Mirrored 1 : In Spades

by K. Pinson

  “Well, mines better, now both of you take a bite.”

  Abby didn’t hesitate in the slightest, as she had already finished hers a couple of minutes before. She grabbed a heaping pile on her spoon and slid it into her tiny mouth, making a mess all over her face. She looked adorable. Daxton picked up a spoon and gave me some also. It was delicious. It had been so long since I had a root beer float. They were my mother’s favorite. The fizzy sensation popping in my mouth and the cold yet soothing vanilla ice-cream instantly brought a memory back to me. Never wanting to welcome the memories or bring them to the surface. I was forever pushing them deep down, hoping that it was all a bad dream. This was almost a welcomed memory. I could see my mom’s long blonde hair and deep hazel eyes looking down at me. I could feel the warmth in her smile and the smell of hazelnut which was only unique to her.

  “I brought a treat home today Avabug.” my mom pulled a grocery bag out from behind her back and began to unload the contents on the counter.

  “Let me see mommy! ” I wasn’t tall enough to see over the counter and couldn’t maneuver myself too well because my leg was broken in several places and placed in a bright pink cast, my favorite color.

  It seemed like my mom always tried to make up for daddy doing wrong. Daddy wasn’t always bad. He did try to teach me how to ride a bike and when I couldn’t get the hang of it and fell down on the pavement scraping my knee and crying, he got mad. I knew I should have just sucked it up and been a big girl but I couldn’t help it. It hurt. He walked in the house without so much as helping me up and stormed into the house. Embarrassed of what the neighbors would think of a crying little girl that was ten years old and still didn’t know how to ride a bike. He was always ashamed of me. I didn’t blame him.

  Later that night, right after dinner, mom asked me how the bike riding had gone. Dad immediately got red in the face and threw his plate to the ground. He stormed towards me and pushed me with all of his might onto the floor, knocking the wind out of me and causing my leg to snap in a direction that I never knew was possible. He stumbled away not even caring to check on me as I wailed out in pain. My mom picked me up and drove me to the emergency room, crying the entire drive. She told them that I had fallen down the stairs and even laughed a little with the doctor that came in to check me out. I was a clumsy child after all. They reset the fractures and placed my leg into a cast. I was able to go home by morning.

  Mommy made sure to give me a lot of love and affection while we were away from daddy. When we returned home that morning she went back to her usual quiet self. Dad left the house around 6 pm to head to the bar with his friends. He had the same routine every night when my mom came home from work. I don’t even know why he bothered to wait until then. I fended for myself all day anyway. Mostly hiding in my room and reading or coloring. I loved when he was gone even though I knew that wasn’t very nice of me. Mom pulled root beer soda and vanilla ice cream out of the bag that she held behind her back. I wasn’t picky when it came to ice cream so I would take what I could get. I knew this was mommy’s favorite treat so I tried to act extra excited.

  “Yummy mommy, pour me a big glass pleaseee.” I stuck my bottom lip out and gave her my best puppy dog expression.

  Her eyes lit up and her dimples peaked on the surface of her sunken in skin. For a minute, she almost looked healthy. I could tell that it was in making me happy when she felt the most alive. Most of the time she reminded me of a walking zombie. Being alive but not really living, just going through the motions. The love that my dad and she had shared died long before and I didn’t think there was any chance of them getting it back. I know she only stuck around because she was afraid of him and afraid of leaving me behind. Knowing that she could never just run away with me, he would find her and the end result wouldn’t be pretty.

  She poured us both a large glass and put both a spoon and a straw in each, just the way I liked it. She lifted me up into the stool that sat at the island counter top we had in our kitchen and perched herself in the stool beside me. We enjoyed our treat and each other’s company. It was completely silent with the exception of a random slurping noise or a gulp but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I remember that was one memory when my mom was truly happy. She smiled over at me and it was a beautiful sight.

  “Is it any good babe?” Daxton asked me, snapping me out of my day dream.

  “It’s perfect. Thank you.” I said to him and I truly meant it.

  He looked at me curiously, but didn’t say another word about it. After we all finished our ice cream I pushed Daxton out of the booth and walked around it to lift Abby into my arms.

  “Can Mr. James come over for dinner mommy?” she asked me and I couldn’t resist.

  “I suppose he can come over for a little while.” I winked over at Daxton. He looked thrilled.

  “I‘ll follow behind you, if that‘s ok?” He held up his hand to give Abby a high five, which she promptly returned.

  I nodded in response. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Abby just smiled and continued to play with a strand of my hair that she had locked between her tiny fingers. I loaded Abby into her car seat and got into the driver seat. Daxton mounted his light blue Harley Davidson which was parked next to us. I wasn’t a fan of motorcycles myself but he looked down right sexy on it. He placed his helmet on his head and flipped the visor down. It was surprisingly warm outside for late January. No snow on the ground and the sun shining brightly. I loved it when it felt like spring outside. Winter had never been one of my favorite times of year. With the exception of Christmas now because I knew how much Abby enjoyed it. Snow and poor driving conditions really freaked me out and I often car pooled with Mrs. Anderson when it was seemingly too bad for my nerves to handle. She never minded coming to pick Abby and I up. She only lived right down the road and we had grown fairly close since I moved here and started my job. She was almost like a surrogate mother to me. She knew about the relationship that Abby and I shared. I had spilled my guts to her on a more emotional day of mine and she completely understood. She looked out for me and Abby.

  I pulled up outside of my home and shut the car off. I looked up just in time to see Daxton pull in and put his kickstand down. He stood up stretching his legs and raising his hands above his hand. He lifted his helmet off and placed it on his handlebar. He shook the hair out of his eyes and I was mesmerized by how sexy he was. His hair was getting a little bit curly at the ends, shaggier than normal. I liked it. I was itching to run my fingers through it. Daxton was the only man I knew that could look unkempt and borderline homeless and still make women want to lick him from head to toe.

  He was already off his bike and walking towards me by the time I was done fantasizing. I grabbed my purse and opened the car down. He went around to the back seat and opened up the door to get Abby out of her booster chair. Unbuckled the latches and lifted her into his arms, holding out the helmet to me. I grabbed his helmet from his hands and threw my purse over my shoulder. I pulled out my keys and lead the way to our front door. I let us in and Daxton set Abby’s feet onto the ground. She rushed off to her bedroom to put her things away. She did that every single day after school. Unloading everything from her backpack and re organizing it for the following day of school. I flung my coat over a kitchen chair and set my purse and Daxton’s helmet on the counter.

  “You want a drink?” I gazed over my shoulder as Daxton was he taking off his leather jacket.

  He wore a simple black t-shirt and dark wash jeans. His tattoos more visible than normal on his arms. He usually wore button ups while working. He was a sight for sore eyes. I somehow ended up in front of him, running my fingers up the length of his arms and checking out each tattoo. I didn’t even remember the walk over. I was so distracted. He had a half sleeve on both arms housing old school Mario scenes and characters, Nintendo style. I loved it. Especially the princess, as she was my favorite. The detail was impeccable. He was lavishing in the attention. Not saying a word but letting me t
wist and touch his arms to my desire, mouth gaping open.

  “You like what you see?” his deep voice resonated in my ears.

  “They are amazing. I love the princess. She’s my favorite.” I told him and continued to examine the rest.

  “She reminds me of you. Beautiful, unique and independent in her own rite. She just thinks she needs saving but realistically she kicks all of their asses.” He lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

  “You have no idea how wrong you are. I do need saving.” I trailed off for a minute, unsure if I should finish my statement.

  Afraid he would run for the hills. But something about him made me feel so comfortable, like I was able to spill my guts and he would still remain here. I had to let him know the truth about me. About how damaged I really was. He deserved better. He deserved someone whom he could possess their whole heart. I wasn’t able to give that away. It had been shattered long before. I continued to speak, looking away from his now intense eyes.

  “You can’t fix something that is beyond broken. Forget about me and move on.” I turned my back to him.

  Ready for him to walk out the door. I willed the tears to remain unshed. Placing my head in my hands. I felt his firm grip grasp my shoulders strongly. I could feel his deep, calm breaths steadily in my ear. He was so close and the silence was striking.

  Finally he whispered, “You’re not broken baby. You are only missing a piece. Like a jigsaw puzzle that looks like nothing but a bunch of colors and lines and makes absolutely no sense until the final piece is placed. It isn’t until that moment that the entire puzzle comes together. The puzzle becomes what it is meant to be; complete. I’m your missing piece and you’re mine. Together we create that beautiful and complete picture. Forgetting you would be like forgetting to breathe, deadly.”

  I was in awe. I couldn’t believe that he actually wanted this. All of me, broken. I didn’t deserve it. I knew that. Any fool could see the truth. But, I wasn’t going to continue to push him away. Not intentionally, anyway. I needed to be selfish for once. I needed to believe that I was good enough. I knew that this was too much, too fast, but I needed it to keep going. I never realized how afraid I was to be alone until I had met this crazy, heart on his sleeve, no bullshit man standing in front of me. He was offering me his heart on a silver platter and I couldn’t resist the temptation. I wasn’t sure that I could give him my entire self but I was willing to try. For my sake, for Abby’s. She loved him already and I could tell. I knew that pursuing something with Daxton wouldn’t be harmful to her and that’s why I wasn’t as resistant. I knew that Abby deserved the entire world and I would do anything in my power to make sure that she got it. I was starting to learn, however, that I deserved my own slice of heaven, too. I needed Daxton like one needed food, water, and the air we breathe. I would try my hardest to trust him, I needed him.

  “Ava, I’m really trying not to let my mouth diarrhea get the best of me. I don’t want to scare you away and truthfully, your silence is beginning to scare me. I mean every word though.” Daxton wiped away at the tears that were steadily running down my face. I hadn’t even noticed how bad I was crying. I had nothing to say to him. I was speechless. So, I did the next best thing.

  I kissed him. I whole heartedly kissed him. I didn’t have words to match the beauty behind his own but I had actions. Our tongues dances around hungrily for what seemed like hours although only a few minutes had passed. We broke apart, both taking in a deep breath.

  “Wow. That was wow.” I stood with my mouth agape.

  Trying to process the intensity that was becoming our relationship. I didn’t know why I felt so comfortable spilling my soul to Daxton, but it felt easy. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. His yummy lips didn’t hurt the situation either. I slowly brought a hand up to my swollen lips, still mesmerized by how well he kisses. Daxton grabbed my hand and lead me to the couch. I was brought down slowly from the euphoria I was feeling. I grabbed the TV. Remote from the end table and flipped it on, unsure of what else to do with my nervous hands. I was trembling under his touch, his warm fingertips caressing the nape of my neck. He looked at me thoughtfully, not speaking a word. I couldn’t resist leaning into his body and resting my head on his shoulder. He lifted my chin up so that my eyes met his. His deep eyes stole my breath, looking into mine in almost a painful manor.

  I placed my hand at the back of his head and brought his lips down to mine for another soul crushing kiss. The moans escaping his mouth were driving me wild. I hadn’t felt more wanted my entire life. My heart was pounding loudly against my chest. My mind was telling me I couldn’t let myself get too carried away. I knew that Abby would be coming from her room at any moment. I broke our embrace and gently slid back but not before placing a small, singular kiss at the nape of his neck. Daxton sighed, eyes closed, deep breathing. I loved how worked up I could get him. Knowing that it was all because of me was empowering, it turned me on even more. I was a hot mess around him.

  I couldn’t correctly place all of the emotions that I was currently feeling. A mixture of happiness, lust and guilt had all taken hold on me, gripping my brain. I couldn’t help but reach over and run my fingertips up and down Daxton’s arm. I needed to feel my skin underneath my own, any form would do the trick. I wanted to be close to him. In all honesty, I wanted to take him back to my bedroom and let him have his way with me but my dirty girl was currently on the loose and I needed to put her back in her cage. Hopefully she would come quietly. Sad how a kiss could instantly turn me to goo. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and slowly brought it to his lips. I slowly skimmed the tops of my fingertips across his beautiful, full lips. Remembering the way he tasted. My mind was reeling, thinking of asking him to stay with me tonight, taking a plunge and putting myself out on the line. Rejection was not a feeling that I took kindly. I came by it honestly. Rejection was the devil rearing its ugly head. I’m sure that is what sent my dad to the pit of despair and drove him to drink. Rejection on jobs, rejection on love and finally rejection on life.

  I didn’t want to continue to hold myself back from living a fulfilled life. I just didn’t want to take what I already had for granted. I felt appreciative for what I was blessed with and Abby was more than enough. But Daxton, Oh Daxton…He was dangling in front of me on a string, teasing me and making me feel things I never thought was possible. I was a void in the world. The walking dead just going through the day to day motions. Living for someone else’s life. I was ready to live for my own. She needed me to live so she could thrive. Amazed at how much Daxton had taught me in such a short time period. I wasn’t in love with him. Not just yet. I wasn’t even sure if I would ever fully be able to. But, I knew I was ready to try.

  I latched onto his hand again, coming down from my high. It was no more than five minutes later when Abby bolted into the living room and threw herself on the couch between Daxton and I. He quickly threw the couch pillow onto his lap, covering up evidence of his arousal. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Daxton stuck his tongue out at me and then smiled. Not missing a beat he threw his arm around Abby and made it a point to talk with her about how her school day was and what was going on in her life. I loved the interaction that the two of them had. I decided now would be a good time to start dinner as much as I didn’t want to leave the room. I was surrounded by a perfect bubble and I hated waiting for the arrival of the impending pop that I knew was on its way. I tried to remain positive but doubts always invaded my mind and no matter what I did, I couldn’t push them away. I handed off the remote control to Abby and excused myself from the room.

  Feeling like cold water had been thrown directly on my body, I hurriedly began cooking dinner. Even after the silliness, my mind still drifted to the feel of his hands exploring my body and the intensity behind our kisses. I was so worked up that I burnt the Macaroni and Cheese I was preparing. The awful scent of burnt cheese invaded my senses and I ran to remove the pan from the stove and turn off the burner. I quickly threw th
e remnants down the garbage disposal and turned it on full blast, cursing at Daxton under my breath. The effect he had on me couldn’t be rivaled, it was insane. I gripped the countertop hard and leaned back exhaling all my pent up frustration.

  Daxton came around the corner at the same time and grinned at me devilishly. I knew, he knew. He just gets me. At the speed of light, he pulled out his cell phone and ordered a pizza. I stared at him with a dumbfounded expression on my face, my mouth probably hanging agape. I waited in anticipation for the smart ass remark that I knew would be escaping his lips at any moment but surprisingly, it never came. Instead, he busied himself putting away everything that I had taken out for dinner, including the raw chicken. He efficiently wrapped it back up and put it in the refrigerator. I stood back and let him do work. Admiring the way that his muscles flexed whenever he picked anything up. He grabbed some plates and cups from the cupboard and set places for the three of us at the table. It was so weird how he knew where everything was in my kitchen without even asking me. Strutting around like he owned the place. I liked him in my kitchen. I loved him in my house. He made it look damn sexy.

  Before I knew it, the pizza had arrived. I ushered Abby to the table and tucked a napkin into her shirt. She tended to be pretty messy with pizza. Daxton got just what we liked, double pepperoni and cheese. Nice and greasy. He never ceased to amaze me. The silence was evident as we all stuffed our faces. I was full to the brim. I could never resist pizza. It was one of my weaknesses admittedly. Daxton was one of the other ones. What a perfect combination. When we were all finished, I cleaned up the kitchen and washed the dishes. Abby had pulled Daxton into her bedroom and straight to her favorite toy, her dollhouse. I followed shortly after and was amazed at the scene unfolding before my eyes. Daxton had a princess tiara placed on his head, dark hair messily sticking up around it. Pink boa wrapped slyly around his neck and muscular shoulders. He was the manliest princess I had ever come in contact with. He held a blonde haired Barbie doll in her hand and Abby had a ken doll. It was hilarious. I tried to contain my laughter but it was something I had never expected to see.