Take It

by C. E. Starkweather

  Sunday afternoon, Brandi picked up Kayla to go shopping. She had been neglecting Kayla and her schoolwork lately, and she was trying to find a balance that would let her spend time with both Zack and Kayla and get her homework done. Zack wanted Brandi to spend every free minute with him, and she thought it was sweet that he wanted to be around her so much.

  "Can I tell you something?" Brandi asked.

  "You can tell me anything," Kayla said, rifling through the clearance rack.

  "I think...I'm ready."

  Kayla raised her eyebrows. "Ready for..."

  "For sex, dummy. I want Zack to be my first."

  Kayla's eyes grew huge. "Are you serious? Already?"

  Brandi shrugged. "I know it seems kind of soon. But when you know, you know. And I know that I love Zack and he loves me."

  Kayla grinned happily at her. "Brandi is finally losing her v card. Hallelujah!"

  "Shh," Brandi hissed. "I don't want the whole world to know. I just...you've done it before, right? Is it scary?"

  Kayla laughed. "It's not scary. But I'm glad you love him. My first time was because I got drunk and I was angry at my ex for cheating on me. Not very romantic."

  Brandi agreed. "What if I'm bad at it?"

  "Well, he's not expecting you to be a porn star. There's things you learn as you go. As long as you love each other, it'll be great."

  Brandi hugged Kayla. "Thanks. I'm nervous, but I guess that's normal."

  "Of course it's normal. But you know what will make you feel better? Some sexy lingerie."

  Brandi giggled. "You know what? That's a good idea."

  They went to Victoria's Secret and browsed the lingerie. "What about this?" Brandi asked, holding up a cotton bra with matching panties. Kayla burst out laughing. "He wants you, not your grandma. He'll love you in this," she said, pulling out a black lacy push up bra with a matching thong and garter belt. Brandi shook her head. "Oh, come on," Kayla said. "You're gonna look so hot. Zack won't know what hit him."

  "Kayla, I don't even know what those stringy things are. I'll look ridiculous in it."

  "You wear thigh high stockings and clip these to the tops. Don't you think Zack would lose his mind if he saw you wearing this?"

  Brandi smiled, thinking about Zack seeing her in the lingerie. It would be a nice surprise. "You're right," she said, checking the price tag. "I'm gonna get it. And you know what?" She said, pulling out her credit card. "Dad's paying for it."

  Kayla laughed and clapped her hands. "Yay! You have to tell me how it goes. I'm so excited for you."

  Brandi paid for the outfit and texted Zack.

  Come over at 6 tonight? I have a surprise for you.

  They stopped at the drugstore to pick up condoms, and Brandi was glad Kayla was with her. She had no idea what she was doing.

  She waited for the text back as she drove Kayla home. She saw her phone light up and squealed. "Read it!" She cried. "What did he say?"

  Kayla picked up her phone. "He said 'How can I say no to that? See you then."

  Brandi smiled happily. She looked at the clock. It was already almost 4. "I have to get ready! I hope I have enough time. Shit."

  Kayla rolled her eyes. "You have two hours, bitch. All you have to do is shave your legs and your cooter."

  Brandi wrinkled her nose at Kayla's fancy term for a vagina. "Text me after. I want to hear all the details," Kayla said, getting out of the car.

  Take it, Bitch

  Brandi drove home in a hurry and immediately ran the shower. She knew her mom would be gone until at least 10 tonight, as that was her normal Sunday shift. She shaved her legs and her bikini area, using coconut oil to moisturize herself. She put on her lingerie and looked in the mirror, ignoring the small bit of fat around her stomach. The bra made her breasts look huge. She decided not to wear the garter belt. It looked like too much work. She texted Zack and told him to just come in when he got there. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the door open and shut. "Brandi?" Zack called.

  "Up here!" She yelled back, positioning herself on the bed. She laid back in what she thought was a sexy pose.

  Zack opened the door and stared at her, his mouth dropping open. She smoothed her hair nervously.

  "What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Wearing?" He growled, his eyes glittering with rage.

  She gasped and sat up. She didn't know what kind of reaction to expect from him, but she wasn't expecting that. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd like it."

  "Why the fuck would I like my girlfriend looking like a WHORE!?" He yelled, storming to the bed. Brandi shrank back. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll go change."

  "The fuck you will," he muttered, pushing her back on the bed. "You want to look like a street whore, Brandi? You want me to fuck you like a whore?"

  She shook her head as he climbed on top of her. "No. I thought you'd like it. I'm sorry," she gasped, choking back a sob. "I'll go change. Please let me go change."

  He ignored her and grabbed her arms, pinning them over her head with one hand. "Shut the fuck up, you stupid cow," he mumbled. Brandi gasped and tried to sit up. "Get off of me!" She cried. "Stop it, Zack. Let me go."

  He reached his fingers in her panties and shoved them roughly inside of her. "Stop!" She screamed, sobbing. "Zack, stop it! You're hurting me!"

  "Isn't this what you wanted?" He asked, pulling her panties off. "To get fucked?"

  "No," she sobbed. "Please don't. I'm sorry."

  "Fuck your sorry!" He yelled. "Just shut the fuck up, you fat fucking bitch!"

  Brandi froze. She didn't know who this guy was, but it wasn't Zack. She tried to kick him, but he grabbed her leg and held it down. "Don't," she whimpered, realizing that she couldn't get away. "Oh God, please don't."

  Zack ignored her, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down. He let go of her hands as he shoved himself inside her. "No!" Brandi screamed. "Help! Somebody help me!"

  "Take it, you bitch," Zack groaned. "Fucking take it."

  Zack pounded into her as she felt like she was being ripped open. "No," she moaned, realizing he wasn't going to stop. "Please..."

  "Fuck. I'm gonna come, baby," Zack muttered. Brandi was dimly aware that he hadn't put a condom on. He sped up and grunted as he collapsed on top of her. "Fucking awesome," he muttered, pulling out of her. "Thanks, baby. That was an awesome surprise." He kissed her on the head.

  Brandi laid on the bed, sobbing and broken.

  "Sorry if I was a little rough," Zack said, rolling off her.

  Brandi shut her eyes, willing herself not to throw up.

  "You ok?" Zack asked, frowning at her. Brandi desperately wanted to cover herself up, but she couldn't move. "You..."

  "Shh, calm down," Zack said, putting his arm around her.

  "Don't touch me!" She screamed, finally able to move. She rolled onto the floor and crawled away from him. "Oh, God," she sobbed. "No. No."

  "Brandi, what the hell?" Zack asked. "Is that not what you wanted?"

  She stared at him incredulously. "Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" She screamed. "You...you just raped me! How could you..." She shook her head. "Get out."

  "No, Brandi. We just had sex. It's called role playing. You were laying on the bed dressed like street trash. I thought that's what you wanted."

  She shook her head furiously. "No. That wasn't sex. You made me."

  "So, you didn't invite me here tonight for sex?" He asked.

  Brandi sniffed. "I did. I wanted to..."

  "But you changed your mind. Well shit, Brandi. How was I supposed to know you were serious?"

  She shut her eyes. "I said no," she whispered.

  Zack sighed. "Shit. I'm sorry, babe. I thought you wanted it. Now I feel like crap."

  Brandi shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. "I need you to go," she whispered. "Please just go."

  Zack got off of the bed and took a few steps toward Brandi. She shrank back and he sighed, throwing his hands in the air and leaving. As soon a
s she heard the front door click shut she ran downstairs and locked it. She ran back upstairs and started the shower. She could still feel him slamming into her. She tried to stand in the shower, but her legs wouldn't support her. She sat on the shower floor and scrubbed herself furiously, trying to get the feel of him off of her. It didn't work. She got out of the shower and curled up in bed, crying. He couldn't have really thought that she wanted that. And the things he had said to her. She picked up her phone and called Kayla. "Please pick up," she whispered.

  "Oh my god! How was it?" Kayla cried excitedly. Brandi opened her mouth and immediately burst into tears.

  "Brandi, what the hell happened?"

  Brandi was crying too hard to answer.

  "I'm coming over, ok?" Kayla hung up and Brandi stumbled downstairs to wait for Kayla.

  Shut the fuck up, you fat fucking bitch.

  Brandi tried not to think about anything until she had a chance to talk to Kayla.

  "Brandi! Open the door!" Kayla yelled, pounding. Brandi leapt up and unlocked the door, falling into Kayla's arms as she came inside. "Oh God, Brandi. What happened? You're scaring me."

  Brandi shook her head. "I can't..."

  "Ok. It's ok. Come on," Kayla said, helping Brandi up the stairs and into her bedroom. Kayla sat on the bed and pulled Brandi down with her. Brandi sobbed until she had no tears left while Kayla rubbed her back. When Brandi finally calmed down, Kayla pulled back. "Brandi, please tell me what happened. Was Zack here?"

  At the mention of his name, Brandi stated crying again. "Oh, God," she sobbed. "He..."

  Kayla's eyes grew huge. "Did he hurt you?"

  Brandi nodded. "I think...I think he raped me."

  "What?" Kayla shrieked. "Tell me everything, Brandi. What the hell happened?"

  Brandi shook her head. "I put on the lingerie for him. I was wearing it when he came into the room. And he...he was furious. He said I looked like a w...whore. and he asked if I wanted him to fuck me like a whore."

  Kayla gasped.

  "And I said no. I kept saying no. He held me down..." She hiccupped. "He called me names. I kept telling him to stop and he ignored me. Then he was done and acted like everything was normal. He said we were role playing and I looked like a whore so he thought I wasn't serious when I told him to stop."

  Kayla shook her head. "That's...no, Brandi. He knew what he was doing. That sick motherfucker raped you and tried to convince you that it was your fault."

  Brandi wiped the tears off her face. "But I wanted it. Before he called me a whore. I asked him to come over for sex."

  "Yeah, so?" Kayla snapped. "You can change your mind at any time. Do you think if you were laying there in a bikini it gives him the right to rape you?"

  Brandi shook her head. "No," she whispered.

  "You have to go to the police."

  Brandi's head snapped up. "No! I can't. His dad will kill him."

  "Why do you care more about what happens to him than what happens to you?" Kayla yelled. "Look at yourself, Brandi. He just raped you and you're making excuses for him. Did he even use a condom?"

  Brandi closed her eyes and shook her head.

  "Oh, honey," Kayla said, wrapping her arms around Brandi. "I'm so sorry he did this to you."

  "I just...I can't believe it. It was like he was a different person. He was so mad, Kayla. And I can't figure out what I did to make him so mad at me."

  "Nothing, Brandi. You did nothing to make him mad at you. This isn't normal. Him RAPING you isn't normal. It's not you, honey. It's him."

  Brandi nodded, staring at the wall.

  "So what are you going to do?" Kayla asked quietly.

  "I don't want to go to the police."

  Kayla opened her mouth to interrupt and Brandi put her hand up. "I know. He raped me. I know he did. But I invited him over for sex. Even though I said no. I already took a shower. What's the worst that will happen to him? If it went to trial they'd make it look like I brought it on myself. And I can't go the rest of the school year with everyone knowing what happened to me. I'm getting the hell out of here next year. Nothing is going to stop me from leaving this shit town and my shit parents."

  Kayla sighed. "You're right. It's bullshit though. It wasn't your fault."

  "I know," Brandi replied, even though she wasn't sure of that.

  "The first thing you need to do is get some OTC birth control. I think the pharmacy is closed now, but we can pick some up tomorrow before school."

  "I can't go to school tomorrow!" Brandi cried, panicked. "How am I supposed to face him?"

  "Calm down," Kayla soothed her. "You don't have to go tomorrow, but you're going to have to go eventually. And you're going to have to face him."

  Brandi sighed. "Yeah, I know. I can't think about it now. But I'm definitely not going in tomorrow."

  Kayla nodded. "Fair enough. What do you want to do now?"

  "I want to try to sleep," Brandi said quietly. Kayla hugged her. "If you need anything else tonight, text me, ok?"

  "Kay," Brandi murmured.

  Kayla paused in her doorway. "Hey, Brandi?"

  "Hmm?"

  "You know that what happened wasn't your fault, right?"

  Brandi nodded. "I know. Thanks for coming over. Lock the front door behind you, ok?"

  Kayla left and Brandi tried to fall asleep. She put her head on her pillow and immediately sat back up. She could still smell him on her pillow. That awful smell that she used to love so much would be ingrained in her mind forever. She ripped her bedsheets and pillowcase off and put on a fresh set, laying back down. She could still smell him. It was as if the smell was embedded in her nose. She got up and went in her mom's bathroom, looking for sleeping pills. Her mom had to have something in here. She sighed at the pharmacy in Lynn's medicine cabinet. There were pills for everything. This was the only time that Brandi was grateful to her mom for demanding medication for every ailment.

  She took two sleeping pills and laid back down

  Fat fucking bitch.

  You stupid cow.

  Brandi cried herself to sleep, unable to stop thinking of Zack's hateful words.

  Take It Slow

  Brandi reluctantly opened her eyes the next morning to the sound of her phone ringing. "Hello," she croaked.

  "Where are you? I was waiting for you."

  Brandi shot up at the sound of Zack's voice. Last night came flooding back to her and she gasped. "I..."

  "Now I'm gonna be late to class cause I waited around for you all morning. Why don't you have any common courtesy, Brandi? Did you not think..."

  Brandi hung up her phone and threw it across the room like it was on fire. How could he act like nothing happened last night? She laid back down in bed, her mind still fuzzy from the sleeping pills, which were apparently a lot stronger than she had thought. She drifted off into a fitful sleep.

  She woke up to her phone ringing across the room. "Dammit," she mumbled. She was too tired to get up and get it. The phone kept ringing and finally Brandi rolled out of bed and snatched it up. "Hi, Kayla," she mumbled, answering the phone.

  "Are you still sleeping? It's almost noon," Kayla said.

  "Sleeping pills," she said, yawning. "Strong shit."

  "I just wanted to see how you were doing," Kayla said softly. "Did he try to talk to you at all?"

  "He called this morning. He was mad that I wasn't at my locker."

  "Jesus. He doesn't even think he did anything wrong. He tried to talk to me. Asked me if I knew where you were. I ignored him and walked away. I wanted to punch him in the face, but I didn't."

  "Thanks, Kayla. Can you pick me up after school? I need...the pill."

  "Yep. Be there at 2. You sure you're ok?"

  "Tired," Brandi replied. "Ok though."

  Brandi hung up and stretched, forcing herself out of bed. Between her legs was still throbbing, a horrible reminder of what Zack had done to her. She stumbled into the shower, washing herself lazily. By the time she got out, she felt
a little more awake. Her stomach grumbled with the reminder that she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the eggs.

  Fat fucking bitch.

  Her eyes filled with tears, and her appetite was completely gone. She put the eggs back and sighed, sitting down.

  At two, Brandi's doorbell rang. She peeked out and saw Kayla standing outside. Brandi opened the door. "Thanks so much for picking me up," she said. "I don't want to leave the house by myself."

  "I get it," Kayla said. "We'll just get the pill and I'll bring you back home."

  Kayla drove Brandi to the drugstore, not knowing quite what to say. "Do you want to stay in the car?" She asked once they got to the store. Brandi shook her head. "No, its ok. I'll come in." She didn't tell Kayla that she was terrified of being left alone.

  Brandi followed Kayla to the pharmacy counter. "My condom broke," she announced to the pharmacist. "I need the morning after pill."

  Brandi almost laughed as the pharmacist turned bright red and hastily handed Kayla the Plan B pill. "Fifty dollars for one pill? Come the fuck on," Kayla muttered, swiping her card. They left the pharmacy and Kayla handed Brandi the bag. "Thanks, Kayla," Brandi said. "I'll pay you back."

  Kayla shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I just want to make sure you don't get pregnant. You can pay next time we go to dinner."

  Brandi read the instructions on the pill as Kayla drove home. "Take with food. May cause nausea. Awesome."

  Kayla pulled into Brandi's driveway. "What time is your mom home tonight?"

  Brandi checked her phone. "Seven, I think. Can you stay with me? You can do your homework here. I don't care what we do. I just don't want to be alone."

  "Of course, Brandi. I'll stay until your mom comes home. Even later than that if you want."

  Brandi took the pill without eating anything. She still had no appetite. She laid down on the couch as Kayla started on her homework. "I think I'm just gonna take a nap. Wake me up if you want to leave."

  Kayla watched Brandi sympathetically as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. Kayla did her homework until she heard Brandi moaning. "Brandi," she whispered, shaking her arm gently. "Wake up, honey."