Enough

by Jade Chandler

  “Done.” He leaned forward. “MJ hopes you’ll take a couple more breakfasts, but it means more time at the club.”

  “I can’t do it. It’s hard enough to keep them away now. I had to use Bear to keep Vex away. Rock’s backed off, but not the others.”

  “You’re a damn good cook.” His wistful tone made me smile. “I got an idea. Probably a bad one.”

  “Yeah?”

  “What if you take the shifts and tell any who ask, I’ve claimed you—more than the property tag I give all the girls.” His eyebrow arched and his lips curved up, scarier than any smile should be.

  “You agreed we weren’t an option. I haven’t changed—”

  “Me either. But it gets MJ off my back a few months and gives you space. Given how close Dare and I are, no one expects you to come to me anytime soon.” He rolled his eyes. “But this way, it sounds like when you’re ready, it’s my bike you’ll be on.”

  “Dare?”

  “Is a fucking idiot. But the girls I entertain will enjoy telling you about it.”

  “I don’t care who you screw as long as it isn’t me.” I pictured the girls Dare fucked.

  “Ouch. That’s hard on the ego.” His sarcasm was better than his smile.

  “We can try it. But if Dare asks, tell him the truth.” I stared at him a long moment.

  He nodded as he stood. “I’m glad you’re staying. We need you.”

  Something about the arrangement felt off to me, but it solved my immediate problems, so I was game.

  * * *

  The first days of December brought light snow to town, but it melted almost as soon as it landed. Life was busy with cooking Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. Plus I’d started helping Avery design her store flyers.

  Dare stormed in the shop five days after he’d rejected me. Neither of us was back to normal, and as a result, we spoke little and ignored lots. I was pissed he’d shut the door on our chance at happiness, and I planned to stay that way until it hurt less, or at least until I didn’t wish to curl up in a ball at the sight of him.

  I used my friends and cooking at the club as a distraction, only having to use Jericho’s story once with Rebel. As Christmas approached, I discovered the club didn’t really do Christmas. They did New Year’s but ignored Christmas. I suspected those with families went home and those who didn’t, well, then the holiday sucked. On impulse, I decided I’d host an open house, and use the shop too. I’d ask Jericho about that.

  No, I was done hiding from him. I’d ask Dare when he came into the shop. And I waited for four days until he finally came in for an appointment. Since my failed attempt to reconcile, he’d been at the shop less than usual. If this continued, I’d have to take a new job.

  “Hey, Dare,” I called as he rushed past me.

  He stopped and turned to me.

  “I’m having a Christmas thing the twenty-third, I hoped to let the guests spill over to the shop?” I held my breath.

  He smirked at me. “Yeah, Lila, that’s fine.” He went down the hall and I could breathe again.

  I was having a party.

  I made flyers and handed them out like candy at a parade to my new friends in town, bikers and anyone I could think of. Everyone was in the shop, even Weasel and Angel, two days before my party. We sat in the workroom and bullshitted. Dare walked back and leaned against the wall. I kept up my banter with Zayn and pretended he wasn’t there.

  “If you’re cooking, I’m there.” Angel laughed and I did too.

  I tilted my head toward Dare but didn’t look his way. “You too, boss.”

  “Sure, Lila.”

  Excited, I kept chattering with everyone until Weasel’s and Dare’s appointments arrived. I finally felt my feet were planted on the ground, and everything was okay. Zayn followed me to the reception area.

  “Heard this rumor.” He looked all around.

  “And?”

  “You and Jericho?” He frowned at me.

  “Are you judging me?” I asked, hating to lie to him.

  “No, Mama, but you deserve... He’s not what he seems.”

  “Everyone told me to pick, and I did, but it’s nothing going on soon. I want space between Dare and that, lots of space.”

  He nodded. “Be careful. Jericho makes these schemes, and he does anything to see them through.”

  I frowned but nodded at him. “I’ll be careful, but you know I’m a big girl? And know I stay out of your business?”

  He flushed and nodded, leaving me as fast as he could.

  * * *

  At six o’clock my nerves unraveled while I waited for my first-ever party guests to arrive. Everyone would stay away because of Dare or the rumors with Jericho or because the town people didn’t like bikers. I worried over every possibility until Avery and Glory showed up, saving me from visions of disasters untold.

  The girls trailed after me through my apartment and down to Marked Man. “Wow, you did a lot. It’s great!”

  “Thanks. I might’ve gone overboard.” I bit my lip, worried about the party again.

  “Nope.” Avery put her arm on my shoulder. “Everyone’s coming. Lila, those bikers worship you, well except the one you want.” She gasped. “Dammit, didn’t help.”

  “Come upstairs and get your presents.” I urged them back up the steps.

  I’d never bought presents at Christmas, just something for the guy I was seeing, but most years it was simply another day.

  Avery squealed when she opened the vintage mirror set I’d found at a thrift shop. For a girl who dressed like a Goth, she loved old, girly things.

  Glory hugged me and put the hand-painted combs in her hair.

  Bear walked in first with a guy. I smiled wide and left the girls to greet them.

  “Hey. Thanks for coming.” I flicked my gaze between him and the guy beside him.

  “Easy, Mama.” He winked at me. “This is Ollie...my lover.”

  Ollie hugged me. “Kyle talks all about you. Thanks for inviting us.”

  Bear stared at me. “I’m trying to convince her to work with us, behind the camera.”

  “You’d be great on either side, but yeah, we could share stories.” Ollie laughed.

  People kept arriving. The stream was steady, and I barely had time to greet someone before others showed up. Finally when I had a moment, I grabbed the present for Bear.

  “Hey.” I pulled him away from a conversation with several of the people he worked with. “I wanted to give you this. Merry Christmas. And thanks.”

  Bear looked from the gift to me before stuffing it inside his jacket. “Thanks, Mama.” He kissed my cheek.

  I stood back and watched with satisfaction as people who I’d come to know laughed together, drinking and telling stories. Warmth filled me and I felt happy for the first time in months.

  Rachel walked up beside me. “You throw a good party.”

  “Thanks.” I winked at her. “Girl toy?”

  “Gone.” She shrugged. “Hey, I have a present for you.”

  She handed me a small bag. Inside was a panty and bra set from Avery’s place.

  “Wow, thanks, but you know I have no one to wear them for.”

  She grinned. “That’s the point. Remember my philosophy—hot sex then say adios—and to do it right you need sexy panties.”

  I hugged her and dragged her to my bedroom. I handed her my present—two tight-fitting scooped T-shirts I knew she loved to wear. One said Eyes Here. And the words were right on her chest. The other was a skull shirt that was deep purple, a perfect color for her.

  “I love these. And I’m wearing this New Year’s Eve at Blue’s.” She held up the Eyes Here shirt.

  We laughed, and I promised, with no intention of doing it, to get back on the prog
ram. We both needed to find new hot sex, but for me, I didn’t have an itch for anyone. However, I bet Dare found several girls to scratch his itch.

  Not going to think about that.

  By ten, the bikers were set to stay, having claimed spaces in both the upstairs and downstairs.

  I hadn’t realized how much I loved entertaining until now. The details, the happiness and most of all seeing everyone happy—this was my thing.

  I made my hundredth trip down the stairs to where most of the guys from the shop hung out. I’d stashed presents for them under the counter.

  It had been so fun shopping for them, and I’d spent so little, but for the first time since I was a kid, it felt like Christmas. I walked into the workroom with my bag of gifts, a little like Santa.

  “Hey, I got you all something to celebrate with.” I handed out my gifts.

  Dare frowned at me when he took his, but I pretended not to notice. Zayn opened his box first and revealed the naked lady with liquor in it. He laughed as the others opened theirs. I handed Jericho his gift. I didn’t see him as one of the shop guys, and probably I never would, but I got him a gift too—besides, otherwise the rumor mill might have started buzzing.

  “I love a naked chick.” Zayn winked at me.

  I handed Angel a smaller package—a pair of earrings I’d found.

  “You bikers always want a naked woman full of liquor.” I smiled wide, loving my sassy line.

  Laughter met my comment. Even Dare laughed. The sound lifted my heart, and hurt me at the same time.

  Jericho frowned, opening his gift. “Where’s my naked lady?”

  “You have no trouble finding those, but with that—” I pointed to the buckle “—you can keep your pants up until you get to the bedroom, at least.”

  More laughter followed, and I left while they laughed. I needed to move on, or I’d crumble.

  It hurt so damn much to see Dare’s smiling face.

  “Mama, wait.” Zayn jogged after me.

  I turned on the steps. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for the gift.” He kissed my cheek and handed me a wrapped box. “For you.”

  I kissed his cheek. “Thanks. I’ll put it—”

  “Open it,” he ordered me.

  I tore off the wrapping. Inside were a pair of flower earrings, almost a duplicate of my tattoo. “Where did you find these? I love them.”

  “I got connections.” His answer was muffled because I hugged him to me.

  It was after two before my house emptied. I’d promised Bear I’d come out Christmas day, and refused several other offers, some of which required my using the Jericho line. I closed the door when the last guest left. An exhausted sense of satisfaction filled me. My first party was a success.

  There were still bikers in the shop, but they knew the way out. I did a quick sweep, picking up trash and stacking dishes in the sink. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so happy, at least without a man, and by man, I meant Dare. Maybe our Christmases before Mom died, but they were almost like a surreal dream in my memory.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: Lila

  The holidays passed quickly, and I hit the two-month mark post-Dare, or PD as I thought of it now. My friendship with Avery and Glory had been cemented with a night of hilarious fun on New Year’s Eve. I’d played cards, danced and crashed at their place, nowhere near the blowout the Brotherhood planned.

  January brought unusually cold temperatures, and I stayed at home whenever I could. The guys grumbled at having to leave their bikes at home. My Christmas gift flyer created a steady stream of new customers to Marked Man. I spent more of the quiet winter hours exploring the design software. Finally, my need to create art found an outlet where I excelled.

  The only downside—my sex life, well lack of one, really. Avery’s brother, Chet, continued his campaign to fix my problem, but I refused. My relationship with the guys in the Brotherhood had suffered because of my breakup. I didn’t want to create awkwardness with my new friends. To be honest, I barely felt the physical spark with Chet anyway.

  But I missed sex, with all the intimacy it brought. While one-night stands had never been my thing, it sounded better every night I spent alone.

  On Friday, Avery rushed into the shop, excitement shining in her face.

  “My God, Lila.” She bounced on her toes. “I have the best news ever. At our merchant’s meeting last night I told them how great your flyer worked for me, and like three people asked for your card. They want to hire you!”

  “Me? It’s a hobby.” Excitement fizzed inside me. Someone thought my work was good enough to pay for. And I enjoyed doing it, even more than I loved working at the shop.

  “Girl, really? A hobby is not what you got. A passion, but no damn hobby.” She frowned at me.

  “I don’t have a card, or a computer—it’s the shop’s laptop.” No way to swing buying one on my own. Disappointment popped the bubbles inside me.

  “Please stop with all this negativity.” Avery waved away my concerns. “Those guys are your friends, and they’re laid-back. I bet they’d let you work on the projects on your own time. I mean, how many books can you read?”

  Maybe she was right. And I did need another pastime to fill my nights. A little ball of pride settled inside me, glowing and warm.

  Avery gave me a quick hug and ran out the door. My mind rolled over the possibilities—my own business, even a side business, excited me. I hadn’t realized how much time my boyfriends had consumed until I didn’t have one.

  It was almost closing before I caught Dare alone. I didn’t plan to ask him with Weasel listening.

  “Hey, boss.” I’d taken to calling him that because saying his name was too personal.

  He turned to me, eyebrow raised.

  “I need to run an idea by you, got a minute?” It was the first time since he’d rejected me that we would talk alone.

  He nodded and followed me up front.

  “So, between my work for the Marked Man and Avery’s boutique, I’m getting requests to do more design work. And I wondered if it was okay to use the laptop in the evenings to do it.” I took a quick breath and continued. “If you want, I can run the revenue through the shop, not that it’s much now but—”

  “Enough, Lila.” His lips quirked in the ghost of a smile. “Do what you want with the computer. And keep the money. You do great designs.”

  Dare had never been a fan of the computer.

  “Thanks, boss, I appreciate it.” I started to say winter nights were lonely, but I clamped my mouth shut before I made a fool of myself.

  I jumped into my new design work to deal with the long January nights. I had three other shops as clients, and Jericho had hired me to design some pieces for Bound. I’d never been to a sex club, or dungeon, whatever they were called, and it intrigued and scared me at the same time. However, the images I created excited me. They were provocative, bold and modern. I thought they were my best work, but all the projects fired me up. And my heartache took a backseat to my new passion.

  My life was full with things I’d never considered possible—good friends, a loose affiliation with the Brotherhood, design work, my job and more invitations to go out than I could accept.

  Zayn came up for a vote this month, which he told me meant he could go from slave meat to full brother. All week he was quiet and tense, but I knew he’d be voted in the first time—he bled the Brotherhood. I baked him some peanut butter cookies and promised to come to the club to celebrate when he received his cut. He’d grinned and crossed his fingers.

  After we closed the Marked Man, I spent the night at home doing my normal Sunday chores. Zayn would be calling me to celebrate tomorrow. I was confident even if he wasn’t. Around two I climbed into bed too tired to read my newest mystery. As I was about to drift off, someth
ing banged outside my door. I sat up, worried someone might be breaking in.

  Damn. I never bought that bat.

  A thud outside on the landing made me jump. My pulse raced and fear cramped my stomach. I crept to my peephole and looked out.

  Dare sat slumped next to the wall, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

  Son of a bitch. Anger replaced the fear.

  He showed up here drunk after he’d thrown me away. I threw open my door and stalked out.

  “What the hell?”

  He glanced up with bloodshot eyes. Anger and hurt swirled in his changing expressions. “How do you do it?”

  At least he didn’t slur his words.

  “Come in and tell me what you’re talking about.” I wasn’t about to let him drive anywhere in his condition.

  “No, I—”

  “Come in.” I didn’t make it a request. “It’s the least you can do after scaring ten years off my life.”

  He mumbled something, but stood and followed me inside.

  I went straight to the kitchen and put together a turkey sandwich. Then I grabbed him some water and pain reliever. He needed to sober up. I studied him as I closed the distance to where he slumped on my couch.

  His honey-colored hair hung in his face, and his chin had the start of a beard, a lot more hair than I’d ever seen on his face. His jeans were dirty and his shirt rumpled. Despite all of it, I wanted him more than I ever had.

  It would be easy to seduce him, it looked like he needed it. And I knew I did. The day after, though, wasn’t worth the pleasure of the moment. He’d been clear about what he wanted, or didn’t want in this case.

  He glanced up at me.

  “Eat this.” I shoved the plate toward his hands.

  He took it, frowning at me. “First take these.” I handed him pain relievers and a bottle of water.

  “What? You feel guilty?” He swallowed the pills, glaring at me.