Take It

by C. E. Starkweather

  "Don't be sorry," Dr. Lavery said softly. "Crying is ok. Don't ever be sorry for crying."

  Brandi nodded. "I just feel so weak. Weak and stupid. I think about the good times we had and I wanted so badly to get back to that. I thought if I was just a little smarter or thinner or less whiny or if I liked sex he wouldn't be so angry all the time. But that's kind of shitty, huh? I mean I shouldn't have to work that hard to change myself just so he's not mad all the time. I know that. But I still...I still feel like it's my fault. It doesn't matter how much everyone tells me it's not. Why do I still feel like that?"

  "That's normal, Brandi. Your feelings won't change overnight. That's why you need your friends. Think about it this way. If you got into an argument with Eric and he punched you in the face, would it be ok?"

  Brandi gasped. "No!"

  "There you go," Dr. Lavery said. "I think you're making good progress, Brandi."

  "Can I go home?" Brandi asked hopefully.

  "Not quite yet. Hopefully by the end of the week. We still have a lot to work on."

  Brandi sighed in defeat. She wanted to go home and get on with her life. She just wanted to get through the rest of her senior year with some sense of normalcy.

  Brandi stood up and stretched. "See you tomorrow then."

  She opened the door and froze, hearing a laugh. She peeked out and saw her mom talking to Officer Hartt. She hadn't heard her mom laugh in months. She pushed the door all the way open, stepping out. "Hi, mom. What's up?"

  "Just stopping by before my shift," she said. "How are you feeling?"

  "Fine," Brandi said softly. "I want to go home, but it looks like I'll be here for at least a few more days." She looked at officer Hartt. "What's gonna happen when I go home? What if he comes back?"

  "You'll have an officer with you," he answered. "At least until he's caught."

  "Oh," Brandi said. "Can it be you?"

  He smiled fondly at her. "I'll see what I can do. Lynn, it was good seeing you."

  "You too," Lynn said, smiling. "Brandi, I'll stop by on my break. Love you."

  "Love you too, mom," Brandi said as she left with officer Hartt.

  "So what were you and my mom talking about?" Brandi asked, grinning at him. He shrugged. "Oh, this and that."

  She smirked at him, not responding. If he made her mom laugh, she liked him even more. She stopped short when they robbed the corner. "Holy..."

  Eric was waiting outside her room. He was wearing his contacts and a muscle shirt. He looked like a different person. He looked...hot.

  He broke into a smile when he saw her. "Hey! I brought our history project!"

  Brandi chuckled. He may have looked different, but he was still a nerd.

  "Thanks," she said, sitting down with him on her bed. "I miss doing homework. I can't wait to go back to school. Why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

  "It's Tuesday," he said. "I'm teaching my self defense class tonight."

  "Oh, yeah," she said. "What exactly do you teach?"

  "Basically I just teach basic moves to defend yourself against an attacker. The class is mostly women, but there are a few men."

  "Oh," Brandi said quietly. "If the offer still stands, I'd love to take a class when I get out of here."

  "Really?" Eric asked, his eyes lighting up. "That'd be awesome."

  Eric and Brandi worked on their project for an hour until Eric had to leave. "I'll stop by at some point tomorrow, ok?"

  Brandi smiled sadly. "I wish you didn't have to go."

  Eric turned bright pink. "Me neither," he mumbled. "But I'll be back tomorrow. And you'll be out of here soon. My mom keeps asking about you."

  Brandi smiled happily. "I like your mom. Tell her I said hi."

  "I will," Eric said, giving her a soft smile. "Bye, Brandi."

  "Bye, Eric," she said, laying down and closing her eyes. For the first time in over a week, she didn't have any nightmares about Zack.

  Eric drove home from his self defense class feeling great. He loved the feeling he got after a breakthrough. Kelly Donovan had finally figured out how to get out of his grip. If he could help one person fight off an attacker, that was good enough for him. He couldn't wait for Brandi to take his class. Just in case that breathing piece of shit Zack ever came back. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He would love to see Zack again. Beating and raping a girl half your size was the most despicable thing you could do. Especially someone as pretty and smart as Brandi. Every time he looked at her face he had to control his rage. Especially knowing that the worst of her bruises weren't even visible. He pulled into his driveway and went inside. "Hi, hon," his mom said, smiling at him. "How was class?"

  "It was good," he said. "Really good."

  "That's great, honey. How's Brandi?"

  "She's ok," he replied. "I think she's going to come home soon."

  "Did you tell her I said hi?"

  "I did," he said, grinning at her. "She was happy you were thinking of her. She said she likes you."

  "She's such a nice girl. You know I don't condone violence, but if you ever see the boy who did that to her, you have my permission to kick his ass."

  Eric burst out laughing. "Thanks, mom. I'm already on it."

  He sat down at the table, fantasizing about beating the shit out of Zack Masterson.

  Brandi packed her suitcase with the few outfits that she had with her. She had sent her father to pick up her clothes and belongings from the motel, knowing that her mother wouldn't have been able to handle it.

  "Ready to go?" Officer Hartt asked her. "Just about," she said, looking around. Officer Hartt had pulled some strings and now he was assigned to watch Brandi at her house. There were a few extra bedrooms so he was going to stay in the room down the hall from her. Him being around made her feel safe, and the fact that he brought out the best in her mom made her feel even better. "I want to say goodbye to Dr. Lavery," Brandi said. They walked down the hall and Brandi knocked on her door. Dr. Lavery opened the door with a smile. "Brandi! I'm glad to see you. How are you feeling?"

  "I'm good," Brandi said. "I just wanted to say bye. And thank you."

  Dr. Lavery hugged her. "You're welcome, Brandi. You can still call me if you need anything, ok? And try to go to Dr. Claridge. You may not think so now, but talking about it really does help. Don't keep it inside."

  "I won't," Brandi said. "Thanks for everything."

  Brandi left the hospital, reveling in the fresh air that hit her face. "I'll drive," Officer Hartt said. "Your father brought your car home."

  "Thanks, Officer Hartt."

  "Call me Ben. Are you hungry? Do you need to go anywhere before we go home?"

  "Nah, I'm ok," Brandi said, getting into his car. "I just want to go home."

  Brandi felt surreal as Ben pulled into her driveway. She felt like she hadn't been here in months, even though it had only been a few weeks. Although her face was still bruised, she was looking forward to going back to school on Monday. It didn't matter what people thought. Everyone knew what happened anyway.

  Brandi went up to her bedroom and opened the suitcase her dad had packed for her from the motel. Her face fell when she pulled out a shirt of Zack's that had gotten mixed up with her things. Without thinking, she brought the shirt to her face and inhaled. The smell she used to love so much made her nauseous. "Fuck you," she muttered, slamming the shirt in the garbage. She laid on her bed, happy to be back in her own room. She couldn't help but wonder where Zack had gone. How far could he have gotten? He had no money and the police had an APB on his car. She wished the police would just find him already. Although she seriously doubted he would come back. The risk of getting caught was too big and Brandi didn't really think Zack either loved her or hated her enough to come back for her. Still though, there was that lingering doubt. Brandi pushed Zack out of her mind and texted Kayla.

  Just got home. What r u doing?

  Kayla texted back. Want me to come over? There's a Bridezillas marathon.

&n
bsp; Brandi giggled. Kayla and her loved to spend all day watching Bridezillas.

  Yes! Come over!

  Brandi grabbed the clothes from her suitcase and took them downstairs to wash them. She wanted all traces of Zack gone from her life.

  She started the wash then went back upstairs to find Ben. "Kayla's coming over. We'll be downstairs."

  "Sure. Oh hey, your mom wanted me to tell you that she's coming home early tonight. She wants to know what you want for dinner."

  Brandi's eyebrows shot up. "Uhh...whatever she wants is fine." She smiled as she left, wondering if the handsome man in her house had anything to do with her mother wanting to be around more.

  Kayla came over and the girls spent the afternoon watching tv. Brandi's mom came home with two large pizzas around five and Kayla, Ben, Brandi and Lynn sat at the dinner table, eating. Brandi was able to eat one piece before she felt full. Her stomach had shrunk from not eating, and her clothes were baggy. She almost felt like they were a real family. It was nice to have some life in the house. The only good thing that came out of Zack was that Brandi's mom seemed to snap out of her self absorbed funk. And her dad seemed to realize that she needed him, too. And Eric...well, she was happy that Eric had been such a good friend to her. Brandi watched Lynn's face light up as she laughed at something that Ben said, and she felt a glimmer of hope that everything would be alright.

  Monday morning Brandi woke up early to put makeup on. Her bruises were getting better each day, but her broken nose made it hard to hide what had happened. It doesn't matter, she told herself. Everybody knows he beat you up. Nobody knows he raped you. They can't tell that by looking at you.

  Brandi dressed in jeans that used to be too tight on her but fit a little loosely now. At the last minute, she decided to put on eyeliner and mascara. Screw Zack.

  Kayla picked her up and smiled when she saw her. "You look amazing," she said. Brandi laughed. "Minus the black eyes and swollen nose, right?"

  "Your eyes are barely black anymore. And your nose isn't that bad. It's getting better every day."

  Brandi looked away. "It doesn't matter. I'm just happy to be back in school."

  Kayla pulled into the parking lot and Brandi glanced out the window, suddenly nervous.

  It's fine. You're fine.

  Brandi walked through the hallway, getting looks of sympathy. At least nobody stared too much. She looked straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact. She quickly pulled her books from her locker and started walking to history.

  "Brandi?"

  She turned around to see Gina Reynolds staring at her cautiously. "I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For what he did to you," Gina said, looking away. Brandi’s eyes filled with tears as she realized that Gina knew exactly what Zack had done. "It’s ok," she whispered, hugging Gina. "I’m sorry for what he did to you too."

  "Do they know where he is?" She asked hopefully. Brandi shook her head. "They found his car a few towns over. He wasn’t in it though."

  Gina pursed her lips. "I don’t think he’ll come back. Don’t worry."

  Brandi gave her a half hearted smile. "You’re probably right. Thanks, Gina."

  Eric was waiting for her outside the door to history and he broke into a smile when he saw her. Seeing a friendly face warmed Brandi's heart and she walked up to Eric, hugging him tightly. He froze for a second, then hugged her back. "Glad you're back," he said awkwardly.

  "Thank you for being such a good friend to me," she whispered, pulling back. He grinned at her. "You don't have to thank me for that, Brandi. I'll always be your friend."

  Brandi was happy to be back in her old classes, and since Eric had brought her homework, she wasn't that far behind. The only bad part of her day was Zack's stoner friends leering at her during lunch. She ignored them, and they didn't say anything to her.

  Over the next week, Brandi started to feel more like the Brandi she was before she met Zack. She was working on bringing her grades up, her bruises were healing, and people had stopped staring at her and talking about her. Even better, Eric was taking her out tonight. Even though they were just friends, Brandi was looking forward to going out like a normal person.

  Ben was protective over Brandi, but after finding out that Eric was a 2nd degree black belt, he decided that Brandi would be safe with him.

  Brandi put on the new dark green sweater dress she had gotten and brown boots. She put her hair up and put on a little bit of makeup. She had started wearing mascara and eyeliner every day, almost in defiance of Zack. She looked in the mirror, satisfied. She went downstairs to wait for Eric and sat at the kitchen table with Ben and her mom. "I'll have my phone on me the whole time," Brandi said to Ben before he could lecture her. "If anything doesn't seem right, I'll call you."

  "Good. I already gave Eric the rundown. You look very lovely."

  "Beautiful," Lynn agreed. Brandi grinned. "Thanks."

  The doorbell rang, and Brandi ran up to answer it. She looked out the newly installed peephole and saw Eric standing outside with flowers. She swung the door open, smiling. "You didn't have to get me flowers, Eric."

  "I sure did," he replied. "I know this is a 'friend' date, but it's still a date."

  "Fair enough," Brandi said, taking the flowers and bringing them to the kitchen. "Eric, you look very nice," Lynn commented. "Where are you guys going?"

  "Lucianno's," Eric said. Brandi froze for a second, remembering her first date with Zack, then continued putting the flowers in the vase. "Have you ever been there, Brandi?" Eric asked.

  "Once," she said. "Ready to go?"

  "Sure," Eric said. "Bye, Lynn. Bye Ben. We'll be back in a few hours. We'll both have our phones out."

  "Have fun," Ben called after them.

  Brandi got into Eric's car. "So you've been to Lucianno's before?" Eric asked.

  "Yeah. He took me there for our first date. He got mad at me when I offered to pay half the bill."

  "Oh. Well, just so you know, I'm paying tonight. See? I just saved us from having a fight."

  Brandi laughed. "I appreciate that."

  Eric cleared his throat. "So is there any more news?"

  "No," Brandi said softly. "They think he's squatting somewhere. But nobody knows what happened to him. It's like he disappeared."

  "I'm sorry, Brandi," Eric said. "That being said, let's try to have an entire night where we don't talk about Zack."

  Brandi grinned at him. "Thank you, Jesus. I'm so sick of talking about him."

  Eric pulled into the restaurant and got out of his car, opening Brandi's door for her. He took her arm and led her inside. Once they were seated, Brandi had a chance to study him. "You got a haircut," she commented. He grinned. "Yeah, it was about time."

  "It looks nice," Brandi said. Instead of his shaggy hair, it was now short and spiky. Almost like Zack's. Brandi shook her thoughts of Zack away and concentrated on Eric. She liked how conversation with him was easy. They had a lot in common, and Brandi didn't feel nervous about saying the wrong thing.

  "So what TV do you watch?" Eric asked.

  Brandi thought. "I like reality TV. I know it's all planned and whatever, but it's still fun. Kayla and I watch Bridezillas a lot. Also I love Dr. Who. Kayla says that makes me a giant nerd, but I don't care."

  "Dr. Who isn't nerdy. It's awesome," Eric said. "I have most of the seasons on DVD. We can have a Dr. Who marathon party and not invite Kayla."

  Brandi laughed. "It is awesome, right? Zack said…" she trailed off.

  "Do you want to get dessert?" Eric asked, changing the subject. "No, thanks," Brandi said gratefully. "This is more than I've eaten in awhile. I'm surprised I had this much of an appetite."

  Eric smiled at her, then looked at her seriously. "You look really pretty tonight, Brandi."

  Brandi felt her face flush. "Thanks. You look nice too."

  Brandi and Eric stood up to leave. Brandi smiled at the way he held the door open for her. Zack had never done that.

  "Did you have a good time?"
Eric asked, pulling into Brandi's driveway.

  "I had a great time. Thank you for this, Eric. It's nice to feel…normal again."

  "I'm glad," Eric said, pulling her in for an awkward hug. Brandi rested her head on Eric's shoulder, breathing in. His cologne was different than Zack's. It was lighter, and there was no underlying smell of weed or cigarettes. She put his arms around his body and hugged him, feeling safe and relaxed in his embrace. Eric gently put his arms around her. Brandi looked up and gazed into his eyes. They were soft, kind, expressive eyes, the opposite of Zack's hard and unreadable eyes. She looked at his soft lips and had the uncontrollable urge to kiss him.

  "Brandi…" he said softly.

  She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, pulling away. "I'll see you on Monday."

  She left the car before Eric had a chance to say anything. She wanted to leave this date on a high note.

  "How was it?" Ben asked as Brandi walked in the door. She blushed. "Uh oh," he said. "That's ok. You don't have to answer. I can tell by the look on your face that you had a good time."

  "I really did," she said, sitting down. "He's a really nice guy."

  "Nice is good," he offered.

  "I know it is," she said. "It's nice to feel comfortable around someone. Zack was always…" she looked up at him, embarrassed. "Well, you know."

  "An asshole. I know," he said, winking at her. "Eric is a good guy. And he cares about you. Even if you two are just friends."

  "Yeah," Brandi said softly, thinking about their kiss. Her phone vibrated and she pulled it out cautiously. In the back of her mind, she was always afraid that Zack would try to contact her. She smiled when she saw that it was from Eric.

  Had a great time tonight. Thanks again. PS you looked absolutely beautiful tonight : )