Million Pound Appointments

by Higgins, Malcolm

  Ken opens the door and is confronted by the sight of Craig face down on the landing, and Jane against the wall trying to keep away from Amir.

  "He's just killed him Ken." Shouts Jane. "He grabbed his head and he fell on the floor shaking."

  Ken looks at Amir.

  "Well I needed to know, and now I do."

  Amir pushes past Ken and enters the bedroom; its then that Ken remembers he has left the gun on the floor. He thinks about taking Amir on, but the sight of the motionless Craig stops him. Amir places his hands over Rajeev's face. Rajeev shakes, judders, and then goes limp. Amir straightens up and turns, and holds Ken with a stare whilst at the same time walking very slowly towards him. All Ken can think about at this moment is; thank god he hasn't picked the gun up. And is he fucking taller now or what? Ken will fight him no problem he's never run away from a fight in his life. He's already working out how and where to hit him. And how he'll try and keep Amir's hands from touching him while he does so. Larry walks up the stairs. Amir glances over to him. Ken keeps his eyes on Amir, but knows its Larry.

  "Nice of you to join us Larry. I think it's time this fucker met Clint don't you?"

  With three steps to go before Larry is on the landing, he grasps the situation perfectly. A very frightened Jane up against the wall. Craig face down dead on the floor. Ken in somewhat of a quandary. Ken can see Larry in his peripheral vision; and he's just standing there.

  "Now Larry, now."

  Larry turns and runs down the stairs. Ken raises his fists and takes on a boxing stance and dares Amir to come forward. Amir just smiles.

  "Take your time Larry." Ken says under his breath.

  Larry runs up the stairs and hands Ken 'Clint' a .44 silver magnum. Ken points Clint at Amir. He nods to Larry to enter the bedroom. Larry goes into the room and feels for a pulse on Rajeev's neck. He shakes his head no. Amir walks forward. Ken raises the gun at him, and without warning, Amir deliberately dives over the banister rail. Jane and Ken gasp in unison.

  "I hope he can fucking fly." Shouts Ken, a second before the sickening thud of his body hits the marble floor. Larry Jane and Ken slowly look at each other, then all run down the stairs together. Ken runs straight back up and into the bedroom. He gives Rajeev gentle slaps around the cheeks. No effect. He tilts Rajeev's head back and pinches his nose. He hesitates at the thought of having to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He shudders and then does begin mouth-to-mouth. Larry lays Amir's body out flat. A shocked Jane has her hand over her mouth. She's puzzled at Larry's calmness. They can hear Ken screaming at Rajeev.

  "Bastard. Bastard. Wake up. Wake up"

  Larry nonchalantly looks up. His eyes widen. He runs at Jane knocking her to the floor just as Rajeev's body misses them both and lands on a wooden table destroying it. Ken runs back down the stairs.

  "Is he all right Larry, have you tried to revive him?"

  "Yeah I have but it's no good Ken. He's done his neck."

  Jane looks even more confused at Larry as she picks herself up. He hasn't tried to revive him.

  "Try again." Ken insists.

  "Ken, it's over, he's dead." Says Larry.

  Jane is about to question Larry and tell Ken Larry is lying for some reason, when she's accidentally knocked to the floor again by Ken when he pushes past her. He stands astride Amir and points Clint at his head and starts pulling the trigger. The gun isn't loaded. He keeps pulling the trigger expecting it to fire.

  "Where are the bullets?" He shouts. "Where are the fucking bullets?"

  Now Jane knows something is going on. Clint is always loaded. It's the only gun in the house that is. Clint is always ready for Intruders. Burglars. Trespassers. Poles posting pizza fliers. Larry must have removed the bullets, and she knows he wouldn't do that unless he had a really good reason. She'll keep silent for now. She walks forward and takes the gun from Ken, and hands it to Larry.

  "Larry's right love. Leave it. He's dead."

  Chapter 17.

  Two hours later and hardly a word has been spoken. Larry Jane and Ken are on the bed. They both have an arm around Ken. He's drinking heavily.

  "Buried in the garden. What use to me is he out there?" Asks Ken.

  "We had no choice Ken, too many bodies, too many questions." Says Larry.

  "I'm not a mind reader Larry. I couldn't have known he'd go mental and jump to his death."

  Larry helps him to drink another mouthful of whisky. Jane hasn't worked out what Larry's doing yet, but she knows by the way he keeps filling Ken's glass to the brim, that he wants him drunk, and he wants him drunk quickly.

  "What am I going to do Larry?"

  "You're just going to have to give it time Ken."

  "Huh? What you think I'm upset about those two out there?"

  "Three." Says Jane.

  "Oh yeah. I forgot about smart mouth."

  Jane hadn't. She's glad he's dead; it makes her life much easier now. Now she can relax. Forget about him shooting his mouth off at a drunken night out with his mates. She's also decided never to bed one of the heavies ever again. Not that she's made a habit of doing so, she hasn’t. No matter how strong her 'need' to be the aggressor becomes, she'll ignore it from now on.

  "Well what then Ken?" Asks Larry.

  "I've told Tommy to get his bony little arse over here on Wednesday because I'll have his money… and now I won't."

  "What do you mean, and now I won't?" Says a shocked Jane. "You said you had it."

  "I did. But I bought you something."

  "Bought me something?"

  "Yeah."

  "What?"

  "A helicopter."

  Jane thinks for a moment; she thinks she just heard Ken say a helicopter…

  "A what?"

  "A helicopter."

  Ok she heard correctly.

  "I hope you're fucking joking Kenny Webster." She shouts.

  He holds his glass up to Larry, and Larry fills it to the brim again.

  "I bought it for you." He says as he downs the whiskey in one.

  "What do I want with a bloody helicopter?"

  "We're going to fly in it."

  "Fly in it? Where are we going to fly in it? Waitrose is twenty minutes away, not twenty miles."

  "You said you'd love to live like her."

  She looks at Larry as if to say 'what the hell is he talking about?'

  "Who?" She asks.

  "Angelina Jolie."

  "Angelina Jolie?"

  Jane quickly scans her memory banks… Angelina Jolie… Angelina Jolie… Helicopter… Helicopter… Angelina Jolie… Angelina Jolie… Then she thinks she has it. They once watched a documentary; three or four years ago on the lives of the rich and famous. 'Shit' she says to herself. She can remember saying it 'I'd love to live like her, flying everywhere in helicopters.'

  "Well unless Brad Pitt is going to be our pilot, I don't want it. Take it back." She says.

  "It's not a pair of shoes. You can't take them back, and besides..."

  She waits for the 'besides' but it doesn't come. The whiskey has begun to take hold, and Ken's lost the thread of that particular argument, so takes another huge mouthful of whiskey instead. Larry refills the glass and gives Jane a look; he knows she's on to him. Ken drinks another two huge mouthfuls.

  "Well actually." Says Jane. "I've invited Tommy here, tonight."

  Larry gasps and notices Ken didn't hear her, or if he did, it didn't register. He nods to Jane to leave the room. He gets up and walks to the door with her leaving Ken gulping down whiskey.

  "I'm going to have to grovel, me grovelling to Tommy Tit." Ken says in an almost unconscious state."

  "Please tell me he hasn't bought me a helicopter Larry." Jane says as she looks over at Ken trying to lick the last few drips of whiskey from his empty glass.

  "Not yet, but they are bringing one over for you to look at in the morning."

  "Oh thank god, cancel it… and."

  Larry cuts her dead.

  "Why the fuck have yo
u invited Tommy here tonight?"

  "I just thought they should talk about it, be men for once instead of acting like little kids all the time. Ken can give him his money, and they can shake hands and put it behind them."

  "Put him off. I don't care how you do it, just stop him from coming here." Jane is taken aback by the aggression in Larry's voice. He opens the door and forcefully pushes a puzzled Jane from the room. Larry goes back to the bed.

  "Come on Ken, lets have another drink. Let's put our heads together and come up with some ideas."

  Ken drinks another huge mouthful, looks at Larry, and just before he passes out he manages to say…

  "What the fuck am I going to tell Jagger?"

  Chapter 18.

  A large area of earth begins to move. Amir forces his way out of the ground. He pulls Rajeev from the freshly dug grave, and places his hands on his leg and shoulder wounds. He clears the dirt from Rajeev's face and hair and places his hands on Rajeev's head. He begins to slowly rock back and forth. Thirty-three seconds later, Rajeev sits up coughing and retching.

  "Quick we must leave." Says Amir.

  Rajeev looks around trying to get his bearings, and then it all comes back to him. He looks at the fresh mound of earth next to him containing Craig and starts to dig with his hands.

  "Leave him. He can sleep there until he dies." Says Amir.

  Rajeev stops digging.

  "No. We are not murderers. Wake him."

  Larry's escape plan didn't exactly go to plan due to Craig sticking his oar in. Amir did jump over the banister rail, but landed on his feet breaking both his ankles. He controlled the pain with his mind, laid down on his back, and slowed his heart rate down to five beats per minute. When Amir was in the bedroom with Rajeev, and Ken was thinking he was killing him, he was actually doing the same thing; slowing Rajeev's heart beat down to five beats per minute, whilst whispering Larry's plan to him. The original plan was for Amir and Rajeev to have a very loud argument that everyone would overhear. Ken would burst into their room and see a dead Rajeev on the floor, and Amir jumping to his death through the window onto the concrete pathway below. Larry would then just have to cross his fingers and hope Ken would tell him to get rid of the bodies. Which he would have done by taking them straight to the airport. Amir eventually drops to his knees and they pull Craig from the soil. Amir places his hands on Craig's head, and twenty-seven seconds later he wakes up coughing and spitting.

  "Where the fuck am I?" He says, as he jumps to his feet.

  A car approaches with its headlights off. Rajeev and Amir fall flat to the ground. Craig stays on his feet wiping dirt from his face. They all hear the car door open and close.

  "It's me, are you there?" Comes floating across the darkness.

  Rajeev and Amir stand up, and slowly walk towards the car. Larry is standing at the back of the car with the boot open. Inside the boot is the distinctive large tartan bag full of cash and two passports. He takes a third passport belonging to Craig from his jacket and throws it inside the bag. He then throws three bed quilts onto the empty graves. Rajeev rolls them up and puts them in the graves, covering them with soil.

  "What the fuck's going on?" Asks Craig.

  "You got in the way, so you don't work here anymore." Answers Larry.

  Craig looks at Rajeev finishing off the graves, and then at Amir. It slowly dawns on him.

  "I remember now. You fucking killed me." He says to Amir.

  "He didn't kill you. He just put you to sleep." Says Larry.

  "Sleep?"

  Craig points at the graves.

  "Does that look like my bed to you?"

  "Larry?" Another voice floats across the night air.

  Larry mouths the word 'fuck' he's recognised the voice, and he turns to face Jane.

  "They're going home." He says.

  Jane wasn't part of Larry's plan. It was all his idea.

  "Ken has no intention of ever letting them go. You know that." Continues Larry. "Rajeev's got five kids for fuck sake."

  "Well I haven't." Says Craig. I'm not going anywhere."

  Larry pulls 'Clint' on Craig, which is now fully loaded.

  "You'll leave, or, that will be your bed."

  As quick as a flash, Craig knocks the gun out of Larry's hand, steps forward and butts him in the face.

  "I said I'm not going anywhere, and nor are they. You're the one that'll get kicked out of here, not me."

  "I'll tell him this was all your idea." Says Larry. "I'm the one with the broken nose, you're the one with the gun."

  "But it wasn't me." Says Craig.

  "You've been here for five minutes. I've been wiping his arse since he was fourteen. Who do you think he'll believe, eh?"

  Craig ponders the question. Jane steps forward.

  "Go." She says to Craig.

  "Go?

  "Yes. Go."

  "Go Where? Why the fuck do I have to go? I like it here."

  Larry gets up.

  "Just get in the bloody car. You can split the money on the way."

  "What money?" Asks Craig.

  Larry nods towards the large tartan bag. Craig runs over to the boot of the car and takes the bag out, and digs around inside. He looks at Larry and Jane, and then his whole demeanour changes. He takes out one small packet of money along with Rajeev and Amir's passports, and throws them at Rajeev's feet.

  "That'll get them home, and as I'm now unemployed, the rest of its mine."

  All Larry wants to do is get Rajeev and Amir out of there, so he agrees.

  "Get in the car. I'll drive you to the airport." Says Larry.

  "You are coming back Larry love?" Asks Jane.

  "Of course I am. If Ken wakes up before I get back though, pour more whiskey down his neck."

  Jane hugs Larry. Craig pushes Rajeev and Amir into the car, and gets in himself.

  "Picnic?" Says another voice. But this one doesn't float across the night air, this one stamps across it wearing size ten hobnail boots. It's a voice which everyone recognises, and everyone reacts to it in their own specific way. But they all have one common denominator…fear... Ken pushes past Jane and Larry, takes the keys from the ignition and throws them on the ground. Having had far too much whisky, he struggles to load a shotgun, dropping most of the shells on the floor. Jane comes over to him but he pushes her to the ground; he thinks she's part of what's going on here. He looks at Craig who calmly smiles back at him. Ken briefly stops trying to load the chamber, and looks at Craig with a puzzled look on his face. Craig broadens his smile as he slowly raises Clint. Jane's jaw drops as she looks at the gun in Craig's hand. He pulls the trigger, and Ken is hit in the chest and falls to the ground. Larry runs over to Ken. Craig sits back, rests his head on the headrest, and closes his eyes. Rajeev and Amir slowly get out of the car holding the tartan bag, and tiptoe away. Craig's eye's snap open. He gets out of the car and walks forcefully in the same direction as Rajeev and Amir. Jane starts pacing up and down with her hand over her mouth. She doesn't know what to do or say, she's clearly in shock. Craig comes back with the tartan bag and picks up the keys, gets back in the car, starts the engine and drives at Jane. He throws open the door.

  "You coming?" Shouts the new wearer of Ken's crown. She looks at the open door. She looks at Craig and Larry. She looks at Ken, dead on the floor.

  "There's fuck all here for you now. I'm not gonna ask again woman." He adds, chillingly sounding like Ken.

  He opens the door to its fullest point.

  Tommy Rae and Daz step out of Tommy's Bentley, and walk to the front door of Jane and Ken's house, totally unaware of the goings on at the back of the house. Daz presses the doorbell 'Live and Let Die' chimes out. Tommy shakes his head with contempt.

  "Perhaps you should give it back to me Daz." He says with his eyes closed.

  "Well, I'll give it back to you if you really want me to give it back to you, but you'll only go and use it, you know you will, and you'll hate yourself for it afterwards."

  Da
z casually presses the doorbell again; 'Gold Finger' chimes on the bell this time. Tommy looks deadpan at Daz. The calm before the storm. Gold Finger is lasting much longer than 'Live and Let Die' did.

  "Give it back to me." Tommy Rae storms.

  Daz reluctantly hands Tommy Rae a very small golden handgun.

  "Now I've gone and taken a right liberty with that gun Tom. Says Daz. "I've removed all the bullets. But, if you want the bullets back, you can have the bullets back. Do you want the bullets back? Do you? Only I really don't think you should have them back Tom."

  Tommy raises the little golden handgun in the air.

  "Well I wasn't thinking of throwing the fucking thing at him. Of course I want the fucking bullets back. A gun with no bullets is like. Is like. Is like… he can't think of a comparison.

  Daz puts him out of his misery, and presses the doorbell again. 'From Russia With Love'

  "Give me my bullets back." Screams Tommy.

  Tommy Rae hates Bond films as much as Ken loves them. Daz takes out six very small bullets and hands them to Tommy Rae who frantically tries to load his tiny gun to the sound of 'Diamonds Are Forever.'

  "Fuck the money. I just want to shoot him now. When you press a doorbell you just want to hear 'ding dong' not that load of old bollocks."

  Daz punches the doorbell clean off the doorframe and 'Diamonds Are Forever' ends.

  "Tom. Tommy." Daz says in a peaceful voice, trying to calm him down. "I don't have a problem with you shooting anyone, you know that. I'll happily do it for you if you like."

  "No. fuck off. I want to do it."

  "Tom. Could you really shoot your own brother?"

  "I wish someone fucking would."

  With the gun now loaded, Tommy Rae and Daz both turn to look at a speeding car coming from behind the house heading for the main gates. They can both see that the driver of the car is hyperactive and overly excited, and Jane is sitting next to him. As the car approaches the exit, Jane leans across the driver, and deliberately pulls on the steering wheel, causing it to crash into the main pillar. Tommy Rae and Daz stand watching open mouthed. Jane staggers out of the car, walks around to the driver's door, opens it, raises Clint, and fires three bullets.