ArousingMemories

by Samantha Cayto

  With a roll of her eyes, she grabbed her flashlight and opened her door. “Let’s go take a look.”

  Sev was quiet as he walked beside her. He hadn’t said a thing throughout the drive and hadn’t even given token resistance to her driving. Even without looking at him, she could sense his alertness. Like her, he scanned their surroundings, looking for danger, perhaps even hoping for it. If one of the Sons showed himself tonight, they might be able to capture him and learn what they needed to know.

  Haley flicked her light on and Sev did the same. It was easy to slip into their old routine, their old rhythm of working together. They each swept light and attention in opposite directions and slowly approached the tape. Sev lifted it up a bit to let her pass under before doing the same. They continued their actions until they reached the edge of the burnt hull of the old building.

  She tried to bury the memories of what she had found here that horrific night. They loomed large in her mind regardless. Sickness formed deep in her stomach as she recalled the moment when she had thought Noah was dead. The feeling increased with images of Markowitz’ remains. Her eyes closed briefly while she took a moment to deal with the grief, put it aside and do her job.

  “Stay alert,” she ordered Sev and stepped gingerly through the wreckage.

  “Yes ma’am,” he replied.

  She didn’t bother to check what he was doing. He knew how to watch her back. There was no one in the world she trusted more than he. She could admit, too, if only to herself that being with him again in the field felt good, felt right. She missed it. She missed him. Of course, even if breaking them apart to promote her to team leader hadn’t been necessary for the organization, they couldn’t have remained a team. Sev and his outdated ideas would have seen to it. Even now, he couldn’t bear the idea of her being out here, doing her job. He didn’t trust her nearly as much as she trusted him.

  No, that wasn’t fair. Sev knew she could handle herself. He couldn’t help worrying about her. He could help the way he handled it, however. Insisting she stay out of danger was unrealistic. She was born to run toward trouble, not away from it, the same as he. It was too damn bad he couldn’t accept it, live with it. And if she continued to mull the unfairness of it all, she wouldn’t be doing her job very well. Pushing aside her personal problems, Haley stepped farther into the ruin.

  Sev swept his light in a slow arc, eyes and ears alert and straining for any sign of trouble. It was rare for him to be backup to Haley. When they had worked together, he had always been team leader, taking the lead, putting himself in the firing line. He found this switch of roles disconcerting, awkward even, although he trusted no one more to protect her. Being out here was almost guaranteed to be a wild-goose chase. There was no way their people had missed evidence about the Sons’ plans. He knew it and he knew Haley knew it. This was mostly a means of blowing off steam. She was frustrated and grasping at straws. Frankly it was a much better way of handling how she felt, how they both felt, than sitting around watching videos and monitoring internet chatter. He only hoped Haley wasn’t putting too much strain on herself with this horrifying trip down memory lane. He had only heard about what happened and his stomach was tight with regret. She must be really suffering.

  An hour of sifting through the rubble, and they could head back. He’d insist upon it, rank be damned.

  A small sound caught his attention. It was hardly more than a scrape on the ground, but it made him turn toward Haley. A shadow loomed up from behind a partially collapsed wall. Sev swung his light toward the figure, shouting a warning to Haley as he did so. Her head popped up from where she had been searching a pile of God knows what. Her light came up, too, shining a spot on what was clearly a man. The glint of a gun, pointed at her, kicked Sev’s heart rate and legs into overdrive. He sprinted to Haley and hip-checked her into the pile at the same time he fired at the attacker.

  Haley went down with a thud and a curse. The man went down as well. He made no sound, but his gun flew out of his hands and skidded in Sev’s direction. Sev dropped his flashlight, picked up the weapon on the fly and slid to a stop. He trained his gun on the prone figure. He watched and waited to see if there was any movement, prepared to fire another shot.

  “Sev, hold your fire!” Haley ordered.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her stand and slowly approach the suspect. She held her semiautomatic in both hands, at the ready out in front of her, the light tucked under her arm. “Careful, I can’t tell if he’s dead,” he warned.

  “Don’t tell me my job,” she snapped out. Her tone was fierce. Christ, she was mad, probably because he had protected her. Well, too damn bad. He couldn’t regret what came instinctively to him.

  He watched her circle the guy, study him, roll him over with her foot and finally lower her weapon. “He’s toast.”

  Sev didn’t lower his guard even as he stood beside her to see for himself. A bloom of blood covered the guy’s chest, his eyes were open and obviously unseeing. With the light afforded by the rising moon and Haley’s flashlight, he looked around to see if any other danger lurked. Haley did the same. Nothing and no one else stirred. Whoever this guy was, he appeared to have been alone.

  Sev studied the man’s weapon. It was a Sig, no throwaway piece from a pawn shop. “He must be with the Sons.”

  Haley glared at him. “You think? What gave it away, the expensive firepower or the swastika tattoo on his throat?”

  He stared down at the body. “I didn’t notice the tat.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s kind of a giveaway with these guys. Of course, given that he’s dead, we can’t ask him.” Her tone was biting. Her anger palpable.

  His own temper flared. “Sorry, sugar, I guess I should have let him kill you.”

  She rounded on him and jabbed a finger in his face. “You should have warned me and trusted me to react appropriately. Maybe there was no way to keep him alive, but we’ll never know because you reacted like a caveman.”

  “Bullshit!” He jabbed his own finger back at her because there was enough truth in what she said to piss him off. “I would have done the same for any other operative. If it had been up to you, you’d have been a sitting duck out here. You didn’t even hear him.”

  “Yes, I did,” she bit out. “I may have been a half second behind you, but I did hear him. I can take care of myself.” She stopped, took a deep breath. “Call in backup while I search his body.”

  Without waiting to see if he complied, she squatted down and started the task. There was nothing for him to say in further defense of his actions, so he put aside his feelings and did as he was told.

  Chapter Six

  Noah paced his room like a caged tiger. Funny how he knew exactly what it looked like for a big cat to walk back and forth in its cage. He could see the image clearly in his mind, yet he still couldn’t remember his own face or name or any of the important things the others needed from him. The most that happened was a fleeting nightmare. Or waking even without one to images that swam inside his head for a few seconds like a kaleidoscope. None of it was pleasant. Each brief experience made him miserable. He instinctively turned away from it all, exactly what he needed not to do, before his rational self tried to keep the images in place. To say it was frustrating was to take understatement to new heights. He was going mad from the effort to remember and disgusted with his cowardly reactions when memories seemed to be fighting to reach the surface of his mind. Everyone kept telling him to relax and not worry about it. The memories would return when they were ready. But how was he supposed to follow the advice when all the people around him looked at him every day with the same expectant look? He was letting them down, and people were going to die because of him.

  Shit! He stopped, pulled at his hair with both fists and leaned back with a groan of frustration. He felt like a dick. Not only couldn’t he remember, but he was spending his time lying around, eating and screwing. The first two things were justifiable. Even an amnesiac understood the importan
ce of recovering from injuries. It was the fucking that was hard to justify. Sex should be a reward for a job well done, not a substitute for doing the job at all. And it wasn’t only one person, either. No, he apparently was a man who liked variety. Finding heaven between a woman’s legs in the afternoon did not stop him from feasting on another man’s cock in the evening. So what did that leave for the night? Was he going to find himself trussed up and flogged by a leather-clad Ms. Mac next? Why not? his cock asked as it came to life.

  He shook his head. “Noah Turner, boy slut,” he said out loud to the empty room.

  “Is that a new kind of superhero?”

  With a start, he looked up to see Haley standing by his half-open door. He blinked at her a few times, embarrassed to be caught talking to himself. If he wasn’t careful, they were going to lock him up. “Ah, no, no,” he stuttered in reply. “I was just,” he stopped, chuckled self-consciously. “I think I’m going a little stir crazy, to be honest.”

  “Ah,” she replied in a knowing voice. She was smiling, too, and she looked lovely, but tired, very tired. She worked constantly to find out about the terrorist attack, the one he should know about. Guilt swamped him. She needed a break. So did he from his useless thoughts.

  “Any chance of getting out of here?” he asked before she could say anything more.

  She pursed her lips at the question. “Hmm.”

  “Please,” he added and even knowing he sounded pathetic, “I promise I won’t try to run away or anything.”

  “Oh, Noah, that’s not a concern.” He was sure she was merely trying to spare his feelings, or maybe there was more to her reluctance. Perhaps she knew what he had been up to the other night with Sev and was unhappy about it. Without his memories, he couldn’t tell where he stood with anyone over anything. All he knew was his experiences with both people helped him from coming completely unglued. Each in their own way, Haley and Sev made him feel wanted and safe. They also gave him mind-blowing orgasms, and that was no small thing. He certainly loved the taste and feel and smell of both of them, so different, yet both perfect.

  “Maybe a picnic lunch by the river,” he suggested with a toss of his head to the window. His room faced the back of the building they were in, and all he could see were trees and a bit of water.

  Haley smiled and the tiredness he had seen earlier vanished. “That sounds like a capital idea.” She crossed over to him and planted a sweet kiss on his lips before going to the phone by his bed and calling the kitchen to make the arrangements. He couldn’t hold back a victorious grin. He was getting out finally and as his cock reminded him with a twitch, fun things could happen between two people on a picnic. He didn’t know how he knew, but at that moment, he didn’t give a damn.

  Within the hour, Noah sat on a blanket beside Haley, polishing off a roast beef sandwich. In one hand was a travel mug of iced coffee he sipped at lazily as he watched ducks feeding in the water before him. He could hear traffic noise on the other side of the massive old factory building where his organization resided, but here in the back there was idyllic nature. The only thing marring the scene was a low wire fence that cordoned off the lawn abutting the river. It was a security precaution in case someone found their location. The fence would set off an alarm if touched. Haley had told him this the moment they came out so he wouldn’t make a mistake. He had taken in the information and put it aside immediately. He preferred to pretend he was having a nice time with his lover. He wondered, though, if he was subject to such sentimental thoughts or was he only having them because of the amnesia.

  “What kind of man am I?” he asked before he could think better of it.

  Haley popped her eyes open. She didn’t answer right away. She was measuring her words. “A good one,” she finally replied with a shrug. When he continued to look at her expectantly, she added more detail. “You’re a brave man, loyal, decent, dedicated.”

  “Thrifty, reverent? Am I a Boy Scout or something?” As soon as he said it, he shook his head. “Why do I know these totally useless things about life, yet can’t remember the important stuff?” Her hand moved to clasp his. The contact warmed him, settled him. “Sorry, you were saying?”

  “You’re funny and adventurous. Being from California, you like to surf and you drive too fast. You treat every road like a freeway. And while I may be prejudiced given that I trained you, you’re a top operative.”

  “I can’t be very good. I blew my cover or something after all.”

  She squeezed his hand. “It wasn’t your fault.” Her face clouded over. “We think the Sons were tipped off to your infiltration by someone.”

  “Someone in this organization?” What a disturbing thought. Were they safe where they were?

  “There may be a mole. But don’t worry about it. Everyone is working in rotating pairs, including our security teams here, and only Ms. Mac, Sev and I are privy to all the information being gathered.” She was trying to be reassuring, yet he could see the concern in her eyes. “We’ll figure out what went wrong eventually. Anyway, you went to the scheduled meeting to discuss the final plans of the attack. You couldn’t wear a wire because while the group is made up of madmen, they’re still pretty tech savvy. I stayed here and when you were long overdue for a check-in, I gathered a few people and went to the warehouse the terrorists were using as headquarters. I waited a fair distance away when I saw them take off. You weren’t with them and I knew something had gone wrong.”

  She stopped for a second and looked away. It was his turn to squeeze her hand. He sensed there was more to her story, that she held something back. After a few seconds, she continued. “They had rigged the building to explode, in an effort to cover their tracks. They intended you to die as well. We’re lucky in the timing. A few minutes more and you would have been gone.”

  Heaving a sigh, she looked at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I was supposed to protect you.”

  “Hey!” he said, pressing a quick kiss against her trembling lips. She was trying not to cry. “I’m not a child. I must have known the risks going in. And, you’re saving me now. It means the world to me to have you to cling to.” Because he was close to tears himself, he went silent and watched the ducks some more.

  After a few quiet seconds, an unpleasant thought popped into his mind, however. “Have I killed?” he asked in a quiet voice.

  “Yes,” Haley’s voice was equally quiet. “But you took no pleasure in it. You’re not a killer, Noah. You do what you have to do to protect others.”

  Squeezing her hand, he sighed at the news. “Fair enough.” He sipped at his coffee, looking at the river again.

  She tugged at the hand she still held and brought it to her lips for a kiss on his palm. “You’re an awesome lover,” she added with a sly grin that lightened the mood as she no doubt intended.

  He tossed his head. “That I know. My short-term memory is intact, don’t you forget.”

  “Oh God, now you sound like…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t have to.

  “Sev,” he filled in the rest for her. When she only nodded, he asked another burning question he had held in up until now. “Does it bother you that I was with him the other day?”

  “No.” Her response was so quick and simple, he almost believed her. Almost. As with Sev, there was something in her eyes that told him there was more going on between these two people than they let on. Their affair was hardly over as they both claimed. They were tied to each other still. Why wouldn’t they acknowledge it? Oh, well, it wasn’t as if he was in any position to act as a therapist. He was in sore need of one himself. If they were going to pretend this was not an awkward triangle, then so was he.

  Putting down his mug, Noah leaned over and cupped Haley’s face with his free hand. The shadows under her eyes were more prominent in the sunlight. She needed to take a nap and he was going to help her relax enough to get one. He held her gaze for long moments and continued to do so as he slowly lowered his mouth to hers. He gave her a
chance to rebuff him, to show how she might truly feel about him and Sev and to warn him they were not really alone if it was the case. She made no effort to stop him, however, and he claimed her with a kiss.

  Wanting to both savor her and cater to her, he took his time. His lips brushed hers with gentle swipes before opening to tug and nip at her flesh. When she sighed in appreciation, he took the advantage and slipped his tongue inside her warm mouth. He was welcomed in with a suck and a lick, and he was content to stay there, tasting and probing. He cupped her head with both hands to run his fingers through the tangle of her thick, dark hair.

  “Hmm,” Haley moaned into him. Her hands slid along his arms to clench at his shoulders. Her head lifted up a bit as her tongue started to chase his in earnest.

  Noah pulled out of the kiss, ignoring her mewl of protest. He looked down at her deep, brown eyes and shook his head. “You need to relax. No touching, no moving,” he added, clasping her hands in his and pressing them down to the ground on either side of her head. “You’ve been taking such good care of me. Now it’s my turn to take care of you. Ah!” he admonished when she started to speak. “Close your eyes,” he commanded in a low voice and stared her down until she complied. Leaning close to her ear, his hands braced on the ground next to hers, he added in a whisper, “I’m going to make you wet. I’m going to make you come.”

  A knowing smile played across her lips, but she otherwise remained as she was. There was still a tenseness about her, though. The furrows between her eyes indicated she was far from relaxed. Well, he would change that. He started with small kisses planted right where the tension showed. When that smoothed out, he moved on to place fluttery pecks on her closed eyes and along her temples and cheeks. He lapped a thin line along both sides of her jaw before nipping at her lips. Her mouth opened once more on a sigh, but this time, he turned down the invitation. Instead, he traced her jawline once more to tug at her earlobe with his teeth.