What started as once a week turned into once a month and then once every three months to six months, and then he just stopped calling all together until recently.
I think that’s the part that bothers me the most. The why he stopped calling.
“But he did show up, and yet I’m still devastated. So what did you really accomplish other than keeping something from me that you knew I’d want to know?”
“I really am sorry, Tess. I was just trying to help.”
“Well, maybe next time you’ll see that what would really help is knowing that I can count on you to have my back.”
“Come on, Tess, don’t be like that. Of course, I have your back. Why do you think I even took his calls to begin with?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I admit truthfully.
“Because I knew you’d want me to,” she answers simply. “You loved him so much—hell, you still do. I knew the last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you, to be sad, and god, Tess, he was—he was so sad. So I did what I thought you’d want me to do. I tried to give him some peace. I tried to reassure him that you were doing okay and that you were getting by. I tried to help him heal, Tess. Can you honestly say you would’ve rather me turned my back on him?”
“No.” I let out a loud breath, knowing she’s got me there.
“Exactly, because at the end of the day all you’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy. How could I have turned my back on that knowing how much it meant to you that he find peace and move on? I knew that even if you didn’t know I was talking to him that deep down you would’ve approved. I didn’t just do it for Sebastian, Tess, I did it for you.”
I don’t really know how to respond to that. Luckily, Courtney isn’t finished yet.
“Look, if you need to be mad at me, be mad at me. I get it. I should’ve given you a heads up that he asked for your address. I can see now that it would’ve been better for you to have been prepared and then disappointed rather than totally fucking blindsided. That’s my bad. I really was just trying to help.”
“I know.” I sigh, my anger quickly dissipating.
“So tell me again everything that happened.” I can hear the smile in her voice, knowing that I’ve forgiven her so easily, just she like she knew I would.
“I’ve already told you.”
“No, you yelled at me and rambled off some nonsense about Sebastian and Bennett and having no idea what you were going to do, and then you yelled at me again.” She chuckles.
“I did not yell at you.”
“You did so,” Court says matter of fact.
“Okay, maybe I did.” I smile, shaking my head. “But you deserved it.”
“That may be true, but it also doesn’t change the fact that I still have no real clue what the hell happened. Stop leaving me in suspense and spill, woman!”
And just like that, it’s as though nothing happened between the two of us. Courtney has this innate ability to know exactly what I need even when I don’t. She also knows how to explain herself in a way that makes me feel like I’m the one doing something wrong, which certainly doesn’t hurt her case when she’s trying to talk herself out of a corner.
I guess at the end of the day it really boils down to the fact that I know no matter what the circumstance, Court wouldn’t do something if she didn’t truly believe it was the right thing for me. And I trust her. Sometimes it takes me a minute to get there, but she always has a way of making me see it in the end.
So, after taking a deep breath and sorting my thoughts, I start at the very beginning. Knowing if I have any hopes of processing what happened here today, I’m gonna need my best friend.
One year later
I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been this anxious. Okay, so that’s not true. I can remember a time very specifically, and it was right around one year ago. Funny that both cases involve me going to see Tess and her having no idea that I’m coming—I’m starting to see a pattern here.
When Courtney called and invited me to Tess’ graduation party at her mom’s, at first I thought it was a fucking joke. I mean, her mom hates me, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. And let’s not forget that Courtney was very clear that the boyfriend is still in the picture and would most definitely be there. I’m still not sure what exactly that means for me.
Truth is—even had Courtney not invited me—I had still planned to track Tess down in the coming days. I meant what I said to her about waiting, and even though it’s been difficult and I’ve found myself itching with impatience, I’ve managed to make it to the day when the excuses as to why Tess and I can’t be together are over.
We’ve both graduated college and while I love my job, if Tess told me that she didn’t want to move to California I’d give it up in a heartbeat. I’ve established enough experience that I’m confident I could find something comparable somewhere else if that’s what I need to do.
The only thing I really didn’t factor for was the boyfriend. I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect it to last nearly this long. The fact that it has is more than a little worrisome. In the back of my head, there is the voice asking me what I’ll do if she chooses him.
I try to shake off the thought, not even able to accept it as a possibility, and turn my gaze back out the window of the cab. It’s been so long since I’ve been to Rockfield, and while there is an air of familiarity as we drive through town, there’s also so much that has changed.
I tried to talk Ant into coming with me; I’d feel a lot better if I had someone to talk me down from the ledge I’m currently teetering on. He’s been staying in California with me the last few months, and while I could tell he wanted to come, I think he was hesitant to see Courtney again. I think he’s been just as hung up on her as I’ve been on Tess. Together we’re just a bunch of sorry ass saps. It’s pretty pathetic really.
Nervous energy bubbles in my stomach, and I have a hard time sitting still in my seat. I want to regret my decision to do this, convince myself it’s a bad idea and have this car turn around right now before I do something I’m going to regret, but I can’t. I can’t because I know at the end of this I’ll finally have my answer.
Will she or won’t she?
I’m done playing the games of our past. I’m done with the back and forth and the excuse that always seems to plague us—we’re in different places in our lives.
Well, not anymore. We are finally—for the first time since high school—on the exact same page. We’ve graduated college, both completed degrees at the school of our dreams, and now all that’s left is to decide if she’s coming to California with me or if I’m going to be packing up and relocating; something I’m more than willing to do if it means I get to be with Tess.
When the cab slows outside of Tess’ mom’s house I feel like I’m on the verge of having a heart attack. My chest throbs and my heart is beating so rapidly against my ribcage it’s a fucking wonder it hasn’t exploded yet.
There’s so many more factors than just seeing Tess. There’s also the other dynamic. The fact that a lot of our old friends will be here, as well as her boyfriend, and of course her mom; though, I’m not quite as worried about the last one—at least not anymore.
I knew there was no way I could come back here without first making peace with Elizabeth. It was a long overdue phone call, one I should’ve made nearly five years ago. Even though it took me that long to make it, Tess’ mom seemed to understand.
I knew at the end of that phone call that should Tess choose to be with me, her mom would fully support her daughter’s choice. I know she could tell how much I still love Tess. I think at the end of the day the most a parent can ask for is that their child finds the love and happiness that they’ve always dreamed they’d find. Well, a good parent anyway.
It takes a few seconds but after a couple deep calming breaths, I finally manage to pay the cab driver and climb out of the car on shaky legs.
As I make my way up the sidewalk I’m accosted by so ma
ny memories of my time spent in this small ranch. The first night I came here and how I’d barely watched the movie Tess had put on, spending more time with my eyes on the girl who was next to me. How I used to sneak over after Tess’ mom left for work; the nights that I would hold her until just before the sun peeked over the horizon and then I would slip out before her mom returned home.
Those are some of my favorite memories, the ones where it was just Tess and me. We would lay in bed for hours just talking about everything and yet nothing at all at the same time. She brought me a peace I hadn’t realized at the time I was looking for, a sense of belonging. Tess was my home… She still is.
I force my feet to keep moving, one after another until I’ve rounded the small house and the backyard comes into view. There’s more people than I expected—at least thirty or more—and the entire yard is set up like you would expect any summer cookout/party to look. Picnic tables line the back of the house with another table set up to the side covered in different foods—burgers, corn on the cob, fruit salad, and tons of other things.
There are two sets of cornhole boards set up at the back of the small yard, a group of people corralled around them as they toss bags and drink from beer bottles and blue plastic cups.
Suddenly wishing I had brought some food or drinks just to have something to hold, I shove my hands into my pockets and let my eyes wander the yard in search of Tess, staying far enough back that I don’t draw attention to myself. What I find instead is Courtney, and before I can even move she’s closing the distance between us.
“You made it.” She gives me a nervous smile, stopping directly in front of me. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“Honestly neither was I,” I admit, rocking back on my heels. “But I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to see her again, and I didn’t want to wait until it was too late.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you. I know Tess was pretty upset with you when you gave me her address last year. I can’t imagine that she’ll be very happy when she finds out you’re the one who invited me. So I just want to say thank you again—for everything.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if I thought there was another way. I don’t like sneaking around behind my best friend’s back like this.”
“I know. And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You really are an amazing friend. Not just to Tess, but to me as well.”
“Just remember that when I’m friendless after Tess realizes I had a hand in you being here,” she quips, a smile tugging at her lips.
“Any news on the job front?” I ask, knowing that will significantly hurt my chances if she’s already committed to something.
Courtney shakes her head slowly side to side before answering, “I will tell you that she’s had a couple offers in the city recently, but has yet to accept a single one. I think her hesitance comes from you, though she’s yet to actually admit that to me.”
“And the boyfriend?” I question, arching my brow at her.
“He accepted a job last week—in New York City. I don’t know what that means for Tess, but I do know she’s been acting very restless the past few weeks. Again, something I’m fairly certain has to do with you.”
“I told her I would wait until she graduates.”
“And now she has,” Courtney interjects.
“Which is why I’m here.”
Courtney opens her mouth to say something else, but then quickly snaps it shut when she sees Tess emerge from the house at the very same moment I do, her douche bag boyfriend following directly behind her.
“Shit, I’m gonna go hide now,” Courtney whispers. “Good luck,” she quickly adds before slinking off into the crowd before Tess has a chance to see us together.
I watch Tess stop and talk to a handful of people on her way to the far side of the yard where I see Courtney now standing next to Bree, a child—who I presume is her son, running circles around the two of them.
The little boy is laughing hysterically, his little giggles echoing across the space, but when Tess swoops down and hoists him over her shoulder, he squeals and laughs even harder. She spins him around a few times before finally lowering him to his feet, clearly becoming dizzy in the process.
I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face as I watch her with the little boy. Visions of her playing in the backyard with our children flash through my mind and it’s honestly the best fucking motivation to do what I know I have to.
I take a deep breath and finally step fully into the backyard, ready to take what I came here for. Tess.
My plan quickly gets thwarted when Timmy and David, a couple of guys from high school, stop me just a few feet from where I was previously standing. We shoot the shit for a minute or two before I finally manage to excuse myself, my eyes locking on Tess once more.
I’ve almost reached her—so close that less than ten feet separate us—when the world seems to come to a screeching halt, my legs right along with it.
The next several moments happen in slow motion, like they’re being captured in snapshots, each one a still frame.
Snap—the boyfriend asks for everyone’s attention.
Snap—he says something that sounds an awful lot like what I was about to say. Love of his life, not able to live without her; every word is muffled by the white noise suddenly ringing in my ears.
Snap—he’s lowering himself down onto one knee.
Snap—there’s a ring box in his hand.
Snap—he’s opening it, saying what I can only presume is will you marry me. By this point, I’ve completely stopped processing the actual words being spoken.
Snap—Tess raises her hand to cover her mouth, her beautiful face contorted in surprise.
Snap—she hesitates, a blush running up her neck and onto her pale cheeks.
Snap—she swallows hard. I watch the way her throat bobs as she does.
Snap—she nods yes.
Snap—he slides the ring on her finger.
Snap—her eyes find mine and every ounce of color drains from her face.
My heartbeat is the only thing I can hear. The constant thudding against my ribcage echoing through my ears, making everything sound distorted and far away.
I don’t know how it happened. One minute Bennett is down on one knee, the next my head is nodding yes. I don’t think I even processed what he was asking before just reacting the way I thought I should have, given that every single set of eyes were on us.
Did I really just say yes?
My stomach twists violently and suddenly every single thing in my stomach threatens to come back up.
I quickly look for an escape, my eyes darting toward the house; only the house never comes into view. Instead, they land on the last person that I would want to witness what is currently taking place in the middle of the backyard.
The minute his hazel eyes find mine—the shock and anger so evident—it steals my breath. My legs wobble, and I nearly lose my footing.
I want to go to him but before I can move even a muscle, Bennett is pulling me into his arms, and applause breaks through the static in my ears.
What the hell is happening right now?
I feel so disoriented I can’t seem to process a single moment of it. I’m in my mom’s arms next, followed by Bree who squeezes me excitedly. The second she releases me I immediately turn back to where Sebastian was just moments ago, only this time he’s nowhere to be found.
Did I just imagine he was there?
It isn’t until I catch sight of Courtney’s face that the reality seems to catch back up to me. She looks torn between crying and vomiting which sends off warning bells in my head.
Bennett steps up next to me, dropping his arm around my shoulder making me feel weighted to the ground. I keep my gaze focused on Courtney, learning everything I need to know just by the expression on her face.
Suddenly I feel like I’m on verge of suffocating. I can’t pull eno
ugh air in, and tears prick the back of my eyes.
Knowing I need to hold it together, at least for a little while, I fight down the panic I feel clawing its way up my throat and force the best smile I can muster.
***
The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach only intensifies over the next hour. Courtney doesn’t say a word about Sebastian, and neither do I. I know with complete certainty that she had a hand in his being here, I just don’t know why yet.
And then there’s my mom. While I know she really likes Bennett and she seems genuinely happy about this entire ordeal, I can sense something is off with her and yet I can’t pinpoint what.
With her eyes constantly on me, as well as Bree’s and Courtney’s, it’s like they’re just waiting for me to breakdown, like they know it’s coming. I feel scrutinized and on display, and yet a part of me feels like maybe it’s just all in my head. My mind twisting reality to match the guilt and uncertainty in my heart.
The same question I keep going back to over and over is if Bennett had asked me when it was just the two of us, would I have said yes? The fact that I can’t answer that with complete certainty is nagging at me, and I can’t seem to swallow it down no matter how hard I try. And the one thought that plagues me over and over again is becoming harder to ignore.
I have to get out of here.
With each moment that passes, I feel more on edge, more tense, more emotional. I feel like I’m seconds away from splitting apart at the very seams which hold me together.
“I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” I finally say to Bennett, who has yet to leave my side since the whole proposal fiasco. “I’ll be right back.” I force yet another smile before ducking out from underneath his arm.
Before anyone can say anything, I take off into the house. I stumble through the kitchen, my feet feeling like they’ve been weighted by heavy cinder blocks. Each step feels harder to take than the last, but I still manage to propel myself further.
Where the Night Ends Page 27
