The Alchemy of Desire

by Crista McHugh

  “It wasn’t too painful, was it?”

  “No. On the contrary, it was actually pleasant, like falling asleep next to you.”

  She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m glad. Forgive me, but I entered your mind while I was healing you. I tried to make sure you had something nice to distract you from the pain.”

  “What I saw there pleased me.”

  “I’m glad you liked the visions I gave you.”

  His stomach knotted up. Something didn’t sound right to him. Visions? Distractions? Had she just made him think she loved him in order to comfort him? Was it better to believe the delusion or to demand the truth? He searched her face. He wanted to believe her, but so many doubts filled him. After a few seconds, he decided he’d sleep better thinking she loved him. She lay down and cuddled next to him under the buffalo blanket.

  He clung to her and stared at the stars above him. Her body seemed to fit so well next to his. She had become a part of him, like the missing piece of a puzzle that completed him.

  Can I leave her when the time comes?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “You two disappoint me. I thought I would have at least heard something last night.” Cager laughed. “You know, proper thanks for saving each other’s lives.”

  Diah stiffened in front of her on his horse. “Not everyone is as crude as you.”

  It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about properly thanking him last night. Stars above, her body ached for him. She’d even gone so far as to proposition him again, but as always, he refused her. And she was left more confused than ever.

  Maybe it was better not to bring it up. Then she wouldn’t have to be reminded that their time together was growing shorter. Every mile brought them closer to the Paha Sapa and ticked off the time she had left with him.

  They stopped at midday to rest the horses and nibble on some of the dried meat. She wrinkled her nose. She needed to go hunting tonight. Her palate craved fresh, juicy meat. If she shifted, she would be able to satisfy it easily.

  The men stood on top of a nearby hill with the scope and studied the landscape. She almost forgot they’d never seen anything like this before. The worn hills with the different colored striations stabbed by jagged canyons were a rare sight to those from the East. But to her, they were the hills she had roamed for as long as she could remember.

  “Hey, Oni, you don’t think we’re in danger of running into the Sioux out here, do you?”

  “No, not really. Most of them are moving farther east around this time of the year, although some may linger here if the hunting is good. Why do you ask?”

  “Because there seems to be a camp to the south.”

  What the hell? She ran up the hill to join them and peered through the scope. Five tepees sat in a circle about ten miles away, but no smoke rose from the camp. It was abandoned. She adjusted the lens and tried to decipher the markings on the tepees. Her blood froze.

  “There’s no one there.” She returned the scope to Cager.

  “What do you mean, there’s no one there? Why would the Sioux leave perfectly good tents behind?”

  “Because they did. Now stop asking me questions.”

  “Maybe it was intended to be a shelter for hunters when they’re in the area,” Diah said as she walked back to the horses.

  “Well, if that’s the case, why don’t we camp there tonight? I’d love to have a roof over my head for once.”

  “No, Cager, we’re going to avoid that camp and keep pushing southwest. You got that?”

  His feet slid on the gravel as he descended the hill, but he maintained his balance and stopped mere inches from her face. “No, we are going to that camp tonight. You’re our guide, remember? We’re the ones paying you, and you will take us where we want to go.”

  “You have no idea what you’re messing with.”

  “I don’t care. I’m tired of having to pull the covers over my head every night to keep the tip of my nose from freezing off. We know where the camp is, so if you won’t take us, then we can find our way there without you.”

  Her gaze traveled to Diah. “What are your thoughts?”

  Cager crossed his arms and stood next to her. Diah’s eyes flickered back and forth between them, as if he was trying to decide which side to take. Finally, he sighed and shrugged. “Cager does have a point, Oni. All this sleeping out in the open is wearing me down.”

  Stupid wasichu! Did she have spell out the danger to them? She opened her mouth to tell them but realized they would just laugh at her. It would sound like a silly superstitious ghost story to them. She’d tried to warn them once before about the things unseen, and they had dismissed them then. Didn’t they understand these things were real?

  She gritted her teeth. “Fine, but I’m not responsible for your folly. I’ll do my best to protect you, but only because I want my money.”

  “Glad to know I could appeal to your reason.” Cager mounted his horse and waited for the two of them to do the same.

  Diah frowned as he helped her into the saddle. “So it’s all about the money, huh?”

  Her heart thudded when she heard the sadness in his voice. She didn’t mean to hurt him, and yet she had somehow. “No, Diah, I’d protect you—”

  “You’ve said enough, Oni.”

  Shit! One of these days, she’d learn to think before she spoke, especially when she was angry. It was too late now to try to apologize, though. He wouldn’t believe her. The money was important, but he was beginning to mean more to her than just about anything else. His coldness almost robbed her of the air she needed to breathe.

  When they approached the camp a little over an hour later, she made one final effort to convince them to leave. “We’re going to lose a lot of time staying here tonight. If you really want to reach the Black Hills in time to catch the White Buffalo, I recommend pushing on.”

  “And I disagree. We’re all exhausted. The break today will help us keeping moving forward and keep the horses from collapsing on us.” Cager jumped down and inspected the first tepee. “Oh, my God, there’s enough furs and blankets here to make a dozen comfy beds.”

  “That’s it—I’m sold. We’re staying here tonight, Oni.” Diah got down and joined his brother.

  Great Trickster, please help me worm my way out of this one. The sacred markings on the tepees reminded her of what happened to the original occupants of this camp and she shuddered.

  “All right, we’ll stay, but keep to these two tents and don’t damage anything. Treat it with respect. It’s not your camp, after all.”

  “I shall pretend I’m staying at the Maison de Ville in New Orleans,” Cager said with a grin.

  While the men were distracted by unloading their bags, Oni touched the smooth hides and traced the markings. Her fingers tingled and fear tweaked her heart. She took a deep breath and forced herself to remain calm. The residual energy was faint. The demon hadn’t been here in many years. Perhaps it had forgotten about it and moved on.

  “What’s wrong, Oni?”

  She turned to see Diah standing behind her. “I’m just trying to make sure this place is safe.”

  “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s empty. You should see the dust inside. Cager and I are going to shake the hides out so we won’t be sleeping in sand. Want to help?”

  How he could be so nonchalant about taking over someone’s home? “No, I think I’m going to do some exploring.”

  “What are you looking for?”

  She frowned and debated whether or not to tell him the truth, that this place was cursed. But was there any need to worry him when the demon hadn’t returned after so long? “My thoughts,” she replied at last.

  He shook his head. “More secrets.” She took a step toward him, but he held up his hand to stop her. “No, you don’t need to explain. Just please be back before dark. I really don’t feel like stumbling around in the night trying to find you.”

  She nodded and took off for the hills. She paused at the crest and saw the me
n snapping the hides. A puff of dust flew up from them and drifted off in the breeze. They would be all right for a few hours. Then she shifted.

  She circled the camp with her nose to the ground, trying to pick up the scent of the demon, but found nothing. Her muscles relaxed. As long as they did what they were told, they should be safe tonight. But she wanted to leave by dawn. They were pushing their luck by staying here too long.

  A jackrabbit darted out in front of her and she chased it. She gave in to the hunter inside her and allowed it to guide her movements. She caught its back leg with her teeth and pounced. Her first instinct was to go for the throat next, but she remembered the men might appreciate some fresh meat too. Still pressing it to the ground, she shifted back into a human and snapped its neck. Dinner.

  The sun was setting when she returned to the camp. Cager and Diah practically drooled when she held up her catch for them to see. “Anyone want to help me dress it?”

  “I will, but I want a larger portion.” Diah pulled out a knife and began skinning it.

  An hour later, the last of the succulent meat had been eaten, and they sat around the fire and sipped coffee. Diah licked his fingers. “Oni, I have to admit that’s the best meal we’ve had since we left Jim’s.”

  Cager nodded. “I agree. I’ll sleep well tonight.” He patted his stomach. “A hot meal, a roof over my head and a warm bed. I almost feel like I’m back in civilization.”

  Diah chuckled and stared at his feet. She wondered what he was thinking and why his cheeks seemed redder than usual.

  Cager stood and brushed the dirt off his trousers. “Well, I’m off to bed. You two don’t stay up too late, got it?” She almost swore he winked at Diah before he ducked into one of the tepees.

  The silence stretched out between them like a widening ravine. Diah poked at the coals with a stick and every once in a while would pull out the smoking tip, study it and put it back in the fire. He was probably still angry with her. She just wished she could see into his mind and find out why.

  “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, Diah.” She leaned as close to him as she dared. “I didn’t mean to imply I was only interested in the money.”

  “You made it sound like you did. Why did you raise such a fuss about staying here tonight?”

  She bit her bottom lip. He deserved to know the truth. “Because this place is cursed.” He flinched, but she continued, “Many years ago, the people of this camp mysteriously disappeared. The wicasha wakan said they were consumed by a demon.”

  “The who?” His brow knitted together. “And what?”

  This was just the reaction she expected. Why did I ever tell him? “The wicasha wakan are holy men. They see the things unseen, both good and evil.”

  “So you were frightened by a story about demons of some sort?”

  He was mocking her and her hands clenched. She was about to tell him it was more than just a story when the coyotes sang nearby. He jumped and she laughed as her anger melted away. “You make fun of me for believing the old stories and yet you’re terrified of a little coyote.”

  His eyes darted around the camp. “I just don’t like them, all right? They’re nothing more than thieves and troublemakers.”

  She held his chin so his gaze evened with hers. “Is that truly what you think about them? That there are no redeeming qualities about them?”

  “The Coyote in your stories is a different creature from those out there.”

  She stroked his cheek. It was soft and smooth under her fingers. He must have shaved while she was gone. She leaned closer and inhaled the scent of the soap he used. Her body grew warm and a dull ache formed in the pit of her stomach. Stars above, she wanted him. “I’ll protect you from the coyotes if you’re really that afraid of them.”

  “And how much will that cost?” He tried to sound cold, but she heard the tremor in his voice. Maybe she wasn’t the only one aroused tonight.

  She nibbled on his ear, and he inhaled sharply and reached for her shoulder. “I’m sure we can figure something out,” she whispered.

  His pupils seemed larger than normal when she pulled away and he had to swallow several times before he found his voice again. “Oh God, Oni, I know I shouldn’t want you so much, but I…” He finished his sentence by crushing her lips with his own.

  A squeal of excitement rose within her as his kiss deepened. Please don’t let him say no tonight. She molded her body to his. The need to breathe overcame her and she regretfully ended it. Her lungs strained against her ribs. “Diah, I’m only going to invite you into my bed one more time. A girl can only take so much rejection.”

  She stood and walked toward the tepee. Only his eyes followed her. Her heart fluttered like a magpie’s when she paused at the flap and looked over her shoulder. Get your ass in here or, so help me, I’m going to drag you in here.

  But he didn’t move.

  The shock of disappointment hit her like a punch in the gut. Her vision blurred and she quickly ducked into the tepee. He wanted her and she hoped she’d convinced him the feeling was mutual. Why did he continue to refuse her?

  She pressed her dagger to the dish of tallow hanging above her and lit the primitive candle. Then she gathered up the hides to make a bed big enough for just her. He could sleep with his brother tonight for all she cared.

  “May I come in?” Diah poked his head through the flap.

  She resisted the urge to say something nasty, but she nodded and turned away. After all, he was just a man. There were plenty more out there, right? She could always find another one.

  But when he locked eyes with her, her resolve fled. No, she could never find another man like him, no matter how hard she tried. Her voice shook when she spoke. “Didn’t you have something to say?”

  He cradled her face in his hands, stroking his thumb along her cheekbone. “It’s not that I don’t want to make love to you—I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more. It’s just that…”

  “What? Are you waiting for the perfect moment?” She took a step forward and he backed away. “I know this isn’t a fancy hotel room with a brass bed and a feather mattress, but we have walls and roof for privacy and enough furs to create a soft bed.”

  He winced and she enjoyed it. Words were as effective as a kick in the groin, and she wanted him to hurt as much as she did.

  “No, Oni, it’s not that. I—” He lowered his gaze and sighed. “I’m scared that, if I give in to you now, it will make it harder to leave you when I have to go home. It’s already going to be difficult enough to say goodbye because I know you won’t come with me back to Vicksburg, but—”

  “Wait a minute.” Her anger evaporated, and when she approached him again, he stood still. “You were thinking about the future of you and me?”

  He nodded. “I can’t take advantage of you. Although Lord knows I’ve been tempted enough to dwell on my own selfish needs.” He reached around her back and untied the string that secured her thick braid. He ran his fingers through her hair, unraveling it. “Do you know how many nights I’ve dreamed about feeling your skin next to mine? To know what it would be like to see your eyes staring back at mine as I made love to you?”

  Wetness pooled between her legs. Stars above, he’s arousing me with mere words. “Diah, we can’t always think about the future. Right now, we have each other and a moment to enjoy it before Hinkle comes after us again.” She pressed her body against his. “The question is why do you continue to torment yourself?” And me?

  He wove his fingers through her hair and yanked her head back. “Maybe I’m trying to be a gentleman.”

  She rubbed her hand against the erection that strained against the buttons of his trousers. All she could think about was how to get him inside her. “You don’t have to be a gentleman with me. Just be a man who wants to fuck me so hard, I scream when I come.”

  His eyes burned with a fiery intensity she’d never seen in him. It was as if a woman had never talked dirty to him before. His penis twitch
ed under her palm and she stroked it lightly. She expected him to moan, but instead his mouth clamped over hers, prying her lips open and filling it with his tongue.

  If she could have ripped his clothes off, she would have. As it was, her fingers clumsily fumbled over the buttons of his shirt while he kissed her. She made quick work of it and when she peeled off the suspenders, his trousers slipped down his ankles. At the sight of his cock protruding from his long underwear, her hunger consumed her. She tried to sink to her knees so she could wrap her mouth around it.

  Pain filled the back of her head as he pulled her hair and brought her back to her feet. “No. I’m making love to you, not the other way around.”

  She gulped. She never expected him to be the dominant one, but he slowly increased the pressure on the back of her head until she nodded.

  “Good, because I do want to make you…” He struggled to say the word.

  “Come?”

  “Yes.” He kissed her again. This time, there was no thinly veiled attempt to be a gentleman. He devoured her mouth like a starving man. His hands released her hair and grabbed her buttocks, pressing her against his hardness, teasing her through the layers of clothing.

  Why am I undressing him when I should be removing my own clothes? She stopped trying to slip his union suit past his broad shoulders and unbuckled her belt. It dropped to the floor and she grasped her dress, ready to pull it over her head as soon as his lips left hers.

  Diah wrapped his hands around her wrists and pinned them behind her back. “I said no. I’m the one who’s going to be removing your clothes, not you.”

  If he had talked like this to her earlier, she would have jumped him and ridden him like an unbroken stallion, no matter who was sleeping nearby. “Then why are you taking so long?”

  He grinned like a fox that had trapped his prey and was toying with it. Now she was the one begging him, completely at his mercy. And she didn’t mind one bit if it got her what she wanted.

  “First, let’s removed this pesky necklace you’re always wearing to cover your neck.” He unknotted the ties, and it fell on the ground next to her belt. His lips then pressed against the hollow of her throat. His touch sent shivers through her body and she couldn’t withhold her moan any longer. “You like that?”