Darkness Within

by Isabel Lucero

  As the fire burns, I stand there casually with my hands in my pockets, wondering when I’ll have time to make a plan for Kathy.

  Suddenly, a thought hits me. When I killed Nick’s dad, that was all me. That wasn’t the darkness needing to wreak havoc. I never felt that small transformation. I wanted to kill him. It was an easy decision and it wasn’t because he wronged me. He was just a fucking asshole who I felt needed to die. Yes, he swung that pathetic knife at me, but I know he wouldn’t have done much harm with it. I wanted to kill him, so I did.

  Me and the darkness are merging. I don’t need an excuse to kill someone. If I feel they need to go, that’s excuse enough. I don’t feel bad for not sticking to the list. While I’m definitely going to finish it off with Kathy, maybe I don’t need a list. Or maybe I’ll start a new fucking list. Perhaps the names won’t appear on the list until after I’ve offed them.

  This is what I always knew was coming. You can try to excuse fucked up behavior, but no matter how you try to justify why you’re doing it, it’s still wrong. Some people realize that and do what they can to stop, but others don’t care. I’m the latter. I don’t have empathy for people. I don’t want to stop.

  We all have dark thoughts, but normal people have something in their brains that stop them from acting on those thoughts. I’m lacking whatever it is that keeps you from being immoral.

  A noise to my right catches my attention. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was someone stepping on some leaves or a twig. When my head snaps around, I eagerly search the shadows for a figure.

  Nobody should be out here. Nobody ever comes out here. That means someone is watching me.

  I walk away from the fire and advance in the direction of where the noise came from. When I don’t see anyone, I stop in my tracks and listen for another noise. When I hear it, it’s further away and it’s moving faster. They’re running.

  I chase after them, heading up towards the road and about thirty feet from the side of my house. When I get to the street, I look in both directions, not seeing anyone right away. Again, they make a noise to my right, and I begin running again.

  “Hey!” I shout.

  The figure is tall and lanky, but because we don’t have lights out here, I can’t make out any other details. He glances back at me, running a good twenty feet in front of me on the side of the road.

  Who the fuck is this guy and what the fuck is he doing watching me?

  I know what’s ahead. There’s another road that will merge with this one, but besides that it’s a straight road for a long distance and nowhere for him to go. I’ll catch up to him eventually.

  As I’m closing the distance, he cuts to the left where the other road is about to meet this one. I’m about ten feet away when a car rushes up from the other road, the lights off, clearly having been waiting there. The guy jumps in and the cars speeds off.

  Could somebody be onto me? Did someone see me and Nick at the job site and follow me home? Is it someone else who’s been watching me?

  Two people. The guy and the getaway driver. They both know something, but what do they know and who are they? What was their plan for tonight?

  A growl rumbles deep in my chest. This is the last fucking thing I need. Instead of being worried, I’m pissed off. Whoever they are, they better hope I never find them.

  “YOU OKAY? YOU look a little . . . I don’t know. On edge,” Analeigh asks.

  I take a sip of my water and shake the thoughts in my mind away. “Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” I tell her. What I don’t tell her is that it’s because someone was fucking watching me and had a getaway driver ready to take him away. I still can’t figure out who it could be.

  She leans forward and places her lips around her straw, sucking up the thick strawberry shake she ordered. “That sucks.”

  I nod and look at the TV propped in the corner of the restaurant. “I’ll be fine. So, when do you go into work?”

  “Uhh,” she looks at her watch. “Not until seven. I’m working at the strip club tonight.”

  “People go to strip clubs on Sundays?” I ask with a laugh.

  “Yep. Lots. I know, it’s like God’s day,” she says with a giggle.

  I can’t help but snort and roll my eyes. “Yeah.”

  “What?” she asks with a smile.

  “Nothing,” I say, shaking my head. “The idea of a god is just funny to me.”

  She furrows her brows. “You don’t believe?”

  I laugh. “No, I don’t.”

  Even though she doesn’t say anything, the question is written all over her face. Why? I know it’s what she’s wondering, but she probably doesn’t want to get into that debate, and I don’t either. If God were able to rid the world of evil, me and so many others wouldn’t be here. If he exists, sees the evil, and chooses to do nothing, what does that make him? Uncaring. If he’s unable to do anything about it, then he’s not all-mighty. I choose to believe he doesn’t exist, and if I’m wrong, I don’t fear hell. I’ve already lived through it.

  Analeigh lets it go with a shrug, and for that, I’m grateful. “Do you want to come over to my place when we’re done eating?” she asks with a grin. “My roommate will be at work.”

  I smile at her. “I’ll come.”

  She bites her lip and looks down with a smile. A few seconds later her eyes flicker up under long lashes. “I want to taste it.”

  I raise my eyebrow at her in surprise, a smile teasing my lips. “Oh yeah?” She nods, and I look around the restaurant and notice we’re the only ones in this particular section. They’ve sat us in what looks like a section meant for private parties, so it’s separated from the rest of the place, and has just two doorways leading in. It’s not too open, and the other patrons are few and far between. Nobody’s looking back here. “Why don’t you taste me now?”

  Her eyes go wide. “Now? Here?” She looks around and then back at me. “Really?”

  I smile at her and give a slight nod. “Scared?”

  “No,” she says, blushing.

  “Look, this table cloth goes damn near to the floor. Nobody will see you under the table.”

  She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, contemplating my idea. With a final look around, noticing nobody is looking at us, she slides down in her seat until she’s under the table and a smile stretches across my face.

  Since we’re in a circular booth, I make sure to slide over to the middle, so if the waiter comes by, he won’t be able to see if my pants are undone. She fumbles with my button and zipper and I help her pull my cock out through the hole in my boxer-briefs.

  My right hand goes under the table and to the back of her head as she takes my dick in between her lips and into her wet mouth. I stifle my moan, but nobody’s close enough to hear me anyway.

  Her hands work my shaft, stroking me until I’m fully hard, and her tongue twirls around my head before sucking me deeper into her mouth. I hear her moan and I tug on her hair in warning. I try to keep my eyes open, but it’s tough not getting lost in the moment. A few minutes later, I see the waiter approaching. We’ve already finished our food, so he’s probably just coming to drop off the check.

  “Everything okay over here? You interested in dessert?” he asks with a smile. Analeigh freezes under the table, her mouth coming off my cock. I’m sure she’s having a heart attack right now.

  I nudge her head, hoping she takes me in her mouth again. “Well, I’m not sure if my date is interested,” I say, keeping the waiter at the table. “She went to the bathroom. What do you have?”

  He starts listing the dessert options and I give Analeigh another little push and she takes my cock into her mouth again. I don’t hear what the waiter’s saying, but once he’s done talking, I just plaster on a grin. “You know. Maybe I should just wait for her to get back. I don’t want to pick the wrong thing.”

  The waiter nods and smiles. “I understand, sir. I’ll come back.”

  “Thanks.”

/>   I take my cock in my hand and start stroking it harder and faster. If she wants to taste me, she’s about to get her wish. I feel the tip of my dick rubbing against her lips, so I know she’ll be ready.

  After another minute or so, I whisper, “I’m about to come.”

  Her lips wrap around the head and then my come shoots into her waiting mouth. My other hand grips the table tightly and my eyes close on their own, and it takes everything in me to be quiet.

  After she’s swallowed every drop, I feel her move away, and I gently tuck myself back in my pants. “You’re good to come out,” I tell her.

  She pops up next to me with a smile as she wipes her red and swollen lips. “I can’t believe you kept him at the table on purpose.”

  “You liked it,” I say with a smirk.

  “How do you know?”

  “Who doesn’t like a little thrill?”

  She giggles. “I did like it.”

  “Me too.”

  She lowers her voice. “I’m all wet now.”

  “Well, let’s skip dessert and go straight to your place,” I say, putting my hand between her thighs, feeling the warmth of her pussy through her jeans.

  “Yes. Let’s,” she says through a moan.

  “Oh yeah, yeah,” she cries as she rides my cock. She brings her hand up to mine that’s wrapped around her throat, not to pull it away, but just a gesture that tells me she wants me to keep it there. “Fuck, Donovan. You feel so fucking good.”

  I tighten my grip on her throat, making her look down into my eyes. “You’ve missed this cock, hmm?” It’s not really a question, because I know she has. She’s been worshiping my dick since we got here. She took it into her mouth again, lavishing it with the attention of her tongue and lips. Analeigh sucks my cock like she needs it to survive.

  When she rides it, she closes her eyes and gets lost in the moment, moaning and groaning as she grinds herself on me. She begs me not to stop. She pleads for more, and I give her all I got.

  I roll to my left, making us switch positions, and drive into her over and over, lifting one of her legs over my shoulder. I bury my cock to the hilt, pulling guttural screams from deep in her throat. She screams without any regard for her neighbors, and soon they’re banging on the connecting wall. But we don’t stop. I decide to give the neighbors a show, whether they want one or not.

  My movements get progressively faster and harder, making the headboard bang against the wall with each thrust.

  “Fuck,” she wails.

  I grab her jaw and force her to look at me as I slow my movements. “Is this what you’ve been wanting?” I ask. She nods. “You want more?” She nods again. “How much more can you handle?”

  She licks her lips. “I can handle whatever you give me.”

  I lean down and bite on her bottom lip. “You sure?”

  After sucking her lip into her mouth, she nods. “Yeah. I want whatever you want to do to me.”

  My fingers tighten their grip on her jaw before slowly moving down to her throat. I watch as my fingers squeeze her delicate throat, and love the way her pale skin pinks up. Her chest heaves but her eyes don’t show fear, so I don’t stop.

  I loosen my grip and let my thumb run across her pouty lips. When she bites me, I slap her. Not too hard, but not altogether soft. She gasps in surprise, but it’s almost instantly transformed into a moan as she looks into my eyes.

  Pain during sex isn’t really pain at all. You don’t recognize it as pain, it’s just an accelerant to pleasure. I’m not hitting her because I’m mad or punishing her. I draw pleasure from it, and she’s learning it heightens hers as well.

  “You like that?” I ask in a low growl.

  “Yeah,” she breathes. “I like it. Give me more,” she pleads, lifting her hips.

  With another roll, she’s back on top of me and as soon as she starts grinding, I slap her again and she makes my cock throb as she cries out in bliss.

  I squeeze her tits in my hands as she bounces on my cock, her arousal soaking the both of us. She continues riding me, her body beginning to tense up with the impending orgasm that’s building up. With one hand on her throat, and the other one smacking her ass, I help bring her to ecstasy. “Yes!” she screeches. “Oh god!”

  With her pink skin, the blissful look on her face, and the sexy moans coming from her mouth as she repeats my name, she’s never looked so stunning. Her hair is a mess, her makeup is smeared, and we’re both slick with sweat, but there’s no denying her beauty.

  She climbs off of me, breathing heavily. “I want you to come in my mouth again,” she says huskily. “I want to watch you stroke your cock until you come.”

  A growl escapes me as I get up on my knees. She positions herself in front of me, making sure her face is directly in front of my cock. When I stroke my dick, she licks her lips, impatiently waiting for me to unload onto her tongue.

  I grab a chunk of her hair at the back of her head, and my hand moves faster over the taut flesh on my shaft. Every muscle in my body tenses up and I watch as her full lips part, waiting for my come.

  She looks up at me with lust-filled eyes and runs her tongue across her bottom lip. “Give it to me, baby. Give me that come,” she begs, bringing her mouth closer and sticking her tongue out.

  I slap her flattened tongue with my cock a couple times and let her wrap her lips around it before I pull away and continue stroking myself.

  “Get ready,” I groan, still gripping tightly onto her hair.

  White ribbons of come shoot from my cock and land on her waiting tongue and in her open mouth. Some of it hits her chin and drips to her tits, but she brings her mouth around my dick and catches the rest of it.

  “Fuck!” I roar.

  After I let go of my cock, she takes over, gently stroking me while making sure to lick up and swallow the come that still drips from me.

  “Mmm,” she moans, taking my entire dick into her throat one last time.

  I collapse onto the bed. The mattress has been pushed away from the headboard, but I don’t care. Analeigh lies next to me, making her way under my arm and curls up on her side. I bring my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. She nuzzles into me like a puppy and sighs serenely as her fingers trace over the tattoos on my chest and stomach.

  “That was . . . great,” she says on a sigh.

  I chuckle. “I agree.” Absentmindedly, I stroke her hair and she looks up at me with a smile. “What?”

  “Nothing,” she answers quickly, looking back down at my tattoos.

  “You know you gotta tell me.”

  “Why?” she giggles.

  “Because I want you to.”

  She laughs louder and looks up at me again. “It’s nothing. Just . . . I don’t know. I like you. That’s all.”

  That’s not all, but I don’t push it. “Well, I’d hope so,” I respond with a laugh.

  “Oh shush.”

  After a few seconds I say, “I like you, too.”

  “Yeah?” she asks, sounding surprised.

  “Did you think I hated you?”

  “Well, no.”

  “I don’t like many people, Analeigh. You’re one of the few.”

  “So, does that make me special?” she asks with a laugh, but she doesn’t look at me. She’s afraid to make eye contact. Nerves, I’m sure.

  “I suppose so. I don’t open myself up to people. I don’t give them a chance, really. So, you and Nick are really the only ones who know the most about me.” She turns her head to look at me. “I know. You don’t know much, but trust me, it’s more than most.”

  She smirks. “Okay.”

  “I’m sure I’m slightly disappointing when it comes to this relationship stuff. I don’t remember to call. I don’t answer all of your questions. I don’t tell you things about me. But I’ll tell you this. I’m trying. I’ve never tried before. I never cared to.”

  She’s quiet for a little bit. “I appreciate that, Donovan. That you’re trying,” she says, lookin
g up at me again. “You’re not disappointing in the sack,” she says with a wink. “That would be unforgivable!”

  We laugh and then lie there in silence for a little longer.

  “Can I ask you one thing?” she questions in a shaky voice.

  “Sure.”

  “Do you still believe this won’t work out between us?”

  Wasn’t the question I was expecting, but I never know what to expect with her, and I think I like that. She’s so unpredictable. Sometimes she’s a sex kitten who’s willing to blow me in a restaurant, but sometimes she seems shy and nervous around me, like she isn’t sure of herself.

  “It’s hard to think that it will.”

  “Why is that?”

  “You’ll want more from me than I’m capable of giving.”

  “Like what?”

  “You tell me. What is it that you want from me? Not necessarily right now, but maybe in the future.”

  She continues to trace the ink on my skin, making sure to not look me in the eyes. “I’m not sure. For you to trust me. For you to be able to open up a little more.”

  “I’ve opened up quite a bit, Analeigh. You know about my childhood, and I don’t talk about that to anyone.”

  “You have so much bottled up inside, Donovan. I can feel it. If you don’t find someone to talk to about whatever it is you’re going through, that bottle’s going to explode, and that’s not a good thing.”

  “You can’t handle the things I keep bottled up.”

  “Well, we won’t ever know, will we?”

  “We haven’t known each other that long,” I say with an exasperated sigh. “Nick, a guy I’ve known for years, doesn’t know what you want me to tell you.”

  Silence falls over us again, and I try to think about what I could possibly say to make her feel like she knows me more.