Guilt Trip

by Pat Simmons

  “I was just thinking about you. How are you, now?”

  “Hungry.” She put on a cheery front.

  “I’ll bet you are,” Sandra teased her.

  “I am and so is the baby. Do you want to keep me company? Maybe you can tell me about my baby’s father’s childhood illnesses.”

  “What ya got a taste for?”

  “Boston Market.” Talise couldn’t get enough of their sweet potato casserole.

  “Okay, I’m leaving work in ten minutes. I need to stop by the house and then I’ll meet you at the one near you. Wear some flat shoes too. Maybe we can do a little window shopping afterward, if you feel up to it.”

  Talise smiled. “I would like that.” Then she added in a whisper, “Thank you for being a friend to me.”

  “I thank God you allow me to.”

  Sandra brought along Ace’s baby pictures and grade school photos. They gave Talise an idea of what her son or daughter might look like. Either sex, her baby would be beautiful. Ace was one of those pretty baby boys with long lashes—an unnecessary asset for a boy—a head full of curly hair and an adorable smile.

  Sandra described him as an inquisitive toddler, happy and very sociable. She also made a list of some of his childhood illnesses. He suffered with childhood asthma and was allergic to fish and peanuts.

  “Besides that, Aaron was a normal, hard-headed little boy.”

  Yeah, a little boy who grew up to be a cold-hearted man, thought Talise.

  When they finished their meal, she declined a stroll, but Sandra accepted a rain check for the next evening. It was ironic that Sandra would be replacing her son. Usually, Talise and Ace were always together on Fridays after work.

  The next day, Talise found out that she and Sandra had very different definitions of window shopping. Sandra was like a caged pet set free at Faneuil Hall Market Place. Talise looked, but didn’t spend.

  The older woman splurged without hardly giving an item a once over. It didn’t escape Talise that most of the things weren’t for Sandra, but keepsake gifts like a snow globe, a picture album, and knickknacks for a child’s room. Talise assumed they were for Eva’s baby, until she noticed many of the articles Sandra purchased were two of the same thing.

  By the time she got home and climbed into bed, Talise had no doubt in her mind and heart that Sandra was a gift from God. As she laid her head on the pillow, it was as though God seemed to whisper in her ear.

  “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.”

  Talise blinked, recognizing the words were from something she’d read in the Bible. It had been a while, yet she sensed God’s presence. The only thing is she didn’t exactly know where to find the Scripture. That bugged her, yet it intrigued her.

  Suddenly, curiosity got the best of her. Talise got up and pulled out her Bible, sandwiched in between a stack of baby books. As she began to flip through the pages, she realized she was clueless.

  Gnawing on her lip, she asked, “What did You mean, God?” Frustrated, she logged on to her laptop to Google it. Once she typed in as much as she could remember, the search engine directed her to www.biblegateway.com, the Book of Ruth 1:16. Bingo, or maybe she shouldn’t say that in the same sentence with a Scripture.

  The entire chapter was about a daughter-in-law whose husband died, and the young widow was determined to follow the religion and customs of her mother-in-law. That night, Talise didn’t doze off while reading. She actually read the entire story. In the end, Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi, had led Ruth to her blessing. Talise realized that once trouble came Ruth’s way, if she had turned back, she would have missed the blessing of a new husband and baby.

  “Jesus, what does this mean? Is Ace going to die? Are we going to get married and Sandra will be my mother-in-law? What does it mean?”

  Talise closed her Bible and held it to her chest. She wished God would just write what He wanted her to know. Sitting there in deep thought for a moment, she then chuckled at herself. “I guess that’s what the Bible is—God’s Word on a lot of paper.”

  She would email Sinclaire later and get her take. In the meantime, maybe she might up her prayer time to six minutes. Turning off the lamp, Talise snuggled under the covers.

  Saturday morning, she woke up happy, content, and hopeful. Perhaps, she was experiencing a different type of mood swing.

  Talise showered and ate in record time. It was the dressing that had become challenging. She wished she would have purchased some articles when she and Sandra went “window” shopping the previous night.

  On her way to the salon, she phoned Sandra. “I know it’s early for me to call, but I was wondering if you want to go shopping with me later today.”

  “Nonsense, I’m up and doing my morning workout. Shopping? Did you say mall?”

  Talise laughed. “Believe it or not, I need a few maternity clothes.”

  “I would love to go with you.”

  “Great, I’ll call you after my last customer.”

  “Okay, sweetie.”

  Talise disconnected with a smile. Ten minutes later, she parked across the street from Sassy’s and strolled into the salon just ahead of her first customer.

  After finishing three clients, Talise waved her favorite client back to the shampoo area. They exchanged a quick hug, and then she whipped a plastic cape across Priscilla’s shoulders. Once she was reclined in the chair, Priscilla sighed in contentment as Talise massaged warm water through her hair.

  “So how’s Tammy?” She asked about Talise’s alias.

  Glancing over her shoulder, Talise scrutinized the few clients and stylists milling around. “Although I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, I think she’s starting to handle her situation better.”

  “Good for her. Does she need anything?”

  “Nah, except to cope better with her mood swings. I think Tammy will be glad when it’s all over.”

  “It goes slow in the beginning. And then once she reaches four or five months, that precious baby really begins to grow. I’ve been through it three times and, believe me, I was a force to be reckoned with.

  “My husband said I was downright hateful. Couldn’t nobody stand me, but once I held little Stella in my arms, I promised to be the sweetest mother ever. That was, until I got pregnant with Macie, and then I was back to my mean self again.”

  Talise laughed so hard, she had to race to the bathroom to relieve herself before she had an accident. Once she returned and rinsed the conditioner out of Priscilla’s hair, she wrapped a towel around it.

  “So how many more customers do you have today?” Priscilla asked, as she sat in Talise’s chair at her station.

  “Two.” She turned on her blow dryer and began to comb through Priscilla’s hair.

  “How are you going to make a living with doing only three heads on a Saturday, girl?”

  Talise whispered, “I had to cut back. The fumes from the chemicals make me sick. If I move too fast, I get dizzy. Plus, my feet are starting to swell.”

  “Get some good support shoes,” Priscilla whispered back and reached for a magazine. She didn’t utter another word as Talise began to flat-iron and then bump her hair. An hour and a half later, when she was about to spray oil sheen to top off her style, Priscilla lifted her hand.

  “Nah. Not today. I like the bounce.”

  Talise frowned. “You complain when it looks dry.”

  “Then I’ll oil my scalp.” Priscilla stood and removed her own cape. As she rummaged through her purse, Talise could see the woman’s thick whipping belt.

  “How much I owe ya?” she asked, as if it changed from her last appointment.

  “Seventy-five.”

  Priscilla handed Talise a one-hundred dollar bill, then added a twenty. “Keep the change.”

  “Is this extra money a down payment on a hair weave or something? This is way too much.”

  It’s for Tammy’s baby, she mouthed.

  The lig
ht bulb went on. Talise was starting to recognize the people whom God was placing in her path.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  On Sunday morning, Talise felt like she picked up another pound and inch overnight as she dressed for work at the airport. She reflected on the shopping adventure with Sandra for maternity clothes.

  Sandra raved about a bronze-colored, sleeveless dress. “Don’t look at the price tag. Do you like it or not?” She held up the garment on the hanger.

  “It’s nice if I had somewhere special to wear it.” After spying the price, Talise gritted her teeth. “Besides, it’s out of my price range anyway.” She had set an allowance and wasn’t budging.

  “Well, it’s not out of mine. You can wear it when you go out on a hot dinner date or to church,” she teased and scrunched her nose. Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

  Talise snickered. “Then you’d better save your money. No one wants to date a pregnant woman. Plus, I work on Sundays, remember?”

  “Humph. God is in control of your life and schedule.”

  She sighed. “And that’s a little scary for me right now. I feel like I’m walking around blindfolded. I have no idea what to expect.”

  Sandra perused the sales racks and tables. Talise gasped at the price of a good maternity bra. She would rather use her money on a pair of shoes that would give her better support.

  “Do you have one?” Sandra lifted another maternity bra.

  “I think I can hold off a little while longer. I need to stop by the shoe department before I leave.”

  Sandra eyed her chest and then the table. She guessed Talise’s size and then searched through the assortment. Talise’s mouth dropped open. The woman was making her feel like a charity case.

  “That’s too big.”

  “You’ll fit into it.”

  God whispered, Let her bless you.

  He immediately reminded her of the passages in the Book of Ruth. She resolved not to put up any more objections, so Sandra bought the purchases and Talise accepted. Next, they headed to the shoe department. Sandra offered to pay for those too, but this time Talise refused. She pulled out the hundred dollar bill Priscilla had given her and handed it to the clerk at the register.

  As she recalled that experience, another Scripture came to mind. I will supply your every need according to My riches in Glory. It surprised her when she remembered reading the words from Philippians 4:19. Talise found herself marveling at the truth of God’s Word and how it was applying to her life in a real way. Wasn’t God using people to meet her needs? Both Sandra and Priscilla had blessed her, and she had no doubt He had something to do with it.

  Sinclaire had prayed that God would put people in her path and Talise was beginning to see them. Although she wasn’t near welfare assistance level, saving money was an issue. Being a single mother was new territory for her. She had no idea what financial state she would be in when the baby arrived. If she worked, there would be day care expenses. If she stayed at home, bills had to be paid. It was starting to look more like a move back to Virginia was in her future.

  Talise cleared her mind of worrying about the future. She ate breakfast, got dressed, and thanked God for her new fashionable shoes with better support. They were definitely worth the money. And Sandra had been right. The bra did fit after all.

  After applying her makeup, she headed off to work. On the way, her mind returned to the issue of money. Her father had been faithfully sending her funds. Twice, he added a bit more, but her expenses would skyrocket when her baby was born. She tried to figure out ways to be more frugal.

  At work, Talise walked from the parking garage to the terminal with a slight pep in her step. Once she cleared the employee security check in, she smiled when she saw Gabrielle at the ticket counter. This time her supervisor was working in Kendall’s place.

  “Hey, Gabrielle, what are you doing here?”

  “Kendall’s off on her Alaskan cruise, so you’re stuck with me, if that’s okay.” She smiled and scrunched her nose.

  “Sounds like fun to me,” Talise said, putting her things away and then logging on.

  The Sunday morning airline traffic was light and the two made small talk in between customers. Talise watched Gabrielle’s face light up every now and then. Several families paraded the terminal in their Sunday best. It looked as if they were heading to church as soon as the plane landed at their destination.

  When Gabrielle wasn’t looking, Talise scrutinized her hair: thick, thick, and thick. Talise was glad she didn’t have to detangle it. Physically, Gabrielle had the legs men always noticed, along with her other assets. Personality wise, Talise’s friend and coworker downplayed her intellect and beauty.

  That was most endearing and made her wonder what her own assets would look like once she delivered her baby.

  “You’re glowing today. Did your boyfriend take you out last night?”

  “I got some rest. Plus, I’m single again.”

  “Do you mind me asking if it was mutual?”

  “Let’s just say, I never saw it coming,” Talise said, before they both turned to someone approaching them.

  “They must save the pretty ladies for the weekend,” a male passenger flirted when he stepped up to their counter. Peering through quarter-pounder thick glass lenses, the man appeared old enough to be someone’s great grandfather.

  Gabrielle giggled. “We’re here to make sure you get to your destination on time. How can I help you?”

  After the crowd diminished at their counter, Gabrielle revisited Talise’s taboo topic. Actually, she welcomed the discussion with someone who was unbiased. Lois couldn’t make up her mind if she was looking out for her best interest, or simply ready to release revenge on a Jamieson.

  “Break-ups are hard, especially if it’s one-sided.” She held up her hand. “I’m not saying it’s this, but sometimes God has to work out the kinks in a man.”

  It was on the tip of Talise’s tongue to say it was too late for her and Ace, but she didn’t interrupt.

  “Men have baggage just like women. Once they’re willing to unpack it, God can fill them with His wisdom, His power, and a fire for Him. That’s the kind of man worthy of a woman’s love.”

  Nodding, Talise leaned on the counter. She looked away and watched as passengers headed in their various directions. “That sounds so beautiful and encouraging, but I don’t believe a word of it.”

  They laughed. “I have three wonderful brothers. I’ve been taught well,” Gabrielle explained.

  “I wish I had brothers, but I have a great sister who I miss hanging out with.” She straightened her body. “Oh, I need a potty break. Can you handle it?”

  “Go while the coast is clear.” Gabrielle shooed her.

  Hurrying away, Talise couldn’t believe how much of a difference her new shoes made. While in the restroom, she examined her face. Her skin was still flawless, but her face was starting to fill out around the cheekbones. What would people say once they learned she was dumped and pregnant?

  “Did you read this email?” Gabrielle asked when Talise returned.

  “What email?”

  “Southwest is cutting back. The president says it’s in response to the struggling economy. She read, ‘We, at Southwest Airlines, are restructuring our goals and priorities. To avoid a massive lay off, effective immediately, it is necessary for every employee to …”

  Talise didn’t wait for Gabrielle to finish. She hastily tapped on her keyboard, searching for the company’s Outlook mail. Talise scanned the email and continued reading, “‘Scale the work week to thirty-two hours. This furlough will remain in effect until further notice. Thank you for your sacrifice. Please advise your immediate supervisor of your preference for which day you would like off.’ Oh, no,” she said, deflated.

  Sniffing, Talise prayed that she wasn’t about to lose it. She couldn’t handle a crying spell at work.

  “I know. Since I’m in management, I’ve heard the rumors for months. I guess they decided
to go through with it. I’ve been hoping they wouldn’t. Don’t think this doesn’t affect management. Who do you think is supposed to pick up the slack? I’ve been contemplating a career change lately. The airline industry has run its course in my veins,” Gabrielle confided. “Please don’t repeat that last part.”

  Talise bobbed her head and felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why did it seem like a bad day always follows a good day? She dabbed her eyes with her finger.

  Gabrielle smiled and attempted to console her. “It’s good that you already have a part time job at the salon to help pick up the slack.”

  “I have rent and expenses to split with my roommate.”

  “Yes, the South End is pricey. Well, at least you don’t have any small ones to feed.”

  “I’m pregnant,” Talise whispered.

  Forming an O with her mouth, Gabrielle was speechless. Her eyes darted to Talise’s stomach and then back to her face. She nodded when the realization seemed to hit.

  “When I noticed your weight loss and then a slight gain, I thought you were suffering with some kind of gland disorder. I started praying for you. Then today you walked in here glowing. I thought everything was okay.”

  “I’m sure rumors have been circulating about me.”

  “I stay away from rumors. They have a tendency to cloud a person’s opinion of others and that could cause me to cast judgment.”

  Talise listened in awe. Could a person be that neutral? She frowned. “That sounds impossible. How can you do that? Rumors about my baby’s father have made my life miserable, but without those rumors I would have nothing to go on. It’s not like he’s been upfront with me.”

  “There’s a wise saying and it happens to come from the Bible: ‘In all your getting, get an understanding.’ Is there any way you and your boyfriend can come to an understanding?” Gabrielle gave a hopeful look.

  “That would be too much like the right thing to do. It’s too hurtful for me to talk to Ace, especially in my condition. He seems so cold and I can’t bear his chilly attitude.” She twisted her lips. “Anyway, I have a more pressing matter. I’ll need to make up for the lost income.”