Guilt Trip

by Pat Simmons

  Abruptly, her daydreaming ended when Talise’s coworker nudged her. She blinked. Evidently, she had once again drifted off.

  “Are you feeling okay?” Kendall McCray asked with a curious frown.

  “Yep,” Talise lied, as she struggled to suppress a bout of nausea.

  Chapter Five

  Late Monday evening, Ace shook his head as his beloved Boston Harbor faded from view. To avoid seeing Talise at the airport, he purposely booked a later flight on American Airlines. So despite what he told his mother, his bags didn’t fly free.

  Not an emotional man, Ace took a deep breath to keep from mourning the loss of those things dear to his heart. Swallowing hard, he whispered goodbye to the seven-time Major League Baseball World Series Champion Red Sox, the National Hockey League World Champion Boston Bruins, the National Basketball Association World Champs Boston Celtics, and so many other places and things he would miss.

  At the very least, he was representing Beantown by wearing his Red Sox jersey. Ace’s mind went to this coming fall when he wouldn’t be there to attend one of the New England Patriots’ home games at Gillette Stadium. Hopefully, they were on the St. Louis Rams’ schedule to play.

  Lastly, he would miss the conniving Ms. Talise Rogers. In the past, Ace had faced guns, survived knife attacks, and spent extended stays in a couple of Boston area jails, but this present situation was foreign to him. Leave it to a gorgeous woman to cause him to run scared out of town. His name might as well be Samson.

  Ace exhaled and shook his head at the flight attendant offering drinks. It was Talise’s fault that he had to take these drastic measures. He guessed she hadn’t heard the rumor that no woman would ever claim this Jamieson man. She might as well dispense with her phantom pregnancy. Her plan to trap him backfired.

  With her looks, smarts, and personality, Talise could find another sucker and start the game over. Either she was that good or he’d been too gullible. He had given her the benefit of the doubt because she was possibly the “one,” but she blew it, trying to snag him.

  As with all the others, Ace wasn’t bluffing. He was voluntarily entering into the MIAB program. Unlike a person in the Witness Protection Plan, who always had to watch his back, he didn’t have a care in the world as part of the elite Missing in Action Brother club. Ace closed his eyes and reclined his seat.

  By the time his plane landed in St. Louis two and a half hours later, he was restless. While dozing, he dreamt he was a father of twenty children. That would have broken his old man’s record of the eleven that he knew about.

  “Whew,” he commented to himself.

  Shaking off the nightmare, Ace regained his composure before disembarking the plane. As he strolled through Lambert Airport, he commanded the attention of every woman who made eye contact.

  When he approached the baggage claim area, Kidd was leaning up against the wall with his arms folded. His lips curled with a hint of a smile, but his stare was menacing.

  Both brothers were buffed, but Kidd had thickened since his marriage to Eva Savoy two years ago. Standing by his side, his wife was all smiles and waves. Eva was pretty, but Talise was stunning.

  Within an arm’s reach, Kidd engulfed Ace in a bear hug. His brother’s grip was as if it had been ten years since they last saw each other instead of six months. Height-for-height and muscle-for-muscle, it was a duel of strength.

  “Break it up.” Eva separated them before either brother could declare a winner. She swatted at Kidd before giving Ace a welcoming hug. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Finally. I can’t believe it took a woman to get you here.” Kidd barked out, adding a laugh that caught the attention of several nearby passengers. Eva shushed him.

  Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Ace sat behind his desk in his spacious new office. He checked his cell phone for the third time—nothing. Talise’s appointment with the doctor was sometime that day. Would she tell him the truth if she wasn’t pregnant? When her theatrics tugged at his emotions, it bothered him, yet he restrained himself from returning her calls.

  Feigning she was scared and worried, Talise had asked him to call her. “I just need to hear your voice,” her message had said. Since then, there had been nothing. No more texts or voice messages. Her absence was foreign to him after four months of exclusive dating.

  Ace wanted to reach out to her, but he had to break off their relationship cold turkey. He had hoped settling in as a senior accountant at Healthcare Concepts’ corporate office would be an adequate distraction. As it turned out, keeping busy worked for his mental faculties, but his heart was empty.

  After only a few days, Ace was close to finishing his initial project. Already, he was the center of the office gossip and wore the label “smart and sexy.” Undeniably, the variety of attractive female coworkers made a man want to come to work in the mornings. What a selection, with a number of flavors to choose from: Latina, Black, White, Asian, or tantalizing blends.

  One would think the beauties would keep his mind from drifting back to Talise. To date, Ace had turned down a lunch offer, a happy hour invitation, and a home-cooked meal. He got his fill of home cooking at Kidd’s, and he could go to a sports bar alone to get smashed. As for lunch, he wasn’t playing into that so soon.

  Later that evening at Kidd’s house, he tried to unwind. His transition had gone rather smoothly. The day after Ace arrived, he had settled into his brother’s spare bedroom without a hitch.

  “It’s so good to have you finally move here with your brother,” Eva told him. “Make yourself at home. We’ll respect your privacy, but a word of wisdom. If any unpleasant odors seep from under your door, smelling like leftovers or unattended clothes, I’m busting in. When I house clean, things sometimes wind up missing,” she said, smiling innocently.

  His brother had already warned him that Eva was a neat freak. “Word to the wise,” Kidd mouthed, standing behind his wife.

  An hour or so later, things were cool. Kidd was yelling at St. Louis Cardinals’ pitcher Adam Wainwright to change up his swing. Eva seemed to ignore the ruckus, disappearing into the lower level to her hobby room. For some reason, she collected bridal magazines. Did somebody need to tell the woman her wedding was over? Ace didn’t even want to know the story behind that one.

  The next thing Ace knew, Kidd suddenly leaped from the sofa. He was poised to run toward the flat screen television and coax Wainwright to throw a fast ball and end the dragged out inning. Ace couldn’t care less about the Redbirds. His mind drifted to the time he took Talise to the Red Sox’s first game of the season. They had dressed alike in the hometown gear.

  Why did his day always begin and end with thoughts of her? She couldn’t be pregnant. Ace Jamieson always protected himself.

  Chapter Six

  Friday morning, Talise woke at the usual time as though she were going to work. The previous night, she and her sister, Sinclaire, had exchanged sporadic emails.

  Sinclaire: I’ve been fasting and praying all day for God’s will in your situation. So, what did your doctor say? Nine hours ahead, her sister had sent the message at six o’clock in the morning United Arab Emigrates Time Zone.

  Talise: She rescheduled my appointment until tomorrow, Friday. Talise had replied hours later when she had a chance to log on to her computer.

  Sinclaire: What! Sigh. Well, I’ll keep praying. A person could only fast so long in this desert heat. I won’t have time to Skype tonight. Here’s a short prayer: O Father, in the Name of Jesus, only You are in control of our lives. Help my sister to trust in You. Regardless of the outcome, let her draw closer to You, Lord. Give her peace, comfort, and forgiveness. Amen. Love you, Sis. Email me as soon as you find out. Claire.

  Although they both shortened their names at times, her sister didn’t like to be called Sin, saying it was too creepy. So, other than Sinclaire, she only answered to Claire.

  Forgiveness. Talise’s eyes lingered on the word. “Yes, Lord, I know sleeping with a man who isn’t my husband is a
gainst Your edict. And I know because everybody is doing it isn’t an excuse, but somewhere down the road I lost my conviction about it, which is why I’m in this mental torture now. I know it’s too late, but Lord Jesus, I’m sorry.”

  I did not die on the cross to condemn you for your sins, but to save you from the payout of sin, God spoke to Talise’s heart. Under her sister’s strong influence, Talise had learned quite a bit about salvation and everyone’s need for it.

  “Thank you, Jesus,” she whispered. Gathering a deep breath, Talise fought off a nervous feeling. As she went about dressing, she noticed her breasts seemed a little tender. Wondering about that only added to her anxiety. All she wanted was the time to fast forward, but it was still two hours before her doctor’s appointment. It seemed like an eternity.

  By the time she finished cooking a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, she had lost her appetite. Too restless to read a magazine or watch TV instead she chose to sit and stare out the window. It was a comfortable June day and people seemed carefree as they strolled to one of the surrounding universities, commuted to work, or simply enjoyed the day off.

  She quickly tired of the mindless tasks to stay occupied around the apartment and finally gave up. Deciding to leave, it wouldn’t hurt if she was a half an hour or more early. So far this morning, Talise had taken three trips to the bathroom. On her last one, she applied her makeup, but it barely camouflaged the dark circles under her eyes. Her flawless skin was beginning to mar from the stress.

  Getting in her car, she drove to Dr. Sherman’s office on Dartmouth for the moment of truth. The good thing was her doctor stayed on schedule. The bad news was the waiting room was crowded. Talise felt out of place surrounded by other women who were in various stages of their pregnancies. Most wore wedding rings; a few spouses or boyfriends tagged along.

  Talise was alone and her heart ached. She longed for Ace to be by her side, holding her hand. But she hadn’t heard from him all week, even after she relaxed her rule and left a couple of pleading messages. This wasn’t a good sign. He always returned her calls. Maybe he was sending her a message; she feared what his silence meant.

  The waiting room was painted in cheerful colors. With a play area set up in the corner, a few busy toddlers were dismantling a wall of building blocks. Finally, two other women entered who didn’t have on wedding rings. Ironically, they both wore blank expressions. Did hers mirror theirs?

  Right on schedule, at exactly quarter past eleven, Talise’s name was called. With her blood pressure checked and temperature taken, the nurse went through a list of questions, including the best estimate of the first day of her last period. After handing the nurse her urine sample, Talise sat on the examining table. As she waited for her results, she prayed for strength.

  It wasn’t long before Dr. Sherman walked in with a faint smile. “Congratulations, you’re six weeks pregnant.”

  Unable to hold back her emotions, the floodgates opened. Talise burst into tears. She jumped off the table and hurried over to the trash can where she threw up. Her doctor, rubbing her back, assisted her to the sink where Talise rinsed out her mouth and patted cold water on her face.

  Back on the examining table, she covered her face with her hands in shame. With a box of tissues in one hand, Dr. Sherman wrapped her arm around Talise’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Everything is going to be all right. Is the father supportive?”

  Talise couldn’t make eye contact yet. She shook her head and began to bawl again. Her life status had instantly changed. Taking a deep breath only triggered another round of tears. After a hiccup or two, she strained her voice and managed to say, “I don’t know.”

  The room took on an eerie silence and time seemed to freeze. When a few more moments passed, Talise sniffed and was able to wipe her eyes with a tissue. Finally, she looked at Dr. Sherman, who was waiting patiently.

  “If you want to keep your baby, I’ll go over the regimen of proper diet and exercise and prescribe your prenatal vitamins.” Massaging Talise’s back, her doctor continued. “On the other hand, if you’re not ready to become a single parent, you can elect to have an abortion. I don’t perform them, but there are options that don’t require an invasive procedure or overnight stay. We can terminate it without anyone knowing besides you and me.”

  Sinclaire would know and God knew.

  “Your lifestyle won’t have to miss a heartbeat.”

  It? She heard the doctor refer to her baby. Does the child have a heartbeat? Talise groaned when she thought about her carefree lifestyle. Someone had to pay for her carelessness, either her or the baby—it.

  Dr. Sherman continued. “Why don’t you think about it for a couple of days and then call the office with your decision. We’ll proceed from there.”

  Nodding, Talise was numb as she waited for the doctor to close the door. She suspected she was pregnant, and now it had been verified. Now what? Ace was missing in action. Talise toyed with the doctor’s questions as she passed through the waiting room and walked out the door.

  The sun was blinding when she stepped outside. Slipping on her sunglasses, her body absorbed the warmth. The weather was far too enjoyable even for her gloomy mood. She seemed lost in space, out of place—and forgotten.

  Feeling as if she was the only person standing on the face of the earth whose life was in disarray, she leaned against the building momentarily. Talise was in a state of shock; she watched people passing by, but saw no one.

  Abortion. Was it an option for her? Could she go through with it? Did she hate Ace so much that she could destroy what they created?

  “Mom, I wish you were here. My baby and I would want for nothing,” she whispered. Somehow she doubted whether her father’s new wife, Donna, would be as understanding. She sighed at her thoughts and spoke aloud, “You wouldn’t like her, Mom, but Dad seems happy. Sinclaire and I know you would’ve wanted that.”

  After ignoring a bystander’s curious gaze—probably wanting to know who she was talking with—Talise snapped out of it. Clearly, she wasn’t ready to return home yet. Afraid of feeling caged and eventually crying the day away, she headed to her car and added more change to the meter.

  In her present state, it would be better to be around people. So Talise looked for a bookstore, coffee shop, any public place where she could just think. Walking aimlessly down the street, she rolled the word “abortion” around in her head. Sinclaire’s threat immediately came to mind.

  “Don’t do anything you’ll regret later. God forgives, if we ask,” Sinclaire had said during a recent Skype conversation.

  “Even if I’ll regret having a child out of wedlock, being a single parent, and poor?” she had asked her sister.

  “I’ll risk a dishonorable discharge to come home and help take care of you and my niece or nephew. I mean it. Children are so innocent, even when we aren’t. Don’t discard them like some people in the Old Testament. They burned their babies as a sacrifice to their idol gods. Children have a purpose. They have a way of teaching us a thing or two,” Sinclaire pleaded and then smiled reassuringly before she had to sign off.

  Now Talise would have to deliver the official news to Sinclaire. This was way too much for her to absorb and, before she did anything, she needed a drink to dull the pain. Only a social drinker, usually with Ace, she had to tell him there was indeed a baby. Yeah. He needed to know, but first, she needed a stiff drink.

  At the corner of Dartmouth and Stuart Streets, she spotted her so-called daytime tavern—Starbucks—and headed that way. Once inside, her stomach growled as she scanned the menu.

  “May I help you?” a young man asked, giving Talise a bold and appreciative sweep of her body. Doing her best to keep from rolling her eyes, she ordered, “A Grande Yukon. And please make that with three extra shots of Espresso.”

  The guy’s eyes widened. “Whoa. You must be a serious coffee drinker.”

  When he gave her the total, Talise handed over the money. While the barista prepared the drink, he trie
d and failed to coax her into small talk. Finished, he slid the cup in front of her. “To the pretty lady.”

  “To the pregnant lady,” she mumbled under her breath, saluted him with her cup, and walked away. Finding a seat in the corner, Talise said grace. After she ended with an Amen, her hands remained locked in a praying position.

  Pregnant. She repeated the word in her mind while taking a sip and wishing she could get drunk on coffee. Who knows? She might get a hangover from the caffeine. Her eyes misted as she stared out the window.

  “Jesus, I messed up, didn’t I? I’m so sorry,” she spoke softly. Closing her eyes, Talise nonverbally confessed what her heart and mind already knew. She would have her baby.

  As her lids fluttered open, she stole a deep breath and took another sip. The coffee was strong, just as she preferred it. But would the caffeine harm her baby? She frowned, not knowing the answer. With that thought in her mind, Talise pushed her cup to the side. Before heading home, she would stop at a bookstore and buy some baby books. She was going to be a mother.

  When should she begin her round of calls? “I should make a list,” she said aloud. Why did she feel like she’d be making death notifications to the next of kin, as though her life was over?

  First, of course, she’d tell Sinclaire, the person closest to her. Her sister was waiting anxiously to hear the verdict. Talise would email her as soon as she returned home. Next, she’d tell her dad. She couldn’t help but wonder how he would take the news. After that, Talise would have to inform her company and confide in a few close coworkers at the airport. She wanted to hold off on that as long as possible. However, Gabrielle Dupree, her immediate supervisor, came to mind.