Falling

by Linn B. Halton

  Alex looks nervously between the two of us.

  Ethan smiles and steers us towards the sofas in the corner. “Of course, listening to feedback from readers is invaluable.”

  Alex flashes me a look. I think he wants me to take it easy on Ethan.

  “Well, controversial is the word I would use. There were some rather unexpected statements. I think I can remember turning down the corner of a few pages.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?” His eyebrows arch and I wonder if I should just gloss over this. It was a few years ago when I read The Ultimate Journey.

  “No, it simply means there were things I didn’t understand. But that often happens. Some books I haven’t even been able to finish.”

  “Why was that?” He seems genuinely interested. “Please, take a seat.”

  “Thank you. Well, I’m not impressed by over-use of jargon for one thing or books that spend more time talking about ethics or religion. I suppose I’m searching for real answers that are explained in layman’s terms.”

  “That’s a very valid point. Has it ever occurred to you that some things are not meant to be understood by the masses, only by those who are ready? That if we knew everything about the universe and the ethereal planes, then the whole purpose of this existence would be negated?”

  “Ah, a bit like God visiting the earth and then non-believers would suddenly have the proof they are looking for to allow them to believe.”

  He laughs. “Exactly! The whole point of religion is that the belief comes first, the proof comes later.” There’s a twinkle in his eye and even though I’ve seen his author photo, which is on the back of his books, he’s younger than I first thought. He looks academic, studious, whereas I would have expected a smartly dressed, slick talker. I may have watched too many psychic programmes on TV I suppose.

  “Ceri, do you mind if Ethan explains why I’ve brought you here?”

  Alex reaches out and touches my arm. He’s anxious, and a wave of guilt washes over me. I was wrong to take advantage of his friendship and burden him with the other half of my life; what did I expect?

  I nod in agreement.

  “Alex initially came to me seeking answers to a long list of questions he had. I have to start by saying that we aren’t talking about something that is black and white here. There are many different theories and you’ve already found out that my own views are perhaps a little different to the mainstream. I’m excluding those who are writing on a totally different page, of course, and whose beliefs do not come from the heart.” He pauses and looks briefly at Alex for approval, before continuing. Alex says nothing.

  “Alex fears that you will not believe the explanation he has to give you for what has happened. Ceri, have you ever wondered why many of the genuine ‘do-gooders’ in life are often described as selfless? They don’t have relationships, are often distant from their families, some are orphans. And yet they usually have charismatic personalities that allow strangers to draw close to them and accept the help they offer. How odd then, that their kind acts and generous nature should be rewarded with what could be perceived to be strangely solitary personal lives. It doesn’t make sense. It conflicts with the very nature of karma and reaping what you sow. The reward is the happiness they bring to other people, but we generally accept that is merely one aspect of what is necessary to enjoy a fulfilled life here on earth.

  “Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you and your twin brother Seb are different because you weren’t created in the same way? When the two eggs fertilised, one was chosen to carry your energy. You were created with a special gift, but Seb’s creation was more in line with the mix of genes inherited from your parents.”

  “That’s crazy! You can’t expect me to believe it was some sort of divine intervention.”

  “It’s not that simple Ceri. But the fact is, your energy – which I believe is a higher energy and more evolved – was thrown into the mix. From what Alex has told me I truly believe that you are here to correct the anomalies that happen on this earthly plane: things that would upset the general order of existence. Accidents happen, often due to the fact that people have free choice and don’t always stay on the path that fate lays out for them, for all sorts of reasons. There is a little flexibility, of course, no path is meant to be straight. But to keep divine order, sometimes small corrections are required.”

  He sits back, reaches for a jug of water on the side table next to him and offers a glass to Alex and myself. We both nod.

  “But the things that happen to me are mostly small things, insignificant really. Maybe one or two more serious ones, but hardly worthy of thinking of it as divine intervention! Maybe Alex made it sound more important than it is.”

  Alex downs his water in one. He looks dazed. I take a few sips and put the glass down. “Compared to mediumship for instance, my little episodes are nothing.”

  “Alex’s dreams began when he first met you. It was no coincidence Ceri. Alex is a part of your destiny. I genuinely believe that he is here to help you and that’s why the two of you met. There is a life mapped out for each of you, but not as a couple, and the dreams simply remind him of that. But first your paths have to cross until the purpose is played out and it is time to move on.”

  “Alex, do you believe this?”

  “Ceri, when I told you that I was in love with someone and that they had broken my heart, that someone was you. In my dreams I receive warnings, the implication is that I’m hurting you by putting my emotions before my duty to keep you safe.”

  Alex’s words astound me even more than Ethan’s. This is Alex, marketing executive and ad-copy genius. Not a guy with superhuman powers, emerging like Superman to sort out my problems when I’m in too deep.

  “I think we need a reality check,” I say, letting out a huge breath.

  “Ceri, you know my theory about dreams and I’m not alone in my thinking. It’s all in the book. When we fall into deep sleep our energy revisits another plane to continue the work we do there. Our consciousness is not allowed the memory of what happens on those visits unless we are either highly evolved already, or a memory is left for a reason. Alex has been allowed to remember parts of his astral travels to correct the path he’s on. It has been made very clear to him.

  “You don’t see angels, Ceri, you are an angel. Most angels never visit this plane. In the normal course of events there is no need for them to experience life itself. Alex is simply a spirit helper who is here to guide you and keep you safe during a difficult time when your abilities really begin to develop. Then he will move on to fulfil his own destiny. He’s broken one of the cardinal rules. You were not meant to fall in love with each other.”

  Chapter Seventeen – Fear

  “I won’t believe it. I can’t believe it.” I’m stunned by what I’ve heard. Alex holds my hand gently on the walk back to my apartment. I pull a tissue out of my pocket and wipe my nose.

  “I love you Alex, and I won’t accept that someone ‘up there’ won’t allow us to be together. It’s crazy. Ethan’s theory is just that – his personal interpretation. I can find another book, ten books, all of which will say something slightly different. You can’t walk away from me if you really do love me.”

  Alex squeezes my hand.

  “A part of me wants to believe that Ceri, but you need to understand something. As much as the things you’ve witnessed and been involved in are real, the memories I have after I dream or travel, or whatever, are real to me too. Have you any idea how scared I’ve been? Similar to a premonition, and I know you understand what that’s like. If I stay with you, then you will fail because I will be your distraction. Think about it. Ignore the angel bit, just concentrate on what you know to be true. I’m convinced some of your actions have saved people’s lives. If you knowingly try to change the course of your path who knows what might happen? What if one of the people you are meant to save in the future is Seb, or Sheena? How would you feel knowing that you chose your own happiness over th
e chance to give them a future?”

  “I’m not a saint Alex. I want to love someone and I want to be loved in return. I can’t help the fact that I fell in love with you. It just happened, so who’s to say it’s wrong?”

  Alex stops and pulls me close, nestling his face into my hair.

  “I don’t know Ceri, I don’t know. Ethan seemed to be able to explain everything and it fitted. In some ways it was a comfort to know what the dreams meant, because for a while there I thought I might be losing it. I don’t want it to be true.”

  “What if he’s totally wrong? What if we were meant to find each other and work as a team? Maybe together we will be stronger. If we live our lives in a way that’s positive and help other people whenever it’s clear we have something to give, then surely that’s good karma? The universe sends back to you what you give out. We’ll only send out positive thoughts and actions. Please Alex, if this wasn’t a good idea, I’d feel that wouldn’t I? My sensitivity would be screaming at me loud and clear. I’m right and Ethan’s wrong. He’s the one reading from the wrong page.”

  “Okay, I’m so out of my depth on this there is nothing more I can say. If it weren’t for my dreams, I would tell you that it feels very right to me. The moment I met you I knew, but something told me not to rush things. At least that part turned out okay. What happened, happened when the time was right for both of us, so perhaps what you say has some truth to it. Maybe we can make this work.” He rubs his hands nervously on his jeans. His mind is trying to make sense of our situation.

  “I’m not saying I don’t believe what Ethan was saying, but what if we can take control of our own destiny? Maybe we have a real chance to move forward together. The saying goes ‘Life is what you make it,’ and I always believed that.”

  “Ethan made me stop and think, Ceri. I don’t want to put you in any danger; I love you too much for that. Even if I have to walk away in order not to hurt you any more than I have already.”

  His kiss is gentle and warm on my lips. He wipes away a stray tear that runs down my cheek. “Don’t cry Ceri, we’ll get through this. The more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to see that perhaps all of this has happened for a reason. Working for Mason wasn’t doing either of us a favour and suddenly I have another job. You’ll find something soon too. Things are meant to go wrong because sometimes we reach the point of needing to move on.”

  “I feel the same way. I’ve found someone who will mentor me and he feels strongly that I have what it takes to become a medium. After what we’ve been through I’ll understand if you don’t think that’s a good idea, but I have to feel that what I do matters. If I can help people and pass on messages from loved ones then that seems a positive move to me. I’ll keep the two halves of my life separate and we’ll make a normal life together, I promise. If that’s what you want too.”

  He holds me close, I melt into him. Letting go has never been easy for me; I’ve never really trusted anyone. Why does it feel so right when I’m with Alex? This can’t be wrong and his response is telling me that he wants this too, for both of us.

  ***

  Something disturbs me and I stretch lazily, then immediately snuggle back down under the duvet, not wanting to wake up yet. Another five minutes I tell myself. After all, the alarm hasn’t gone off yet and it’s cosily dark behind my eyeshades. An arm suddenly wraps itself around my shoulder and a little thrill passes through me. Knowing Alex is lying next to me makes everything in my little world feel so perfect.

  It’s a lazy feeling listening to the sounds of the world waking up. A car passes by, some birds start chirping, squabbling over a perch perhaps and fly off noisily. A light breeze blows in through the open window and goose bumps run up and down my arm. I pull it back beneath the cover and Alex moves closer. He’s still sleepy and content to enjoy a sense of knowing that we are together and nothing can pull us apart.

  One moment I’m languid and the next I’m sitting bolt upright in bed.

  “Ceri, what is it?” The concern in Alex’s voice is clear. He immediately struggles to throw off the listlessness of sleep.

  “Something is wrong, very wrong, but I don’t know what.”

  “Calm down,” he says, his hand brushes again my hair. He tries to shush me, as you might calm a child.

  “You don’t understand Alex, this is different. I think we were wrong.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Alex, when I opened my eyes I wasn’t here, I was somewhere else.”

  “That’s crazy. You’ve been next to me all night long. You probably drifted back into sleep for a few seconds and it disorientated you. No big deal.” He smoothes my arm and then holds my hand, squeezing it to reassure me.

  “Alex, I’m scared. I think it might be possible to be in two different places at the same time. A part of me is somewhere else, even while we’re talking. I don’t understand what’s happening…”

  To be continued in Forbidden …

  Available November 2013

  Pre-Order Forbidden Now

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  First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2013

  Copyright © Linn B. Halton

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