Mirrored 1 : In Spades

by K. Pinson

  “Hi.” I said to him and wiped at my mouth with my napkin.

  “Hey..How have you been?” he stated. He was making small talk with me, I couldn’t believe it. He knew what I look like naked for Pete’s sake.

  “I’ve been great, can’t complain. Is there a reason you’ve decided to grace me with your presence today?” I knew I was being rude, but for some reason, even though I had pushed him away, I felt like he was in here just to play with me.

  “I just wanted to see what you were up to for winter break, I know you basically shot me down, but I was hoping I could change your mind and take you out to dinner? I feel like a real asshole for not trying to pursue you harder. Honestly, contrary to popular belief, I am not a one night stand type of person either. The guys in my band would give me shit if they knew I was throwing myself at any chicks’ feet, but you’re different. I really can’t get your eyes out of my mind and having Abby always sitting front row center is just a reminder.” Daxton looked down at the ground, body tensing. I would have to take Abby out for a new toy. God bless her cute little face. She was tenacious, no idea where she got it from.

  I picked my fork back up and got really interested in my lunch, curling the noodles around it. I wanted to go out with him, but I was currently having an internal battle about it. “Should I go?” were the words that internalized in my head over and over again. I was making no headway on the case of why not to go out with my beautiful stranger, so finally I gave him an answer.

  “Oh, What the hell.” I blurt out. “Let’s have dinner. But it’s not a date and Abby cannot know.”

  Did that really just come out of my mouth? Wow, my libido is doing the talking for me these days apparently. As much as I shouldn’t get involved, willing myself to be hurt, I was magnetized to this man. My body screaming at me every time I brought out my B.O.B. after feeling the invasion of Daxton and the pleasure that ensued. His presence was always stepping over my boundary line, making me a more confident woman. I liked this version of myself. He looked shocked, but gave me a simple nod. It only took about two seconds for his cocky, self-assured alter ego to stride back out onto the playing field.

  “My place or yours?” he said and bit his lip.

  The man had beautiful, full lips. I wanted to lunge across my desk and take a nibble.

  “A restaurant, in the open, with Mexican or Italian food, with people, surrounding us, in the open, that’ll do.” I stumbled over my words like a pro.

  “You’re cute when you’re all affected by me.” Daxton smiled wide, winked again and exited my classroom.

  He looked over his shoulder and whispered “Be at my place at eight, I’ll cook mexi-lasagna.”

  Daxton closed the door behind him with a loud banging, the noise shocking my senses. I was suddenly nervous as hell. This man had me completely captivated. I was breaking already and hoped I could pick up my own pieces, like I had done before.

  I locked up my classroom and picked up Abby. We drove home in silence, me contemplating how I was going to get through this night and her staring out the window. Mrs. Anderson hinted to me that it had been a trying day for Abby as some of the other kids were picking on her for reasoning that she was unsure of. Abby had yet to divulge on the trouble she was having, I didn’t push the issue. I made her favorite dinner of hot dogs and French fries while waiting for faith to arrive. Abby was curious why I wasn’t eating and I told her that I had a meeting. I gave no further elaboration. She was five, after all. She appeared to be satisfied with my answer. After she finished her dinner, she had a bowl full of mint chocolate chip ice-cream and I didn’t even make a fuss when she got it all over her cute little face. I could tell something was up with her, but I knew that if I pushed the information out she would close up on me, so instead I waited for her to come to me with it. I debated on staying home, but I knew that I would have to go out with him sometime and work whatever chemistry we had going on between us out of our system. Now was as good of a time as any. Faith arrived promptly at Six P.M. She had agreed to baby-sit as Christina was off for the week and spending some of her time with friends. The girl deserved to have a relaxing winter break.

  I usually never asked Faith to baby-sit, but she was realistically my only friend and I had no family. She brought candy, popcorn and a box full of DVDs. I was impressed.

  “I have nieces.” she gave as an explanation and shrugged her shoulders.

  I was a little bit more reassured with leaving her and Abby and walked upstairs to get ready for my “meeting”. A scalding hot shower was just what I needed. I put on light makeup and even a little red lip, which I normally never did. I straightened my long blonde hair instead of leaving it in its normal mass of curls. I usually never fussed because it took me hours and tons of products to get it un-frizzy, but I really wanted to look good. Daxton was the epitome of good looking and I felt like a slob in comparison. I searched threw my closet, throwing the losing outfits on the floor. I began to get frustrated until I stole a glance at the back of my closet. A little black dress, simple yet sexy. I had never worn it, but it always hung, a reminder of a date that I would probably never go on. Well here I am, going on dates, living life, might as well wear this bold little number. I slipped it on and it clung to my curves perfectly. I put on some peep toe pumps that I had saved for such an occasion, but threw them off as quickly as I put them on. My “graceful” self would not be walking in those tonight. I threw on some cute ballet flats instead. Grabbed my pea coat and scarf and headed for the stairs.

  “owww ow!” Faith cat called to me as I descended the stairs.

  “Oh shush.” I told her, but I was internally happy with the compliments and confidence boost before I left the house. I gave Abby a kiss, she giggled at the red smear that I had left in my wake.

  “Mommy wearing lipswtick for a meetinggggg?” She said and looked up at me with her innocent face. I knew better though. This little one was quick as a whip.

  “Yes honey. Make sure to be good for and brush your teeth before bed. Don’t keep her up too late Faith!” I headed towards the door and heard their laughing as I opened it to leave.

  “You two better not be laughing at me!” I shouted from the door and their laughter only grew. Well, at least I wouldn’t have to worry about Abby. It appears she made a new friend.

  I got into my purplish-black mercury sable. I liked to call her old faithful. She had chipped paint and a kill switch that turns the power on and off because I have some type of electrical issues that I can’t figure out and don’t want to pay the money to get looked at when I can just flip the switch on and off and not have to worry about it. But, she was great on gas and has never let me down thus far so while I save for something more reliable for Abby and I, this’ll have to do. I started the car and headed towards Daxtons house. Butterflies were floating around my stomach. I’m glad I didn’t eat any of those hot dogs. I arrived at Daxton’s promptly at Eight Oh’ Five, fashionably late. I shut my car off and flipped the kill switch. As I made my way towards the door, nerves really started to get to me. Daxton opened it up before I could even knock. Maybe he was as anxious as I was? I walked through the entryway and he slid my coat off my shoulders.

  “Wow, you are breathtaking!” He exclaimed as he looked my body up and down. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, so I turned around and headed towards the kitchen.

  “So what’s for dinner?” I asked, hoping to get the focus directed off of me.

  “Well, if you would like to climb your pretty ass up on the kitchen table, I’d be more than obliged to eat you.”

  I whipped my head back to look at him and he busted out laughing.

  “I’m serious though Ava, you look good enough to eat.” He gave me his famous shit eating grin and I couldn’t help but smile back.

  This boy was going to be the death of me. True to his word, Daxton had made Mexi-Lasagna and it was melt in your mouth good. I seriously couldn’t stop the involuntary moans that were coming from my mouth every time
I took a bite.

  “Who knew someone so hot could cook so well.” I had mumbled out in between bites. I barely came up for air during the entire meal. My nervous stomach had subsided and I was just diving in.

  “You think I’m hot?” Daxton asked and smirked at me. Damn his cocky self, why did he have to be so adorable?

  “I’ll never tell.” I smirked back.

  “Oh, you’ll tell me if you ever want me to cook for you again.” He slid my plate away from me and I snatched it so fast, I’m sure he caught whiplash.

  “That’s exactly what I thought babe.“ With a wink, he went back to finishing his meal.

  After dinner, Daxton cleared the table of our plates and mess. Wow, I was in awe. The man cooks, cleans and sex’s like a god. I was desperately looking for a reason to push him away, afraid of what could come out of this also, but also a bit afraid of what may NOT come out of this. I was extremely confused between wanting this man to be in my everyday life and wanting him to just leave me alone. The only one thing that I knew for sure, I was drawn to Daxton much like a moth to a flame and I welcomed the burn.

  Daxton finished clearing the table while I sent out a text to faith letting her know that I was going to be awhile and make sure that it was okay. I never really specified a time before leaving the house, but I’ve never asked her to baby sit before, so I have no idea what she’s got going on her life.

  Me: Hey, just finished din. Gonna watch movie. Is that k?

  Faith: Get it girl! I’ve got this. Abby is sound asleep & tucked in bed. I am gonna crash on your couch. Have fun. Don’t spare me the gory details in the morn ;)

  Me: LMAO! See you soon, call if u need NE-thing.

  I turned the volume all the way up on the phone and place it back into my purse. I checked in the kitchen, but didn’t see Daxton in there. I made my way towards the living room. Daxton was perched on the couch and somehow found time to make popcorn. I was content to sitting in front of the television and snuggling up to him. I was not going to complain. I grabbed the popcorn that Daxton was holding out to me and settled myself down on the couch next to him. This was by far the nicest couch that I had ever sat my booty on. All plush black leather, manly as could be. I finally got a good look at Daxton’s home without alcohol coursing through my system. It was a definite bachelor pad. All decked out with a big screen television, game systems galore and a huge stereo system/surround sound combo. Pictures of him and the band graced the walls. I didn’t see any family photos or personal things though. I know nothing about this man and the life he leads other than him being a music genius and a sex god, but was that enough? He was a mystery to me. I hoped that I would get the opportunity to know him better.

  Daxton didn’t even give me a choice of movies. He quickly inserted one into the DVD player and launched himself onto the couch, sliding dangerously close to me. I caught a whiff of his clean scent. It was a breath of fresh air. I made it a point to stay where I was even though my body began willing itself to be as close as possible to him. I’ve already decided to let Daxton make all the first moves. I refused to make an ass out of myself. The movie popped up on the screen and he started it so quickly that I barely register that we are about to watch The Exorcist. Oh, Hell No.

  “I like a horror movie just as much as the next, but not this one.” I pleaded with him, hoping to coax him into another choice.

  “Why not? This is a damn good movie. I think I’ll enjoy you jumping onto my lap at the scary parts.” He looked over at me, flashing a boyish grin.

  I was lost in the moment and couldn’t even think clearly.

  “uhm…what?” I ask and lick my lips.

  “well, I said I’m going to enjoy you jumping in my lap when you’re scared, but after watching you lick your lips like that…I don’t know if I can wait for the scary parts.” He looked at me like he was ready to pounce.

  “Well, since I clearly have no choice in the matter, let’s watch the movie already.” I turned my head to face the television and tried distracting myself from the thoughts I was currently having, which involved doing a little more than just sitting on his lap.

  I stared at the screen and welcomed the silence. Having a five year old in the house left absolutely no quiet time. I began twirling my long blonde hair around my finger and focused entirely on the screen or at least was trying to. Daxton seemed to inch his way closer and closer every time he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, staring at the side of my face. I could slowly feel the heat inch its way up, my face probably turning a bright shade of red. I was consistently blushing around this man and couldn’t get a grip on the way that my body was drawn to his. Now, I knew why the girls always blushed constantly in some of the books that I loved to read. I found it annoying while reading them, but I just couldn’t stop myself from doing it now. I take back any mean thing I’ve ever said about it.

  Daxton continued to stare at me throughout the entire movie. With the exception of a few minor jumps; I stayed firmly planted to my seat. I was proud of myself. I just couldn’t give my beautiful stranger the satisfaction of seeing me scream like a little girl, even though on the inside I was. After the movie was over, I grabbed the popcorn bowl from his lap and headed into the kitchen. I made sure to give my hips an extra little sway. I didn’t know why I was acting like a cat in heat, but the humming my core was experiencing needed to be fulfilled soon. I threw the remaining popcorn kernels in the trash and began to rinse out the leftover remnants of butter and salt from the bowl before placing it neatly into the dishwasher. I felt strong hands firmly placed on my hips and I stilled instantly, welcoming his touch.

  “Thank you for coming over babe.” he whispered in my ear. I turned around slowly to face him.

  “Thank you for being a good cook.” I whispered back.

  He placed his lips roughly to my forehead and then let go of my hips and stepped back. My body instantly began to riot. I needed his touch; his simple caresses made me feel safe. My big blue eyes met his dark brown irises and all felt well in the world.

  “I had a great night…uhm..Should I be heading home?” I said, my voice wavering.

  I hoped that this would jumpstart whatever we had going on. I didn’t want to throw myself at his feet because I know the kind of damage I was willingly inflicting on my emotions. However, I really wanted to jump his bones in a non-drunken fashion, after that I’m sure that he would move on to someone more his speed. I was broken in ways that could never really be repaired and I didn’t see my beautiful stranger being up for the challenge. Not that I blamed him in the least. I believed that I was meant to be alone in the sense of an adult companion, a soul mate. I couldn’t be upset about it though because something beautiful had emerged from the ashes of my beaten down self and I was eternally grateful for her. I didn’t know how fair it would be for me to assume that I deserved to have the love that was only written about in fairytales. But, Love wasn’t all it is cracked up to be anyway.

  “Yeah, it’s getting pretty late and I have an early morning. I am so glad you came over for dinner Ava and I’m glad you had a good time. Can I walk you to your car?” He grabbed my coat from the hall closet where he stashed it and started to put it on me, practically pushing me towards the door.

  I was shocked, but I refused to let any of the confusion I was feeling show on my face. I walked out to my car, grabbing the keys from my purse and hopped in without another word between the two of us. He gave me a wave and I wanted to give him the bird, but I refrained. I pulled out of the driveway, sending gravel flying. What an asshole! He could have just said he wasn’t interested after dinner. Why even bother with the whole snuggled and a movie, nice guy act? I couldn’t read any of his signs and I was becoming more conflicted than I’ve ever been before in my life. I was fairly new to this whole dating thing, but I can see that this didn’t go over too well. I was so confused. I could feel the electricity between the two of us when we embraced and I could see the passio
n lying behind his dark eyes. I would get to the bottom of how he he truly felt and why he turned me away, eventually. But for now, I needed to go home and sulk. I felt completely rejected, again.

  I headed back towards the house, speeding 10 miles over the speed limit.

  “It’s Eleven Oh’ Five at night, still early and I’m heading home. I am a pathetic person” I spoke the words out loud to myself, but even I couldn’t completely believe them.

  What in the hell had just happened. I thought that I had done everything right. I wore the right outfit, I said the right things, at the right times AND I hinted towards staying longer. He just simply, wasn’t interested. I couldn’t handle this roller coaster ride so early in our--whatever this was. I was just going to forget about it and continue down the path that I had already chosen for myself, I was already gone. He never even stood a chance.

  Chapter 6: Do Not Give In

  I received a few calls from Daxton over the break, but I didn’t return any of them and he was too cool to leave a voice message,apparently. I hoped that he would get the hint that I understood and not feel the need to pity me. I was enjoying the time spent with Abby and forcing myself to keep any thoughts of Daxton far from my mind.

  We put up a Christmas tree and decorated it the way that Abby wanted to. It had multi-colored stringed lights and we made popcorn strings as well. She put some of her favorite ornaments from a box that I had kept over the years. I started collecting precious moment’s snow angels since our first Christmas together. They reminded me of Abby and her angelic little face. Abby was getting so big that I dreaded the day that she was out on her own and facing the big world all by herself. She had long blonde hair, curly just like mine. Her big blue eyes won over mine in comparison. She had tiny lips and pink rosy cheeks. Her little smile could brighten up any room. It brightened my whole world.