onto the receiver. “I have a meeting with the investors. They’re outside,” he tells me, his voice controlled and calm, although I can tell he’s anything but that.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were meeting with them today. I should have waited.”
“Dimitri’s downstairs. He’ll take you home.”
Tears are at the edges of my lids, near pouring down my cheeks. I somehow manage to keep them at bay. “Okay.”
The moment I’m free of the room and the door clicks shut, a bang echoes from inside, and I bite back a sob, seeing a group of men approaching from the other end of the hall.
I need to get out of here.
***
I step into the apartment, not bothering to turn on any lights.
All I want is a bath. After taking another dosage of medications, I strip and settle myself in, relaxing onto the marble ledge.
“Darcy?”
I jump in fear at Benjamin’s voice, and my eyes snap open, my hand reactively clutching my chest when I notice his towering form by the door. “Jesus, you scared me.”
He’s still holding his briefcase. “You were asleep…in the bathtub. You could have drowned.”
“Oh. What time is it?”
“Nine.”
I slept for an hour in here.
He hands me a towel from the rack, and I haul myself out of the cold water. He hovers by the door while I wrap myself with it.
“What is this?”
I turn, seeing him holding my pill bottle. I open my mouth; nothing comes out.
“Darcy, what the hell is this? Your doctor is already prescribing you medication?”
“It’s to keep my immune system up, that’s all.” I snatch the bottle from him and slam it down on the sink, aggravated by the frustration in his voice. At some point, I’ll have to tell him about everything else. Today is clearly not that day.
He follows me out into the bedroom, and while I search for clothes, he undresses.
It’s so tense, the air in the room could choke someone. I pick up my nightgown and walk to the bathroom, oddly uneasy to dress in front of him. I pull the soft material over my head, experiencing sharp shortness of breath, panic seizing my nervous system.
Everything was so perfect. And now we’re here. I’m changing in the damn bathroom.
I swipe away the tears on my cheeks and force myself back into the bedroom. It takes all the courage I have. He’s sitting on the bed waiting for me.
“I’m sorry.”
My mouth trembling, I slow down, realizing we’ve got a big conversation ahead of us.
“For what?”
“For making you feel like you needed to change in another room.”
“I’m just as scared as you,” I say, hoping I’ll touch some deep part of him and magically make him want this.
“We’re not ready for this.”
“It’s happening, though.”
“I’m aware of that. I’m just stating the fucking obvious,” he snaps, standing up. We’re both keeping each other at arm’s length, and he furthers the distance, walking to the other side of the room. “Aren’t you on birth control?”
“The baby was most likely conceived on that first time after I started taking it. The dates match up, and the doctor said the waiting period between taking it might have not been finished. There’s no way to know. I got back on it a few weeks after I got out of…of…”
I can’t even say the word.
Saying it would only remind me that this baby is going to be born from an ex-convict.
He remains silent, in his thoughts.
“I’m sorry, Benjamin.”
“Your menstruation? Two months? How did you not know?”
“I’m not always regular. Still, I had forgotten.” I close my eyes. “It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d still be pregnant even if I’d noticed earlier. Are you seriously going to be like this?”
“I’m sorry. I told you my thoughts on children, Darcy, which is why this is a little hard to swallow. I’d like to be the guy who cries and shouts this from rooftops, but that’s not me.”
“Good to know.”
His eyes slant, his face hardening like mine. “We’re not getting anywhere here.”
“And whose fault is that?”
He chuckles wryly, facing the window. “Jesus.”
“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this right now either. And I expected you to be shocked, and even upset, but I didn’t expect this.”
“This?”
“Yes. In that tub, I saw an expression on your face that I hoped I’d never see again. The first time we slept together, you had that look in your eyes, and it’s back. The idea that you and I are having a baby together has made you like this, and that breaks my heart.”
He closes his eyes, maybe to hide them from me, to keep me from seeing more.
My cheeks burn from my hot tears. “Look, I’m sorry this has happened and that you don’t want it, but I’m keeping this baby. No matter what it does to me, or to us, I’m keeping it. You can either find a fucking way to accept this or I can go, but I’ll be damned if you bring me down anymore.”
“Darcy, stop,” he breathes when I open the door to our bedroom on my way out.
I refuse to let him witness my pain. I shut the door behind me.
***
I should have known he’d react this way.
I curl my body underneath the covers, unable to find warmth in the guest room. Benjamin is somewhere else in the apartment, or maybe he’s gone out. I haven’t checked to find out.
I slide my fingers over the fabric covering my flat stomach, while reality washes over me, granting me clarification and understanding for the first time since I was given the news.
There’s a baby inside of me.
A baby.
She’s going to depend on me. I think want it to be a “she.”
I need to get my shit together. I need to grow up to ensure this child receives the life I wanted and didn’t receive. Whether she has a mother or a mother and a father in her life, she will find happiness. It’s daunting how quickly maternal instinct has taken ahold of me, how real this has all suddenly become.
There’s a tap on the door, then another, and I stiffen. When I don’t beckon him in, Benjamin takes it upon himself to open the door. I can see him in the dark, the moon illuminating his shadow. I don’t say anything when he passes the threshold or when he places his hands underneath me. Neither do I say anything when he lifts me up into his arms and carries me out of the guest room.
He lowers me onto our bed, and I settle in silently, dragging the sheet up over me. The light in the room flickers off and the other side of the mattress sinks beside me. I tense when his body presses up against mine, his warm chest on my back. He acts as if he doesn’t feel my resilience and wraps himself around me, tight enough to hurt.
Emotion washes over me as his lips brush my shoulder, his limbs providing the only amount of protection I’ve received today. He hasn’t said a word, but I’m sure he’s apologizing.
He pushes my hair out of my face and kisses the skin there. “I could never look at you like I did back then, Darcy. Never. I didn’t love you then.”
He laces his fingers with mine on my
pillow and captures them, so he can overwhelm me and ensure that I accept what he’s trying to give me. At my first sign of submission, a tilt of my cheek into his seeking mouth, he takes advantage and crosses the short amount of space until he can find home to experience the same amount of submission. He expresses his love in achingly slow caresses, his tongue entering me with searching licks. There is no ulterior motive, no rush to take it further. Despite the strain to my neck, I meet his every push and pull, relishing the attention after the day we’ve had. No anger could surpass this.
“I love you now,” he whispers to me. “I could never leave.”
My fingers relax in reaction when he buries his face into my neck, losing a great deal of tension we’ve conceived over the night.
“We don’t have to have all the answers right now. We will figure everything out,” I say, a noticeable weakness in my voice, hoarse from the tears I’ve shed.
“We will. I know we will.”
I’m not sure whether he believes that or not, but just by him saying it, I gain some of the hope I’d lost.
CHAPTER SIX
I’m not sure why I tiptoe out of bed in the morning. My biological time clock usually doesn’t wake me before Benjamin, but today it’s dark outside the windows and I’m uneasy, not brave enough to undergo another talk. The emotions from last night are raw, and while we fell asleep a great deal calmer than we expected, I’m frightened of how he’ll see this in the morning light. I leave him in the bed, taking up a dominant part of the mattress, his body fully clothed in sweats and a baggy t-shirt, a very unusual sight.
Wishing to get off to work where something distracting can consume my time and force me off of my worries, I take a quick shower and dress stealthily. My husband is still sound asleep by the time I am ready to go.
I should stay. I should lie down and wait so we can dissolve our fears together.
We both acted in panic yesterday, letting confusion rule over our common sense.
I’m closing the door to the bedroom behind me, my decision made. On a usual day, I’d skip breakfast and head straight to work. Dr. Trigiani’s reminders are heavy on my mind, making it impossible to leave without scrounging up something for breakfast.
I make a spinach omelet, and a regular one for Benjamin, aware he won’t be asleep much longer. I have no desire to eat a single bite but force it down. Instead of tea, I pour myself a glass of orange juice to wash it down.
I gather my things, set to leave, until I hear Benjamin behind me.
“Darcy.”
Shit.
I face him, arching my chin high to hide my guilt. “Hi. I didn’t want to wake you.”
He’s still half asleep, making me wonder if he panicked when I wasn’t beside him, which also makes me wonder if I wanted him to feel that way. Right now, he resembles a boy, the traces of sleep etched across his features as he stands at the entrance to our bedroom.
I’m sure my guilt is palpable now. “I didn’t want a fight,” I correct myself, deciding truth is probably best right now. He’s already in the dark about a lot of things.
“I thought we finished that last night.”
“I hoped we had…maybe I’m just scared.”
He steps closer to me. “Scared of what?”
“What this will do to us.”
A safe distance away, I hover by the sink, holding my bag, eyes locked on his by the other side of the island. His face is calm, a wild difference from yesterday.
“Come here.”
I set my things onto the counter ungracefully and hesitantly round the table. He meets me halfway, and neither of us slow. His arms envelop me, his embrace excruciatingly tight. I wheeze in a gasp, digging my face into his chest. It feels good to be in his arms.
Wanting to touch his skin, I burrow my hands under his shirt, ascending over the length of his back, appreciating his radiating warmth. I’m cold, truly cold.
“You’re trembling,” he says worriedly, backing up to search my face. “I know I took it too far yesterday. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s not that. I’m just cold.”
“Is that a normal symptom of pregnancy?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should stay home. I could go in for a few hours, take the rest of the day off.”
“I can’t. I have to go to work.”
“Cindy would understand, Darcy.”
“I know she would. I like working.”
He glances at the ceiling. “All right. Okay, well, will you come home at five then? I can make a reservation for dinner.”
“Yeah, I will.”
He caresses my cheekbone gently. “Promise me something.”
“What?”
“Whether you leave the house before me or vice versa, we tell each other, whether we’re fighting or not. I’m used to you being there.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you,” I say, although I probably did.
***
I hang up the receiver, having left Kevin the news on voicemail, too cowardly to wait to speak to him first. My cell blares on the desk. He’s going to be pissed about it, but I really can’t dwell on it.
“Hello?”
“Darcy?”
I recognize that voice. “Jasmine?”
“Yes! Oh, good! I did get the right number. I just asked Benjamin for it.”
“It’s great to hear from you. How are you?”
“I’m good. Look, Ben told John…about the baby.”
“He did?” I’m surprised.
“Yes, which leads me to this huge favor I have to ask of you.”
“Favor?”
“Yes.” She chuckles. “I was wondering if maybe you and Benjamin could babysit for us sometime in the next couple of weeks. We haven’t had a night out without Dante yet, and John thought this would be a great chance for you, but mostly Benjamin, to get some practice. He’s sure it will be a good thing for him.”
“I’d happily do it. I’ll have to ask Benjamin if it’s okay but—”
“No need. He said yes.”
“Seriously?”
She laughs at my disbelief. “Well, I kind of had to guilt him into it, but he eventually gave in. I told him it would be good practice to see how you two do with Dante. Besides, Benjamin needs to start owning up to his godfather duties at some point.”
We hurry through our goodbyes, me because she’s pulled the floor out from under my feet…in the best way.
Benjamin agreed.
He’s trying.
***
“Knock knock,” I announce, opening Benjamin’s office door. I smile shyly before noticing another person at the cluttered conference table.
“Oh, I’m sorry. No one was in the front…I’ll wait out—”
“Darcy, come in,” he says while I hastily try to exit. “We’re almost finished.”
I’m the shade of a beet, but I push through the embarrassment and enter the room. The man beside Benjamin is short and stumpy and clearly intimidated.
Benjamin rises from his seat when I approach. “Mr. Chapman, this is my wife—”
“Darcy Fontaine, yes.” He reaches for my hand with a wide smile.
“Well, Scott now,” I correct him as kindly as possible. Benjamin’s brows soar, his mouth curving with approval at my attention to detail and the connection we now share. Marriage is a powerful thing. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.”
I gesture between them, uncomfortable. “I can wait outside, really…”
“Take a seat at my desk. We’ll only be a couple of minutes.” Oddly displaying affection in his workplace, Benjamin kisses my hair, which not only startles me, but his employee also.
I choose a random magazine and settle into Benjamin’s desk chair while they continue. It ends up being an extreme sport magazine, and I’m deep into an article about snowboarding when Ben stands.
“All right, so Tokyo is out. Send the figures to Singapore. I want word by 8 a.m.”
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“Will do, boss.” On his way out, Mr. Chapman regards me with a parting nod. “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Scott.”
“Ditto. Goodnight.”
It’s almost laughable the way Chapman’s shoulders slump the moment he’s clear of the room, all tension freed by the absence of Benjamin’s presence.
“Ditto?” Benjamin teases, in a far better mood than I expected when I showed up here.
I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”
He sits on the edge of the conference table while I make my way over to him, remembering the reason I intruded on his day in the first place. He checks his watch, a gift I gave him over a year ago.
“I thought we were leaving to the restaurant from home?”
My lack of response, and the growing smile lighting up my face, should answer his question. I had to come.
“Jaz called you?” he asks, picking up on my cheerfulness.
“Yeah, she did.”
“And?”
His eyes close when I’m between his legs, and I sweep my hands over his hair, gripping the nape of his neck. “And thank you.”
“I figured it would be good…”
“I know you’re going to be a good father, Benjamin.”
“That makes one of us.”
“Says the guy who spent months by my side without complaint when the worst was coming down on me. Says the guy who knew we were having problems and rushed us to Bali so we could get married and force the problems away.” His expression softens. “Says the guy who offers to abandon this profound world he’s built because he’d rather be on the run than away from me. You underestimate yourself, darling.”
His smile is abashedly pleased. “Keep going and it’ll go straight to my head.”
“I could go on for days.”
He soaks up all the affection I give him, caresses and lingering gazes, thriving on them.
“Darcy, a child is something else entirely. A child is a lot.”
“We’ll learn together.”
When he nods, wrapping his arms around waist, the monstrous weight that had gathered on my chest, weighing me down with uncertainty and confusion, lifts, allowing me a deep exhale of relief.
Possessed By You (The Consumed Series Book 3) Page 7
