Restless Hearts

by Mona Ingram

  She snuggled up against him, wishing she could remain there all day. “What time is it, do you think?”

  “I don’t know, but I heard that damned rooster several hours ago.” He stretched lazily, and she admired the way his muscles flexed under taut skin. “I suppose we should get up.” He lifted the sheet and looked down at her body, his eyes heavy with desire. “Although something tells me Diego isn’t going anywhere.”

  Sometime later, she joined him in the kitchen, tying back her wet hair. “Did you see that tiled enclosure near the bedroom? It’s rigged up as a shower, and the water drains away somewhere.”

  “Is that what I heard?” He handed her a cup of coffee. “Let me know next time you use it, and I’ll join you.”

  She sipped the coffee appreciatively. “Have you seen Diego yet?”

  He ducked his head and looked out the window. “I haven’t spoken to him yet, but I’ve seen him out in the yard.”

  “He’ll wonder what we’ve been up to.” Sarah flushed.

  “Oh, I’m sure he knows.”

  “Jamie!”

  He tilted up her chin and looked into her eyes. “It’s okay, Sarah. No more wasted time, remember?”

  She nodded, not quite convinced. “It’s a big adjustment, that’s all.”

  “I understand.” He took her hand. “Come on. Let’s go and see the ranch.”

  * * *

  Jamie kept a close eye on Sarah as they rode up into the hills. She had taken riding lessons as a youngster and she soon found her seat, freeing him to return his attention to Diego.

  “Is this the entire ranch?” asked Jamie, shading his eyes and looking into the distance. Here and there, the sun reflected from the river where it wound through the bottom of the valley. Cattle grazed placidly, and he knew it would take some adjustment to think of them as a commercial venture... as a crop. At the moment, they seemed like part of the scenery.

  “Can you see that row of hills in the distance, senor?”

  Jamie squinted.

  Diego pointed. “Do you see those two hills that look like a turtle? That is the edge of your property.”

  Jamie didn’t try to hide his surprise. “I didn’t know it was that large. How many head of cattle will it support?”

  The foreman shrugged. “My guess would be around three hundred, but Senor Thompson was cautious about overgrazing. We average about one hundred forty.”

  Jamie nodded, but his instincts as a businessman came to the fore. “How would you feel about expanding the herd?”

  Diego’s gaze shifted between Jamie and Sarah. “Everybody has cattle. The miners were happy with beef for a while, but I hear in town that they are getting tired of the same old thing.” It looked as though he wasn’t going to say more, then changed his mind. “If it was me, I would grow more hogs. And chickens.” He warmed to his subject. “And vegetables. The miners will pay anything for vegetables.”

  Jamie nodded his agreement, and they started the ride back to the main house. “In San Francisco, potatoes are like gold,” he said. “I can’t begin to tell you how good those roasted potatoes tasted last night.”

  “Thank you, senor. I’ll tell Teresa. Or you can tell her yourself, if you’d like to join us for dinner tonight. It’s simple food, but we think you’ll like it.”

  “That would be wonderful.” Jamie and Sarah spoke at the same time.

  “I saw some red wine in the house,” said Jamie. “We’ll bring a bottle.”

  * * *

  “These tamales are delicious,” said Sarah, unwrapping another savoury bundle.

  “Si.” Teresa’s dark eyes showed her pleasure at Sarah’s interest. “Pork tamales. We also make them with chicken, or sometimes with beef, but pork is my favorite.” She passed Sarah a small bowl. “Try the chile sauce with them. We find the green chile sauce goes best with pork.”

  Sarah tried a small amount and her face lit up. “It’s amazing.” She turned to Jamie, who had been watching the exchange with a contented smile. “I’d love to learn how to make this.”

  “It’s time consuming,” said Teresa, “but Diego always enjoys them.” Her gaze softened as she looked at her husband. “So I’m happy to do it for him. In my family, the women would get together to make them. It makes the work go faster and gave us a chance to gossip.”

  “That’s too bad.” Sarah dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I was thinking of my eating house.”

  “Eating house?”

  “Yes. I run an eating house in San Francisco.” Her face came alive. “Myself and several other women.” She glanced at Jamie. “I tell Jamie it’s all his fault. He told me about Cornish pasties, and the rest is history.”

  Teresa edged forward on her chair, eager to hear the story. The voices of the women provided a comforting backdrop as Jamie and Diego wandered outside for a smoke.

  Diego accepted one of Jamie’s cigarillos and puffed on it contentedly. “Your woman is full of ideas,” he said. “She cares about her business.” He slanted a sideways look at Jamie. “I admire her passion.”

  “I do, too,” Jamie replied thoughtfully. “I do, too.”

  * * *

  “I’d be happy to show you how to make the tortillas.” Teresa smiled. “How long are you staying?”

  Sarah sighed. “I can’t speak for Jamie, but I have to go back to San Francisco tomorrow.” She drank the remaining wine in her glass. “But I hope to come back soon.”

  “I look forward to it.” Teresa rose. “Would you like some coffee?”

  Sarah stifled a yawn. “No, thank you. It’s been a long day.” She rose and they wandered outside. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

  “Yes, thank you.” Jamie rose to stand by her side. He extended a hand to Diego. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  They walked across the courtyard, Jamie’s arm around her waist as if they’d been together for years.

  “That was nice,” said Sarah.

  “Hmmm.” Jamie gave her an affectionate squeeze, but she could tell his mind was somewhere else.

  “What is it?” she asked finally. They stepped inside the main house and Jamie lit a candle. She couldn’t quite make out his face, but she’d spent enough time with him to know that something was on his mind.

  He toyed with the soft wax on the side of the candle, gathering his thoughts. “I’m going to stay here,” he said finally, raising his eyes to meet hers. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  Sarah had anticipated this, but her heart skipped a beat anyway. “I’ll miss you,” she blurted out, blinking rapidly to keep back the tears. “I’ll miss seeing you every day.”

  She wished he would take her in his arms, but he remained on the other side of the table. “I’ll miss you as well, Sarah, but I need to be here now.” He turned toward the window, even though nothing could be seen in the darkness. “I need to learn everything I can about the ranch, and I can’t do that in San Francisco.”

  “I understand.” And in a way, she did understand. Much as he had to learn the ranch, she needed to expend more effort to stabilize her business.

  “Will you be all right going back by yourself?” For a moment he looked as though he was hoping she would say no. Then he smiled confidently. “Of course you will. You set out to sail halfway around the world by yourself. What’s a little boat trip down the Sacramento?”

  “Exactly.” Could he hear the tremor in her voice? She hoped not. “I’ll be fine.”

  He walked slowly around the table and stood before her. “Thank you for understanding,” he said, tipping up her chin. “You’ll come back, won’t you? Soon?”

  She nodded. “Soon.”

  He pulled her into his arms, his kiss making it clear that he wanted to make love to her. With a sigh, she slipped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss with all the passion of a woman recently initiated into the joys of lovemaking.

  They came together that night with a fierce, almost despe
rate need to please each other. After reaching the heights together she collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for air, aftershocks of pleasure rippling through her body. After a few moments, she rolled onto her side so he wouldn’t see her tears, wouldn’t see that she was already missing him.

  * * *

  Jamie walked down the pier as the Senator pulled into the current, dodging people, stacks of cargo and animals as he tried to keep eye contact with Sarah. Standing on the upper deck, she looked down at him with clear eyes, her chin tilted up the way she did when she was trying to be strong. But he waved as though he hadn’t noticed. As though he didn’t want to call her back, and beg her to stay with him... forever.

  Driving her to the steamer this morning and seeing her safely on board had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. And yet it was something he had to do. He’d known it last night when he heard her with Teresa, telling the other woman about her business in San Francisco. The enthusiasm in her voice as she outlined her plans was unmistakable, and there and then he’d decided to tell her that he wanted to stay on at the ranch. Much as he wanted to ask her to stay with him, he knew he had to let her go... that she had to make her own dreams come true before she could become a part of his.

  The paddle wheeler rounded the bend and he lifted a hand again, even though she was out of sight. Please come back to me, he prayed silently. So I can tell you how much I love you.

  His mood lifted as he headed back to the ranch where he would be content to spend the rest of his days. The soft rolling hills called to him, and he knew that Sarah was right: he had come home.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sarah found herself passing the doors to the Grand Salon for the third time. She’d scarcely been aware that she’d circled the promenade deck that many times.

  It had been a long time since she’d walked to clear her mind. Back home in Boston, it had been her custom to walk the waterfront when confronted with a particularly thorny problem. The fresh sea air usually helped her to see things more clearly, and she’d hoped that a walk around the ship would do the same today.

  But this was a different sort of problem. This time, there might not be an answer. Especially since she could see both sides of the problem. She wasn’t being logical. She knew that, but the knowledge did little to ease her mind. There was no doubt that she wanted to go back and ensure that her business thrived. And she couldn’t do that from Rancho Agua Dulce any more than Jamie could manage the ranch from San Francisco. And yet she’d wanted him to ask her to stay.

  She stamped her foot on the deck and then looked around guiltily. She was not some flighty woman prone to temper tantrums. Being in love must have addled her brain, at the very least.

  She walked to the railing and watched the water rush past, trying to be honest with herself. What was really upsetting her? Was it the fact that Jamie had decided to stay, or that he hadn’t asked her to stay with him? If he loved her, he would have asked her. And yet he hadn’t said those magic words. Was that what she really wanted?

  She wasn’t the first woman Jamie had made love to, that much was clear. He was an experienced lover, and desire pooled deep in her belly as she recalled the past two nights. But he hadn’t said he loved her, not before, during or after.

  She raised her eyes and stared blankly at a small herd of cattle on the bank of the river. What if she was nothing more to him than a challenge to his virility?

  “No.” She said the word out loud. Jamie cared for her, she knew he did. But did he love her? She could ask herself that question all day long and not know the answer. Her time would be better spent planning the future of her business. At least that was something she could control.

  * * *

  San Francisco’s raw energy surrounded Sarah as she stepped from the steamer. She’d been nervous about hiring a cart to get from the dock to her home, but it was surprisingly easy, and before long the driver was pulling up in front of the familiar dwelling.

  Darkness had fallen, and she noticed a flickering light coming from the tent in the front yard. A few men were standing on the street, waiting their turn to eat and she smiled at them as they doffed their hats. Inside the tent, the long tables were full, and along the length of the table, candles had been set in bowls filled with sand. She noticed that some of the men had extinguished their cigars in the sand, which was better than tossing them on the ground, as she had noticed in other eating houses. One of Addie’s innovations, no doubt.

  She walked past the dining room, where one table was full of four men, and the other one held Angus and a man with his back toward the door. “Hello, everyone.” She stepped into the busy kitchen.

  “Hi Sarah. Welcome back.” Addie was busy spooning beans into a large bowl. “Are there still men waiting out in the street?”

  “Just three or four.” Sarah felt left out. “What should I do?”

  Addie laughed. “Well, you might go back into the dining room. There’s someone there who’s anxious to see you.”

  “Really?” Sarah peered around the door. “Who?”

  Addie rolled her eyes. “You’re a big girl. Go see for yourself.”

  Sarah checked her appearance in the small mirror. “We really need a better mirror,” she muttered, stalling. “Come on, Addie. Give me a hint.”

  Her friend gave her a gentle shove. “He doesn’t bite. Just go.”

  The man rose as she walked into the room and she almost fainted. “Devon!” she cried, arms wide. “I can’t believe it’s you!” She stepped into her brother’s embrace and started to blubber. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” She pulled back and looked at him. “You look so much older!”

  “Not that much,” he said, grinning broadly. “It’s good to see you too, big sis.” He lowered his voice. “You just about gave our father a heart attack when mother showed him your note.”

  Sarah’s heart sank. “He’s all right, isn’t he?”

  “He’s fine.” He held her at arm’s length. “You look different than the last time I saw you.” he tilted his head to one side. “You look like a woman who knows who she is... where she’s going.”

  His words were exactly what she needed to hear. “I am, Devon. Coming here has been the best thing that ever happened to me.” She turned to Angus. “I see you’ve met Angus, and I would imagine you’ve met the others, as well.”

  “I’m staying here,” he said sheepishly. “I hope that’s all right. Addie’s had me working to pay for my keep.”

  “Doing what? You can’t cook.”

  “No, but I can’t believe how much food they put out from that kitchen every day. For the last two days they’ve had me running all over the place buying supplies. I think they’d have me washing dishes if I wasn’t so clumsy.”

  “He’s been a great help, too.” Addie appeared and placed a bowl of savoury broth and fresh bread on the table, indicating that Sarah should sit. “You might as well eat something while you catch up with your brother.”

  Sarah listened eagerly as Devon brought her up to date on events at home. “Mother seemed shocked when she found your letter,” he said, watching her closely as he spoke. “But by the time father came back from that medical convention in New York, she’d accepted the idea. I think father blamed her at first for not keeping a closer watch on you, but after a day or so, he realized that there wasn’t much she could have done.”

  “That’s a relief. But what are you doing here?” she asked, still puzzled by his sudden appearance.

  “Our father isn’t quite the unfeeling ogre you think he is...”

  “I didn’t say that!”

  Devon ducked his head. “Perhaps not, but you’ve thought it once or twice.”

  “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

  “Anyway,” he said, brightening. “After he got over his shock, he sent me to find you, to make sure you’re all right. And here I am!” He turned to Angus. “Perfect timing, too. Angus tells me that the mail steamer arrived yesterday after a lon
g delay. I’ll be able to send a letter informing him that you’re fine.”

  Sarah looked at the reporter. “The miners will be glad of that, won’t they?” Angus nodded and she turned back to Devon. “Letters are the only contact they have with their families. The mail has been sorely missed these past few months.”

  “People stood in line for hours to get their letters,” said Angus. He glanced up as Anna passed through to deliver more food to the tent. “Addie didn’t miss a beat. She made extra pies, and Anna and Missy sold every one to those standing in line. I hear Missy made almost as much as Anna.” His face softened as he spoke of the child. “The miners are so taken with her; many of them give her a pinch of gold.”

  “That reminds me.” Sarah looked around. “Where is she?”

  “I believe she’s upstairs, with Walter, but she’s probably fallen asleep. The poor little thing was tired when she came home.” He said it with pride.

  “I’ll see her later, then.” Sarah turned back to Devon. “So what are your plans? Can you stay for a while?”

  He turned serious. “Father didn’t ask for any promises one way or the other. I think he’s hoping that I’ll make something of myself, even if it takes staying here to do it.”

  Sarah looked fondly at her younger brother. “There are plenty of opportunities. You just have to find something that interests you.” She turned to Angus. “Isn’t that right?”

  “Oh, aye.” His attention had been on Anna as she walked back to the kitchen.

  She leaned toward him. “Angus McKellern, you’re not paying attention.”

  Angus bristled, embarrassed at being caught out. “Yes, I am.”

  Sarah laughed. “I’m just teasing, my friend, but it’s true. Every time your mind wanders you come out with something in that wee brogue of yours.”

  A flush crept into his face. “Do you think it’s too soon, Sarah? It’s been less than a month since she learned she’s a widow, but I love her.”