Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6)

by Camilla Chafer

  "Male?"

  "Duh, yeah!"

  "I'm down with that."

  "And sexy, bare-chested robbers..."

  "Still male?"

  "Yep!"

  I smiled, easing the tension slightly. "I'm seeing the fun side to this party now."

  "I knew you would. There will also be themed cocktails and burlesque performers in prison guard uniforms. Jord helped me pick out the troupe. He was very enthusiastic."

  "I'll bet he was."

  "And free admittance, if you bring a cop."

  "Guaranteed to make sure no one gets arrested."

  "I don't know about that, but I'm willing to try. Maybe I'll make it an annual thing. No one will ever dare to rob my bar again."

  "Pretty dumb to try it the first time," I reminded her, waving to Solomon as he walked towards us. Maddox was with Peta’s family. He started ushering them into the house, away from the growing collection of photographers and media. Apparently, Peta’s and my escape from a prolific serial killer was big news. Everyone wanted to hear Peta's story. There was even talk of a Lifetime movie.

  "Let's get in," I told Lily, nodding to the pack now starting to look around for other people to pester, since their money shots were fast retreating inside.

  "Fine, but it was a waste of eyeliner not to get at least one photo taken for the national press." Lily slid onto the backseat, and I joined her, while Solomon climbed into the front. I wondered how long we'd have to wait for Maddox.

  "I got the new coroner's report on Nancy," said Solomon, handing it to me as he took the driver's seat.

  "How did you get this?"

  "I know a guy."

  I looked at the file a little while, then returned it, unopened. I'd seen enough. "Give me the short version," I told him. "What really happened to Nancy Grant?"

  "I can tell you she was definitely murdered," Solomon said. "The report is thorough and unequivocal in its decision. The head injury Nancy sustained couldn't have happened in a fall. It was simply too severe, and the spiral fractures confirmed it was a blow from above that killed her."

  "I still don't get why Leo killed her. Unlike the others, she was his girlfriend. He loved her."

  "Humph," said Lily.

  "I know, I know. I'm not sure I believe that a serial killer could truly love anyone."

  "Leo started relationships with a lot of the women he killed," said Solomon. "But he was such a quiet, reserved guy that often, none of the women’s friends or family met him. He courted his victims, and when they failed to fulfill his expectations, he killed them. Same with Nancy, only it got more complicated. She was everything he wanted, and seemed to be working out for him, but he got to be too much for her. Two things contributed to Nancy's death. One, he caught wind she planned to leave him and his ego couldn't handle that. No woman left Leo Chandler."

  "What's number two?"

  "Two, he became obsessed with her friend, Peta. He saw failings in Nancy that he didn't observe in Peta. He began stalking her, although, according to him, she encouraged his secret courting."

  "Pfft," said Lily.

  "Exactly. With Nancy out of the way, his access to Peta would have been uninterrupted. Nancy became the only hindrance. She had to go. So he took her out in the woods one day and bludgeoned her with a rock. He intended to bury her out there too, except he couldn't because someone saw him."

  "How do you know he planned to bury her there?" I asked, wishing I hadn't.

  "We found skeletons," Solomon replied simply and I shuddered. "If you hadn't been kidnapped, and we hadn't tracked you through the woods, we might never have found them. They're still searching that area for more unmarked graves..."

  "But not this one!" said Lily as she pointed at me. "Not Lexi Graves!"

  Solomon nodded, continuing, "I think we'll find the rest of the missing women there. They'll be adding to the murder charges."

  "Part of me is relieved," I told them, "but part of me wishes I didn't know that."

  "They'll all be laid to rest now. Their suffering was over long ago, but it might ease the suffering of their families now," said Solomon. "You should be pleased at your part in that. If nothing else, hang on to that."

  I thought about all the missing women, and the years of fading hope. "I will."

  "Peta tied Leo directly to Nancy's murder," Solomon continued. "Leo was supposed to be out of town the day that Peta drove out to get Nancy and help her move out. Except Peta got a flat tire about a mile away. She decided to walk the rest of the way to the cabin, and took a shortcut through the woods. She saw them together and was debating whether or not to call out when she saw Leo striking Nancy. She used her cell phone's video camera to record it."

  "Why didn't she intervene?" I asked.

  "I've seen the footage. It's horrendous. Leo yelled at Nancy that he was going to make a life with Peta, and he knew she was coming there that day. Nancy would have been dead in seconds. Peta would have been too, or held prisoner. She had to get back to town for help, but when she did, she panicked, knowing Leo could find her at any time. She thought he might have seen her in the woods, so she decided to become a missing person in order to protect herself and her family."

  "If she had just come forward with the video... Why didn't she?"

  "The longer she waited, the more terrified she became and worried wherever she was, and wherever he was, he would get to her somehow. She was right. Leo would not give up looking for her. He knew she wasn't missing and was hiding somewhere; he guessed she might have taken Nancy's identity. So he made up the story of Nancy going missing, attached Peta's photo to it, and started looking for her. By sheer luck from a helpful stranger, he ended up in Montgomery. But he needed someone else to do the hard work. All we had to do was locate the fake Nancy, provide him with an address for her, and he would have taken it from there."

  "I could have gotten her killed," I said softly. Being so excited about the idea of reuniting lost lovers, I lost focus on the sincerity of the client. If I handed over her address, Leo would have settled his account, and Peta would have gone missing for good. We could never have found her again, and might never have even known that he killed her.

  "But you didn't."

  "Because you wanted to be cautious. If you hadn't smelled a rat... and I just ran Nancy Grant through the DMV without relying on Leo's word, we would have known we were chasing the wrong woman!"

  "This is the right outcome, Lexi. That's all we need to focus on," said Solomon.

  "That and your vacation," said Lily.

  I pretended to heave a sigh. A bet was a bet, and despite the terrifying turn of events, I lost. I owed Solomon a damn good vacation. Preferably, somewhere hot... and safe. "Where am I taking you?" I asked him.

  Solomon was about to answer when the passenger door opened and Maddox got in. "This is going to be a circus for a few days," he said, addressing all of us. "Expect a lot of phone calls."

  "How'd it go? How's Peta?" asked Lily, leaning in before I could ask the same questions.

  "Happy to be home. She'll be making a full statement to PD later this morning. Her evidence alone is enough to put Leo away for life."

  "Good!"

  "Thanks to Lexi, he'll never harm another woman again," Maddox added. "This calls for celebration!"

  "We're celebrating my success first. Did I mention I busted an armed theft ring?" Lily asked smugly.

  Solomon muttered something like "every five minutes," but Lily, in her bubbling enthusiasm, let it slide.

  "And Lexi helped," she conceded, "though not very much since she was busy solving one of the most prolific serial killer cases in history. I don't think she even watched the security tape I gave her."

  I gulped, feeling guilty at my oversight. "I was very busy, wasn't I?"

  Lily nodded, and carried on, "If you want to get in free, you have to bring a cop. Shame neither of you are cops. I suppose I could make an exception for a private detective and a FBI agent."

  "What is she tal
king about?" asked Maddox.

  "Party at the bar," said Lily. "I sent you all e-vites."

  "What I really want to know is..." I started.

  "Do you get a free drink?" butted in Lily. "In all honesty, probably, yes."

  "No, not that, but thanks. What is Peta going to tell PD?"

  "That she not only has the video, but when Leo went back to the cabin, she snatched the very same rock he used to bludgeon Nancy. We'll get it processed, but I'm pretty sure there's a good chance of finding epithelials that will tie Leo unequivocally to the case."

  "No wonder he wanted to find Peta so bad. Her evidence is damning."

  "You know, I really think he overlooked that basic fact in his desperation to find her," said Maddox. "He didn't care about the bloodied rock or the video. I'm not sure he even knew Peta was out there in the woods that day. I really think he was so fixated on finding her, nothing else registered."

  "Until he met me."

  "Yeah. Until he met you."

  "You do attract some weird guys," said Lily, which wasn't all that helpful a comment, especially since I was just thinking it too. At least, the two best guys ever in my romantic life currently occupied the front car seats. That gave me some hope that I stood a good chance of continuing to attract normal men. Maybe even sticking with one.

  "You can talk."

  "I know. I was very successful at it until I married your brother."

  "The charm will wear off," I assured her.

  "Not for me," she replied with equal determination. "I love married life. Now let’s go home so I can plan my party and avoid tedious house chores."

  ~

  Solomon and I were alone in my yellow bungalow stretched out on my couch, his arms around me, our legs entwined. His shirt rode up a little — not entirely by itself — revealing a delicious expanse of hard, brown abs. I had on frog pajamas with sewn-in feet. So far, Solomon wasn't complaining, but I was pretty sure my choice of casual night attire would come up in conversation soon.

  I felt pretty pleased with myself. Being pleased sure beat the hell out of panicking over coming so close to being imprisoned by a serial killer who preferred to bury his victims in the woods. With that pushed firmly at the back of my mind, and Solomon's protective arms around me, I simply enjoyed snuggling.

  "I've got a case for you," said Solomon.

  "You romantic. You say the sweetest things."

  Solomon lifted his head from where it rested atop mine. "You don't want it?"

  "No. I want to go on vacation. I have a bonus payment from my awesome boss, and an IOU with him too. I think I better repay it."

  "You'd rather go on vacation than take another case?"

  "I'd like to pretend I want to take another case right now, but yeah, I want a beach and a secluded cabana and a luxury hotel room and..."

  "Your bonus wasn't that much."

  "Fine. I'll settle for a shared pool, a beach towel with my name on it, and cocktails while the sun goes down."

  "That’s it?"

  "You just reminded me the bonus wasn't that much!"

  "How about a suite with ocean views, a Jacuzzi bath for two, champagne on ice, a private beach and glorious sunshine, guaranteed?"

  "Don't be mean," I pouted.

  Solomon wriggled his body. I didn't know why, but I didn’t stop enjoying it. He wriggled a little more, I enjoyed it a lot more, and then an envelope appeared in front of my face.

  "What's this?" I asked.

  "Open it."

  "It's the new case, isn't it? What do I have to do this time? Is it safe? Is it tracking elderly lost poodles for their distraught owners? Is it solving a theft? Is it a simple honey trap?"

  Solomon sighed. "Just open it."

  "You know my rates have gone up."

  "Open the envelope!"

  "Okay!" I tugged my arm from underneath Solomon. Unfortunately, it was pretty dead and I had to waggle my fingers to return some life to them. When I got some feeling back, I slid my thumb under the flap and pulled out the contents. My mouth dropped open as I scanned the papers.

  "You didn't!"

  "I did."

  "You planned our vacation? John!"

  Solomon gave me a very satisfied smile. I was sure I'd be seeing a lot of that smile for the next two weeks in the soft sand of the glamorous resort. "Paid for it, too," he told me.

  "How did you..."

  "It was already planned, even before we took the case. Knowing you lost the bet, and would have held up your end of the bargain, makes my surprising you now all the sweeter."

  "This is so... so..." I stuttered to a stop, speechless.

  "Romantic? Great? Surprising?" Solomon waited hopefully.

  "Perfect. So very, very perfect," I said before kissing him.

  Lexi Graves returns in

  Kissing in Action

  Coming soon!

  About the author

  Author and journalist Camilla Chafer writes for newspapers, magazines and websites throughout the world. Along with the Lexi Graves Mysteries, she is the author of the Stella Mayweather urban fantasy series as well as author/ editor of several non-fiction books. She lives in London, UK.

  Visit Camilla online at www.camillachafer.com to sign up to her newsletter, find out more about her, plus news on upcoming books and fun stuff including an exclusive short story, deleted scenes and giveaways.

  You can also find Camilla on Twitter @camillawrites and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/CamillaChafer.

  Other books:

  Lexi Graves Mysteries:

  Armed & Fabulous

  Who Glares Wins

  Command Indecision

  Shock and Awesome

  Weapons of Mass Distraction

  Laugh or Death

  Stella Mayweather Series (Urban Fantasy)

  Illicit Magic

  Unruly Magic

  Devious Magic

  Magic Rising

  Arcane Magic