No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1)

by Jess Bryant

  But it wasn’t just that, it was also the third figure standing just behind them.

  She’d recoiled at first sight. The dark hair, tall, slim but muscular build and square jaw were too familiar not to make her stomach turn. It took an extra second for her brain to catch up to her eyes and realize it wasn’t her ex-boyfriend.

  Hoyt wouldn’t be caught dead in ripped blue-jeans and the tattoo peeking from beneath his t-shirt was all wrong too. The man in front of her was too rough and too wild to truly resemble him but there were still enough similarities to make her gasp.

  She’d always secretly known that Hoyt resembled the Bomar boy she loved. His features had been smoother, and darker, but the basics were all there. The dimpled chin and wide white smile, even without the smile, the scowl had been similar enough. She’d gravitated to Hoyt because he resembled the man she’d lost but he hadn’t looked as similar to Cash as he did the man standing directly behind him.

  Not by a longshot.

  Remington Bomar. It had to be. And along with the flash of recognition came another, horrifying realization.

  He’d told Cash about the situation in Houston. He’d told him about the threats from Hoyt, about the help he’d promised to Colt. Based on the fury written all over Cash’s face, his older brother had told him everything.

  Cash probably knew more about the situation than she did at that moment. Because all Colt had told her was that he had a friend in Houston that was going to get what they needed out of Hoyt. He’d slipped and mentioned their older brother was in Houston and she’d put it together that he was the friend Colt meant.

  Other than that, she had no idea what he had done. She didn’t know what the plan had been. All she knew was all she needed to know. Hoyt was never going to bother her or the man she loved ever again. That had been all she needed to know, until now.

  “Cash?”

  “Don’t.” He spat at her and she rocked backwards from the force of that one word.

  He was angry at her. Beyond angry. He knew that she knew. He knew that she knew and she’d kept it from him.

  God, he looked terrifying right at that moment and some tiny little voice in the back of her head said that she needed to be careful. It was the voice of fear, the one that Hoyt had created, but she ignored it. She knew Cash better than it did, knew that no matter how angry he might be that he would never hurt her, not with his fists. She’d never been scared of him physically and she wasn’t about to start now.

  “Cash, calm down, please.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down!” He roared.

  “Okay, just let your brother go and we can all go inside and talk.”

  He glared at her for a long moment and she found herself holding her breath. She couldn’t tell what was going on in his head and that scared her. He was standing mere feet in front of her but the look in his eyes said there were miles of distance between them. And when he didn’t budge, she worried for the first time that he might not let her cross it.

  “Talk?” He snorted even as he shoved Colt hard before releasing him and stepping back to glare between them, “Now you want to talk to me?”

  “Come on man, let us explain.” His twin straightened up but didn’t make any other move.

  “You mean lie to me some more?”

  Colt frowned, “We didn’t lie.”

  “No, you just didn’t tell me what the fuck was going on.” Cash hissed, his angry gaze swinging back to her, “You kept me in the dark. You were in danger and you didn’t trust me enough to even tell me.”

  “No.” She instantly took a step forward but he stepped back away from her so she stopped, “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  “What the fuck was it like then, Jemma? Huh? Tell me! Tell me what went through your head when you decided to keep something like this from me. Tell me what the hell you were thinking involving my brothers. Can you tell me why everyone I care about knew you were in trouble except me?”

  He was screaming at her but she heard the hurt in his voice ring loud and clear. She’d hurt him. She hadn’t meant to, but she had. She’d hurt him and he was reacting the only way he knew how, with barely leashed anger.

  “Cash.” She kept her voice as calm as she could considering the situation, “Will you please come inside and talk to me? I don’t want to do this on the street.”

  He looked around and his shoulders slumped slightly as some of the fight went out of him. She could only imagine what he was thinking but she winced just the same. He was being a Bomar right now. Threatening violence, yelling and fighting in pubic, he was putting on a show for all of their neighbors and he had to hate that the only way to stop it was to agree to what she asked. Because it was clear when he looked at her again that he didn’t want to agree, didn’t want to follow her anywhere, but that he would.

  “Fine.”

  She gave a short nod, “Thank you.”

  “But not them.” He paused, looked back at his brothers and shook his head.

  Colt’s jaw dropped open, “Cash, come on, let me explain.”

  “No.”

  “Cash!”

  “Stay away from me right now or so help me God, I will put my fist through your face.”

  Colt shot her a pleading look when Cash delivered that threat and she wanted to do something to help him. She wanted to leap to his defense but she couldn’t. Something told her that would only make the situation worse for both of them. Cash clearly knew enough to know that the two of them had gone to Remy for help behind his back. They’d teamed up, not against him, but around him, and helping Colt at this exact moment would only incite more anger.

  She gave a short shake of her head, “Colt, go home.”

  “Damn it Jem, no.” He scowled instantly.

  “Fine, stay out here. I don’t care. But you’re not invited inside.” She shot another look at the dark headed brother, “You either.”

  “Yeah, nice to meet you too sweetheart.” Remy smirked.

  Cash growled at his brother, “Don’t call her that. Don’t call her anything. Don’t even talk to her.”

  Remy narrowed his eyes at the clear threat in that order and that insidious dose of fear slithered through her veins again. She didn’t know much about Cash’s older brother but what she did know was enough to make her wary. He was a Bomar which meant he’d been born with a temper and a violent streak but on top of that he’d joined the Army which meant he’d had those instincts honed into something lethal and deadly. She had no idea if he would use those skills against his brother in a fight or not and she didn’t want to find out tonight.

  “Okay, Cash. Let’s go inside.”

  He didn’t look at her as he turned and stomped into Skylar’s apartment. She exchanged a worried glance with Colt. He crossed his arms over his chest and she knew he wasn’t going anywhere. He would stand right there outside the apartment until she finished talking to Cash, waiting his turn.

  She stepped softly into the apartment and shut the door behind her. Cash stood in the middle of the room, his back still to her and she could read the tension rolling off of him. She was silent for a long moment, waiting for him to turn around, waiting for him to say something, and when he did neither, she swallowed down her doubts and forced herself to speak first.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He whirled to face her, eyes blazing, “You’re sorry? That’s what you have to say for yourself? You’re sorry?”

  “Yes, because I am sorry.”

  “What are you even sorry for, Jemma? Do you know?” His eyes narrowed, “Or are you trying to figure out how much Remy told me, how much I know?”

  She tilted her chin up and pushed out a breath, “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  “You’re sorry you hurt me?”

  “Yes. Cash, I’m sorry that you had to find out that way and I understand how…”

  He cut her off with another growl, “Goddamnit Jemma! You’re not sorry I found out that way! You’re sorry I found out at all! You kept it from me
on purpose and you never intended to tell me!”

  “That’s not true.”

  Even as she said the words, she could taste the lie. She hadn’t planned to tell him. Ever. That was the point of it all. She’d intended to keep it from him forever. She’d told herself that Colt and in turn even Remy would do what needed to be done, but that they would keep their actions to themselves. She’d told herself that Cash would never find out because she’d known if he did, that this was how he would react.

  He was mad and she knew he had every right to be.

  Everything he’d said so far had been true. She’d kept him in the dark. She’d purposefully lied to him. She’d included his brothers in something that very well could have gotten them in trouble or hurt. She’d put the people he cared about in danger and she’d done all of it with every intention of excluding him.

  What was it they said about good intentions? The road to hell was paved in them. Well, she was walking her path now and it was littered with her good intentions because it hadn’t done her any good. Not telling Cash about Hoyt’s threats had only earned her the anger she’d known was inevitable being directed at her.

  “Bullshit.” He spat back at her and she winced because she knew she deserved that too.

  “Cash, please, I…”

  “Walk me through it.”

  She hesitated, “What?”

  “Walk me through it, tell me what happened, tell me the moment you decided that lying to me was a better option than asking me for help. I want to know when it was that you decided to drag my brothers into this mess and not tell me that you were putting all three of you in danger.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  He only bellowed, “Tell me Jemma!”

  Instinctively, she took a step back, running into the door. She wasn’t scared of Cash, that’s what her brain told her, but her body still reacted with fear. Her heart was racing and the instinct to run made her feel twitchy. No, she wasn’t scared of Cash but she wasn’t looking at the Cash she knew and loved right now. He was in there somewhere though, and so, instead of turning and fleeing or even fighting him, she gave him what he wanted in the hopes that she could reach him.

  “Monday.” She started slowly, watched surprise flicker in his gaze and realized he hadn’t thought she would admit it, “Hoyt sent me the threats on Monday morning. He had evidence. Images of you and Colt leaving the apartment covered in blood. Pictures of his bruises. He could have put you both away and I couldn’t let that happen.”

  He met her gaze but he didn’t soften, didn’t even blink, as if he were waiting for her to continue. Bile rose in her throat and if she’d been wavering on whether or not she was going to hate Remington Bomar after all of this was over, she was decided in that moment. He really had told Cash everything.

  “There were also pictures, video, of me… in… a um… compromising position. He’d hurt me in the pictures, demeaned me, but they made me look… they were bad.” She felt sick to her stomach and from the way Cash’s cheeks went livid she knew he was imagining the worst, “He threatened to post them online.”

  “That sick son of a bitch.” Cash growled, his fists clenching as he turned away from her, breathing heavily, “I’m going to kill him.”

  “No.” She started to move towards him and then stopped herself when he turned back to face her. “No. That’s why I couldn’t tell you. God, no!”

  Cash blinked, stared at her and then shook his head, “That fucker hurt you, threatened you, was going to ruin all of our lives and you don’t want me to do anything? What the fuck, Jemma? He deserves to be hurt for what he did to do.”

  “And he is hurting, trust me.”

  “That’s rich considering all of this.” He snarled and she winced.

  “Fine, don’t trust me but trust your brothers. I don’t have any idea what Remy actually did but I trust him that it’s over.”

  “I wouldn’t trust Remy as far as I can throw him.”

  She blew out a heavy breath, “Fine! Trust Colt. He handled it.”

  “And why was that?” He only narrowed his eyes at her, “Why did you trust Colt to help you but not me huh? Something there I need to know about? Because I thought you were my girl but if it’s him you want…”

  “Jesus.” She recoiled from the accusation, “No, of course not. It’s not like that.”

  “How would I know? Nobody’s talking to me. I don’t know what else you two have been doing behind my back.”

  “Damn it Cash, don’t you get it?” She stomped, her own temper lighting with his disdainful innuendo, “We were trying to protect you! Both of us. All of us. We just wanted to protect you.”

  “I wasn’t the one in trouble Jemma!” He yelled right back at her.

  “Yes, you were, you just didn’t know it.”

  “That’s the point!”

  “We were trying to protect you! I was trying to protect you! I knew if you saw those pictures of me, if you knew that he threatened to release them, that you wouldn’t even think twice about jail or prison. You’d have been angry…”

  “Damn right I would have been angry!”

  She continued, “You would have been angry and you would have let it loose. You would have gone after him and you would have killed him and I couldn’t let that happen.”

  He opened his mouth, closed it again, and she thought, for just a second that she had gotten through to him. Everything she’d done, she’d done for him. To protect him. Because she loved him. But then he jerked his head up and cursed at the ceiling again, cursed at her, and her tiny bubble of hope popped.

  He finally dropped his gaze back to her and there was a new look in his eyes. It wasn’t just anger this time. There was defeat there too and that chilled her to the bone. He couldn’t be done fighting with her because if he was done, it meant she’d lost.

  His voice was calmer when he spoke too, as if he’d resigned himself to this, “So I guess it was all bullshit huh?”

  “What?”

  “Us. All of this. It was bullshit.” He shrugged, “All the stuff you said about believing in me, believing I was a better man, that I could be better than my last name, it was all complete bullshit. The first sign of trouble and you thought I’d turn into Decker.”

  A sharp pain sliced through her chest, “No.”

  “Yeah. You did.”

  The pain was sharp and intense and she knew that it hurt so badly because it was true. She never would have said it that way but he was right. She’d worried he would lose his mind, lose it completely, and go after Hoyt. She’d been scared that he would beat him to within an inch of his life and just keep going. She hadn’t truly believed Cash could kill someone… but in the heat of the moment, when she’d made the decision to keep it from him, she’d worried and that meant that he was right.

  She’d expected the worst from him.

  Tears stung the back of her eyes. He had every reason to be angry with her. She’d expected that. She’d thought she could talk him through that. But this was worse. That terrible look of defeat on his face scared her more than anything because she’d seen it on his face before… the day he’d walked out on her.

  He’d looked at her that day with a dozen different emotions on his face. Guilt and sorrow. Pride and indignation. Hurt and despair. The one that had confused her the most then was the determination because she hadn’t known what he was really doing. She’d been the one in the dark that day but no more. He’d been determined to walk away from her, to leave her behind, and he was wearing the exact same look right now.

  “I was trying to protect you.” Her voice trembled, “I was only trying to protect you.”

  He sighed, “Sounds familiar doesn’t it?”

  She didn’t answer but it didn’t matter. It was a rhetorical question anyway. He ran a hand through his hair and she bit her lip to stifle another flash of tears. She’d been so sure that if she told him about the threats, she would lose him. She’d kept him in the dark and here they were
, only days later, and she was losing him anyway.

  “I said the same thing when I lied to you. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to save you. I took your virginity and then I lied and broke your heart. Is this your way of getting back at me?”

  “What? No!” She stepped towards him but he stepped away again and she winced, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry Cash. I don’t know what else I can say. I didn’t want you to get hurt and I thought I was protecting you.”

  “I thought I was protecting you too but it didn’t fuckin’ work did it? You still ended up hurt. Damaged because of me. That’s why you ended up with that sick fuck. That’s why you let him hurt you. Hell, he even fuckin’ looks like me Jemma!”

  She shook her head, “Those were my choices, not yours.”

  “Maybe, but you made them because of things I taught you. Hurt and destroy, it’s the Bomar way. Do as much damage as possible.” His jaw clenched, “You would have fit right in.”

  She swallowed hard. Past tense. He’d just used past tense talking about them.

  Oh God… she had to fix this. She had to make him see that she hadn’t understood at the time but she did now. She’d been trying to save him. She’d thought she was doing the right thing. But from his point of view, now and in this moment, she could understand why he saw only betrayal.

  It was everything he feared turned back on him. She’d expected the worst of him. She’d left him out of her life when it was truly important. When she should have turned to him and trusted him, she’d gone to someone else instead. Worse she’d used his brothers, his own family, to do the dirty work she couldn’t do herself and wouldn’t let him do.

  “Cash, I love you.”

  “I love you too.” He met her gaze, not a flicker of emotion behind his mask now, banked fire into nothingness, “I loved you when I broke your heart and now you’ve broken mine. I guess we’re finally even.”

  “No.” She shook her head, “Don’t do this.”

  “I didn’t do this. You did. You ruined us this time.”

  Every word hit like a blow and she struggled to breathe. There was nothing to fix. He was already pushing her away, shutting her out and leaving her behind.