Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6)

by Camilla Chafer

  "You think Solomon will fire you over one case?"

  "No, I doubt it."

  "If he did, you could fire him as your boyfriend."

  "Take the next right," I instructed, watching Kyle's tailgate disappear around the corner. "I don't think it works like that. Plus, I wouldn't have a job or a boyfriend."

  "You could come work for me at the bar. Did I mention an employee quit recently and I have to interview for a new one?"

  "How hard is that anyway?" I asked.

  "Working in a bar or hiring staff?"

  "Hiring staff."

  "Pretty easy. People leave resumes all the time, and sometimes, one of the staff recommends someone they know. I throw out the resumes that are terrible and keep the rest on file. Then I get them in one-by-one until I find the best fit. I usually start with a recommendation."

  "Is that how you got Kyle?"

  "No, he was from a resume drop. That's how I got most of them, since we're new, except for the cleaning staff. They're from an agency."

  "Do you check their references?"

  "Yeah, but..." Lily sighed. "A reference isn't hard to fake, and people leave stuff off their resumes all the time."

  "If you could find Kyle's resume, that would be great."

  "Sure, it's in my office. I'll take another look at it. Hey, he's pulling into the market. What do I do? "

  "Follow him." The market's parking lot was only half full so we let Kyle park first, continuing past before he got out of his car and saw us. We parked so that we had to twist around and look out the rear window to watch the doors.

  "What now? Should we go inside?"

  "I think he'll see... Lily!" Lily was out of the car before I had time to tell her not to. If Kyle saw her, he might have gotten suspicious. It wasn't a large market, and clearly, nowhere near Lily's neighborhood. I didn't feel like skulking around the aisles pretending to browse the washing powder and vegetables. "Ugh!" I groaned as I got out and followed her. I arrived in the store barely in time to witness Lily grabbing a basket, pulling up the hood of her jacket and starting inside.

  "No hoods, ma'am," said the security guard.

  "C'mon!" said Lily. "Bad hair day!"

  "No. Hoods. Ma'am," he repeated slower, glaring down at her.

  "That's right, it's not raining," I said, pulling her hood down and smiling brightly as I tossed my hair. "Silly you!" I grabbed her arm and continued into the store before anyone else turned to look. "Why didn't you wait?" I hissed. "It would have been easier to wait outside."

  "But what if he's getting supplies for the next robbery?"

  "Like what? This is a market, not a weapons supply store. You think he's going to throw tomatoes at people?"

  "Let's find him and see," Lily said, making for the vegetables. We spent several minutes looking all over the store for him. "He's not here," she said, finally. "Where did he go?"

  "If we’d waited outside, we'd know!"

  "Fine. You're right."

  We rounded the corner and I did a faceplant into a hard chest. "Sorry, I... oh!" I trailed off, realizing I just walked into our target. That was unfortunate, and for a moment, I was lost for words. Finally, I scrambled a few together while he looked from me to Lily. "I didn't see you there!" I said. "So sorry!"

  "Lily?" he said, looking past me. "What are you doing here?"

  "Buying stuff," she said, reaching across to the nearest shelf and grabbing a box before dropping it into her basket.

  Kyle frowned. "Condoms?"

  Lily and I both looked into her basket. The box she picked was extra large. She looked up without blinking. "I may be married, but I still practice safe sex."

  "Me too," I said, grabbing another box and throwing it into her basket in a show of sisterly solidarity. "But I'm not married. Maybe I should get another box." I grabbed another one and threw it in.

  "What are you doing here?" Lily asked, leaning a little to the left and attempting to look into his basket.

  "Grocery shopping," he said. "You don't live around here."

  "We were on the way somewhere when we realized we both needed condoms," she explained.

  "Huh," he said. "I gotta go." He spun around and walked down the aisle before turning out of sight.

  "Condoms?" I said, pulling a face.

  "Extra small?" said Lily, picking up the two boxes I grabbed. "Really?"

  "No, not really! Lily, it's not for real!"

  "Just playin' with ya! Did you see his basket? He had a roll of duct tape."

  "Could be for anything."

  "Like duct taping people before he shoots them. Let's follow..."

  "No. He's already seen us and I don't think he bought our story of an urgent need for protection. We have to leave."

  Lily stuffed the boxes back on the shelf and abandoned the basket. "Fine. Let's go."

  Back in the car, I said, "You can't tail him for a few days. If he's up to something, he's on alert for you now."

  "For me?"

  "For anyone."

  "Damn. I'm going to call Ruby and have her follow him. We can't leave him unmonitored." Lily dialed Ruby and they arranged for us to watch him very discreetly to see where he went from the market. Ruby would then watch him at home and take up the surveillance from there. It wasn't ideal, but would have to do for now. By the time Kyle exited the store and drove a few blocks, we were sure he was headed home.

  "What now?" Lily asked as we sailed past Kyle who was making a turn.

  "Let's go to the restaurant."

  The restaurant had been swept down and looked exactly as it did when Solomon and I first arrived. My untrained nose detected fresh paint so I figured they did a thorough job of tidying up after the robbery. The few diners enjoying brunch appeared entirely unperturbed by the recent events.

  "Can we speak to the manager?" I asked the woman behind the bar.

  "Do you have an appointment?" she replied.

  "No, but it's in relation to the robbery," I told her. Lily's reflection nodded enthusiastically.

  "Are you another one here about the reward?"

  "What reward?" asked Lily.

  "The manager put up a thousand dollars for any information leading to the conviction of the robbers."

  "Have you had many calls?" I asked.

  "Too many; and just so you know, all the information so far has been bull."

  "I was here that night," I told her, reaching for my business card which I handed over. Like most lucky recipients of my card, she took her time examining it first and then me.

  "This official business?" she asked next.

  "It is. We have a few questions for the manager."

  "I'll take him your card. Wait here," she said, waving over another staff member to assume her position behind the bar. We didn't have to wait long. A few minutes later, the woman reappeared with the manager. He shook our hands, saying, "I'm Robert King, manager of Royal's. I wasn't aware the Solomon Agency was investigating the crime. Who hired you?"

  "I did," said Lily without missing a beat.

  "And who are you?"

  "Lily Shuler-Graves. I own Lily's."

  "Right." King nodded, obviously familiar with her name as he gave Lily an appreciative look. I was pretty sure he wanted to get more familiar with her, but since the chances of that happening were subzero, I didn't bother making a comment. "You got robbed too?"

  "That's right. I hired the Solomon Agency to privately investigate the thefts."

  "Good call. I'd like to say I hired the police, but they aren't telling me anything. What can I do for you?"

  "We'd like to take a look at your employee roster."

  "The current one?"

  "Going back until you opened. Anyone on or off the books."

  "I only carry employees on the books and I make sure everyone I hire is legal," King replied. "I have a file on all hires and I don't see any reason why you can't see it too. You'll have to look through it here."

  "We'd appreciate that."

  "I'
m going out on a limb here, but do you think this was an inside job?"

  "We're investigating all angles."

  "Come into my office."

  King's office was nice, but basic, with none of the restaurant’s opulence. The desk and chair were cheap, the security system good, and an iron grill covered the window that overlooked a tidy parking lot. I knew there was a safe somewhere, but I couldn't see it. I guessed it had to be obscured by something. Perhaps one of the framed prints, or the large ficus in one corner. He reached into one of the twin filing cabinets, and retrieved a thick file, which he handed to us before indicating we could sit on the guest chairs. I did so, opening the file to the first resume.

  "If I'd known all this would happen, I would have made a list. Instead, I stick every employee’s resume in here. It's not an ideal system," he explained.

  "It's good enough. This is everyone? Bar staff? Wait staff? Cooks?"

  "Everyone I've hired except the cleaners. We get them from an agency. Magic Cleaners downtown."

  "Not the same agency I use," replied Lily.

  "Let's see if you recognize anyone," I told Lily, turning over the top sheet. The three of us were quiet but for the sound of rustling paper as I turned over resume after resume. Finally, she slammed her hand on the open file.

  "That's him! That's Kyle! I knew it! We've got him now!"

  "Who?" King leaned forwards, his eyes bright and hopeful.

  "We have someone who also worked at Lily's bar until recently," I said, plucking the resume from under Lily's hand.

  "This is good? Or bad?" King asked.

  "Good, I hope," I answered as my cell phone began to trill. I plucked it from my pocket, glancing at the screen before I swallowed.

  Maddox wanted to talk.

  Chapter Fourteen

  "It's not enough," I heard Jord say on speakerphone as Lily rang him with the good news. We were sitting in the car with the windows wound down. The sun finally decided to come out of hiding and bathed Montgomery in a haze of warmth. "How many bars have you worked in, Lily?"

  She started to count on her fingers. "I don't have enough fingers," she said. "Dozens?"

  "Exactly. I could probably count you as a suspect."

  She paused, then asked, "Would that involve an interrogation? Do you want to play naughty cop and..."

  I made a loud vomiting sound and looked at Lily to see if she got my point. She stuck her tongue out, but to my relief, didn't go into anymore details. Hearing my brother enthusiastically agree was scarring enough.

  "Jord was not as a happy as I thought he would be," she told me after they made a few more mushy noises and hung up. "I really thought this would be enough probable cause to get a warrant and search Kyle's house for the stolen cash. How do the cops ever get anything done? All that paperwork!"

  "Probable cause? Who sounds professional now?"

  "I know! I love this!" Lily clapped her hands and I had a brief moment of wishing I could throw a ball and see if she would catch it and make sea lion noises.

  "He's right though. To seriously point the finger at Kyle, we need more evidence. Better evidence. I hope Lucas comes through with the cell phone records. All we can do is call Ruby and see what moves he's made since we swapped over surveillance."

  "Okay, but don't think I haven't realized making all these phone calls is an excellent way to keep busy and not return Maddox's call."

  "You noticed that?" I hadn't made much noise about Maddox's phone call. Usually, Lily and I would have analyzed the simple missed call several times by now. Today though... nothing. We were being incredibly mature about it.

  "I'm not an ace detective's sidekick for nothing."

  "Aww, Watson."

  "Who's Watson?"

  "Never mind. I'll call Ruby."

  "Call Maddox!"

  "Ruby."

  "Maddox," said Lily, taking my phone and scrolling to the missed call list. She tapped Maddox's name and the phone began to ring out.

  "Hello?" said his voice before I could hang up.

  "Hi!" yelled Lily, pushing the phone to my ear as I squeaked and batted her hands.

  "Lexi?" he said, sounding puzzled.

  I pulled together my composure while pulling a face at Lily. "Hi, yes, it's me."

  "I know. Thanks for returning my call."

  "No problem. What's up?"

  "I was just thinking about your missing person case and wondered if you'd like to take a look over mine. Might give us both a better perspective."

  "Take a look at his what?" mouthed Lily as I waved her quiet.

  "That would be great, actually. I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure if I'm looking at a missing person now, or a case of stolen identity."

  "I've worked a few stolen identity cases. We can update each other on our cases and see if anything springs to mind."

  "Thanks, I'd like that... and Maddox, did you send me flowers?"

  "No. Why?"

  "Are you sure?"

  Maddox hesitated. "Absolutely sure. Should I send flowers? Did I miss something? I know it's not your birthday."

  "No, but thanks anyway."

  "Okay, well, I'm back and in the office all day. Call or come by whenever you can."

  I promised I would and hung up, turning to Lily. "Maddox didn't send the flowers."

  "People should really sign cards," she replied. I had to agree. It would make my day a lot less embarrassing if I could stop asking men if they bought me flowers for no apparent reason. "I'm gonna call Ruby. I hope Kyle hasn't made a move."

  "I thought we were hoping he had."

  "Yeah, but I don't want to miss it."

  "Fair point."

  Ruby didn't have much to report when we called. Instead, she simply said he returned to his house, went inside and she hadn't seen a single movement since. Just as Lily was about to hang up, Ruby yelled, "Wait! He's got a visitor. He just pulled up in a car."

  "Who? Who is it?" asked Lily.

  "Get the license plate," I whispered.

  "Get the license plate," Lily yelled and I heard Ruby's muffled voice replying something about quieting down. "She got the plate," Lily said to me. "What are they doing now? They're going inside. What's he wearing? He's wearing jeans and a black jacket. Is he the right height and build for our robbers? He's the right height and build! Do you recognize him? You don't. It's not the same guy he went to the bar with? No? Uh-huh. Okay. Can you watch them? See what they do, if anything? You will? Great. Call me later." Lily hung up. "So, Ruby said..."

  "That she got the plate, he's wearing jeans and a jacket, he could be one of the robbers and Ruby doesn't recognize him."

  Lily's mouth opened and she blinked. "Wow, you have got good hearing. Do you think it's too soon to rejoin the surveillance? What about if I wore a wig? I have seven in the trunk."

  "Do I want to know why?"

  "Probably not, no. I also have three hats. I have old lady, gangster and a cap you could wear forwards, backwards, or to the side, depending on how you feel."

  "What does the gangster hat look like?"

  "Badass."

  "Can you take me back to my car? I should probably pack before I meet up with Maddox. I need to be ready as soon as Solomon calls."

  "When he does call, remember to tell him Lexi Graves waits around for no man."

  "Except today, because he's busy and he volunteered to drive," I pointed out.

  "We can make an exception for that."

  Lily deposited me at my car outside Kyle's house, which I didn't like leaving. I returned to find it untouched, and promised to call her later with an update. She wished us well on our forthcoming trip. I longed to have as much confidence in solving the fake Nancy case within the next few days as she did, but was quietly cautious. Once we were there, I hoped a discovery would follow swiftly. Someone had to recognize fake Nancy. All I had to do was find that person.

  Naturally, since my conversation with Abigail Harris at Greenacre Books, I was more than curious about the real
Nancy who apparently died months earlier. If fake Nancy stole her identity, she must have known of the real Nancy's death. I knew from my search engine results that Nancy's name never came up, which indicated the real Nancy's death didn't make national news. Did that mean fake Nancy was a local resident? Or someone passing through town? It made sense to me that fake Nancy and real Nancy could have known each other.

  As I entered my house, I grabbed some notepaper from my desk and began to make a list of exactly what I wanted to achieve when we visited Greenacre. At the top of the list I wrote: 1. graveyard. Then, 2. real Nancy's family. I wanted to know what happened to Nancy. How did she die? Who were the people in her life? Who did she live with?

  Finding my mouth dry, I dropped the notepad on my coffee table and walked into the kitchen searching for a large glass of something cold. Before I could do that though, I found something large, four-legged and furry sprawled in front of my refrigerator.

  "Barney, how did you get in here?" I asked, stooping down to rub my neighbor's dog between the ears, right where he liked it. Barney responded by lolling his tongue out of his mouth and giving me a dopey look. "You are the world's best dog burglar, and a persistent nuisance. Let's take you home."

  Barney dropped his head to the floor and gave me a sad look.

  "I'm not buying it," I told him. "Plus, you're a working dog and you should be on duty. Otherwise, who's going to help Aidan hear stuff? Hmmm? Let's go. Barney, I mean it," I added sternly when he let out a deep breath. Slowly, he got to his feet and trotted past the torn and empty tray of sausages that he was lying on top of. "I'll pretend I didn't see that," I told him as he followed me out the kitchen door and around the side of the house. We paused for a moment by the mailbox so I could grab the waiting envelopes, dropping onto his belly again while I shuffled through them.

  "Lexi, hey. Hi! I didn't know you had a dog." A man stopped in front of me and stooped down to pat Barney on the head, squinting as he eyed me. The haircut was familiar, and so was the face when he looked up.

  "Leo! What are you doing here?"