Studying Boys

by Stephanie Rowe

  Matt glanced at me, which meant his face was about a quarter of an inch from mine, seeing as how I was still using his shoulder for a pillow. I'd meant it as an expression of solidarity, but now I was sort of enjoying it. It felt good. I don't know why, but it did. So I smiled at him.

  He smiled back. Nice teeth. Hadn't realized how white and straight they were. "Did you have braces?" I asked.

  "Nope."

  "Lucky dog." I'd just gotten my braces off about six months ago. It was so great not to be carrying around a wad of wax anymore.

  "I agree," Tad said.

  We both looked at Tad. Had Matt also forgotten there were others at the table?

  Tad was nodding, and rubbing Allie's shoulder. "I like that Allie and I have stuff to talk about besides running." He smiled at her. "I'm glad you come to my meets, though."

  She grinned back. "I know enough to realize that when you win it's a good thing."

  He smiled at her "You've figured out a lot more than that. I appreciate it."

  Ugh. Sickening.

  I tried to catch Matt's gaze to trade vomit expressions, but he was staring at Tad and Allie with a wistful look on his face that caught my gut and wrenched it. Was he thinking of his real girlfriend? Missing her? Wishing she was around so he could whisper sweet little things into her ear?

  Suddenly, seeing Tad being so sweet with Allie didn't make me nauseous. It made me sad. I wanted that, too. I really did. And being with Matt, who was dating someone else (even if she did live in London), made me realize exactly how alone I was really was.

  "Hey, Natalie."

  My head whipped up so fast I thought my neck was going to snap. Zach was standing at the end of the table, between Tad and Matt. OMG. "Hi."

  Matt twisted around to check out Zach, then he shot me a questioning look.

  Great. So he remembered that I had a crush on Zach. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a horrible thing. I couldn't really think, my heart was beating so fast. Zach looked totally cute in a pair of ripped jeans and a loose T-shirt. I could see his biceps peeking out from under his sleeves—those wiry, ripped muscles that runners had.

  Matt snorted under his breath and put his arm across the back of my chair. Now he does it? Did he think he was helping my cause or something?

  Zach's eyes flickered over Matt's arm, then up to his face. "So, you're the boyfriend?"

  "Yep."

  Never heard Matt acknowledge the fake boyfriend status so emphatically. Interesting.

  "How long have you guys been dating?" Zach asked

  "Long enough," Matt said. His arm slipped off the back of my chair and rested on my shoulders.

  Long enough for what?

  Zach looked at me. "Doesn't sound like it to me. Nat and I had fun at the party last night."

  OMG. He'd totally made it sound like we'd been up to something.

  Matt's arm tightened around my shoulders. "You mean the team thing?"

  Zach winked at me. "Yeah, the team thing." His emphasis on the word team made it totally dear that it hadn't been a team thing at all.

  Matt's fingers were digging into my shoulder so hard it almost hurt. Yes, he wasn't my boyfriend in real life, but if he was, this would be a horrible thing to do to him. To me. To both of us. "We didn't, I mean, nothing happened, I mean, it was just a team thing," I stuttered, not liking all the hostile looks from my friends. "I didn't do anything, I swear—"

  "We have an extra seat at our table, Natalie," Zach interrupted. "It would be nice to do some team bonding before the race. Talk strategy. It'll be good for you."

  He wanted me to join him for dinner? Wow. But I looked at Matt's tight face, and I felt terrible. I couldn't do that to him, but the thought of turning down Zach's invite was awful. What if I never got another one?

  "She's fine here." Allie's voice was like ice. Frigid. "We're perfectly capable of prepping her for the race. Her boyfriend is her best inspiration."

  Zach shrugged and smiled at me again. "If you change your mind, we're right over there." He pointed to a big booth in the corner, filled with a few other kids from the team. All seniors.

  "Um ... okay," I said. "Thanks for the invite. Maybe another time," I added hopefully.

  "Good-bye," Allie said pointedly.

  Zach gave me a final smile that curled my toes, then he glided away from the table. Was he cool or what?

  "What a complete scumbag," Allie spat out.

  Tad nodded. "No kidding." He nodded at Matt. "I think you better plan on showing up at Natalie's meet tomorrow. He's making a move on Nat."

  He was? Really?

  Allie must have read the expression on my face. "Of course he was! He was hitting on you in front of your boyfriend! As if Matt wasn't even there." She shook her head. "Disgusting. I hope he breaks an ankle in the race tomorrow. "

  "Allie!" Okay, I could admit that Zach had been kind of a jerk, but he was our best runner. His ankles were off limits to evil thoughts.

  Tad was looking at me. "What team party last night?" He shot Matt a look of sympathy.

  "Nothing happened with him," I blurted out. "He just made it sound that way." I looked at Matt. "I swear, Matt. He told me it was for team people only and then when I showed up all these other people were there...." My voice faded as I recalled Zach had told me that no one else was allowed so I wouldn't bring my boyfriend. "I didn't realize it was a party, and I swear nothing happened. A bunch of us watched a movie, and that was it." Sure, we weren't actually dating, but I didn't want Matt or anyone else at the table to think I'd cheat on him.

  I wasn't like that, but more importantly, Matt deserved better than that.

  Matt stared at me for a long time. "I don't enjoy being jerked around."

  "I know that! I didn't do anything! I swear it!"

  His gaze flicked toward Zach, who was watching us with a smug look on his face while Val leaned against him. "I don't like him enough to let him think he's better than me."

  "He already does," Tad said. "Look at that expression on his face. He gives runners a bad name."

  Matt locked his gaze on mine. "I have my pride."

  I swallowed at the intense look on his face. Matt might be a brainiac, but there was nothing wimpy about the look on his face right now. He was pissed, and he was insulted. In fact, he looked completely tough and sexy, and I suddenly would have bet on him instead of Zach, if they were to meet for a duel at dawn with pistols.

  "Is Zach still watching?" Matt asked, not taking his gaze off me.

  I glanced at the table. "Yeah." Still sporting that smug look on his face too. Even though he was totally cute, it really did make him look like a jerk.

  "Then let's give him something to watch." He curved his fingers around the back of my neck and applied gentle pressure. "Come here."

  It took me a split second before I realized what he was going to do. He was going to kiss me, and he was going to make it count. This wasn't going to be like the kiss at the field the other day. This was going to be the real thing.

  My heart started pounding and I couldn't catch my breath. And I didn't pull away. I wanted Matt to kiss me. I wanted it more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life.

  When Matt lips touched mine, I was sure I was going to faint. They were so soft and warm and begging me to join them. So I kissed him back. I mean, I tried. I wasn't exactly the expert, but I tried to copy what he was doing. Well, I tried for a little bit; after that, I couldn't think. All I could do was taste his lips and feel his breath and try not to fall off my chair.

  He finally pulled away, but not very far. His eyes were all smoky and made me all warm. "Apparently, running isn't the only thing you're good at." His voice was husky and gravelly and it made my skin pop up in goose bumps. He brushed his thumb over my lips, and I thought for sure I was going to die right on the spot.

  "You, too." Was that my voice? Sounded awfully breathless.

  The corner of his mouth curved up. "I'm not good at running."

  "Wel
l, you're good at kissing."

  He broke into a full grin. "Thanks." He rubbed his thumb over my cheeks, and I melted a little bit more.

  "I think that did it," Allie's voice broke into our magic bubble. "Zach's looking pissed, not smug."

  Zach. I'd totally forgotten the kiss had been for him. Matt dropped his hand and turned away.

  I didn't want him to turn away. I wanted him back. I wanted him to kiss me like that again. And again. And again. At the very least, I wanted him to kiss me until I actually did fall off my chair. Not that it would take much.

  "Your hands are shaking." Allie pointed at my water glass, which I'd picked up in an attempt to distract myself. "That must have been some kiss."

  Matt and I both looked at my hand, which was very clearly trembling. The water was shivering, and the ice was clinking. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I couldn't look at him.

  How totally embarrassing!

  Matt said nothing, but he put his arm over the back of my chair and left it there until the food arrived.

  Excerpt from PUTTING BOYS ON THE LEDGE

  It's Blue's turn now!

  I finished sweeping and leaned the broom against the wall. "And what if he tries to kiss me again?"

  "You should kiss him," Allie said. "Not a long one. Just a little one, and then cut him off."

  Natalie nodded. "Don't push him away too hard. He needs to see that you're worth the chase." When we all gave Natalie a surprised look at her Allie-type advice, she shrugged. "I've been listening to Allie for so long I know what she's going to say."

  "Well, okay, that's great advice, but there's one small problem with that." Or rather, one big problem. "I still don't know how to kiss! That was why I didn't kiss him in the first place. Not because I was putting him on The Ledge."

  "Who didn't you kiss?" Colin appeared in the doorway of the barn, a big, annoying grin on his face.

  Oh, God, I wanted to die right then, right there. Why, oh, why, did he keep walking into our conversations like this? This was completely humiliating.

  "Heath Cavendish," Allie announced.

  "Allie!" Okay, I was wrong. Now I was completely humiliated.

  "Really?" Colin leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest, as if he was going to stay and join the conversation. "I can't imagine many girls refuse to kiss Heath. How'd he take it?"

  "I don't know," I muttered. "I left."

  "You refused to kiss him and then took off?" Colin grinned. "I love it."

  I was not getting into this discussion with a boy. "Why are you here? Mom said you weren't coming today."

  "Plans changed, so I thought I'd swing by and see if there was anything to do. I could always use the extra cash."

  "Well, I'm covering all the chores tonight, so you can leave."

  Something flashed in Colin's eyes, then he shrugged. "Fine. I'll see you around, then."

  "Wait a sec." Allie jumped off the feed bin and grabbed Colin's arm. "You should stay. We could use your advice."

  Was she insane? "No, we can't. He should leave."

  "No, no." Allie tugged Colin back into the barn. "Colin, I have a question for you."

  I had to feel a little sorry for him. He didn't really look like he wanted to be subject to Allie's interrogation, but he was too nice to reject her. Because he was nice, even if he did have a habit of catching me in embarrassing moments.

  "Anyway," Allie continued, "if a guy kissed a girl who'd never kissed before, would he be able to tell?"

  Colin narrowed his eyes. "Tell what?"

  "That she hadn't kissed before." Allie rolled her eyes in exasperation, while I contemplated pretending to pass out so I would have to be rushed off to the hospital, and therefore spared this incredibly humiliating discussion of my kissing talents.

  Granted, I wasn't interested in Colin, but he was a boy. Which meant I didn't want him listening to my kissing failures.

  "Oh." Colin glanced at me. "That's why you didn't kiss Heath? Because you were afraid he'd think you weren't good at kissing?"

  If only the earth would swallow me up now. "I really don't think we need to be having this conversation." I turned away and began filling feed buckets. "I have work to do. You all should leave."

  "And I thought you refused to kiss him because you just didn't want to kiss him," Colin said, with a hint of derision in his tone. "Dumb idea, I guess. As I said, what girl would turn down Heath Cavendish?"

  "So he's popular," I snapped at Colin. "What's wrong with that?" Personally, I thought it was kinda cool that he was popular.

  Colin shrugged. "Nothing."

  "You didn't answer Allie's question," Frances interrupted Colin. "We really want to know."

  "Frances!" What was with my friends? Since when had it become their goal to embarrass me so badly? "I don't want to know!"

  Colin turned away from me and looked at Frances, the corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "You mean, would I be able to tell if I kissed a girl who wasn't experienced? You guys really want to know that?"

  "Yes," she said.

  Natalie nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, could you tell?"

  "No, we don't want to know!" I grabbed Colin's arm and tried to push him out of the barn, only vaguely noticing that the muscles in his arm were pretty big. "Colin, leave. This conversation is killing me."

  He deftly stepped out of my path and spun back into the barn, still sporting his amused grin. He turned to Frances. "I might be able to tell that a girl was inexperienced, but if I liked her, that would be cool. I'd rather kiss a girl who hasn't kissed a lot of guys."

  "Really?" Allie twirled her hair, no doubt trying to recall the countless boys she'd kissed. Guaranteed she was contemplating feigning ignorance the next time she kissed a boy.

  "But if I just wanted some action, I'd probably be more interested in someone who knew what she was doing," Colin added.

  Well, thank you, Colin, for muddying the waters.

  "So what about a guy like Heath?" Allie asked, rubbing her own lips thoughtfully. "What would he want?"

  Colin's tone became a little less friendly. "I'm not Heath. I don't know."

  Allie looked at me, still wearing that look that indicated her wheels were turning. "Heath has been around a lot. I bet he's looking for the experienced type."

  I threw up my hands. "Oh, great. Now I'm really going to avoid kissing him. Thanks a lot, Allie."

  "That can be addressed," she said.

  Trepidation slammed my gut. "What can be addressed?" I didn't like the expression on her face, like she was plotting my downfall.

  "Your lack of experience," she said.

  Somehow I felt this entire discussion was heading in a dangerous direction. "What? Am I supposed to practice kissing on the dog?"

  "No." She pointed to Colin. "On him."

  "You want me to kiss Colin?" My stomach flopped and my hands instantly broke into a sweat.

  "No, let Colin kiss you. Let him teach you how to kiss. Then you can kiss Heath and wow him." Allie grinned. "You have to learn somewhere, right?"

  "Oh, yes!" Natalie said.

  "Perfect," Frances exclaimed. "Do it!"

  "I can't kiss Colin," I gasped, not even daring to look at him.

  "But he's cute, and he's nice," Allie said. "Why can't you kiss him?"

  "Because...because..." Because having someone teach me how to kiss would be the most embarrassing thing ever. And Colin? Granted, he was moderately cute, but he wasn't my type at all.

  No way could I kiss him.

  No possible way.

  But I'd never admit I was too wimpy to kiss him. That was even more embarrassing. So, instead, I simply said. "I'd never ask Colin to do that."

  He looked at me, and for the first time I realized that his eyelashes were really long and thick. "I'll kiss you, Blue."

  And I could tell he meant it.

  AUTHOR BIO

  Four-time RITA® Award nominee and Golden Heart® Award winner Stephanie Rowe is a nati
onally bestselling author with more than twenty published books with major New York publishers such as Grand Central, HarperCollins, Harlequin, Dorchester and Sourcebooks.

  She has received coveted starred reviews from Booklist and high praise from Publisher's Weekly, calling out her "...snappy patter, goofy good humor and enormous imagination... [a] genre-twister that will make readers...rabid for more." Stephanie's work has been nominated as YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers.

  Stephanie lives in Boston where she plays tennis, works out, and is happily working on her next book. Visit Stephanie on the web at www.stephanierowe.com.

  DEDICATION

  For all the girls who are proud to let the world know how smart they are. You're beautiful.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

  Thank you to Deidre Knight, Jia Gayles, Melissa Jeglinski and all the folks at the Knight Agency for all their hard work on this series. You all are amazing! And special thank you to Sharon Stogner and Jan Leyh for their amazing work to help get these books in shape.