Mossbelly MacFearsome and the Dwarves of Doom

by Alex Gardiner

  Roger felt exasperated. ‘I’m not a Destroyer!’ He held up his hands. ‘Honestly! I didn’t mean to stab Leatherhead. And I didn’t throw him over a wall. I was trying to catch him!’ Roger raised his voice. ‘He just won’t listen! He ignores what I say! He just goes on all the time about—’

  Lady Goodroom waved a finger in front of Roger. ‘Don’t shout, Roger. You don’t need to explain. I know you’re not a warrior. I’ve been dealing with dwarves most of my life, so I understand how they think, how they behave – particularly male dwarves. However, my relationship with Queen Gwri is excellent. We have tea together at least once a month when I make my report.’

  ‘That was my question,’ said Roger quietly. ‘What is it you report? Why do you report on... us?’

  Lady Goodroom smiled. ‘So that’s what’s bothering you. Well, don’t worry. I report mainly on the environment and the progress of the human race. I support many good causes and contribute to them using dwarf gold. Unfortunately I can only use very small amounts of their gold so as not to affect the financial markets.’ She gave a little nod. ‘I also, occasionally, use what little talent I have with spells to help people reach the correct decisions regarding the environment. You know that plastic pollution has reached a disgraceful level? That it threatens our seas and our marine life? Well, I’m pushing hard for biodegradable solutions for other sorts of packaging. Persuading people is difficult, though.’ She gave the slightest of winks. ‘Even with a little magic. But,’ she continued, ‘most of my work is involved in protecting the standing stones in my area. I make sure they are not disturbed by any building or digging. That cannot be allowed to happen. I’m on the planning board, so I see all applications.’ She dropped her voice a little. ‘There is a network of us Witchwatchers and Warlockwatchers all over the country, doing the same sorts of things. We even have a get-together once a year in the dwarf queen’s royal apartments.’ She smiled. ‘It’s a beautiful place, the Innerland. You wouldn’t think being underground could be so marvellous, but it is. The weather is always so pleasant.’

  ‘But—’ began Roger.

  Lady Goodroom pursed her lips and made a gentle shushing sound. She looked around, then leaned closer and took Roger’s hand. ‘We are also planning the best way to make sure that in one hundred and thirty-seven years, or hopefully much sooner, dwarves, ogres, humans and the others can all live happily together again.’

  ‘I thought,’ said Roger, ‘that the humans were all going to get killed if they hadn’t sorted themselves out by then?’

  ‘That was the old plan,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘That’s what was meant to happen. It was set up that way in the olden days, hundreds of years ago. But Queen Gwri is a very modern dwarf. She knows that what was proposed all those years ago should not apply now. The races must learn to live together; you cannot destroy one of them because you don’t like the way they behave. There are other ways of sorting things. Queen Gwri knows this; she is an intelligent thinker with very good ideas. She wants the dwarves to use their many abilities to aid humans. Now! Stop them ruining the Earth. We are planning changes in dwarf law to bring about a reconciliation of the species. Our plans are well under way, but...’ She leaned even closer and whispered, ‘The main problem is with stubborn, bone-headed male dwarves who believe that a law passed is a law for ever. We might not sort it in my lifetime, but it will happen, I’m sure.’

  ‘Does Moss know about this?’ asked Roger.

  ‘Oh yes, he knows,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Queen Gwri’s got him convinced, and he’s so in love that he would do anything for her. Anyway, female dwarves do most of the thinking. Male dwarves are not generally the greatest thinkers. Their minds tend to concentrate on the simpler things in life.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Roger, nodding his head. ‘I know.’

  ‘And it was all going so well,’ sighed Lady Goodroom ‘Until that mad wee... that Leatherhead Barnstorm went crazy some years ago and started searching for the Doomstone Sword. It was harmless under the water – it should have stayed there. And now he’s got it.’ She frowned at Roger. ‘Rampaging around the country with his band of foul creatures...’ Lady Goodroom shook her head. ‘Horrible, horrible things. Murdering Witchwatchers. Maddie’s parents were close friends of ours, you know.’

  ‘Maddie must feel very angry and upset,’ said Roger.

  ‘Maddie’s just fine,’ said Lady Goodroom, letting go of Roger’s hand and sitting back. ‘She was very young when it happened... and she has no real memory of it. We’ve brought her up as our own. Our lovely girl.’ She paused, then dabbed at her eyes with the back of her hand and gave a little laugh. ‘She can be quite a handful, though.’

  Roger nodded, and tried to give his version of an understanding smile.

  Lady Goodroom sniffed loudly and dabbed her eyes again.

  Fresh from a shower and with a borrowed change of clothes, including slightly worn trousers and a gaudy tartan jumper from the castle gift shop, one hour later Roger was sitting in the library with his eyes closed when there was a loud rap on the patio doors. His eyes shot open.

  Maddie was standing outside, her face pressed against the glass, a hand shading her eyes.

  Roger got up and went outside. But there was no sign of Maddie outdoors. He stood for a moment, then came back in, closing the doors. As he turned round, Maddie was standing right there.

  ‘Aaargh!’ Roger jumped back. ‘How did you do that?’

  ‘I’m fast,’ said Maddie, staring intently at Roger. ‘Went in a side door.’ Her hazel eyes had flashes of green and yellow. ‘Why are you the Destroyer? What makes you so special? Are you really a great warrior?’ She took a step backwards and put her hands on her hips. ‘You’re only a boy, you’re about the same age as me. Why you, eh?’

  Before Roger could say anything, Maddie reached out and poked a finger into his chest.

  ‘I’m not allowed to fight,’ she said, still poking. ‘I’m too important for the future. I’ve to stay out of it. I’ve to hide in my room. What can you do that I can’t?’

  Roger took a deep breath.

  ‘You can’t even speak,’ said Maddie, poking Roger’s chest again. ‘Moss says you fought Leatherhead Barnstorm, wounded him and then threw him over a wall?’

  ‘Stop that!’ Roger said, angrily pushing her finger away. ‘No, I’m not special. I’m not a warrior. Everything was an accident. Moss only sees what he wants to see and ignores everything else. I didn’t fight anyone. I don’t want to fight anyone or anything. That crazy, grumpy dwarf got me into this, so leave me alone.’

  ‘You sure?’ asked Maddie, hands on hips again. ‘You’re just an ordinary boy? Not special?’ She made a face. ‘Can’t fight?’

  ‘No,’ said Roger. ‘Not special. Not anything.’

  Maddie smiled. ‘Good.’ She held out her hand. ‘We’ll be friends, then. Shake.’

  Roger reached out and took her hand. She had a lovely smile, all crinkly.

  ‘Would you do me a favour, seeing as we’re friends now?’ asked Maddie, pumping Roger’s hand.

  Roger hesitated. ‘If I can.’

  ‘Tell Aunt Gwen that you think I would be an enormously great help when the gorefiends attack. Would you do that, please?’

  ‘Well...’ Roger looked away from the smile and sparkling eyes. He began to examine the furniture and walls. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because...’ Maddie let go of Roger’s hand and took a fighting stance. ‘I’m a warrior and I can fight.’ She swung her arms about and kicked out with her right leg several times. ‘As I said, I’m a yellow belt.’

  ‘Um...’ Roger moved back from the flying kicks. ‘The gorefiends are really, really horrible things. They’re dangerous.’

  ‘So am I,’ said Maddie, breathing deeply. ‘But will you speak to her? Will you?’

  ‘Well...’ began Roger.

  ‘Please,’ said Maddie, then her smile faded and her eyes filled with tears. ‘You know what he did to
my parents... I know I was only small, but...’ Maddie’s voice grew husky. ‘I’ve only got photographs to look at now... to remember Mum and Dad properly. I love Aunt Gwen and Uncle Pen so much, just like real parents, even though I know we’re not actually related. But...’ She gave a shivering sigh. ‘I really would like to have the... the real ones still here. Please, Roger, say you’ll speak to her.’

  Roger swallowed hard and nodded his head. ‘OK.’

  ‘Good.’ Maddie leaned forward and gave Roger a quick peck on the cheek. ‘I knew we would be friends as soon as I saw you. Thank you.’ She turned and walked out of the door.

  Roger raised his hand and touched his cheek.

  ‘Oh, I meant to ask you...’ Maddie’s head popped back round the door, she was smiling again. ‘Do you like my hair this way?’ She gave her head a little shake.

  ‘Y-yeah,’ Roger stammered. ‘It-it’s nice.’

  ‘Good.’ Maddie’s smile grew wider. ‘It’s a bob cut.’ She giggled a little. ‘I think it suits me. Don’t forget to speak to Aunt Gwen. And I do like your new jumper. You wearing it for a bet?’

  The door closed. Roger stood for a few moments looking down at the jumper he had been given. He was still touching his cheek.

  Around seven o’clock people started drifting away from the Highland Games, and by eight o’clock the last car and trailer pulled out of the estate, leaving it empty apart from the marquees and farming machinery. At nine o’clock Lord and Lady Goodroom, Maddie and Tobias Undercut joined Roger and Moss in the library.

  ‘Now, then,’ said Lady Goodroom, wedging herself into a chair. ‘Captain Moss, you are positive that Leatherhead Barnstorm and his gorefiends will come here looking for you... and the hammer?’

  ‘Yes.’ Moss nodded. ‘He will come for me. He cannot wait to slaughter me dead to the ground and keep his oath sworn on the Twisted Toenail of the Wicked Princess.’

  ‘What is this twisted toenail thing?’ asked Maddie. ‘That’s the second time—’ She stopped as Lady Goodroom waved her hand dismissively.

  ‘Not now, dear,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘I’ll tell you all about it later.’ She gave a little shudder. ‘It’s a terrible story. Horrible.’

  ‘So, who are these gorefiend chappies?’ asked Lord Penrose, looking at Moss. ‘What are we up against?’

  ‘They are made from grave wax,’ said Moss. ‘Buried humans, their drippings. Barnstorm uses dark magic, turns them into fiends who obey him.’

  ‘They are very polite,’ said Roger. ‘Even when they are killed.’

  ‘They are always polite,’ said Moss. ‘They are dead polite. Because they do not fear death. They are already dead.’

  ‘We’ll make our stand here,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘In this room. We’ll move the furniture around to face the patio. Hopefully we can surprise them. Now, weapons. What have we got, Penrose?’

  ‘Bring them in, Tobias, old bean,’ said Penrose, nodding to the butler.

  Tobias Undercut stood up, bowed slightly, and left the room. Seconds later he returned carrying a bulky grey blanket. He placed the bundle on a table and pulled back one corner to reveal an assortment of weapons: an old bolt-action rifle with a clip of bullets, a crossbow and two bolts, several golf clubs and a slightly broken croquet mallet.

  ‘Mmm,’ said Lady Goodroom, rubbing her chins. ‘Is that all? I thought we had some shotguns?’

  ‘Rusted or broken beyond repair, your ladyship.’

  ‘Well, we’ll just have to make the best of it, then,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘Captain Moss, you won’t need anything, as you’ve brought your own weapons. Penrose, you couldn’t hit anything with a rifle and I hate the things. Tobias, can you shoot?’

  ‘I can, your ladyship.’

  ‘Good, you take the rifle. Penny, dear, you better have the five-iron, you’re a fine golfer.’

  Lord Goodroom beamed. ‘Jolly good, old girl, my favourite club.’

  ‘And I’ll fire the crossbow,’ said Lady Goodroom. ‘That just leaves you, Roger.’ She paused. ‘Take the croquet mallet for self-defence, but you’re not to be involved in any fighting. You’ll be at the back of the room, hidden, ready to spring out as soon as you see the Doomstone Sword, then to smash it with the hammer. I’ll go and get it for you now.’

  ‘I suppose so,’ said Roger. His mouth felt dry and he had an ache between his shoulder blades. Lady Goodroom started towards the picture of the duck.

  ‘Hmmmumph.’ Maddie elbowed Roger.

  ‘Um,’ began Roger. ‘Do you think that Maddie might—?’

  ‘No!’ shouted Lady Goodroom, spinning round and holding up her hand. ‘Maddie is not taking part in any of this. She is too young and has been through far too much. You –’ she wagged a finger at Roger – ‘are also too young, but you are named as the Destroyer so you must do exactly that. Destroy the sword, if you can. And if we are defeated, escape out of the door and get to Maddie’s room. She’ll show you where to hide. There are plenty of hiding places in this old heap. But they should leave you alone if they get the hammer and ki— capture us.’

  ‘But Aunt Gwen, I can—’ Maddie jumped to her feet.

  ‘Maddie, enough!’ Lady Goodroom shouted. ‘Since your parents... Well, we’ve brought you up. We are your legal guardians. You’re all we’ve got, and we’re all you’ve got. And you’ll do as you are told!’ She went back to her seat. ‘That’s all there is to be said on the subject.’

  Maddie stood for a moment, shoulders hunched, then she turned around and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

  Lady Goodroom sighed. ‘She wants to avenge her parents. I understand that, but we can’t let her, she’s too precious. Too important for the future.’

  ‘No, we can’t,’ said Lord Goodroom, shaking his spiky hair. ‘But she’s got a mind of her own, that one.’ He tut-tutted, then chuckled. ‘Don’t know what we’ll do when she’s older. She’ll be off exploring jungles or climbing cliffs as quick as winkie.’

  ‘No she won’t,’ said Lady Goodroom softly. ‘Being a Witchwatcher will give her all the adventures she’ll need.’

  Moss nodded his head in a knowing manner. ‘Nurslings can be much trouble. My fledgling sister caused a mountain of shame. The trouble she inflicted on our family when she was immature...’ He gazed into the distance.

  There was a few moments’ silence.

  ‘What did she do?’ prompted Lady Goodroom.

  ‘Who?’ Moss looked puzzled.

  ‘Your sister, man,’ said Lord Penrose.

  ‘She cut off her beard.’ Moss dropped his head and stared at the floor, muttering to himself.

  Lady Goodroom’s mouth trembled as she tried not to burst out laughing. ‘Right,’ she said, coughing a little. ‘I’ll put a trap-spell on the patio doors. It will only work once, but it’ll give us a small advantage for a moment or two.’ She walked over to the patio doors and flickered her hands around the door frames while muttering to herself. There was a very faint crackle and a couple of blue sparks flared briefly, and then vanished.

  ‘There now, that’s done,’ said Lady Goodroom, walking back and picking up her crossbow. She turned to her butler. ‘Tobias, make sure your rifle is in working order, the bolt looks a little rusty. It would be—’

  ‘What was that?’ Roger pointed towards the patio. ‘I heard something!’

  CHAPTER

  Fourteen

  Everyone turned and looked towards the patio doors.

  The late evening sun was casting long, broken shadows across the library floor. There was a faint skittering noise.

  ‘They’re coming.’ Lady Goodroom spoke softly without moving her lips. She bent down, braced the crossbow on the floor with her foot and pulled the bowstring back. She straightened up and loaded one of the bolts.

  ‘Lady Goo—’ Roger gulped hard.

  ‘Not now, Roger,’ hissed Lady Goodroom.

  ‘Lady Good—’ Roger tried again.

 
‘Shussh.’ Lady Goodroom glared at Roger.

  Roger took a deep breath and shouted: ‘Lady Goodroom – you didn’t give me the hammer.’

  ‘Oh—’ Lady Goodroom looked across the room to the picture of the duck on the far wall.

  ‘Stay!’ shouted Moss as Lady Goodroom began to move. He looked at Roger. ‘What foolishness are you spouting? If he has the Doomstone Sword, I’ll give you this.’ He slapped his beard and chest. ‘Now arm yourself, boy, and be ready to act when I say so.’

  Roger, puzzled, lowered his right hand and took hold of the croquet mallet. His knees began to shake. He tried to hold them steady but there was a definite tremor.

  Moss stood perfectly still, his axe and sword held ready.

  Lord Goodroom took up a golfing stance, his eyes fixed on the doors.

  A small, bent-over shadow flitted briefly on the wall.

  ‘Wait,’ whispered Lady Goodroom.

  Silently, the handle on the patio doors turned. The doors swung open and the setting sun filled the entire room with a golden glow. Roger’s mouth was completely dry.

  There was another skittering noise from outside. Roger lifted the mallet.

  There was a brilliant flash. Two gorefiends were caught in the open doorway, sparks and smoke pouring out of them as they collapsed back on to the patio. Two more gorefiends jumped over them and entered the room.

  ‘Now!’ screamed Lady Goodroom, swinging the crossbow and firing. The bolt went through both gorefiends; yellow smoke and gunge spewed and bubbled as they fell. The doorway filled with gorefiends.

  ‘Fore!’ shouted Lord Goodroom. He swung his golf club as though playing a shot. The club head hit the leading creature under the chin. The other gorefiends stopped to watch as their companion flew over their heads out of the room.

  ‘Jolly good shot.’

  ‘Well played.’

  ‘Handles that iron very well.’

  Then they charged.

  Lord Goodroom swung his golf club some more. Moss’s axe and sword twirled and flashed. Lady Goodroom loaded and fired her remaining bolt, then used the crossbow as a club. The battle raged as the dead creatures poured into the room. Gorefiends were cut down, clubbed or splattered against the walls... but more kept coming.