Guilt Trip

by Pat Simmons

  “Not to be rude, but I didn’t realize I was coming for Bible study. What does that have to do with me?”

  Sandra wasn’t offended by her curt remark; rather, she attempted to explain, “You’re going to need Jesus as you go through this.” She stalled, picking at her pie. “I’m not trying to be cruel, demeaning, or insulting, but there is no nice way to say this.”

  Taking a deep breath, Sandra prayed silently and plowed ahead. “You aren’t the first woman who has claimed to be pregnant by Aaron. The babies either never materialized, or through DNA testing, weren’t his—to my relief.”

  From Talise’s body language, it was apparent she was uncomfortable. The blood seemed to drain from her face. Patting her chest, Talise glanced in Lois’s direction.

  God, help me to choose my words carefully. Then drawing on her inner strength, Sandra went on, “My oldest son’s wife is expecting, and I look forward to becoming a grandmother. God knows I’ve been praying that Ace would settle down and get married before he fathered a child.”

  She finished, slowly releasing her breath and hoping Talise received her words with the humbleness intended.

  “Great!” Talise raised her voice and slapped her hand on the table. That got her roommate’s attention. Lois seemed poised to intervene, but she didn’t move.

  Sandra wanted to reach across the table, hoping to calm her. But she doubted her touch would be welcomed. Blinking back tears in her own eyes, “Talise,” she said softly.

  Talise wasn’t buying any attempt to be consoled, as her bruised feelings rushed to the surface. “Unbelievable. Ace has set up his own reproductive clinic, a male gigolo who just uses women and then casts them aside. I was no more than a number on his chart,” she said more to herself.

  A look of horror, disappointment, and shame glared on Talise’s pretty face before she covered it with her hands. Moments later, when she removed them, her face was flushed and her eyes wet.

  Bowing her head, Sandra began to pray silently as old memories came flooding back. Somehow it didn’t seem so long ago when she had to face the reality that Samuel wasn’t going to be an active part of her sons’ lives. Samuel had no intention of marrying her either.

  If Talise was pregnant, then Sandra prayed her situation wouldn’t become part of a generational dysfunction. She didn’t want this to be “like father, like son,” with Ace unwilling to marry Talise. God, let her see I’m on her side. Help!

  “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt,” the Lord spoke a portion of Colossians 4:6 to Sandra.

  Leaning closer with her own set of misty eyes, Sandra whispered, “You’re not alone.”

  “Unless your son is crawling through those doors, begging my forgiveness, and putting a ring on every single toe and finger, then I am alone. I’m a twenty-nine-year-old, single, pregnant woman.”

  “I was a twenty-year-old when I had my first son and became a single mother. Five years later and still single, I had my second son. I didn’t know Aaron’s father was already a married man … but deep down inside, I had my suspicions.”

  She looked down at her hands. “There were no words to describe how deceived, betrayed, and utterly alone I felt. There was no one to help me out of the hole I had dug for myself—and my children. I lived it.”

  “Are you telling me that Ace is married?”

  Sandra shook her head. “What I’m trying to say is I have been in your shoes. If you’re carrying Aaron’s child, I don’t want you to feel that you’re alone.”

  Talise wore a blank expression. Sandra couldn’t decipher if she had broken through to Talise’s heart. Anchoring her elbows on the edge of the table, Talise cradled her chin in her hands. “You’re ten weeks too late from that happening.”

  Sandra’s heart dropped. Her frustration at failing to convey her heartfelt desire to reach out to Talise battled with the bitterness the young woman had for Ace. She glanced away, trying to regroup her thoughts.

  Although she was talking on her cell phone, Lois had her eyes trained on them.

  Turning back to Talise, Sandra tried again, “Over the years, Aaron latched on to role models who were irresponsible men. Unfortunately, he has mimicked that behavior.”

  “I see. So your purpose of this meeting is to give me the heads-up that Ace is a shallow, irresponsible human being. As a result, he’s destined to go through life breaking hearts.”

  Speechless, Sandra bit her tongue in defense of her son. The woman made him sound like a mere dog.

  Looking away, Talise nodded her head as if she had reached a decision. Then her expression hardened. “Thanks for the insight. Please don’t take this as an insult, but it is what it is—Ace is a jerk. I got that. So I basically could go on Craigslist and find a more responsible father figure. Got it,” Talise said sarcastically.

  Remaining silent, Sandra continued to take the tongue-lashing that was meant for her son. She connected with Talise’s pain.

  “Do you mind if I ask you a question? Did you seek out Ace’s other false positive baby mama girlfriends?”

  “No.”

  “Why me?

  “God stirred my soul the moment I heard about you. If you’re pregnant with Ace’s baby, I want a relationship with you and my grandchild.”

  “If?” Talise repeated indignantly. “There’s that word again. Evidently, Ace has you brainwashed.”

  Maybe Sandra’s actions were premature and she should have waited for DNA results. Yet she felt God urging her to reach out to Talise. Even if there were too many ‘ifs,’ such as: if Talise is pregnant, if the child is Ace’s, and if Sandra should get involved.

  “I’m not trying to hurt or offend you by saying if, but please try to understand this from my point of view. I’ve gone down this road before with Aaron—”

  “And it seems like Ace’s GPS has avoided dead ends and he’s on a collision course to destroy lives, and I’m just one of many obstacles who got in his way.” Talise finished the thought her way.

  “Listen, I can understand your anger and hurt, but he is still my son. I reared him right and I’m proud of the good things I’ve done in his life.” Sandra snapped her lips shut.

  Temper, temper, she did not come prepared for battle.

  “Talise, I’m sorry. The bottom line is, I want all my grandbabies. I promise you that once the paternity test proves Aaron is the father, I won’t abandon my grandchild. However, I don’t need a test for us to be friends.”

  “But you’re not willing to believe me until then, is that what you’re saying?”

  Sandra eyed the younger woman with remorse. Slowly, she shook her head. “I’m sorry …”

  Pushing back from the table, Talise gathered her purse and stood. Lois quickly disposed of her tray and was at her friend’s side, as if summoned.

  “Ready?” Lois asked.

  “Thank you for dinner, Ms. Nicholson. Sweet potato casserole is my favorite,” Talise said sweetly. “However, it sounds like I’m on trial, and I’m supposed to prove that I have something that belongs to Ace Jamieson.”

  Talise grunted. “None of this will matter at the end of forty weeks. Ace already severed the umbilical cord. For the sake of my son or daughter, I am so through with the Jamiesons. Period.”

  Chapter Twenty

  If I knew how to shoot a gun, I would kill Ace.” Talise was beyond humiliated. She and Lois strutted out of the restaurant, as though she didn’t have a care in the world.

  “Stop it before your baby hears you talk that nonsense. If it’s a boy, you don’t want to give him any ideas about becoming a thug and packing.”

  Lois was right. Talise exhaled. She wasn’t vying to be the next guest on The Maury Show. Suddenly, she could hear one of her mother’s favorite childhood scoldings, If you can’t say anything nice about a person, don’t say anything. For the rest of the ride home, Talise was quiet.

  “Are you okay?” Lois asked, moments after they entered the apartment. “You barely said a word in th
e car. What are you thinking?”

  “About the ‘if’ word,” Talise responded, mumbling and grumbling on the way to her bedroom. Leaving an untidy trail of her belongings—purse, sandals, and keys—across their hardwood floor, she was completely distraught.

  “Can you believe the nerve of that woman? Sandra wants us to be friends if I’m pregnant with Ace’s baby. She would have been less insulting had she requested my friendship on Facebook, whenever I decide to give in to all that social network stuff. I suppose the request would be to meet me in the birthing room.” Her voice quivered.

  “Actually, I heard her say she wants to be friends, and then after the paternity test, she wants to be the grandmother,” Lois tweaked.

  “Talk about a superficial relationship. Was it even worth meeting?”

  “A free meal—yes.” Lois kicked off her shoes, as Talise cut her eyes at her friend. Scooting a chair closer to the bed, Lois got comfortable and then used her roommate’s bed to prop her feet.

  “You know the saying, ‘Momma’s baby, Poppa’s maybe.’ Evidently, with a son like Ace, she’s always suspect. Again, I’m so sorry for introducing you to such a low life,” Lois offered her ongoing apology.

  Lying on her bed, Talise stared at the ceiling. She felt like her identity had been stolen. It would probably be faster to repair a damaged credit report than her life at this point.

  “What a mess? I know some women think they can change a man, but that wasn’t my intent. I happened to like the man Ace portrayed himself to be.” Talise sniffed to ward off a crying spell. It was useless, as her tears began a slow path down her cheeks. This emotional roller-coaster was as bad as physically throwing up. She could never get used to either one.

  “I don’t know which was more shocking, Cameron telling me that Ace had moved—not moved on, but away—or Ace’s mother kindly letting me know that I’m among many who’ve claimed to carry his love child.”

  She wiped at her tears. “Can it get any worse?” The dam broke and Talise’s mind conjured up everything that was wrong in her life. She bawled for her mother’s absence when she needed her most; her sister’s noble sacrifice that she was making for her country so far away, her mean and insensitive stepmother or rather, her father’s wife. Why did her mind pull Donna into the mix?

  She was pregnant, rejected, and a mental breakdown had now been fully activated. This was ultimately about her child, who would need both parents but would grow up with a crucial void in his or her life. Talk about a false sense of security. It hadn’t been a good day at all.

  Turning to her side when she felt the bed shift, Lois sat next to her and whispered, “It’ll be all right.”

  “How?”

  “Because Jesus said so.”

  The response offered a temporary reprieve, as Talise stared at her roommate. Straining her voice, she asked, “Where did that come from?”

  Lois shrugged. “Girl, how would I know? It just popped into my head and sounded like something Sinclaire would say. Did it work?”

  Talise mustered a smile. “I hope so.”

  “Let me get you something to drink.”

  Standing, Lois first walked into the bathroom and returned with tissues. She stuffed them in Talise’s fist and then headed for the kitchen.

  Alone with her thoughts, Talise tried to unscramble everything Sandra had said. The microwave buzzed, and seconds later, Lois strolled back into the room. She was carrying a tray with a cup of hot tea, whole grain crackers, and white grapes.

  Sitting up in bed, Talise’s heart warmed at her friend’s thoughtfulness. She reflected on when she asked God to put people in her path. Whether she knew it or not, Lois was definitely a godsend. Talise hadn’t made up her mind about Sandra.

  “Thanks. I really appreciate you being there for me.” Talise took a sip and then sighed.

  As she quietly tried to build her resolve, Lois snacked on the crackers and suddenly said, “Women rule.”

  “You know. I’m so through with the Jamiesons. ‘If you’re pregnant,’ or ‘if it’s Ace’s,’ or ‘if you didn’t trick him like the other one hundred women,”’ Talise twisted her mouth, as she mimicked Sandra. “Forget ‘if.’ I don’t need them!”

  “Ah, Talise, before you sign up for this ‘independent woman retreat,’ you do need Ace’s medical history.”

  “Grrrrrrrh. I forgot all about that. Since Ace is emotionally incompetent, I’d better make sure there are no other underlying heartless deficiencies in his genes.”

  “Here’s the bottom line. Your baby is going to be a Jamieson. Period. There are no ‘ifs’ about that.”

  “I checkmate your ‘period.’ My son or daughter will have an honorable name—Rogers. If I have a son, I will do everything in my power so that he won’t turn out like his father …” Sandra’s exact words seemed to echo in her mind. What if Talise’s best wasn’t good enough?

  “What blows me away is she never married. I wonder if that was her choice,” Lois added to the puzzle.

  Talise was lost in her thoughts. She didn’t even want to think about that happening to her.

  “Sandra Nicholson has it going on,” Lois continued to rattle on. “Forget Tina Turner, Halle Berry, or Jennifer Lopez. I want to look like her when my children are grown and gone. She could’ve snagged a good man and shared the task of rearing her sons with him.”

  Lois paused. “Did you see that guy checking her out on the way into the restaurant?”

  “No, I was too busy calming my nerves to keep from throwing up,” Talise replied. She squinted before challenging her friend. “According to you, she’s supposed to be the enemy, remember? And you’re giving her compliments?”

  “I have no shame.”

  “She is pretty, but I hope that’s not me in fifteen or twenty years down the road. Still unmarried because no one wants the responsibility of loving another man’s child is not for me. I’m going to borrow Sandra’s ‘if.’”

  Folding her arms, Lois nodded. “It’s a free country.”

  “If Ace thought he was exercising his manhood by walking away from me and his child, then, so be it. One thing I won’t have in common with Sandra is my baby’s father coming and going in and out of my life. I don’t want to duplicate that situation by giving my child a sister or brother.”

  She and Lois touched and agreed with a high-five.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  By Ace’s calculations, if Talise was pregnant, she would be plus or minus three months. As much as he tried not to think about her, he couldn’t escape it. Not with Eva’s “in your face” pregnancy.

  It was his designated day to babysit Kidd’s pregnant wife, who remained on bed rest. Eva looked fine to Ace. Why his brother even asked him to be on standby was a mystery. Kidd came home for lunch, phoned Eva throughout the day, and texted her constantly. Exactly, how much rest could she get with all those interruptions? Besides her bouts of nausea, Eva rested and didn’t ask for much.

  Ace leaned back in the desk chair. As his mind drifted, he glanced outside the window in his bedroom, where he had set up his home office. Kidd’s backyard deck summoned him.

  But St. Louis’s late morning humidity was stifling and he chose to stay cool inside. Ace missed the East Coast beaches. Actually, he missed Talise—her voice, her smile, and her bright eyes. If the woman was pregnant, how ironic would it be for two brothers to be expectant fathers at the same time?

  Ignoring the work that was outlined on his spreadsheet, Ace entertained memories of Talise. He smirked. Whenever one of them missed the other, nothing seemed to deter them from seeing each other. When they were dating, Ace couldn’t get enough of her, and Talise felt the same way. Whether it was a late night dinner or taking an early lunch, they wouldn’t be denied. Not even with Talise’s Saturday schedule at the salon.

  A few times, she had juggled her client load so they could enjoy a weekend getaway to New York, Connecticut, or even Rhode Island. He closed his eyes and rubbed his wavy hair. One Friday eve
ning in particular, Ace was waiting outside her apartment when she got home from work. Already packed, she changed into comfortable clothes. Ace grabbed her bags and before they knew it, they were on I-95, headed toward the Big Apple.

  “We don’t have to race back. I took a vacation day on Sunday.” Talise had surprised him.

  It was those little sacrifices she made that caused Ace to believe she could have been the one. He thought he felt the clarity of her affections. Was she only catering to his desires as part of her scheme to trap him down the line? Ace frowned. A bird in flight caught his attention.

  He preferred to reminisce on fond memories. Ace thrived off Talise’s complexities. Once they had gotten settled in their hotel suite, their first destination was to the Empire State Building. The time was early spring and the weather was still chilly in New York. Her boots, skinny jeans, and sweater top with the matching cap caught every man’s eye. Ace snickered and shook his head. Talise was his possession and he kept her close.

  As she snuggled in his arms at the top of the monument, Talise whispered, “I’ve got a secret.”

  “Which is?”

  “I’m scared of heights.”

  Not his fearless woman. He had playfully pinched her. “Right, like a sailor who can’t swim? You work for an airline, baby,” Ace teased, as he hugged her tighter. Giving him the warmest smile, she had rested her head on his chest.

  “I know. But in a plane, I feel protected and safe. Out here in the open, more than a thousand feet above street level, it’s scary.”

  “I gotcha, babe. Trust me, I gotcha.”

  Closing his eyes, Ace remembered kissing her cold lips. He missed that. Reluctantly, he flipped to the next slide in his mind. Ace smirked when he recalled them standing in a long line in Times Square for bargain tickets to see Sister Act. Even at a discount, the tickets were still pricey. Talise had protested, saying it was too much money.

  Her complaint had fallen on deaf ears, and they remained in line for him to buy anyway. She had offered him a sip from her cup of hot chocolate. “I kind of like standing in the crowd with you. We can keep each other warm by holding hands,” she’d told him.